*Trigger warning: mention of rape and abuse.

❝ The nights were mainly made

for sayin' things  that you can't say tomorrow day❞

❦

I put a blanket over Kadie's body that I find in Cruz's car that's already waiting for us. She sits in the passenger seat and I get behind the wheel. My jaw is starting to hurt from gritting my teeth together so hard.

I look at Kadie, but she's just staring forward. I start the car and drive the hell away from this place. Neither of us speaks and the silence in the car is making me uneasy because I'm not used to it when it comes to her.

"You're very quiet," I say as a simple observation.

I see Kadie puts the blanket around her even tighter. "Is this your car?" she asks.

"No, it's Cruz's."

She nods and falls silent again.

"I'm sorry," I say softly. I'm worried that this is our breaking point and we have nowhere to go from here.

"For?" Kadie asks. Her tone is clipped.

"For everything they did to you."

"You didn't do anything you have to be sorry about."

"This is all my fault," I say, gripping the steering wheel tighter. If it wasn't for me, Kadie wouldn't go through what she went through. And I'm not sure if I want to know what they did to her.

"Stop," she says. "You didn't kidnap me. You didn't tie me to the bed and beat me. You didn't do any of this. I don't want to hear you apologize for this because it's not you that has to apologize for anything."

Her voice is harsh and leaves no room for contradicting. It's weird how she's still so feisty and strong. I know many would cry if they were in her position. But not her. She's still spitting fire, although I know she's hurt. I saw the bruises.

"What did they do to you?" I ask.

"Nothing that hasn't already been done to me before."

My face twists and I swiftly look at her. "Kadie ..." I say softly.

She doesn't look at me. "Please don't pity me," she says. "They didn't do much. The bruises are external."

My shoulders relax, but just a little. I know my guys will make sure Peter pays for this, but Stefan will go untouched and that doesn't sit well with me. I want to see him suffer twice as much as he made Kadie suffer.

We ride to my place in silence and when we get there, I run a bath for Kadie while she's waiting on my bed, still wrapped in the blanket and staring into nothing. It's so weird seeing her like this. I feel like I have to tiptoe on eggshells around her now because I don't know what's going on in her mind.

"You can take a bath," I say softly when the water's ready.

She nods and stands up. She stops in front of me in the bathroom, looking me in the eyes. "Stop acting like I'm a bomb that's going to explain. Stop holding yourself back. Don't look at me differently now, Fai. I've survived much worse."

She puts her hand on my cheek and drops it quickly, turning and walking towards the bath where she drops the towel. I walk around to give her some privacy while she undresses and goes into the water.

"You don't have to leave," she says. She's giving me a choice. I think this means a lot to her. I think she needs me to act normal in order for her to feel normal.

I clear my throat and turn around, but I don't step any closer to her because I want her to feel comfortable and safe. She's laying with her head on the edge, her hair spilling over, reaching the floor, her eyes closed. She looks calm and peaceful.

She suddenly pinches her nose together with her fingers and slides down until her head is underwater. Seconds pass and she stays down, completely still. "Jesus. Kadie!" I say loudly, rushing to her, but before I can reach her and pull her out, she comes up to the surface, breathing hard, but she's smiling at me. I take a step back, shaking my head.

She puts her head back again and looks up at the ceiling. "I was 6 years old when my father raped me for the first time."

My whole body freezes.

Kadie extends her arm and slowly lets her other hand run across her skin, focusing on it. "He came into my room late in the evening. I was already sleeping. You know, when you're a kid, you trust your parents to do the right thing with you and protect you because they're your parents. And you trust them. Period. He told me that what he was about to do was completely normal and I should relax and be quiet so I don't wake up my mother. He said it's going to hurt just a little but he's going to be careful."

I want to throw up.

