CHAPTER 34 - The Fading Star

EVERYTHING REPLAYED IN Janus' mind the instant Kara left his sight. Wala siyang pakialam sa mga mic na nakatutok sa kaniya at sa dami reporter na nasa loob ng silid. Para siyang nabingi at tumahimik ang lahat, ang tanging nangibabaw lang ay ang huling salitang binitiwan ni Kara.

Nakatitig lamang siya sa nilabasan nitong pinto habang parang nasa pelikulang tuloy-tuloy na bumabalik sa kaniya ang lahat ng sakit nang malaman niya ang totoo.

He was waiting in the conference room that day because the executive producer of their album requested to talk to him. Kagagaling lamang niya sa bahay nina Oddity dahil hinatid si Kara pagkatapos nilang mag-review for finals at dumiretso na siya sa studio pagkatapos.

"She was with Javaid in his condomium. They're just fooling you. "

Tila nabingi si Janus sa narinig habang tulala sa folder na ibinigay sa kaniya ni Mr. Esguerra, ang executive producer nila. It was a compilation of photos where Kara was seen with Javaid. Kahit pa hindi niya kita ang kabuoan ng mukha ng babae ay sigurado siyang si Kara iyon.

"She spent a night with him," he added, but Janus shrugged the thought. Marahil isa na naman iyon sa pakulo nito para layuan si Kara dahil sa issue sa kanilang dalawa ni Javaid.

With his determination to prove that Kara was innocent, he didn't open the folder. Instead he looked at their executive producer and glared at him.

"Stop saying nonsense things, Mr. Esguerra. You're not gonna stop me from being with her. It wasn't written in the contract that it's not allowed for us to have relationship with others."

"It wasn't written, but I can manipulate it, Mr. Valderama. You know that very well." Ngumisi ito sa kaniya.

Nanliit ang mata niya saka matalim itong tiningnan. "What are you up to?" he asked, mocking.

"Let's just say . . . whatever it takes for you to leave her." He smirked and handed him another pile of paper.

Napako ang mata niya sa music score ng kanta na c-in-ompose ni Kara at kinanta niya. Her song That Cold Christmas Night. Sandali siyang napatitig doon at ibinalik ang tingin sa executive producer. He smirked at him and leaned his back on the swivel chair.

"I can sue you for breach of contract because of that, Mr. Valderama."

Dinampot niya iyon saka muling ibinalik ang mata sa kausap. "But I haven't signed the contract when we recorded that song. Wala akong nilabag."

Mr. Esguerra chuckled. "I can manipulate everything, Janus. Alam mo 'yan. Sa mundong pinasok mo, I can do whatever I want. And you are one of my pawns whether you like it or not."

Umigting ang panga niya. He tried his best to calm himself, restraining to strangle him with his bare hand.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, greeting his teeth. Frustration enveloped his voice.

"I told you. I can't let your name be ruined because of that girl. You'll get dragged into her mess no matter what if you won't avoid her. Hind iyon magandang publicity sa Empty. Lalo na ngayong magde-debut ang first album n'yo," he said.

Naikuyom niya ang kamao. Wala namang ginawa si Kara kaya bakit kailangan nitong madamay sa gulong pinasok ni Javaid? Pumikit siya saka humugot ng marahas na hingina bago muli itong binato ng matatalas na tingin.

"Labas si Kara sa kung ano man ang gulong pinasok ni Rossier! Bakit siya ang iniipit mo?!" he said, his patience was leaving him.

Mr. Esguerra removed his eyeglasses and massaged his forehead. "Can't you see, Mr. Valderama? That girl is important to him. Javaid wants to terminate his contract because of her."

Sandali siyang natigilan sa sinabi nito. Javaid will terminate his contract? Why? Naguguluhan siyang tumingin kay Mr. Esguerra. Tila nagustuhan nito ang naging reaksyon niya kaya ngumisi ito.

"Then let him. He has the right!" he said, trying to compose himself, hiding his uncertainty.

"Look at the clearer picture, Mr. Valderama. If Phantom Oak let Javaid go, Lost then Found will be disbanded because he was the vocal and bassist. They can't stand a chance," he said, maintaining his serious face. "He was the visual of the band. And yes, we have a lot of talents but LTF already created a name. Sila ang gusto ng investors," he added.

