❝  Wave it in his face,

tell him "boy, bye"  ❞

❦

Ante comes to the club I work at. I don't see him at first, but when I do, my mood completely shifts and I become annoyed. I walk to him and lean against the table, raising my eyebrows. "Let me guess. Fai couldn't come and he sent you."

Ante lazily shifts his head from the naked dancer on the stage and looks at me, swirling the almost empty glass around. "Hello to you, too," he drawls.

I just raise my brows.

Ante looks at me with interest. "What Fai sees in you is beyond me. He could have anyone, yet I have to sit here and save your ass while trying to not get bit by you."

"Nice thinking." I nod. "You're not going to offend me that easily, by the way, so you can save your nasty words for someone else." I hold my head up higher. "And if Fai wants to fuck me, you'll have to suck it up and just deal with it already."

Ante takes a sip of his drink. "Mmm," he says. "Fair point." He sits back in the chair, a small smile curving his lips. "You're not really that bad, actually. He's had way worse before."

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask him, not in the mood to listen about Fai's past experiences. This is not Ante's story to tell. If Fai wants me to know, I want to hear it from his own mouth.

Ante shrugs. "I'm just saying. Just don't go and fuck it all up because he hates people who go behind his back. And more than those he hates cowards."

I tilt my head to the side. "I'm only here to collect drink orders. I don't get paid enough to listen to your life advice you think I might need."

Ante lets out an easy chuckle. "Alright, cupcake."

I shudder at his pet name. "Why are you here? Is there really any danger or this is some fucked up way to have me under control."

Ante shrugs, taking another sip of the drink. He turns his head towards the stage and lets me know he's not going to answer my question. I sigh in frustration and march away from him.

I take a bathroom break just so I can write Fai a message.

Can you call your watchdog off? This is ridiculous.

I'm angry. He should know how much I'll hate this. It's like a prison. A cage. I don't like being in a cage and he knows it because I told him so just hours ago.

He answers with a simple answer.

No.

I almost hit the wall in frustration.

I'll stop by later. We need to talk.

I don't care if it's in the middle of the night. I'm not doing this with him if we're not on the same page.

I don't wait for his answer. I turn my phone off and leave it in my locker before going back out and finish my damn shift.

"You can drive me to Fai's. He's expecting me."

Ante glances at his motorcycle and then at me. "You know I can't do that."

I grunt. Of course. Their stupid rule. "Well, you didn't really think this through, did you? Bye then. I have to go catch the bus."

Ante seems like he doesn't know what to do. "You're going to Fai's?" he asks.

"Yep," I shout over my shoulder.

He's unsure of what to do. I stop in my tracks and grin. "What are you afraid of, sugar? Nothing will happen to me on the way to his place. And he's expecting me, anyway."

Ante finally shrugs. "Fine. You're his problem now. I did him a favor, but I'm off duty. Have a great night."

I wave at him and walk to the bus station, pulling my hood up and put my headphones on. When I turn my phone on, I see Fai sent me a text not that long ago.

Will be waiting.

I'm the only one on the bus, which is expected because you don't see many people walking around at this hour. I lean my head against the window, looking at the lights passing by. We get to Fai's street fast because there's not much traffic at this hour.

I have a few minute walk from the station to his building. I look around when I step off the bus because Fai created some sort of paranoia inside of me that someone's really after me and I should never be too sure.

I roll my shoulders and laugh to myself. I'm kind of sick of one man trying to come off as a danger to me and the other one trying to save me.

I take in a deep breath, calming myself down before I face Fai.

As he told me in the message, he's waiting for me. He opens the door shirtless and only in sweatpants and I see he's been working on drawings in the kitchen. I put my stuff on the kitchen chair and face him, crossing my arms over my chest.

Fai just sighs. "What?"

"Stop."

His eyebrows shoot up in genuine confusion. "Stop what?"

"Stop trying to control me. Stop coming after me when I don't ask you to come. Stop sending your guys to look after me. I don't want that Fai and if we can't agree on that, we're ending everything in this moment. I will never, ever let anyone control me. Do you hear me? Especially not your goddamn friends."

"That's why you're mad? Because I want to protect you? Are you fucking serious, Kadie? This has nothing to do with me controlling you. I don't give a fuck what you do when we're not together. But you still don't get it even after I told you what's going on in my life."

I don't stop glaring at him. "Alright. And you could've just told me. Hell, Fai, we have bodyguards there. Do you really think anyone would try something?"

Fai takes a threatening step towards me, his face coming down, close to mine. "They shot someone because they thought it was you, Kadie. Stop treating this as a joke because it's not. You're too late to go out now."

I let out an angry breath through my nose. "So what? I get to be followed every day by you or one of your friends? You might as well just lock me in a room, then."

Fai goes through his hair in frustration, his nostrils flaring. "You're so goddamn thick-headed, I can't believe this. Kadience, you're smart. I know you are. But you're acting so stupid right now." He shakes his head. "Why?" he asks suddenly. "Why do you want to be reckless so badly?"

