❝ Don't belong to no city,

don't belong to no man  ❞

❦

I put my hands on the bar and look at Harper. "See? This is what happens when you hook up with assholes like him," I tell her, mostly because I don't know what hell she's thinking, talking to Jon. It's a good thing she sees the kind of men they are. "I need a cigarette," I tell her, pushing myself back from the bar and go out again.

I can't say I'm mad. I guessed he's the kind of man who can't be just with one girl. Maybe I'm just mad that I was right. And maybe I'm a little bit mad about him telling me I'm either in or out when he has the option to be somewhere in the middle.

I lean against the wall, crossing my arms. Before I can take the first inhale, the door opens. I don't even have to look who just came out. I can feel his presence, which makes me even more pissed off. "Ah. So you saw me."

Fai chuckles incredulously. "I sure did." He stands in front of me. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are. Enjoying myself," I daringly look at him, wondering if he'll grab the vibe.

"After I explicitly told you to not come here?" he grits out.

I chuckle. "Do you really think you could keep me from doing something just because you said so?" I ask him. I put my finger on his cheek and drag it down to his mouth, staring at it. "You'd have to tie me up," I say quietly.

"Don't tempt me," Fai says, his eyes flaring, the muscle in his jaw ticking.

I drop my finger and step back. "I wonder if you wanted me away so you can be with other girls? Because that was really not necessary. I don't mind."

He raises his eyebrows. "If I wanted to hide something, I wouldn't come to the place where your cousin works."

I shrug, taking another drag of my cigarette. "Just don't tell me you were kissing or fucking someone before you did it to me because I just might throw up. I at least hope you're not that disgusting."

"You just said you don't care, so what does it matter?"

I cock my head to the side. "Well, I hope you like the taste of another man's cock in your mouth when I'll suck him off and then kiss you."

He recoils, horror and shock on his face. "I'm only fucking you. I'd hope it was the same case for you, otherwise this won't work."

I shrug. "Tit for tat, Fai. Do it to me how you want me to do it to you."

He nods once. "That's fair." He looks somewhere in the distance. "I gave you a choice, you know. You said you're in and I had you for someone who keeps her word."

"I just told you, Fai. Treat me like you want to be treated. If you want a slut, you can get one. No problem."

"Shut up," he says with anger. "Just ... shut up."

I roll my lips together.

He looks around. "Let's go somewhere else," he offers.

I click my tongue, shaking my head. "Nope. I came here to have fun. Just like you did."

Fai stares at me in pure disbelief. I just smile at him.

"You shouldn't let your company hanging." I point my head towards the building, hinting on the girl I saw him sitting on his lap.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Kadie."

I shrug, taking the last drag of my cigarette before I put it out and throw it away. "What's the deal with Jon and Harp, by the way?"

Fai's eyebrows draw together. "No idea. I don't put my nose in other people's business. Maybe you should try this sometime."

I only cock my head to the side.

Fai takes his hand through his hair and looks around. "Let's just get away from here, ok?"

"Why? Are you nervous that I'm here?"

Fai sighs. "Yeah, actually. I am."

"Alright, then. Take me away from here."

I shoot Harper a text on the way to Fai's motorcycle. He takes us to our place, as I predicted he would. As we sit down on the grass, I notice he's tense and that he's nervous about something.

I playfully nudge him. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you about something? You really think my life is a joke and this situation is something you can test, but it's so much more than that." At the seriousness of his tone, I sit up a little bit.

"Tell me," I say.

He stares at me for some long seconds before he sighs and looks forward. "My mother comes from Dubai. She met my father there when he went on a trip and they ... got involved. They weren't in love, but they got married because my mother got pregnant and her family insisted. We lived in Dubai until I was 7, and then my father insisted we move to America. So my mother moved here, even though her family was against it. My father was ... he was great for some time until he suddenly wasn't.

"He got involved in a gang and he started doing awful things. Things I'm doing now. He got a lot of money out of it. I don't remember much of him as a kid. He usually came home in the middle of the night from his missions and I remember hearing them argue a lot. I didn't know anything about it as a kid and I didn't question it.

"But then, when I was 13, I hid in his car when he went on one of his missions. I was just trying to be a rebel. I saw him kill a man that night. And I saw him get killed by another man. I don't remember what it was about, but I saw my father die in front of my eyes that night. From then on, all hell broke loose. They started coming for my family because of my father's unfinished business. I have a sister, you know. She's younger than me. My mother was scared to death because she wasn't safe. And then I escaped home at 15.

"I searched for them in the darkest of the streets and when I found them, I told them I'm going to finish my father's work if they leave my family alone. I wrote my mother a letter that she has to go back to Dubai and stay there. I haven't heard from her since and I haven't seen her. We don't have any contact anymore.