Parang may bumarang mabigat na bagay sa dibdib ni Janus. Parang malaking sampal iyon sa kaniya. Na kahit ito ang executive producer ng album nila ay tila wala pa rin itong tiwala sa kakayahan ng Empty na magtagumpay. Hindi naman niya iyon masisisi, ngunit hindi naman yata tamang pilitin nila si Javaid para lang sa sarili nilang gusto.

He doesn't know the reason why Javaid wanted to quit, or if he's telling the truth that it was Kara, but that was personal. Kung mag-e-expire naman na ang kontrata nito sa Phantom Oak, wala silang magagawa. He knew how Javaid thinks. They can't force him the things that he doesn't want to do.

Umiling siya para ipahayag ang hindi pagsang-ayon. "Do whatever you want, but don't drag Kara into this mess. Wala siyang kinalaman kay Javaid," may diin niyang sinabi.

"We'll see, Janus."

Napabalikwas siya sa higaan at inis na ginulo ang buhok. He shook his head and closed his eyes firmly. Kanina pa niya pinipilit matulog ngunit hindi niya magawa. The thought of Kara and Javaid lingered in his mind. Why would Kara spend a night in his condo? Why are they together?Bakit hindi man lang niya iyon nabanggit noong huling beses nilang nagkita? Was she fooling her?

Just thinking of those made his heart grip with unexplainable pain. Bumilis ang paghinga niya sa ideyang iyon kaya muli niyang iminulat ang mata saka tumingin sa bedside table niya kung saan nakalagay ang kaniyang cellphone.

Should he text her and confirm? Noong huling pagkikita nila ay parang may malaking bumabagabag dito. She doesn't look okay. Instead of overthinking, he typed in his phone.

Janus:
Hey! Are you fine? Can I call?

He licked his lips and looked at the digital clock beside him. Alas kwatro na ng madaling-araw. Gising pa kaya ito? Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga saka unti-unting binura iyon. Baka tulog na ito at makaabala pa siya.

He tried his best to suppress all of the doubts and fear that he felt. Malaki ang tiwala niya kay Kara. Hindi naman siguro ito gagawa ng bagay na hindi niya magugustuhan. Ever since she came into his life, he felt like he was home. Kara made him feel that way. Para siyang nagkaroon ng lakas na magpatuloy. Everything because of her. He doesn't know what to do if he lose her, just like his mom.

"Go away! Don't look at me
'Cause we're not the same
And you can't do nothing."

"Bads! Flat!" inis na sigaw ni Oddity sa kaniya.

Binato niya ito ng masamang tingin saka muling nag-intro para sa kantang pina-practice nila. Kailangan nilang matapos nang maaga dahil may hinahabol siyang oras.

"You can say that it's not okay but I'm not afraid. And you can't do nothin' . . . one day," he sang the last lyrics of the song.

Nang mag-approve ang record producer nila ay mabilis niyang inalis ang strap ng gitara sa kaniyang balikat. He was closing his guitar case when their manager talked.

"Good job, boys. Mr. Esguerra wants to talk to you. Mauna na kayo sa conference room. Susunod na lang ako," Kuya Yves said.

Napatingin siya sa relo at muling nilingon ang manager nila. He was about to say he's not going when Oddity said it first.

"Kuya Yves, I need to go to my sister's recognition day," Oddity said, trying not to sound pissed.

Lumapit siya sa dalawa. Oddity raised his brows but he didn't bother to look at him. "Ako rin, Kuya. I need to be there."

Yves frowned and shook his head. Bumuga ito ng marahas na hininga bago nagsalita. "You can't, guys. That meeting is important," he said, he looked sorry. "Bawi na lang kayo later." Tinapik nito ang balikat nilang dalawa saka sila iniwan doon.

"Damn it!" Oddity murmured.

Ginulo naman niya sa inis ang buhok saka naglakad palabas ng studio. Siguraduhin lang nilang importante ang meeting na iyon dahil kung hindi, baka pasabugin niya ang building nila sa galit.

"You have to promote your album the whole week before the launch. No unnecessary events, ha?" Mr. Esguerra said.

They just nodded. Muling tumingin si Janus sa relo niya ngunit pasado alas kwatro na ng hapon. Marahil ay tapos na iyon. Naiinis niyang ibinalik ang tingin sa harapan.

