I don't know how long we've been sitting on this floor, but it won't be long enough. The second I let my words fall out of my mouth I let every emotion I had inside of me take over. I dropped down and hugged my knees. I was mumbling out 'I'm sorry' every other minute while Luke was the one to sit and comfort me.

There wasn't a word exchanged between us the whole entire time because Luke just knew. Even though he'd never been put in the situation, he knew that I was hurting and he didn't want to mess things up further, not that he actually had, but he just didn't want to make me more upset by throwing words back at me.

I was curled up on the ground while my head rested in Luke's lap. The tears stopped flowing at this point, but really only because I had none left. My mind was very cluttered as of now, it didn't make me feel too good not only mentally but physically too. I could actually feel the migraine coming on in the back of my head.

"Stop thinking." Luke quietly said. He was sat down with his legs straight out in front of him and his arms stretched behind him. After switching positions many times, he'd found that this was most comfortable for the both of us.

Usually when he said things like this, things that convinced me he could read my mind, I didn't answer him just as a silent reminder that he was right. I took my focus from his tapping shoes and down to my crossed arms. I wanted to stop thinking and playing things over, but this had hit a certain nerve I hadn't expected it to.

This then brings me to a back story as to why I'm very affected by this. I have an older sister named April, wow Autumn and April, how well do those clash? Moving on, she's 10 years older than me and right when she got out of high school, she got engaged to her loving boyfriend of 2 years. My parents were not too happy about it, actually they weren't happy about it at all, but they let her go with it since she said he made her very very happy. About a month or two before their wedding, their very expensive wedding, her fiancé cheated on her. It sounds quite similar to my story, except Ellis and I weren't engaged. It's all very odd to me.

But the point of the matter is that I was 8 and all I was told was that 'Sissy's boyfriend isn't a nice man and won't be around anymore.' Until the age of 15 I kept asking what had actually happened and April actually told me the truth. She told me how she went off her rocker and was out every night and making a fool of herself. I was a bit confused since I thought the only way to deal with break ups was with ice cream and sad movies, but that wasn't the case.

From that day on I promised myself I would never fall into the trap of the 2-part misery. The break up then the aftermath. And even though the first part had been well done, I knew I would keep myself together. It wouldn't be easy and I would need some help, but that's where Luke comes in.

Right when the idea of Luke supporting me ran through my mind, I actually found myself being physically supported by him. He had slipped out from under me and had picked me up without a word and in ease. His arm clung to my back and under my knees as mine were wrapped around his neck, classic bridal style.

His lips pulled into a faint smile, barely noticeable, but it was enough for me. I could only imagine that I looked like hell, probably worse, I feel like I'd just been put through it. Soon enough he led the way to my bedroom and placed me gently down on my bed. I was still sitting up and kept my feet on the edge of the bed to where I was still curled up to myself.

He left my room right after as I thought that he left me to willow away into my jumbled thoughts. I was sad, but more hurt. I hadn't expected such a thing from a boy like Ellis. I tried not to get beat up about it since I had carried such a strong image of myself, but I believe this was an exception.

Now I might add that I was more angry at him than anything. I didn't miss him and I didn't plan on it either. Any boy that has the nerve to lay a single hand on another girl in a sexual way while dating another is just awful. Whether they think of it as nothing, it's never just nothing to another person. I won't miss his arms around me, I won't miss his lips on mine, and most importantly I won't miss the false sense of love. Because once I really think about it, I didn't love Ellis. As he didn't love me.

Luke lingered back into the room, a black notebook in hand. I kept my eye on the object as he came right in and sat next to me. I then noticed he had two, but the other looked quite beat up with a lot of stickers and ruffled pages sticking out. He gestured for me to take the clean one as I slowly reached my hand out for it.

"What's this?" I choked out. My voice was quiet as I'm pretty sure that neither of us wanted to hear a loud tone from me. The book had a hard cover and was smooth to the touch. I opened it only to reveal that there wasn't anything but empty pages.

