❝ We got a ride, we got the night ❞

❦

I have a happy place.

And that's the rooftop at Harper's dorm. It's really nothing special, it's just abandoned and dirty rooftop, but that's why I love it so much. No one ever comes up here.

It's windy up here tonight. There's a big, thick concrete wall, but not big enough to hide the view this height has to offer. But the wall isn't my limit. I usually climb up on it, sitting there or standing on it, just looking down at the streets beneath – the cars, the people; everything.

Standing so close to the edge at such height gives me a rush and it fills me with adrenaline. I'm not suicidal and I don't think about throwing myself off, but I could. I could end it all by just taking one step. And that's what brings me a rush. I'm dancing on the edge of death.

I often think what goes through someone's mind when they're standing so close to the edge, minutes away from ending it all. And what goes through their minds in those seconds they're falling. Are they happy? Relieved? Scared? Regretting it?

Do they feel the same rush I do when I'm up here?

I come up here when I need to think. When I need a reminder that life can still be great, no matter how many bad things happen. Looking down and knowing I'm seconds away from dying if I decided to makes me think back on all the good times and makes me appreciate everything nice happening to me. Because when you're used to bad things, you appreciate the nice things a little bit more.

I'm a dreamer. I'm a person with dreams and plans. I'm reminded of it. I want to become someone in life. I'm curious where I'll be years from now. This is why I could never jump. I still have hope. Because I know I can do everything I put my mind to – everyone can. And I'm still too curious about why I was put on this Earth. Everyone has a mission here. Every single person exists for a reason. We're either here to cause good or cause bad. But we're here for a reason.

And if you decide to jump, you'll never find what that reason is. You'll end it all before you could experience the best days of your life.

I light up a cigarette, pull it between my lips, drag a smoke and exhale it, watching the smoke disappear into the night. I know this is a bad habit. I know how unhealthy it is, I've read all about it, but it still doesn't stop me. I'll die anyway, so why not enjoy it while I can? Even though it's bad for me, I love doing it.

If it kills me, then so be it.

I didn't go to the bar for five days straight. I had a lot of studying to do and I prefer to do it in the library when I have everything I need available at the reach of my hand. I don't usually have to learn a lot before tests since I have a good memory and I remember a lot from just listening in class, but I still like to read more on topics that I find interesting and just go an extra mile. Not for the grade, but for myself.

I never cared much about being the best student. I mean, my behaviour is anything but good. I'm a no-bullshit person. I don't tolerate disrespect. If anyone has to say something about me, I make them say to my face. And they quickly think twice about saying their thoughts about me.

I don't care what they talk behind my back. I care what they say to my face. Pussies don't interest me.

Five days after not going to the bar, I finally go back. I have to say I kind of missed it. This became one of my habits, too.

Harper gives me a smile when she sees me. We haven't seen each other much these past days, either, but we talked over the phone.

Josh, the security guy, greets me with, "And we thought you forgot about us already!"

I grin. "Not going to happen," I tell him. I love how welcomed I feel here. Like many other people, but each for different reasons.

It's one of the rare nights I didn't bring any books or notebooks with me as well because I'm planning on leaving early. I agreed to come to work early tonight because we're hosting a special event and it's going to be crowded. Even more crowded than usual. That's why it's one of the rare nights I just sit at the bar and enjoy being where I am.

I don't look around the bar. I don't care who's here.

"Hey, Kadie. Finished with studying already?" Harper asks me.

I give her a knowing smile. "The day I'll stop learning new things is the day I die, Harper, dear."

Harper chuckles. "Dear God, I wish I had your motivation and hunger for learning."

I put my chin on my hand under my chin to support it. "I just like knowing things, Harp. That's it." And that really is it. I just like knowing stuff. "I'm going home earlier tonight," I say.

Harper's face becomes serious. "Home or my place?" Harper asks.

"Home," I lie. I can't really tell her where I'm going and if I said anything else, it'd be suspicious.

"Alright, then," Harper says. Harper got used to me staying at her place most of the time. She didn't ask me many questions as to why I don't like staying at home. She just thinks I don't get along with my parents. And that's the truth, but she doesn't know the real reasons behind it.