"Your names should be cleared from any speculation until the launch and—"

Someone entered the room and cut Mr. Esguerra off. Kung hindi siya nagkakamali, si Niall Velasquez iyon. Ang manager ng Lost then Found. Nangunot ang noo ng lahat nang dumilim ang hitsura ni Mr. Esguerra. He cursed thousand times before Niall left. Sapo ang mukha at naihilamos ang palad sa mukha bago sila harapin. Muling tumayo si Mr. Esguerra sa harapan at uminom ng tubig bago nagsalita.

"We need to do damage control." He clenched his jaw and his features darkened. "There was an issue about Javaid. He went to the recognition day of your sister," he said in a strained voice, looking at Oddity.

Janus felt a burning sensation in his chest. He balled his first as his breaths were becoming coarser. Why are they together, again?

"The netizen claimed that she was his alleged girlfriend."

"She's not!" halos sabay na sigaw nila ni Oddity.

"Bads, lower your tone," paalala ni Vera na nasa kaliwa niya, pero hindi niya iyon pinansin.

"She isn't," he said, trying to convince him, but more likely, himself.

Mr. Esguerra shook his head and looked at him hopelessly. "Then how can you explain this?"

He opened the projector and flashed a bunch of Kara and Javaid's photo. On Kara's recognition day, on Javaid's car, outside Kara's house, when she was leaving Javaid's car holding a bouquet of flowers and paper bag and the last two photos that made a painful lump in Janus' throat. A photo of Javaid and Kara hugging and when Javaid kissed her forehead.

Janus suddenly felt everything stopped. He refused to look at the photos and just focused his sight on Mr. Esguerra's eyes. He was slowly trying to control his breathing.

"That was a lie," he said, still denying it. "Stop fooling around, Mr. Esguerra."

Pumikit ito at tila napipikon na sa kaniya. "Stop fooling yourself, Janus. She's not worth a shot!"

"Watch your word, Mr. Esguerra." Madilim ang tingin ni Oddity kay Mr. Esguerra.

They locked their stares but Mr. Esguerra lost and looked away. "Okay, okay, I get it!" He held his hands up. "I know she's your sister, but would it hurt if you won't get in touch with her until this mess is over? It wouldn't, right?"

"I can't. And even if I can, I won't leave Kara behind," seryosong sinabi ni Oddity na nakapagpaluwag sa dibdib ni Janus. Mabuti na lamang at hindi siya nag-iisa. They both care about her.

Mr. Esguerra heaved a deep sigh "You are the hardest band I had to manage, you know. What I am asking is for you to cooperate. And it wasn't for us, it's for your image before the launch." He looked at Riella and Kohen who are on the left side. "Do you think they will stan a group with tons of issues? They won't!" Then he looked at him with fierce eyes. "Now if you think this was a game . . . and none of you would take it seriously, then let's just terminate the contract and compensate for all the troubles you had brought," said Mr. Esguerra and left the room.

Naiwan silang tahimik at wala ni isa ang nagsasalita. The atmosphere became heavier as minutes passed. Janus licked his lips and let out a sigh.

"What have you done, guys?" si Kuya Yves ang bumasag ng katahimikan. He looked at them with sympathy, as if he was also torn in choosing which side is right.

"But he's asking for too much . . . that was my sister we are talking about," Oddity said, his face looked tormented.

"You should talk about it, guys. I don't want to butt in because it was too personal, so I am leaving the choice to you. Do what Mr. Esguerra want or terminate the contract." He smiled at them sadly and tapped his back.

"Just remember, sometimes it wasn't bad to choose yourself, it wasn't bad to commit to your goals. It may look selfish but it wasn't. If it was your dream, then chase it . . . because not all of us was given a chance to do so. So, do it. Be brave to choose yourself," he said and left the room.

Napatitig si Janus sa mga kabanda. Riella was staring on the window silently, he doesn't know what she's thinking, while Kohen was busy playing Vera's drumstick in his hand. Alam niyang nag-iisip din ito dahil sa sobrang katahimikan. Oddity stood up. He went to the window and grabbed his phone to call someone, maybe it was Kara.

"Am I bad if I said that I want to be selfish?" Vera broke the silence.

Napatigil sa pagpapaikot ng drumstick si Kohen at nalipat ang tingin kay Vera. He looked at her for a moment then smiled. "We understand how important this is for you," he said sadly. "So am I. I want to be selfish, too."

Janus looked at them. They were determined to choose their passion, their dream. But does he? Does he want to be selfish, too? Does he want to commit himself to choosing what's best for the band?

