TW: Themes of Sexual Assault

"Baby, just calm down okay? I need you to calm down." Danny pinned my wrists down trying to get me to stop moving from underneath him on the bed.

I glanced over the scratch marks I left on his arms before my tears blurred my vision. I continued to writhe around, shaking my head at him, hyperventilating as fear took over.

"Fuck, Nadia I said calm down!" He yelled, letting go of one of my wrists, aggressively gripping my chin making me look at him. I was paralyzed with fear, staring back into his heterochromic eyes.

"Look," He breathed out, dangerously close to my face. "I don't want to hurt you baby. Please, don't make me hurt you." He put heavy emphasis on the word 'hurt' and it terrified me. He was threatening me with rape.

Tears slipped down my face as I continued to look at him, searching for a hint of his normal self in his eyes. He wouldn't do that to me. Would he?

"Do what I say, and I promise I won't." He eerily whispered, loosening his grip on my chin as he softly stroked my cheek. His sudden change in demeanor sent a chill down my spine.

"Stop fighting back and I promise I won't hurt you Nadia."

I jolted awake, quickly sitting up to turn on the lamp by my bedside. My breathing was the loudest sound in the room. I stared at the empty glass on my nightstand, impulsively grabbing it screaming out as I threw the glass against the wall, watching it shatter into little pieces.

I brought my legs up against my chest, hugging them as I rested my head onto my knees. My body shook as I quietly wept, realizing my nightmares were still clinging onto me.

I just wanted that side of Danny to go away. I wished it never existed. I hated remembering what he was capable of and I wanted that dark side of him to leave me alone. Forever.

...

"What the hell happened here?" Amelia glanced at the floor of my bedroom, seeing the shards of glass everywhere.

I shrugged. "I got angry, and I um, threw a glass at the wall."

Amelia rose her eyebrows at me. "We're throwing glasses now? Okay, what's going on?"

"Nothing." I brushed her off. "Can you just help me clean up please? I can't really sweep that well with my ankle brace on."

"Not until you tell me what's up." Amelia crossed her arms, taking a seat on my bed. I looked at her, feeling the urge to cry. I exhaled loudly. "Amelia, I can't." My voice broke.

Her face quickly softened. "Is it about, Leo?" I shook my head. "No."

"Christian?" She hesitantly asked. I shook my head again, holding back my tears as I remembered my nightmare.

Amelia was silent for a while, her eyes swept around my room in thought and she suddenly looked at me with a sad expression on her face. "Nadia, don't tell me it's-," She cut herself off, seeing the tears forming in my eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. Come here, come here." She reached out for my hand and I walked over to her, slumping down onto my bed as Amelia pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "You don't have to talk about it. I know there's still a lot of baggage between you and Danny."

I sniffled, wiping my tears away with the sleeves of my sweater. "I want to tell you what's going on Amelia, I do, but-,"

"Nadia it's okay really, I get it. You don't have to explain anything to me. You're still hurting." She paused, taking a moment to hug me a bit tighter. "Are you sure you still wanna go to Arizona? You leave in a week."

"I'm sure." I nodded. "I'll be okay, I promise." I reassuringly smiled.

Amelia sighed. "Whenever you come back, you need to give yourself time to heal. Promise me that. You've been through a lot lately and I just want you to be okay. And I mean truly okay."

...

Leo's POV

"Why are you looking at me like that Jake?" I lazily eyed him from across the couch.

Jake softly chuckled. "I'm just observing your behavior like Seth told me to do."

I playfully scoffed. "I don't need a babysitter Jake."

"Mhm, yeah, sure you don't." He flashed me a sarcastic smile. "We both know if I left right now there'd be a drink in your hand." I sighed, glancing out the window knowing Jake was right.

"You're on day five. How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

"Better I guess. I stopped throwing up and my chills are gone. I still have headaches sometimes and I still can't fucking sleep." I muttered.

"Do you still think about her?"

My heart felt heavy and for a second I thought about lying to Jake. But I knew he'd see right through me. I exhaled exasperatedly dragging my hands down my face. "Yeah." I weakly admitted.

"You have a thing for toxic women or something?" Jake joked and I let out a sudden laugh. "Nah, man, I just miss what we were. You know, before all that shit with her ex happened." I let my mind think about the good memories I shared with Nadia. "She really held me together Jake."

Jake sighed. "You gotta hold yourself together first Leo. At the end of the day, it's just you. I know you're still grieving and it's okay to remember the good parts of your relationship but don't forget the bad shit too. Especially when you feel like falling back to her. She cheated on you with her ex and then fucked shit up again with her ex's brother. C'mon Leo, that's not someone who cared about you. Has Nadia even reached out to you in any way?"

"No." I sadly replied.

He clasped his hands together. "Exactly. She's not worried about you. Not in the slightest. That ring isn't on her finger anymore and she's probably out there doing whatever. Save that ring for someone else who actually deserves it."

I knew Jake was right, but I still felt the need to see her. Apologizing over the phone didn't seem right. But what if Seth was right and Nadia didn't want to see me at all? I guess it's worth a shot. I didn't have to tell them I would go see her.

"Leo, you're a good guy. Honestly, you should just move on. Forget about Nadia. Focus on yourself. You're trying to sober up and that's great. Now is not the time to fall back on bad habits."

Yeah, there was one little problem about bad habits.

You know they're wrong, but they're so hard to break.

And I knew why my friends put so much effort into preventing me from relapsing.

Nadia would be the first person I'd shamefully run back to.