I get off the stool. "Are you going already?" Harper asks.

"No, I'm just going out for a cigarette," I say.

Harper's face can't hide the disapproval. "Kadie ..." she starts in a tone that says she's about to give me a lesson on health.

"I know, I know," I brush her off. "Just let me enjoy my life a little. You know I like bad habits." I give her a wink.

She only shakes her head in disapproval.

I manage to get out fairly fast since the crowd isn't that big yet, going to my usual spot outside behind the building in the pure darkness. This place is slightly hidden by the thick wall, although no one could see me anyway since it's pitch black back here. That means no one comes back here and I have peace.

I take out a cigarette and light it, putting it between my lips. I rest my head back against the cold wall, closing my eyes.

But my peace is quickly disturbed.

"You fucked him up real good, man."

"That piece of shit deserved it. He knew it was coming."

"Shiiit. There was a lot of blood."

"We still didn't get any many out of him. You know we have to pay Mav soon or we'll be the ones spitting out blood."

A pause. "I'll handle it. That man better hope the closest to him have some money, or shit's about to get ugly."

Oh, fuck me. I bang my head against the wall, chuckling to myself. Do I have to run into him every time I'm here now? This is just getting on my last nerves now. The voices stop and then just seconds later, a body presses me into the wall, a hand coming to my collar to grab me. A light comes on, directly in my eyes. I shut them closed.

I don't have to look at who attacked me. Not that I only recognise his voice, I realise I recognise his cologne, too. Well, aren't we getting acquainted with each other ...

I sigh in disappointment. "Oh, come on. Don't stop on my behalf, that was entertaining to listen to." I slap his hand away from my collar so he releases me.

I look at him, the flashlight now turned upwards so I can see his face, too. "What did you hear?" he asks, his voice low and angry.

I smirk. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I ask, dragging the cigarette and exhaling the smoke into his face. He doesn't even flinch.

"Stop fucking around, Kadience. I asked you something."

"Aren't you in a good mood this fine evening?"

Fai takes a step closer. I can see his face clearer now. He looks pissed. The different eye colours always throw me off. Not in a bad way, it's just fascinating because he's the first person I've ever seen that on. It's very rare. "Kadie. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Hear?"

I shrug, twirling a strand of my hair between my fingers. "Enough to figure it out what was going on," I purposefully don't play dumb and don't say what he wants to hear. I won't lie. I don't care if he knows that I heard everything. It's not my fault. I wasn't eavesdropping, I was just here. "So, who did you kill, Fai? You might give me some more information, the cops will appreciate it."

"You're not telling anyone shit about this," Fai warns.

I slowly lift my eyebrow. "I'm not staying quiet just because you said so, either," I challenge.

I see his jaw clench. "What do you want, Kadie? What's it gonna take?"

"Now we're talking." I grin. "It so happens that I'm in a need of a ride home."

Fai is quiet for some seconds, debating my request. "No," he finally answers.

I shrug. "Alright then, pretty boy. Don't say I didn't give you a choice." I pat his cheek and I want to go past him, but he grabs my arm, not letting me leave. He's looking straight forward, gritting his teeth together. "Is that all? A ride home?" he asks.

"I'm not that cheap, babe. But it'll be a good start."

"What a fucking mess," he mutters under his breath, releasing my arm. "Walk," he orders me.

"Sure, whatever you say," I can't help myself but step on his nerves a little bit more.

He only grunts in response.

I quietly chuckle. He has no idea what's going to hit him.

I speed up my pace so I walk next to him, not letting him be in charge of anything. "You have heterochromia iridium, a difference in iris colouration or, simply said, mismatching eye colours."

"Yeah. So?" Fai asks completely disinterestedly.

"Brown eyes are rich in melanin, whereas blue eyes lack high levels of melanin. If your eye colour changes after you're an infant, it's called acquired heterochromia. But it can also be caused by injuries, such as a hit in the eye, or eye diseases such as glaucoma or eye cancer. Or it can simply be genetic."