"Paano si Kara? She was our friend." Janus heart sank when Riella spoke. "And we owe this success to her, aren't we supposed to defend her?" Riella bit her lip and looked at them.

Janus closed his eyes. Torn between choosing his dreams or defend Kara. Then the glimpse of flashbacks came to him. She said, he shouldn't give up his dreams, he shouldn't give up his music.

"Kara wouldn't like it if we will give up our dreams because of her."

Naimulat ni Janus ang mga mata at sinalubong ang tingin ni Oddity. They way he looked at him has made him suspicious. So it was okay for Oddity? Why? His eyes looked doubtful like he was hiding something.

"It's decided then," aniya saka tumayo. "I'll inform Mr. Esguerra." He didn't look at them but he took one, last glance at Oddity. He gave him an assuring smile but it didn't felt like it was.

Lumabas siya ng conference room nang mabigat ang dibdib. Sinalubong siya ni Kuya Yves at matamang tinitigan. "We're not terminating the contract," he said and their manager gave him a smile.

"Let's talk to Mr. Esguerra." Tumango siya saka sumunod na lamang dito.

Nang marating nila ang pintuan ng office ng kanilang executive producer, pinauna niyang pumasok si Kuya Yves. He reached for his phone in his back pocket and texted Kara.

'I'm sorry, Kara. Please trust me.'

When he sent it, he opened the door and entered. He entered without knowing it was all a bait to trap him and Javaid into a mess.

"The vocalist of the band Empty, Janus Valderama accused the alleged girlfriend of Javaid Rosier of stealing the copyright of his song, That Cold Christmas Night that won 2nd place in the International Song Writing Composition 2018."

Ilang beses niyang tinitigan ang news report ng isang kilalang newspaper. His head throbbed with pain because of that mess. He wasn't expecting that it was the damage control that Mr. Esguerra mentioned. Ang akala nilang lahat ay kailangan lamang nilang layuan si Kara hangga't hindi nawawala ang issue nila ni Javaid.

Fuck that damn Esguerra! He felt betrayed.

He gulped the last sip of his cold coffee and put the newspaper on the table. Kasalukuyan siyang nasa cafeteria ng Phantom Oak para magkape. It was 2 a.m. in the morning. Katatapos lamang ng rehearsal nila. He was about to leave when a man sat in front of him.

Speaking of the devil. Mr. Esguerra smirked at him that made him livid. He wanted to struggle him with his bare hands.

"What do you want?"

"Let's just say, I have a very important information about you, Javaid, and that girl," he said and playfully licked his lips.

"Wala akong pakialam. Walang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa," may diin niyang sinabi at akmang tatayo na para iwan ito nang muli itong magsalita.

"Even if it has something to do with your mother's death?"

Parang nagpantig sa tainga niya ang mga katagang binitiwan nito. His breaths quickened and he almost lost his balance. What would be the connection of Javaid and Kara with his mother's death? Muli siyang naupo at matalim na tingin ang ipinukol kay Mr. Esguerra.

"Stop dragging my mother's death into your dark schemes," walang emosyon niyang sinabi.

Instead of getting intimidated by his presence, the man in front of him chuckled. "I just thought you need to see this." May nilapag itong itim na folder sa harapan niya.

Janus' heart beats faster than the usual. May hindi siya maipaliwanag na kaba habang tinititigan ang itim na folder na pinatong ni Mr. Esguerra.

"Go on. Open it," he urged.

He grabbed the folder and opened it. His world almost crumbled with the information contained by the black folder. Bumalik lahat ng sakit at tila doble ang atake noon nang mabasa ang pangalan nina Javaid at Kara sa report na nakasaad. They were inside the car that crashed into his mother's car.

Parang may nakabara sa lalamunan niya at nawalan siya ng lakas. Tangina! Bakit ganoon magbiro ang mundo? Bakit sa lahat ng taong maaaring makabanggaan ng ina niya, bakit ang dalawa pa?

"They knew each other ever since . . . who knows? Maybe they just fooled you and didn't tell about everything."

Sobrang bigat ng dibdib niya. Why does it have to hurt this way? Manhid na siya sa sakit. Tanggap na niya na wala na ang mama niya, ngunit muling bumukas ang naghilom na niyang sugat. Lahat ng sakit at galit . . . unti-unting bumalik.

"Janus!" rinig niya ang pagtawag ni Oddity sa likod. Unti-unti niya itong nilingon at hindi niya maiwasang titigan ito nang puno ng pagdududa.