"I didn't know what was going on, but it didn't feel right. I didn't want it. But he just put his hand over my mouth and ... did whatever he wanted to do. It was going on for three years. My mother thought I was making up stories in my head. She told me he sleeps by her every night and there's no way I'm telling the truth. When I was 9, he committed suicide. I remember his funeral. I didn't cry and people thought I was in shock. But I stared at the hole dug in the ground and I was content. Happy that he was gone. Because if that's what having a father meant, I didn't want one.

"My mother started drinking and doing heavy drugs after. I didn't see much of her because she worked a lot and I was in school. I was also often spending time at my aunt's place with Harper. When I was 10, she met a guy who also liked to drink and he also liked to hit things and people. Me, mostly. If he ever hit my mother, I didn't notice. He got angry quickly and I was convenient for him because I was small and I couldn't fight back. I think he was angry because my mother had a daughter and he didn't get all of her attention, even though she was drunk and drugged so hard she couldn't see straight most of the time.

"He was careful not to touch my face. He would often tell me it's too beautiful to ruin it. When I was 14, I stabbed him when he slept on the couch. He didn't die, unfortunately, but it was a warning. Soon after that, he was killed. I don't know by whom or why. I don't care. I didn't go to the funeral. My mother now has a new man who I've seen just a few times because I spend most of my time at Harper's place."

She moves her head to the side, looking at me. "You wanted to hear my story, Fai. Here it is. Here I am."

I'm so angry. I'm so angry I allowed this to happen to her. That she had to go through this again. Because of me. I don't know what to say to her because I'm so shocked by what she just told me. My whole body is shaking in shock and violence because I want to kill someone.

When I turn around, I see myself in the mirror and with the urge to hit something or someone, I punch the mirror with the full force, causing the glass to shatter all around me. I put my hands on the sink, ignoring the pain in my chuckles and the blood that's appearing on my skin.

I remember it then. When Kadie dropped the glass in my kitchen and it shattered. She reacted in such a weird, closed to having a panic attack.

When I look over my shoulder, she has her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them and her head leaned down, her face hidden. I see her shoulders shaking. She's scared. I take a careful step towards her and I see how her muscles tense up. "Kadie," I say softly.

She shakes her head and I realize she's scared I'm going to hurt her. She doesn't react well to violence, especially not right now. "Kadie, I'm not ..." I swallow the bile in my throat. Fuck. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm sorry."

I take slow steps towards her and crouch down in front of the bath. "I'm not going to hurt you," I repeat. I slowly lift my hand and place it on top of her head. She freezes at first, but then leans into my touch, relaxing. Her head falls to the side, towards me and I hear her sob.

Shit. "Come here," I say softly, putting my arms around her and pulling her out of the bath. I wince when I see her bruises and I try to be careful. I dry her off with a towel and then take her in my bedroom, wrapping a blanket around her to warm her up because she's shivering.

I sit on the bed and put her on my chest. She puts her face into my neck, seeking comfort and I tightly wrap my arms around her. "I got you," I whisper. "I got you. You're safe now."

I don't know what else to do other than hold her while she cries and whisper that everything's alright, even though I know it's not.

Kadie fell asleep on top of me and that means I can't move. She's restless and I think she's having a nightmare. I run my hands over her back, trying to calm her down. Her hair is already dry now and I can't help but run my hand through it, enjoying the soft feel. It's very rare that she has her hair down and maybe now I understand a little more clearly why she's trying to hide her beauty and isn't moved by the compliments.

I get a text from Jon that they dealt with Peter accordingly and it's all taken care of. I exhale, relaxing a little bit, although my body has been in a cramp ever since Kadience told me that horrible stuff that happened to her.

When she stirs awake, I notice she's disoriented. She looks around and then at me. Her body immediately calms down. "Sorry," she mutters, although I don't know what she's apologizing for. She gets off me and lays on the bed next to me, wrapping the blanket around her even tighter.

"Are you hungry?" I ask her.

She shakes her head. "Does Harp know?"

"I don't think so."

