Hiiiiii, I am back!

First things first, I AM SO SO SORRY ABOUT DISAPPEARING FOR LIKE A MONTH. I wish I didn't have to do that because I really missed writing here, but a lot of things came up in these past few months.

My father passed away a while back and because of all the free time I've had with my thoughts, thanks to COVID, I was going through some very challenging times mentally. I couldn't bring myself into the headspace to write something good and I didn't want to upload just for the sake of it. So, I took a little break.

I'm so sorry that I kept you waiting this long though, and I'm back now, stronger than ever. I really hope you like this chapter, it took a month to write it after all xP

Also, listen to the song in the header while reading this chapter to enhance the experience!

TAEHYUNG POV

Tae turned around, looking at her for a second before realizing who she was and scrambling to his feet. His eyes were wide open as he walked towards us.

"Hyuna, is that you?" he replied, dazed.

I felt like someone had slapped me tight across my face, knocking the breath out of my lungs. What was Seungri's mom even doing here? I hadn't seen her since when she had given me the note. 

I also realized that I had really missed her. I wasn't just close to her son. Hyuna and I had also spent a lot of evenings together, talking about Seungri but also about a lot of other things, like our shared love for gardening, cocktails, and 'Queen'.

"Hi, Taehyung. I hope I'm not intruding," Hyuna spoke, soft as a whisper. The wind blew harshly around us, her skirt billowing as well as my hair.

I began walking towards her without even realizing, stopping only when we were two feet apart. "Of course not Hyuna, you could never be an intruder," I said firmly.

"I'm so sorry Taehyung. I'm so so sorry," she spoke louder, to be heard over the wind, a few tears escaping her eyes.

Before I could even register what happened, I had pounced on her, hugging her tight. She immediately tightened her arms around me, the two of us each other's source of warmth in this cold storm.

I rubbed at my eyes, as discreetly as possible, trying not to let her know how glad I was to see her and how much I missed Seungri. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jungkook trying to slink away, probably to give us some time alone. I mouthed a 'thank you' in his direction before hugging Hyuna tighter.

Eventually, we broke the hug. Hyuna's hands were exploring my face, assessing how much I had changed over the few years.

"You've grown taller Taehyungie. More handsome too," she said, sniffling because of the wind.

I chuckled at that, not being able to stop the tear that fell out of my eye. "I think it's because your eyes are blurry from all the crying," I said, a satisfied smile on my face at seeing Hyuna standing before me. I held her at arm's length, appraising her as well. Her dark circles had gotten deeper and she looked frailer but she still was one of the most beautiful women I knew, inside and out.

"You, on the other hand, seem to be growing younger," I said, my lips pulled wide in a smile as I saw her chuckle and slap my arm.

"Shut up, you kid," she said, a smile similar to mine making a way onto her face.

I gestured towards Seungri's grave and asked, "Want to sit down?" She nodded immediately, hugging her cardigan close. We walked side by side, her hands firmly clasped around my arm as we settled down.

I could see the rims of her eyes turn red and watery as she looked at her son's grave. I just used to date him, she was his mother. I couldn't even imagine the pain she would have gone through and probably still goes through.

"Sometimes I feel like I was a bad mother to him, you know? I didn't force him to get treated. Maybe if I would have put my foot down..." she trailed off, unable to speak about the hypothetical situation where Seungri would have been by our sides.

"You're not a bad mother Hyuna. You are amazing, don't ever doubt that. If you did force him to get treatment, he might have ended his life a lot earlier. Nobody likes being told what to do and knowing the state his mind was in, it could have easily led to disastrous outcomes." I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tight, hoping to let her know just how much my heart reached out to her.

We stayed that way for a few moments, her head resting against my shoulder and my arms wrapped around her, drinking in the pain and despair that surrounded the pair of us. Soon, she pulled away, turning around on the grass to face me.

"Taehyung, I owe you an apology," she said, reaching her hands out to grab both of mine.

"You don't need to apologize for anything Hyuna. Please don't be like this," I pleaded. I held no ill image of her in my heart. I never blamed her for his death.

"I do Taehyung, I do. You were there for my baby when nobody else was. You were there for him in a way even I couldn't match up to. I know you went through a lot of shit too, mentally and physically, but you never complained, not once. I don't know if I could ever be as patient and selfless as you were. I don't think I ever thanked you for that either, so thank you. Thank you so much for being a rock to my family, when it never was your responsibility in the first place. Thank you for being the wonderful human being that you are. We wouldn't have survived a day without you."

"I'm also sorry Taehyung. I'm so so sorry that after everything happened, I wasn't there for you the way you were there for me and my family. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch, I'm sorry I never called, I'm sorry I couldn't comfort you. I'm sorry I made you feel responsible for Seungri's death because you are not," she uttered, unable to hold her tears back any longer. She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to ebb the rapid flow of tears.

"Do not apologize to me Hyuna. You don't have to. I never held that against you because it was never your fault. Everyone has their own ways of grieving. Some people reach out to others and some shut down till they feel better, and there is nothing wrong with grieving alone if you come out happier and stronger. It's not like I was great at keeping in touch either. I also shut you out, so this is not all on you," I said, my orbs tearing up as well.

We both looked at each other through our blurred vision and at that moment, all I wanted was to reach into her heart and mine and squeeze out all the torment, hurt, and suffering. When Seungri left, it felt like a piece of us left with him and no matter how much I or anybody tried, that hole could never be filled. 

