"I wonder if this is how people always get close: They heal each other's wounds; they repair the broken skin."
― Lauren Oliver,

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Lan Wangji

I wake up to find Wei Ying sleeping soundly on my chest. He looks calm. Calmer than I've ever seen him before. Something that I always longed to see on his face. He was beautiful, yet manly.

I push a strand of hair behind his ear and caress his face, gently kissing his forehead.

If you knew how many kisses I have stolen from you...

I try to move out of the bed to let him sleep a bit more, but as soon as I lift myself a bit, his grip tightens and he moves his head even closer. It seems, I do not have an escape. So I wait.

Wanting to make his sleep more peaceful, I do something that he certainly will like. I sing to him. I sing him our song. If a person could physically melt, he did.

I can't help but smile as I watch him sleep like a child who was having the best dream of his life.

After some time he starts stirring. He moves his hand over my chest feeling it as if he's trying to recognize what he's sleeping on. In a moment he opens his eyes and looks up at me.

"Did I wake you?" I ask.

"No. I was wondering what was so comfortable." He grins. "How about a kiss?"

"Hm," I say before giving him what he wanted.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"You want another round?"

"Shameless," I say moving out of the bed leaving him alone.

"Lan Zhaan! Come back!!" He whines and I smirk as I move away.

***

We walk around Burial Mounds for some time in the evening. There isn't much beauty in the scenery. But for Wei Ying, I could say that he's enjoying something that I couldn't. Even if he had nothing he would still be satisfied. Because for Wei Ying, nothing is something. At least that's what I could interpret from the way he has survived after losing so much, which included his golden core.

Then we climb on to one of the highest cliffs which only had a single tree on the top. He sits on one of its lower branches.

"I used to come here every day," he says. He removes Chenqing from his belt and starts playing a bittersweet melody. He's hurting, I can see it.

The world never saw how much pain you were in Wei Ying. You hid it so well, but I could see through it. I've seen you breaking down inside, but still smiling like it's nothing. And every time I saw that loneliness in your eyes, I wanted to hold you, tell you that you're not alone. But I didn't. And there's nothing I regret more than that. But today I will.

I walk close to him and embrace him as soon as he stops playing.

"Lan Zhan" he whispers. There are unshed tears in his eyes.

"I'm here," I say. He smiles and lets out a sob. Holding me he sheds a tear silently.

"Lan Zhan, you didn't tell me how you got this." He says after a while, keeping his hand where my heart is.

"What?" I play ignorant.

"Your scar... Lan Zhan, what really happened?"

How can I explain when I know that you'll be disappointed with me?

"Nothing. I was drunk."

He holds his gaze on my face for a few moments. "You did this to yourself, didn't you?" Guilt rips my heart when he asks it.

I sigh. "Hmm" I can't bring myself to look at him afraid that I'll see disappointment in his face.

"Lan Zhan, the things that happened in the past... you are not at fault for anything. It was my choice all along."

If I stayed with you back then, would it have been the same Wei Ying?

"I wasn't there for you when you were in need," I say.

I finally look at him. It's not disappointment I see, its sadness, regret, and guilt.

"Lan Zhan, you were there, neither of us was aware of it."

What does he mean?

He sighs. "And you had your sect to take care of. I chose my fate, Lan Zhan, even though I didn't have many options. Besides you offered help."

A sudden realization hits me.

"Why did you refuse my help?"

He smiles warily. "I knew that I had to die if I lose control of my power. And I didn't want you to get hurt just because you helped me when that happened."

'They would have killed you too' was left unsaid.

"Well, it hasn't helped much. You've been stubborn as always," he says. He places a kiss on top of my robes where the scar is.

"Never hurt yourself again Lan Zhan." He says and embraces me.

How cruel has the world been to you Wei Ying? It's unfair. You always had pure intentions, yet you were given no choice but a fatal fate. You were never given a chance to explain yourself. Yet here you are, caring about me getting hurt when the whole world was against you...

Once again the same question I asked my Uncle back then lingers in my thoughts.

'Who's right and who's wrong? Who's black? Who's white?'

We will never have an answer.

And you will not be able to show who you are either.

"It's just the way the world is Lan Zhan," he says as if he guessed my thoughts. "People will say we're right as long as we work in the way they want us to. But from the moment we oppose them, we will be wrong in their eyes. There's nothing much we can do about it."

Only if they heard you now...

"Oh, I almost forgot." He says wearing his usual smile. "Close your eyes, Lan Zhan."

I do as he said. He turns me around and walks me a few steps in front, past the tree.

"Now open them"

When I open my eyes, I witness a beautiful dusk through the mountains far away with golden beams of light and soft clouds.

"One of the few pretty things in Burial Mounds," he says.

"It's beautiful" I smile and place my arm on his waist.

"Sizhui liked to watch this a lot back then. Troubled me every day to bring him up here."

I cup his face. "Wei Ying, come back to Gusu with me."

He leans on to my palm and grins, capturing my soul.

"Yes, I will."

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Early update!!

I hope the reasoning was fair enough.

And here's good news. I might update twice a week from today. Let's see how it goes.

Enjoy! Till next time...