"And, Kadie, this is the life I live. I'm not fucking around with you and trying to scare you. This is some real shit and it's not fucking funny. If you want to be involved with me, you have to follow my orders when I try to protect you and not go against me just to defy me because you're putting yourself and everyone else in danger, too."

I knew Fai was hiding a story from me. But I didn't think it went that deep. I really just thought he was doing this to be a rebel or just because he got into some shit himself when he was young. But cleaning up his father's mess? "What mess exactly are you cleaning up here, Fai? For how long will this shit go on?"

"No longer than two more years if everything goes according to the plan. Look, this is just a dirty job and you can't get out that easily, but I made a pact with them. And even when this shit blows out, I'll still have blood on my hands."

"I don't care about all that. As long as you're good to me and Harp, I don't have a problem. Your flaws are just that to me: flaws. Besides, we all have our own war to battle in, just different ways of doing it."

"I have no reason not to be good to you and your cousin. But my flaws, Kadie, are real big, you know."

I just shrug. "Just because you do bad things, doesn't mean you're not a good person."

Fai chuckles incredulously. "You really believe that shit?"

"In some cases, yes. Not in all. I don't see you as a bad person. I know bad and you're not it."

He puts his chin on his hand. "You have a story to tell, too," he tells me.

I look away. "Don't we all?" I ask distantly.

"No."

I chuckle. I move and sit on his lap, my legs on either side of him. I put my hands on his face and pecking his lips. "Thank you for sharing this with me. I'll tell you my story. Just not tonight."

Fai nods courtly and wants to look away, but I keep my hands firmly pressed on his face. "You care about me," I say.

He runs his eyes all over my face. "Yeah," he says.

And I smile. I smile so big. I kiss him and he kisses me back. He puts his hand on the back of my head and I feel it in his kiss. I feel the respect. The tenderness. I've never felt this from anyone. I never had this in my life. No one has really cared for me. Except Harper, but that's different.

When I pull back, I'm still smiling and Fai is staring at my lips. "This is why I don't fuck girls like Mandy. They wouldn't get it." His eyes move up to mine.

I lightly trace my thumb against his lips. "You keep me safe, I'll keep you wild," I whisper.

A smile form's on his lips and I tighten my hold on his face. "But if I ever see another girl sitting on your lap, you won't hear from me anymore. You get me? I'll disappear without a word to you."

His smile disappears. "I get you."

"Good." I release my hold on him, dropping my hands to his neck. "You showed me your happy place. Now I want to show you mine."

Compared to the place he showed me, mine is nothing extraordinary. Just a normal rooftop for everyone else, but it has a special place in my heart. This is where I leave all my thoughts. I empty my head up here.

"A rooftop?" Fai asks when I lead him upstairs. It's fully dark out now and the view is magnificent. When I look up at the stars, I feel closer to them up here – which I basically am.

"Yeah," I say, climbing on the granite wall that's there for protection, but it doesn't have much meaning for me. Fai looks at my movements. "Come here. The view will leave you breathless."

He places his hands on the wall and leans forward to look down at the city below. "Fuck, that's high."

I grin. "What are you scared of? There are no limits up here. You had to leave all your worries and fears by the door."

He states at me for some moments before he climbs up, refusing to look down until he's firmly seated. "This is what makes you happy?" he asks, his face pale.

"Immensely. You're scared of the heights," I notice, saying it as an observation.

"No," he says. "But it makes me a little nervous being this high with nothing to protect me."

I smile and close my eyes, welcoming the soft breeze that caresses my face. "You can be anyone up here. You can go anywhere in your thoughts. It's up to you."

"I'd much rather get back down on the ground," Fai mutters.

"You're creating limits for yourself. It's a shame." I open my eyes but keep my gaze forward. A few locks of hair escaped my ponytail and are now dancing around my face. "We are all free as birds when we're born. And then they build a cage around us and we just accept it, not even trying to open it and fly back out."

Fai looks at me. "Are you in a cage?"

"Not right now. But I'll have to fly back into it and that doesn't make me entirely free, does it?" I look at him back.

"What is being free, anyway?"

"Not belonging to anyone. Not belonging anywhere, but everywhere."

I hear him let out a breath and he casts his gaze forward. "In that case, I don't like the idea of being free."

I chuckle because I'd like to think I know exactly what he's thinking. "Don't interpret my words incorrectly. You can love someone and you can be with them, but you don't have to belong to them. And you can live in a city, build a house there, and not belong to it, as well. Free as a bird, Fai. It means having the option to go anywhere at any given moment and then come back. Or maybe not."

"That's some way to put it ..." He's silent for a few moments. "So when you go to college and leave the city, what is it going to be? Will you return?"

I let out a bitter chuckle, looking down at the cars in the far distance. "Fai, if I leave this goddamn city, I fear I'm never going to come back." 

*

Fun fact, it's my birthday tomorrow.