"Did you know it?" aniya nang makalapit ito sa kinaroroonan niya. Bumaba ang tingin nito sa itim na folder na hawak niya at lumipat ang tingin kay Mr. Esguerra.

"What the hell!? What did you say to him?" seryoso ang boses nito ngunit wala siyang pakialam.

Mr. Esguerra stood up and smirked. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Janus. I think the two of you needs to talk," he said then left them.

"Answer my question, did you know it?" may diin niyang tanong. He wants to know the truth.

Oddity swallowed hard and looked at him with sad eyes. He nodded and looked down. Janus gasped as the air was getting harder and harder to breathe. Naikuyom niya ang kamao.

He felt a lump in his throat. His thoughts lost into nothingness and felt betrayed. So, his best friend knew all along? Pakiramdam niya, pinagkaisahan siya ng lahat. Paano nila nagawang itago ang mga mahalagang bagay tungkol sa pagkamatay ng ina niya? His peripheral vision blurred as everything slowly sank in. They chose it. They chose to hurt him by hiding the truth.

"I was about to tell you . . . kaso hindi pa handa si Kara," Oddity whispered.

"Tangina! Three years? Hindi handa?" He let out a frustrated laugh.

"She just learned the—"

"How could you hide this? Javaid knew her?" Oddity looked at the people in cafeteria and doesn't want to answer. "All along I was the one who doesn't know! Putangina! Bakit!?" he asked and begged for answers because he was too confused to believe. Paano nangyari iyon? Gulong-gulo na siya!

"Ayaw ka lang naming masaktan."

"Tangina n'yo pala, eh! Hindi ba 'ko nasasaktan ngayon?"

He doesn't wanna blame him, but the pain and longing was consuming him. He was too hurt to think of whatever he will say so instead of arguing while he was angry, he just left him with his last words.

"Compared to him, you had the chance, but you chose this."

He drove home with maximum speed of 100 kilometer per hour. Balewala sa kaniya kung mapahamak siya. Bawat higit niya ng silinyador ay bumabalik lahat. When he found out about his mother's death, when he grieved alone, when he cried every night because he doesn't know how to start again, when he lost himself and no one was there, everything went back to him.

"Tangina!" he shouted, but it was succumbed by the noise of his motorcycle and the wind.

Everything hurts. He felt like he was trapped in an endless ocean of misery. He couldn't breathe and the waves that stifled him were slowly killing him inside. Like he was drowning, but with the depth of his sadness.

NABALIK SI JANUS sa realidad nang isang kamao ang tumama sa kaliwang pisngi niya. Halos lahat ng reporter sa loob ng dressing room nila ay nagulat. Who would have thought that Javaid would punch him, right? No one knows in the industry that they knew each other.

He wiped the lower part of his lips where he tasted blood. He looked at Javaid and chuckled.

"Tangina! Masaya ka na niyan?" Javaid shouted.

He was about to punch Janus again but the security entered. Hinawakan ng mga ito si Javaid at tinulungang hilahin palabas. Kasunod ay pinalabas na rin ng mga ito ang mga reporter.

Nang maiwan siya, sina Kohen, Riella, at ang manager nila ay natahimik ang lahat. Walang emosyon siyang lumakad at kinuha ang gitara niya. He was about to leave the room when Oddity entered and surprised him with a punch on his right cheek.

Damn! Two punch in a row. They both hurt but what they did was more painful than the punches.

"Sinabi kong layuan mo na lang kung sasaktan mo rin," Oddity said, he was breathing heavily.

Hindi siya sumagot. He felt like he deserve that punch, though. Oddity left the room. Hinilot niya ang panga saka napatingin kay Kohen na nakatitig din sa kaniya. "Sasapak ka rin?"

"Gago!" he chuckled. Lumapit ito sa kaniya saka siya tinapik sa balikat. "Iwan ka muna namin. I think you need to be alone."

They all left him alone in the dressing room. Napangiti siya nang mapait saka humugot ng malalim na hininga. It was painful to know that no one understands your pain and where you are coming from.

Every single day, he felt like he was drowning. The album was released and they sold a million copies in just a week. It wasn't bad knowing all the issues before that. But instead of being contented on where they are now, he felt like there was a void. Palaging may kulang.