His question throws me off a little. "I'm not trying to be reckless," I mutter.

"Then what?" he asks in frustration.

I shrug. "I just don't want to feel like being in some sort of drama you're watching for your entertainment."

Fai steps back a little and looks at me. "It's about you feeling like you don't have the freedom, isn't it?" I bite the inside of my cheek. "This is not about me wanting to know what you're doing at all times. It's not about watching you, but watching others who are trying to hurt you." He rubs his face and I take notice for the first time how tired he must be. He takes his hand to his neck, trying to loosen the tight muscles. "You're right. This is not going to work."

I purse my lips, staying quiet. My stomach sinks just a little, but I don't show it. I don't show him my weakness. I never do. "Alright. Then having any further discussion is completely pointless if we both agree on that."

I take another step back, putting more distance between us. "I'll be going then."

"Just like that?" Fai asks.

"Yep. Just like that. It was fun while it lasted, but this whole thing is suffocating me. I need my space and my freedom back. I can't have that with you."

I see his jaw clench. I take my backpack from the chair. "Take care," I tell him and get the hell out of there as fast as I can because I already feel like I'm going to get a panic attack and I definitely don't want to get it in front of him. Goddamn it to all.

As I walk down the stairs, I can't help but think how awfully easy this was for him. How easy was it to just end it all.

I rub my eyebrow in frustration. I was tired before, but I'm suddenly feeling wide awake. I take a deep breath, looking left and right before stepping out of the building. It's really dark outside and there's no one around.

I decide not to go to Harper's place. I know I won't be able to sleep now and before I'd get there, it'd be already too late because I have to go to school in a few hours.

So I wander around.

It's dead silent with minimal traffic. I wonder what the people in the cars that are passing by must think of me, walking around with my hood up and a backpack on my back. I turn my phone off. Harper will think I stayed at Fai's place.

The Westside of Atlanta is not categorised as the safest place on the Earth, but when living here your whole life, you get used to the city and the people. I don't live in a rich area and I can hardly say it's a nice city. There's graffiti everywhere, criminals at every corner. It's full of drug dealers, there's a lot of theft, but this is just how it is.

These things become completely normal.

I sit down on the bench I find, putting my feet up. I hear shouting in the distance, coming from a few men. There must be a fight going on. I sigh to myself, hugging my knees and close my eyes because I know what's coming.

It gets louder for a few seconds before the sound of a gunshot rips through the air, piercing my ears. And there's a complete silence after that. I exhale, realising I made fists with my hands and I'm pushing nails into the skin.

I'm starting to get cold when I sit for too long, but I see the sun is going to start rising soon because it's getting lighter out. I wonder if Fai is sleeping right now. If he's sleeping at the safeness of his home, after the talk we just had.

This is why I don't do any kind of relationships. I prefer raw sex over getting to know someone and getting our emotions involved. Because it's shit in the end. It always ends shitty and you have to deal with all these stupid emotions on your own.

I don't think what Fai and I had was love. It was something, yeah and it happened in a short time. We got close and he opened up to me. But that's still not the definition of love.

I am sad it had to end that way. I am sad it had to end because I thought I finally found someone who gets me and someone I can maybe trust. This clearly wasn't the case here.

But if something doesn't serve me anymore, I let it go and find something better. I came too far to have someone standing in my way of being and doing what I want.

I turn my phone on again so I type Harper a message that I'm going to school earlier today because I have to study for a test so she doesn't worry when I don't come to pick my things up. One look in my room would tell her I'm lying because my school bag is still there and I didn't take any of the school stuff with me.

I think maybe I should go somewhere where it's warmer because I'm starting not to feel my fingers anymore.

I put my headphones back on my head and put on some music again, distancing myself from the world completely.

As I'm walking, I feel the prickle against my neck. My heart starts beating faster all of a sudden. I want to take my headphones off and look around, but when I put my hands up to take them off, I'm stopped by someone.

I don't think, I don't freeze, I just react. I try to wriggle out of their hold, stepping onto his food and trying to kick him. I know it's a man because he's way stronger and taller than me. I bite down onto his arm, but his hand covers my mouth with a cloth and someone else appears in front of me, putting a bag over my head so I don't see anything.

Fuck. I try not to breathe in because I know I'll pass out and fight around. I'm strong, but the man wraps his leg around my ankles from behind so I can't kick anymore and his grip on my wrists tightens.

I'm starting to suffocate because I refuse to breathe and give in, but I can't fight on for much longer. It only takes a few breaths that my eyes start closing. I fight against it, moving my head side to side, but he pushes his hand onto my mouth so tightly he could knock my teeth out from the force.

I can't fight on.

I feel my head limply falling forward and my eyes close.

*

It's going to get real messed up from here on. You've been warned.