Luke opened the one he had in his hands and quickly shuffled through the pages. They were covered in doodles and a few words, but every single page was covered with something, whether it was a stain from a coffee mug or an intricate drawing. I was surprised since he'd never came off as a very artsy guy, but apparently he was. A definite hidden talent.

"It's for when my mind is cluttered. Like how yours is now." He brought his hand up and ruffled my hair, messing it up more than it was. I shooed his hand away yet his elbow still rested on my shoulder. "I went out and bought a new one this morning. I guess it was perfect timing." He laughed. He was also keeping himself quiet, which included his normally booming laughter. I let out a gentle laugh with his, he never kept himself serious.

"So what am I supposed to do with it?" I asked.

"You're supposed to do anything you want with it." His elbow dug a little further into me as he scooted closer to me, opening my book and showing off the empty pages. I fidgeted under him and he got the hint to take him elbow off me, which he replaced behind me, leaning back into it.

"You can draw in it." He suggested, flipping over to the next page. "You can write in it." He flipped the next page, letting his hand brush over mine. "You can even burn it if you want." Another page flips. "Or you can spill coffee on it, like mine." He turned his head to me, his eyes following shortly after. "Anything you want."

"What's in yours then?" I tilted my chin down to wait for his answer, which he merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Nothing more entertaining than what's in yours." He spoke swiftly, letting his accent fall from the side of his mouth. It was an interesting thing I've noticed about him over the years.

"Mine's blank." I said, stating the obvious. He raised his eyebrows at me, now sitting up properly.

"Exactly." His smooth words stopped which began the layer of silence above us once again. I fiddled with the wire wrapped around the spine to keep it together, feeling at ease with myself now.

"Why don't you fill up my first page?" I suggested, holding out the notebook to him. He warily reached out, looking between me and the book.

"With what?" Luke grabbed it from me, flipping open to the first page. I sat and thought of an idea, something that I could get his form of creativity out from. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I had remembered a writing topic that I struggled with so much in the 12th grade and was now going to give it a go on Luke.

"Pick your favorite color and describe it without using the said color." I offered, giving him a pen from off my bedside table. His lips were pulled to the side as he grabbed the pen from my hand, automatically jotting down a few words. He leaned away from me, making sure I wasn't peaking since he was quite aware that I was a bit nosy.

You would think that watching a person write would be very boring, but then again I found a lot of things interesting that a normal person wouldn't. Like staring down your friend as they did your 12th grade writing project. But I was captivated by the darkness of his lips from being pulled at one too many times and the crinkle between his brow when he stopped to fidget with the pen. At this said moment, it was a bit inappropriate to be thinking about how attractive he appeared because of the past scenarios, but I couldn't shake the thought.

He shut the cover, ripping me from my depth into my thoughts. He silently handed the notebook back over to me which I took as the idea that he wanted me to read it. The book laid flat in my hands and Luke had scooted closer and rested his chin on my shoulder, reading back over his words as I began.

"-the grass that peaks through manhattan's snow

-spinning on a swivel chair

-seeing your lover being intimate with someone that is not you

-what you see in life but not in death"

And it was written exactly like that. There were small drawings to match the pictures, nothing extraordinary, they resembled more of his second grade work more than Picasso's.

"Why is green your favorite color?" I ran my fingers over the dried ink, feeling every crevice of the sloppy handwriting.

"Because it's the color of your eyes." He mumbled into my ear. I let out a soft laugh at his words, I always expected his alter ego was Prince Charming himself.

"What's real reason?" I asked. He picked the pen out of my hands, scribbling down a few more words.

"-luke's light up shoes from the second grade"

"Remember those things?" He chuckled, slowly drawing another picture next to his words.

"How could I forget?" I intently watched him finish out the lopsided heart. "They only flashed green for the longest time."

"That was the beginning of a real journey."