Hello. Hi. Long time no see! 

Before reading this story, I just want to make a few things clear so there will be less confusion and I won't get bombarded with the same questions over and over again. 

Firstly, there will be no updating schedule going on for this story. I'm currently in college and also writing a story that's getting updated weekly on radish, I'm also working a lot and so I'll update this story when I'll have time. Don't bother me with updates because it won't change anything. I'll do my best. I warned y'all.

Secondly, there will be a bad boy thing going on in this story so bad things will happen. This means bad language and bad actions. Don't say you weren't warned. 

Thirdly ... well, there's no third thing, I guess. Just enjoy the story and give votes and put your thoughts in the comments! 

Another heads up! If you're looking for a story where the main characters fall in love in the third chapter, get married in the fifth and have children by the eighth ... this ain't the story for ya! I do put a lot of work into the character development, you know. 

Also! Copying this story is forbidden. This is my work and my! work only. You can read, but you can't steal!

Alright! Let's start the first chapter now, shall we? Have fun! ✌🏻

Trigger warnings: mention of rape, suicide, graphic language, kidnapping, child trauma

This is a story on the darker side with complex characters. If you are unable to read about/understand that, this is not the story for you.

You've been warned because I don't want to later on read about how you think a character is 'annoying' or 'too much' just because you're unwilling to understand where they're coming from.

To all of you broken souls out there. You are heard. You are understood.

❝White sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth, and the night life
you told me this is right where it begins❞

❦

"I fucking hate maths."

I chuckle, continuing solving the equation.

"For God's sake, Kadie, you always have your nose stuck in those notebooks," Harper says. I can hear she's joking.

"You don't mind it when I help you with studying for your exams. Maybe you should try it, too, sometime?" I reply, lifting my head to look at her.

She sticks her tongue out, grabbing another glass to polish it.

Harper Gilmore is my cousin and my closest friend. The only real friend, I could say. I talk to other people, hang out with other people, help them, but they're still not my friends. Not really. Most people at this age are just back-stabbing bitches (pardon my language) who hang out with you because it's convenient for them. They also like to act like they're making you a favour by being your friend. Ha. As if.

Harper is working at a bar I spend most of the time at. I basically live here. The loud music, drunk people and their screaming, dancing and making out don't bother me anymore. I don't even hear or see any of it anymore. Even those few guys who dare to come and hit on the nerd studying at the bar every night don't bother me that much because I'm good at focusing on one important thing and muting everything and everyone else.

I'm not here at the bar to make friends, either. I study here. And talk to Harper. Basically, I spend most of my free time here. Once I got used to the scene, I started to like it here.

Harper scrunches her nose up, staring at the piece of paper before me as if it's going to jump up and bite her. "I would rather not. I'm too stupid for that."

I roll my eyes. Not this again. "Too lazy maybe." Harper isn't stupid. She's far from that. She's studying medicine for a reason, but she's a joker and she especially likes to joke about her smartness. Maths isn't really her forte, but it's a good thing she doesn't need it that much and when she does, she has me for that. 

"Not everyone has good genes like you, smartass," Harper retorts back.

I give her a pointed glare. "Harp. We're related." I try to hold back a smile because I know how much it irks her. I know we're only cousins, so we're not that similar, not in looks and especially not in behaviour.

Harper is more of a prude and actually thinks what people think about her so she's always trying to do good by them, while I'm more of a I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-anything type of girl, but everyone thinks I'm a good girl and a nerd just because I get good grades. Boy, are they wrong!

I love studying. I know many people can't relate to that and I know a lot don't feel the same. Most people my age would rather go out to a party and get shitfaced drunk while I'd rather stay in and watch a historical drama. I just love learning about new things and I like educating myself.

People think I'm smart. But I'd say my smartness is just that. Smartness. I have a big mouth, though, and, sometimes, I don't know how to shut it. I'm basically a beast and I have to tame myself at times. I'm not afraid to speak what's on my mind, which often gets me in trouble.