However, after a very long time, coming back to this place and talking to Hyuna helped me realize that it was okay for that hole to never be fixed. People live their lives despite all the pain they go through because there is always something to look forward to. It could take months or years, but at some point, every person realizes that life isn't all bad. They start counting their blessings and realize that they're happier alive than not. 

This was my moment of realization and all thanks for this moment went to Jungkook. He so elaborately planned everything just to make me feel lighter and happier, and it worked. I felt renewed.

"Taehyung, there is something else I need to tell you, and this is the most important thing I'm going to say today," Hyuna spoke, breaking me out of my reverie. I nodded for her to continue, making her my sole focus.

"You need to know that you are not responsible for his death Tae. Shit happens, we often cannot control it and this was one of those times. Like you told me, even if I had forced him to go to therapy, there is no guarantee he wouldn't have ended up exactly where he is right now. In the same way, if you hadn't been in his life, believe me, he would have gone a lot earlier than he did. I don't know if he could ever express just how much he loved and cared for you, but he did. He cared for you deeply even if he didn't have the best way of showing it. " 

"There's a lot of things I do not know, but one thing I know with certainty is that you made his short time on this planet a lot easier and happier. Another thing I know with all my heart is that he would hate to see you beat yourself up about his death. Believe me, he would because you were not at fault even the slightest."

She cupped my face, framing it with her small hands. "Let the guilt go sweetie. You've been carrying it around for far too long. Free yourself. Let's remember Seungri with the happiest of our memories, okay?"

Something about what she said hit me square in the heart. Maybe it was her words or maybe it was the way she spoke with complete conviction, but my heart felt a little lighter, like it had been underwater all this while but now, it could breathe again. The air seemed fresher, the world more vibrant.

Before I knew it, my vision blurred again, salty tears slipping out of my eyes. Her heart melted at the sight and she pulled me close, hugging me tightly, resting her chin on my forehead. She rubbed circles around my back as I cried my throat raw. She held me through the screaming, through the snot and through all the waves of pain that crashed over my body, submerging me, holding me hostage.

I don't know how long it was. It could have been minutes or hours, but I fought. I fought against the shackles that were holding me down, torturing me like a serrated metal whip to the flesh. I fought till the pain ebbed away, little by little. Till I felt as whole as I could. Till the crying came to an end and the anguish felt more manageable.

"Are you feeling better?" Hyuna questioned, pulling my chin up with her index finger.

"Yes, a lot better. I guess I had just been bottling my feelings up for so long, refusing to acknowledge the pain because I was too scared to deal with it. It feels good now that it's finally out of my system. I should have talked to you and come here earlier I guess," I replied, my voice completely hoarse.

"As long as you feel better, it's okay. Just remember, this was not your fault. Not even a little bit. He loves you, I love you and I hope someday, you find someone who loves you more than the both of us combined," she said, her hand squeezing mine as she brushed a stray tear away from my face.

"I think I already have," I replied, looking past her to see Jungkook returning. He stopped a few feet away, making some kind of weird gestures to ask if it was okay for him to interrupt.

I snorted, his ridiculous actions making me laugh. I nodded, waving him over. Hyuna noticed my distraction and turned around, smiling at seeing Jungkook.

"Ah, Jungkook. Thank you for bringing me here and encouraging me to talk to Tae again. You have no idea how ecstatic you've made both of us," she said, pushing herself up to her feet.

"Please, you don't need to thank me, ma'am. I was more than happy to do it," he said, an embarrassed blush blooming across his cheeks. He couldn't even make eye contact with Hyuna, that humble, shy boy.

"Anyway, I think I should leave you two alone now," she said, smiling at us both. "It was great to meet you Jungkook. I hope I see you again. Also, stop calling me ma'am, it makes me feel fifty years old," Hyuna continued, chuckling at the end. Jungkook shyly nodded at that. I guess he wasn't too confident around older people. I'd have to remember to tease him about it later.

"Same here...Hyuna?" he replied, the red of his cheeks getting deeper and darker.

Hyuna giggled again, approving his new name for her. She turned to look at me, putting her hands on my shoulder. "As for you, Taehyungie," she started, pinching my nose. I scrunched up my face, play-acting like I was in pain before giving her one of my brightest smiles in a long time.

"You better keep in touch with me, because I promise I am going to. I love you kiddo, you are an absolute angel. Remember what I said to you, yeah?" she asked, hugging me tight for a few seconds before pulling away.

I nodded, "Yeah, I will. I love you too Hyuna." 

I knew that I wouldn't just feel better overnight because my guilt ran a lot deeper, but the very fact that it was cut down by half was one hell of a progress.

She smiled at the two of us one last time before sauntering away from us, her hair flying around in the wind. I followed her with my eyes until she disappeared. Then, I turned to look at Jungkook, whose eyes were already on me.

"So...how was it?" he asked, still standing a few feet away, pulling at the little hair on the nape of his neck.

Looking at him acting all bashful and adorable like he didn't just completely change my life for the better, I felt an unexpected bout of emotions for him. They were so powerful and sudden that I didn't know what to do, so I did what any person would. I listened to my heart. 

Without a second thought, I threw my hands out, running at him full force. He caught me just in time, wrapping his cold arms around my waist to support my weight. What he didn't expect was my next move.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and bent down slightly to meet his lips with mine.

I was conflicted on whether to have them kiss here or make you guys wait a little longer, but in the end, this just felt right. I really hope you liked the chapter and once again, I'm so sorry for the delay. I love you guys.

Also, do you think I should make a playlist for each chapter? Not just restricted to K-Pop, but several languages and genres?

Please vote, comment, and share the story if you like it. Have a great day!

STAN BTS