Helloooo everyone! I am so very sorry for being inactive for over two years. Life was catching up to me I think. Decisions about college, work, and just life in general. But I realized over this time, I really missed writing. Like A LOT. So, I'm back. I can't promise my updates will be regular but I will try my best to keep them quick and not disappear on you all (if y'all are still here and interested to read) xD. Thanks for being so endlessly patient with me! <3

P.S: Listen to the song above as you read the chapter :)

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and bent down slightly to meet his lips with mine.

JUNGKOOK'S POV

To say I was surprised would be the biggest understatement of my life. I was stupefied. Completely dumbfounded. I wanted to move but I was completely frozen. My limbs refused to work and the only sensation I could focus on was Tae's lips on mine, and boy was that sensation wonderful. I didn't want him to ever move away. I dreamt of a world where we could just casually walk around with our lips connected. 

Every single muscle in my mind was screaming at my lips to move, for my limbs to do something, but my nerves just refused to cooperate, leaving me standing utterly motionless, like a statue. 

A few seconds later, Tae pulled away, looking me square in the eye. I still hadn't figured out how to get my limbs to function so I just held his gaze.

"Kook, I'm so sorry. Oh my god, that was so presumptous of me. I didn't mean to attack you, fuck!" Tae blubbered out, his face completely red.

Seeing him all flustered and apologetic over something we both wanted anyway, a chuckle slipped out of my mouth. Tae's face scrunched up in amusement.

"What's so funny? Was the kiss that bad? I'm so --" he rambled but before he could finish, I grabbed his coat's collar and pulled him close. Thankfully, my limbs had figured out the science behind movement this time and I wrapped my free hand around his waist, pulling him as close to me as humanly possible.

Our lips brushed slightly, whispering against each other. There was no nibbling, no tongue, just a kiss sweet enough to show him that I valued him. I felt his arms wrap around my neck as he pushed in further, deepening our kiss. Our lips moved more fluidly now, more carelessly. Our noses were smushed together and the angle was a bit off but none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that his lips were on mine and I could express all that he meant to me in this moment, no holding back.

He pulled back a few moments later, breathless. A little smile played on his lips as he shyed away from meeting my eye. I couldn't resist it, so I leaned back in and left a light peck on his smiling lips. 

"Well, that was a pleasant surprise," I said, my voice slightly hoarse.

"Shut up," Tae mumbled, shoving my arm before hiding his face in his hands. I couldn't stop myself from laughing at that, pulling his hands away before leaving another peck on his lips.

"You wanna leave?" I asked, my hands making their way to his.

"Yeah, let's go," he replied, bobbing his head.

He turned back around, glancing at Seungri one final time. He touched his fingers to his lips and blew Seungri a kiss before linking his arms with mine and leading me towards the car.

Our drive back to Tae's home was quiet. There were too many heavy emotions hanging over our heads for us to be able to articulate into words. Also, I figured Tae might like some quiet time after everything that went down at the cemetery.

When we reached, he wordlessly opened the door for the two of us, the jingling of his keys being the only audible sound. I didn't know what to do with myself so I just followed him in and sat on his couch. I decided to wait till Tae was ready to speak again.

"It was deathly cold outside. I'm craving some tea now. Do you want some?" Tae asked.

"Yes, that would be really nice," I replied, suddenly feeling bashful.

While Tae made tea, I connected my phone to his Bluetooth speaker and played some smooth jazz I knew he loved. Hopefully, that would relax him enough to feel comfortable speaking to me.

A few minutes later, he came back with two mugs of warm tea and an equally warm smile on his face. He handed a mug to me.

"Sooo, we should talk, yeah?" he said, a little apprehensively.

"Yeahh..." I replied, pulling at the hair at the nape of my neck, mentally facepalming myself for my dumb, non-committal response.

"I don't really know what to say other than thank you. I didn't realize it but I've been living with a lot of pent up guilt these last two years. I'm not saying it's all gone. That would be impossible," he said, breaking the tension with half a chuckle. "But, even the fact that it's reduced by a lot is a huge breakthrough for me. I, honestly, just thought of myself as some kind of a mongrel. A monster who doesn't deserve the life he is living because he took another's."

I knew better than to interrupt so I extended my hand and firmly grasped his, giving him a slight squeeze of reassurance.