The good part about being good in school is that teachers love me, so if there happens to be any drama involving me, they look through my fingers. Because I'm the good student.

If only they knew ...

"We're cousins, Kadie. Our genes aren't that similar. How come even I know that and you don't? You're supposed to be the smart one."

I can't help myself but get out a loud chuckle. "I'm messing with you."

"Uh-huh," she says, narrowing her eyes on me.

Since it's getting late, more guests seem to appear and Harper gets busy with the work, so I don't have any more distractions from my maths homework. And since it's Friday, there are some people from my school here, too, although I don't bother acknowledging them. They mostly ignore me, as well.

This is what I was talking about. They're not really friends. Just some familiar faces I occasionally talk to.

I blow a strand of hair that fell over my eye away, shaking my head a little so my hair gets off my face.

I feel a presence next to me and I don't bother lifting my head. Harper is quite busy with the guests and I feel the person will be here for some time. I sigh to myself. They're standing directly at the light, creating a shadow right on my paper.

The man places his hand on the counter, next to my notebook and it catches my attention. Or rather, his tattoos do. His hand is full of tattoos, detailed tattoos, that go up to his arm, disappearing under the sleeves of a black T-shirt he's wearing.

My eyes slowly travel upwards, landing on his face. I frown. He's staring down at my notebook, his lip curled up. He has dark eyes, I notice. They might look even darker in this light. His hair is dark and a little too long in the front so a few strands fall over his eyes. He's got sculpted cheekbones and a sharp jawline. That's one feature that always interested me on men.

He actually looks scary, dressed in all black, wearing a dark expression. My hand moves slowly, covering the glass of lemonade Harper put in front of me before.

The guy's eyes catch my movement and they fall on my hand, covering the glass. And then he looks at me. And I almost gasp. I don't even know why. He's kind of attractive, if you like scary looking guys. It's not that I'm scared of him, it's just that his eyes ... they're a different colour each. 

I only notice this now when the light hits them. One is light blue. The other is dark brown. And they captivate me. I can't look away. And then he opens his mouth, "It ain't gonna be me putting anything in your glass, princess. Maybe turn your head in the other direction."

I blink. What? I look to my left to see a guy sitting next to me on the barstool while a few others surround him, all of them standing. They look a bit older, but not much. I don't find anything wrong with them, they're well-dressed and they don't even look drunk.

"That's right. The prettiest ones are usually the dirtiest," the guy on my right laughs humourlessly as if he's reading my thoughts. I look at him yet again.

"Are you trying to say he put something in my drink?" I ask, holding his stare. He doesn't seem to want to answer my question. "Are you or are you not?"

"Not trying. I'm saying," he says curtly. I notice his voice sounds gruff. Deep. I wonder how old he is.

"And you saw him?"

"Fuck's with the questions?" he says, irritably. "Yeah, sugar, saw him with my own pair of eyes."

I shake my head to myself, not knowing if I should believe him or not. I won't test my luck and I won't be stupid enough to drink it – just to be sure. But I can't tell if he's playing me or he's being serious.

I drop my eyes down on the back of his hand again that's still placed on the counter. Harper comes to him then, taking his order. "Tequila shots. Five."

My finger starts stroking the corner of my notebook, just out of a nervous habit. I look at Harper, preparing the drinks. She's still alone behind the bar, her co-worker doesn't start until 10. She smiles at the guy as she puts the shots on the counter and he pays her.

Out of curiosity, I decide to study her expression when her eyes land on him. Her pupils dilate and her movement slows down just a little bit. Her mouth falls open slightly, but she quickly composes herself, smiling as she does to everyone.

"You have inguz on your hand," I note.

The guy pauses and when I look up, he's staring down at me, his brows furrowing.

"It means man fertility, since the addition of 'ing' to an English verb represents action. It also means new beginnings, often signifies a new life or a new phase of life. It comes from Greek and it basically means 'when there's a will, there's a say."