She nods her head. "Please don't tell her. They took my phone away, so I'll call her with yours. Later," she says, closing her eyes.

My arm automatically wraps around her. She looks so small and so vulnerable at the moment ... it disarms me completely because I'm not used to seeing her like this. She nuzzles her head into my side, seeking – comfort, warmth – hell, I don't know. Whatever it is, I want her to find it with me.

"Thank you, Fai. For coming after me and taking me away. I was hoping you would, although I was scared you wouldn't after how we left things that night."

I squeeze my eyes shut. She was hoping I would save her. "Get some rest. We'll talk later," I say with my lips against her hair.

Her body soon relaxes again and I realize she fell asleep again while it takes a lot more time for me to end those racing thoughts and before sleep takes me, too.

When I wake up, the spot where Kadie laid before is empty. I sit up quickly, hearing happy whistling coming from the kitchen. I get up from the bed and walk there with a frown, finding Kadie with earphones in her ears, wearing one of my shirts and dancing around the kitchen, her hair up into a messy bun.

I stand at the doorway, feeling as if the previous events were only a dream. I rub my eyes, confused as to what's going on.

When Kadie turns around and sees me, she freezes for a moment and then a wide smile spreads across her face. She takes her earbuds out. "I hope you woke up hungry because I'm making dinner."

I feel disoriented, looking around the kitchen. When I look at Kadie's bare legs, I see the bruises which prove that, no, it wasn't just a dream and it happened.

I take a deep breath. "Kadie ..." I start slowly, but I don't know how to continue. I rake my hand through my hair and Kadie gasps. I freeze.

"God, Fai! Your hand! Why didn't you take care of that before?" she says, coming to me and grabbing my hand – the one that's not bruised. She drags me to the bathroom and she winces at the shattered glass. She freezes momentarily.

"I'll take care of it," I mutter, side-stepping her.

"No," she says with a definitive tone.

"I'll grab things and take them to the kitchen, then," I tell her, softly pushing her backwards so she doesn't step on any of the sharp pieces. She's barefoot, for God's sake,

She stands at the doorway and watches me grab the pads and the disinfectant. I shut the door when I come out so she can't see the mess anymore.

Her face is pale and so serious all of a sudden. "What's going through your head?" I ask her gently because I see she's internally panicking.

Her shoulders sag. "That I'm acting like a weak fuck," she mutters as if she's angry with herself.

My muscles tighten in awareness. "Kadience," I chastity softly. I'm shaking my head at her. "You're not weak. At all," I assure her, my lips pressed tightly together. "You're the strongest person I've ever known," I admit gruffly.

"How did you know what happened?" she asks. "How did you know they took me?"

"Jon said something about you not calling Harper back because she thought you're with me. That was three days after you came here that ... night," I finish.

"I knew my only chance was you. And I thought you wouldn't come because you didn't know or didn't want to. In that case, I hoped they'd make it fast and painless. Killing me, I mean."

My chest squeezes tightly at her admission. "Kadience, I told you. You can't go out just because you disagree with me. When you told me you're in, that meant you're in with no option of going out."

She presses her lips together. "Which means I basically can't just end things with you."

My mouth lifts in a corner. "You can try, but I won't take you seriously."

"It still took you three days," she shoots back.

"Because I wanted to give you some time to cool off. And give you some days to start missing me." I shrug.

She chuckles, but it quickly dies on her lips. "I actually did miss you," she admits. This is one of the rare moments she's wearing her heart on the sleeve. She's completely, disarmingly honest about her feelings. "I'd rather be tied and held prisoner by you, you know. You could make it a little more fun, I have a feeling."

A groan erupts from my chest and I can't help but go and wrap my arms around her. "No one's going to tie you up and keep you a prisoner. Ever," I promise venomously.

I feel her relax against my body. "Let's go clean your hand up before we both turn into pussies." But she holds onto me for a few seconds longer.

*

I don't know what to say.