"Isa pa, boss!" aniya sa bartender habang nakatungo at nakapatong ang ulo sa braso. His voice almost faded because of the noise in the bar. His head was spinning, too, he only had four, hard drinks.

"Kuya hindi na po. I'll pay for him," he heard Kohen's voice that made him rise up.

"May kaibigan pa pala ako." He chuckled but his vision was blurry.

"Uwi na tayo, bads."

"Am I wrong?" he asked.

"Lahat naman kayo may mali." He heard Kohen sigh.

Isinampa siya nito sa balikat at ang tanging naaalala na lamang niya ay ibinagsak siya nito sa backseat. Bago pinaharurot ang sasakyan ay nagsalita pa ito.

"Wala kasi sa inyong may gustong makinig."

Nagising si Janus nang parang binibiyak ang kaniyang ulo sa sakit. That was his consequence for drinking last night. Napatingin siya sa bedside table na hinihigaan niya. Alam niyang kwarto iyon ni Kohen kaya alam na kaagad niya kung kanino galing ang gamot at ang sticky note na nakadikit doon.

Can you please stop drinking? Malapit na 'yong concert! We need a sober vocalist! - Kohen

He looked at his wristwatch and almost fell on the floor when he realized what time it was. It's nearly 5 pm. Mapapatay siya ng manager nila kapag na-late na naman siya. That was his routine for the past six months. Dragging his feet each day to keep moving, that one day, he will finally get over it. Like he's in the middle of mess but there's no way out.

He drove fast to reach their studio. Nang makasakay siya sa elevator nila ay hindi niya maiwasang mapatingin sa nag-aagaw na dilim at liwanag. Transparent kasi ang elevator kaya kita roon ang senaryo sa labas.

Sunset. It's been six, damn months since he last saw her. Para siyang nawala na parang bula. No traces of her. Naikuyom niya ang kamao dahil huli na nang ma-realize niya kung gaano ito kahalaga sa kaniya.

Now he was staring at the sunset, her favorite view, as the thoughts of their conversation replayed in his mind.

"Sometimes we have to run and hide for us to realize our next move." He remembered her saying.

He hope that one day he could do that, too. Walk away from the things that he always wanted because honestly speaking . . . he's tired. He's tired of the fame, the problems, and waiting for nothing.

He was too dumb to let his anger speak for himself. He regretted every single day of what he said to Kara. If only he could turn everything back. It was too late for him to realize that life sucks when the person who gives you happiness is also the person who can give you thousands and millions of pain.

And it's just quite funny that with so many things in the world and despite the number of people he had met, someone will come into your life whom you will depend your entire happiness with, and for him, it was Kara. But he was too dumb to realize it late.

At last, their concert came and he was sober for the past six months because he has no time to succumb himself in pain. They are too busy to even feel sad.

Isang malakas na sigawan ang namayani sa loob ng Araneta nang pumasok na sila sa loob. Sari-saring mga light sticks at poster ang hawak ng kanilang mga fans. The crowd was becoming wild especially when they entered the stage.

Yet he felt so lonely in the middle of the crowd. Tons of fans were shouting their names and singing their song but he felt like it wasn't enough. He sighed heavily. Remembering the time when he looked at Kara's eyes. When he saw pain, and tears that she was trying to stop from falling. When she smiled at him that made his heart clench in pain.

And when she said, "Chase your dreams."

He chased it. He was now a star but he lost the sun. He lost his sunshine when he pushed her away. Now he was standing in front of his thousand fans with no purpose.

"Go, Empty!"

Lahat ng tao sa loob ng coliseum ay isa-isang sinisigaw ang pangalan nila. Sari-saring poster at kumikinang na mga lightsticks ang hawak ng kanilang mga fans. The crowd is becoming wild especially when they entered the stage.

Janus can hear the fast thumping of his heart despite the deafening cheers of the crowd. Mabigat ang mga hakbang niya palapit sa gitna ng entablado. Bahagya siyang napapikit dahil sa nakasisilaw na stage light.

Damn, he couldn't believe that this day would come. Punong-puno ng tao ang buong Coliseum. He was not still aware of how famous they are, until now— the day of their concert.

It was pitiful, actually— instead of jumping with joy and overflowing happiness, his chest tightened with pain. Hindi niya magawang maging masaya o matuwa man lang sa kung ano na ang narating niya ngayon.

He flashed a stoic expression at the audience, pretending he's not bothered about anything.