The guy stares at me as if I'm crazy. He leans down to me and I smell his scent. It's not cologne, but something else ... it's pleasant, manly and not at all what boys from my school smell like. "Mind your own damn business," he hisses. He puts the change off the bar and throws it in his back pocket, grabs the shots and walks away.

I look at Harper and she gives me wide eyes. She doesn't have time for chit-chat, but I understand what she's trying to tell me. She finds him hot.

I go back to solving the equations.

She comes to me later, planting her hands right down in front of me, demanding my attention. "That was one hot piece," she tells me. "And he talked to you."

"I talked to him, basically, but yeah." I shrug, playing nonchalant.

"What did you even talk about?"

I play disinterested. "He actually warned me about the guy next to me. He said he put something in my drink."

Harper instantly eyes the guy on my left and then the glass. She raises her eyebrows at me. "Seriously?" she asks.

I shrug. "That's what he said."

Harper chuckles. "The saying states something else, but you might've just did something here. But that man, Kadie ... you don't see a fine man like that that often here in this shithole."

"He might have an attractive face, but his personality is pretty shitty."

Harper glares at me. "You talked to him for, what, five minutes? Don't be such a pessimist."

I lift my hands up. "I'm being realistic."

Harper stares into the distance. "He has the vibe of being an asshole." She sighs. "I've actually seen him in here a few times, but he never stayed long and he never came to order anything. And now he came here and talked to you. God, I'm kind of jealous."

"Harp." I glare at her. "Please, don't. You're being ridiculous."

"Just let me gush a little. He's dreamy."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah. Okay. I think I'll need a new drink since I'm afraid this one is spiked."

Harper eyes the guy on my left a little sceptically. "I should inform security about him." She nods towards him.

I shrug, not really caring that much about it, but if he spiked my drink, who says he won't spike someone else's as well?

Harper calls Josh, the security guy here, about what happened. He listens to every word she says, his muscled arms crossed over his chest. If I didn't know him, I'd be scared of him. He's big and has that mean stare, but he's actually a real sweetheart.

He comes to me. "Hey, Kadie. Having some trouble, I hear?"

I shrug, giving him a smile. "I think I successfully avoided it, but I don't know what his thing is. Better be sure than sorry, you know."

He pats my shoulder. "I'll handle it."

He steps to the group of guys and talks to them. I try to ignore the scene, pretending I have no interest in knowing what's going on. I hear a loud, "What the fuck?" from one of the guys. I look just with the corners of my eyes and see Josh is already dragging him out.

I slightly turn my head to see the guy giving me a death glare. "I didn't put anything in your drink, you bitch!" he yells.

I avert my gaze, looking back down at my notebook.

I don't know why, but I look towards where the guy that came here before went to. He's with a group of friends, I suppose. They're laughing. Looking right at the guy Josh is dragging out. I get a weird feeling.

Especially when I see him looking right at me, wearing a devilish grin. I frown at him, my eyes narrowing. He raises his glass at me and drinks everything at once, his eyes never leaving mine.

I look back down at my notebook, too distracted to focus on equations. I never get distracted. I can hear their laughter all the way to here. I try to zone it out, I try really hard to focus on anything else, but I can't. I sigh in irritation, somehow still feeling his gaze on me and it's starting to make me angry.

I switch my head into their direction yet again, not even trying to be subtle. But they're already heading towards the exit and he doesn't glance in my direction again. I loudly close my notebook and grab it in my hands, standing up. Harper notices me and I think she instantly gets what my intention is. "Kadie!" she shouts after me.

I ignore her completely, going into the same direction they went. 

*

Sooo, this is it for the first chapter! Thoughts? Let me know in the comments ;) 

Also FYI, I KNOW you'll find Kadie annoying in the first chapters and think she's too much and all over the place, but this is intentional and  it gets better because you know I'm all about character development.