"Did you swallow an encyclopedia or something? Get to the fucking point already, you freak. I didn't hear half of the things you just said because I can't find myself to give a shit about your scientific research. The fuck, man."

"I was about to get to the point before you rudely interrupted," I say. He doesn't say anything in return. "I was just wondering if you got this genetically, from the injury or disease. It's a rare condition."

Fai stops completely to look at me, his eyebrows furrowing and he's looking at me with his eyes slightly narrowed, showing he's not ecstatic about my question. "Are you for real right now? That's none of your fucking business."

"You're so boring," I mutter.

"And you're so fucking annoying. Now walk with your mouth shut," he grumbles.

I show my tongue out at his back when he once again walks in front of me. When we reach the guys, they immediately shut up when they spot me. "Ah. Look what the cat dragged in," one of them comments.

"She's literally everywhere," Fai says in annoyance.

"Fai, you might've gotten yourself a stalker."

I huff. "Fat chance," I say. "Maybe it's the other way around."

Fai gives me another angry look, willing me to stay quiet. I lift my head up higher in defiance. "Come on, the sooner I get you home, the faster I won't have to deal with you anymore today," Fai says.

The men look at each other. "Taking her home, Fai?"

"Yes. Shut up, I don't want to hear about it."

"On your motorcycle? You know what that means, right?" Another one of them asks.

Fai curses under his breath. "Shut up," he says once again. Wow, some nice comebacks you have there. "Let's go, princess."

"Bye guys, it was nice seeing you!" I call out to them, chuckling when Fai grunts in annoyance again.

I run after him. "What does me riding on your motorcycle mean?" I ask him.

Fai doesn't answer me.

"Okay, I understand now. Thank you for your answer," I say rolling my eyes.

"Just shut up already, will you? Fuck's sake," he mutters, kicking a pebble.

We come to his motorcycle that's parked in the front. It's not hard to see who's the 'leader' of their group. He swings his leg over the motorcycle, putting a helmet on his head. I stand there and just wait. "You getting on or can I leave you here?" he asks.

"Am I not getting a helmet?"

"No," he gives a simple answer.

"What a gentleman. What if I die?"

"That sounds your personal problem, honestly."

He turns the motorcycle on, making sure I can't say anything more to him.

I climb on the motorcycle behind him. "Where am I taking you?"

I'm not dumb enough to tell him my home address, but I tell him an address close to my house. Not close to Harper's place, but my parents' house. I don't care if he ever finds out by himself where the house is located, he can burn it down for all I care. But I'm not giving him the address on a silver plate, either.

Another thing I learn about Fai tonight is that he's fast and dangerous on the motorcycle. I don't know if he's doing this on purpose because I'm with him and he wants to scare me or whatever, but he should know that I love living on the edge. I love everything dangerous.

I hide my head behind his back so the wind isn't slapping me in the face, but I enjoy the speed and the swerving. It doesn't scare me. It excites me.

When we come to the dark, narrow streets close to my house, Fai slowly comes to the stop, putting a leg down and looking around. I jump off the motorcycle, fixing my hair a little that's sticking out in all ways.

Fai takes the helmet off. "You sure we're on the right street? I don't see any mansions here, princess."

"Maybe you'll realise I'm more of a witch than a princess. And witches don't live in castles, Fai, boy." I wink at him. "Thanks for the ride. I might ask you for a ride home more often now since I don't feel like walking that much." I don't walk home, I usually take the bus if I'm not going with Harper.

"Don't count on it," he says, not exactly ecstatic about the idea. "So, we're good?" He takes his hand through his hair.

"Not even close. I don't want to see you at the bar or around there anymore. Then we'll be good," I tell him, being serious as I can.

Fai looks away. "Pick something else, bee, because I can't grant you that wish."

I shrug. "Have it your way then, babe." I wave at him. "Hopefully I won't see you around anymore."

I turn and walk away, smiling. I hear him mutter, "This fucking bitch," behind me. My smile grows. 

*

I've decided to do a Q&A because I've never done it and I'd like us to all get to know each other a little bit more :)) so if you have any questions (they can be personal), here's your chance.

Thank you for reading ♥