Bahagya niyang nilingon si Mr. Asenjo, but he gave him a forced smile and shook his head. Isang malalim na hininga ang kaniyang pinakawalan, at mariing ipinikit ang mga mata.

Inayos niya ang hawak niyang gitara upang tingnan kung nasa maayos na tono, gano'n din ang ginawa nina Riella at Kohen. Samantalang tumango naman si Oddity sa kanila bilang go signal at sa unang patok ni Vera sa drums, sinimulan na ni Janus ang pag-strum ng gitara at kumanta.

"You let me wanna shut it all down
Throw it all away
Because I'm nothing if I don't have you."

Sinabayan siya sa pagkanta ng kanila mga fans. Ibinuhos niya sa pag-awit ang bigat na nararamdaman. Bawat pagbanggit ng liriko ng kanta— si Kara ang tanging naiisip niya.

He didn't know that his instant words could break the heart of the girl he loves— the girl who saved him from drowning.

If only he knew what she was enduring that day. If only he could take it back . . .

Muling pumasok sa isip niya ang huling araw ng pag-uusap nila. Kung paano niya ito sinaktan. Kung paano naglaho sa mukha nito ang maaliwalas na ngiting nagpabaliw sa kaniya. Kung paano napalitan ng lungkot ang mata nitong puno ng pag-asa.

Sinaktan niya ito, pero ang nakakatawa, hindi niya maiwasang sisihin ang sarili dahil nagpadalos-dalos siya. Napakagago lang. Pinili niya ito, ngunit bakit siya nasasaktan?

His fist clenched at the thought. He deserves to suffer for what he did to Kara.

"Cause its all so clear now without you here
I'm a loser of the year."

Sumilay ang malungkot na ngiti sa labi ni Janus habang binabanggit ang huling koro ng kanta. Patuloy sa pagsikip ang kaniyang dibdib. Hindi niya alam kung paano pa niya nagagawang kumanta nang hindi tumutulo ang mga luha.

He tried to move on. Erase every memories of her in his mind. He tried to get her out of his system, but he couldn't— he still loves her.

Akala niya, ang pangarap niya ang makakapagpalimot sa mga alaala ni Kara, pero kahit anong gawin niya'y hindi ito maalis sa isip niya. Alam niyang walang saysay ang lahat ng ito kung ang kapalit naman nito'y pagkawala ng babaeng minamahal niya.

Now, he stood in front of the crowd with no purpose.

"I can try real hard
I can try to pretend."

Pinikit ni Janus ang kaniyang mata sa pag-aakalang mawawala ang masasakit na alaalang patuloy na bumabalik, ngunit nabigo siya. Bumalik sa kaniyang isipan ang mukha ni Kara habang umiiyak. Asking him if he cared . . . .

"That all these dreams make any sense
Without you.
But that just ain't true."

Nabasag ang boses niya habang binabanggit ang bawat liriko. Tuluyan nang bumuhos ang emosyong kanina pa niya pinipigilan. Nag-umpisa nang uminit ang kaniyang mata at wala ring tigil sa pagkirot ang dibdib niyang tila sinasaksak nang paulit-ulit.

Hindi sapat ang isang kanta para sabihin kung gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman niya.

"I thought these things would make me forget
About you and I but you're stuck in my head
I'm a loser, if I lose her."

He sang the last lyrics of the song. Their fans cheered harder, no one even noticed how sad his voice was. No one noticed it like she does.

"Once again, I am Janus Axl Valderama and we are Empty," he said and waved his hands.

A small weak smile curved into Kara's lips as she watched him perform. As he sang with his heart, she felt the thousands of remorse in his voice, the pain and everything.

"They did it," she whispered, she was happy that they already achieved their dreams.

She just hope that he will be happy because nothing's more precious than his happiness. Sadly, it wasn't her and never will be.

Pinunasan niya ang tumakas na luha sa kaniyang pisngi saka tumalikod.

It was her turn. Siya naman. Sarili naman niya ang uunahin niya. She can no longer fix him because she's too broken.

Unti-unti siyang nawala sa dami ng tao sa loob. Nakahinga lang siya nang malalim nang tuluyan nang makalabas sa venue.

She'll forget about him eventually. Soon, she'll be okay. Hopefully. But for now, she must go and leave everything behind. She needs to get lost because only then, she can find herself again.

"Shine brighter, Janus. May we meet again," she whispered as she wiped her tears and smiled.