He continued, "Today though, after talking to Hyuna, I began seeing myself as a human being again. A human being who can't be perfect, no matter how hard he tries. A human being who is invariably going to make mistakes, but is also a lot capable of learning from those mistakes and improving himself."

I smiled my genuine tooth smile at that. It was a breakthrough. I could see it in his eyes, his expressions, his face. He looked lighter, as if instead of an unmanageable boulder weighing him down, crushing him bit by bit, it was reduced to a bag of pebbles. Pebbles he could carry, make, and learn from.

"So yeah, thank you for going out of your way and helping me see that. I really needed it," he said, his eyes gleaming with the slightest bit of moisture, his lips quirked up in that mesmerizing rectangular smile.

I squeezed his hand once more before saying, "If there is anything I can do to comfort you, you best believe I will do it. Never doubt that. And this goes without saying but I'm not going anywhere as long as you want me to stick around. So, you can take all the time you need to make peace with this and I'll be right by your side, holding your hand through it all."

As if it was even possible, his rectangular smile grew wider. I could genuinely count all his teeth if I tried. "How do you always know the perfect thing to say? Just how? I'm telling you, the field of psychology was made so you could conquer it," he said, drawing out a sudden, loud guffaw from me.  He joined in, the two of us laughing till our stomachs hurt from the happiness we filled each other with, our hands still tightly gripped together.

We settled down eventually, my arm around Tae as he rested his head on my shoulder, our mugs of tea in our hands. It was quiet, a good kind of quiet. The kind where you could feel the love and unadulterated bliss radiating from every surface of the room.

Tae cleared his throat and said, "So, I guess there's one more thing we need to talk about."

Skeptical, I raised my eyebrow, not sure what he was referring to.

"Us. The kiss. We should probably talk about that," he clarified, getting off my shoulder and turning to face me.

Mentally facepalming myself at my stupidity, I nodded, saying, "Yeah, I guess we should."

It became very quiet, all of a sudden. Neither of us knew how to broach the subject. I could see Tae's eyes wandering all over the room, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. It would have been really adorable if I didn't have the exact same expression on my face.

"Loo-" Tae said.

"Tae-" I said at the same time.

He chuckled slightly at our timing but nodded for me to continue.

"Tae, you know how I feel about you. I really like you. You're funny, you're kind, you're smart, you're caring, you're kind of a dork, and you're really good with your fingers," I said, naughtily winking at the last one. 

He blushed as soon as I said this, unable to meet my eye.

"Well, I was obviously referring to your mastery of the saxophone," I clarified. He rolled his eyes but let out a small chuckle.

"I guess what I'm saying is, I'm ready to make this official whenever you are, if you even want to. I don't want to pressure you. I understand that you are in a complicated headspace right now. So, if you ever feel like you want to kick things up a notch, you know where to find me. And till then, I'm glad to be your doofus friend, Kookie."

He laughed at that, pulling me in for a warm, tight hug. "Ugh, could you stop being so damn perfect all the time," he said, still hugging me tightly. It felt really nice, like being wrapped up in a warm cocoon blanket. I hugged him closer and wished he would never let go. But he did. Well, he had to so that he could speak.

"Well, my doofus friend Kookie, you have done more for me than I could ever have imagined. Every time I think of you, all I wonder is how good my fate must be that you walked into my life. I mean I'm a different person altogether. I don't hate myself as much. I don't hate life as much. Instead of dreading mornings, I look forward to them because it means I get to see your face again. I know I'm far from being all good yet but I'm a lot better with you in my life," he said.

He took my hands, his warm palms cocooning mine. I forced myself to maintain eye contact, feeling shy at his words. I knew my face was warming up and that I would be red as a tomato in roughly two minutes.

"So basically, what I'm saying is-" he continued, his hands leaving mine and cupping my face instead. "I really cherish you, Kookie. You're absolutely perfect for me. I just need some time to completely close my chapter with Seungri because I don't just want to be half in it with you. I want to give you my all."

My heart swelled on hearing his words. He all but told me he liked me as much as I liked him.

"I like you, Tae," I said, my voice quivering emotionally but the smile never leaving my face.

"I like you too, Kookie," he replied, before leaving a warm peck on my lips.

I really hope y'all liked this one. I've written it with all my heart! I struggled so much with deciding if I should get them to start dating here or wait till a little further in the story. But, it just felt real and natural for them to take it a little slow with Tae's past. 

Please vote, comment, and share the story if you like it! Have a wonderful day/night.

STAN BTS