Chapter 5

“What?” I arched my brows on him when I noticed him looking at me.

“I brought you here so you could eat yet you’re not touching your food.”

“I told you I’m not hungry—” I stopped midsentence when I heard my stomach growled. Mas lalo kong sinamaan ng tingin si Aldridge nang marinig ko ang pagtawa nito.

“Just eat. Huwag kang mahiya. Ako lang ‘to,” he stated teasingly. I just rolled my eyes, yet I end up finishing my food like what he has told me.

Since the day Aldridge pulled me for lunch, simula noon ay madalas ng magkrus ang landas namin. I can’t say yet that we are friends but I don’t know why I feel comfortable every time I am talking to him.

Hindi naman kami gano’n ka-close. And for the record, we have just known each other few weeks ago. But every time he sees me, walang pagkakataon na hindi ako nito kinakausap, be it his greetings or you know, just random topic he wanted to talk about.

Nagtataka na nga si Shane, e. Lagi ako nitong tinatanong kung matagal na ba kaming magkakilala ng lalaking ‘yon. Whenever I told her na kakakilala ko pa lang sa kanya ay hindi siya naniniwala. Kapag nakikita kasi nitong nag-uusap kami ay para bang mas close ko raw si Aldridge kaysa sa kanya.

Well, hindi ko rin alam. Whenever Aldridge talks to me, it’s as if he has the power to make me feel comfortable every time I am with him kaya siguro gano’n. I just really don’t know.

“Where’s your friend?” nagulat ako nang maupo si Aldridge sa harap ng mesang in-occupy ko.

“Pinuntahan kapatid niya. Why?” tanong ko sa kanya. Somehow, nakakausap na rin naman nito si Shane.

“Paupo ha?”

“Nakaupo ka na,” tugon ko sa kanya dahilan para matawa ito nang mahina. “Bakit ka nakikiupo rito? Wala ka bang kaibigan?” curious kong tanong sa kanya. I haven’t seen him with other guys, though. I mean, him being surrounded by other people o kaya ‘yung mga kaibigan niya.

“Kung may kaibigan ako, wala sana ako rito sa harapan mo.”

“Huh?” my forehead creased because of what he answered.

“Just eat, Megan,” tanging sagot na lamang nito. Napakibit balikat naman ako saka ko ibinalik iyong atensyon ko sa pagkain.

Matapos naming kumain, Aldridge walked with me outside. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakikisabay siya sa akin ngayon pero hinayaan ko na lang. It’s as if he became Shane’s proxy. Sa tuwing hindi kasi ako nasasamahan ni Shane, bigla-bigla itong lilitaw sa harapan ko.

His presence doesn’t make me uncomfortable anyway. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, tila may kakayahan ito para maging kumportable ako sa tuwing nand’yan siya and to be honest, part of me appreciates him. At least having him by my side, I won’t feel alone. Naghiwalay lang kami nito ng lalakaran dahil nasa ibang building iyong room nila.

“10 days na lang, bakasyon na pala ‘no? Anong plano niyo ng family niyo? Are you having vacation outside the country again?” tanong ni Shane habang nagsusulat kami sa notebook ng katatapos naming lesson.

Our teacher flashed a PowerPoint presentation in front and after discussing it to us earlier, hinayaan kami nitong kopyahin iyon. Some asked for e-copy of it para daw ipapa-print na lamang nila. Pumayag naman ‘yung teacher namin but Shane and I decided to write it on our notebook. Sayang kasi ang notebook namin kung hindi naman pala namin gagamitin.

“I don’t know. Wala pa namang napaplano ang parents ko,” and I don’t know if kabilang na naman ba ako sa plano nila in case na may bakasyon outside the country ngang magaganap. Gusto kong ituloy ang mga katagang iyon pero pinili ko na lamang na sarilinin iyon.

You see, Shane is the closest friend of mine. Maybe she asked me about having vacation outside the country with my family because that’s what we did two years ago, but right now she doesn’t know anything about the present relationship I have with my family.

All she knew is that I’m happy and blessed with my family. Well, that was before... but now, I still considered them as my happiness though pero hindi ko masasabi kung blessed pa nga ba ako.

I don’t know if I’m being unfair this way, na dapat alam ni Shane kung anong pinagdadaanan ko since she’s my friend but I don’t have the courage to open up to her or to anyone... because I don’t want her to pity me, I don’t want them to pity me.

If there’s someone who really knew all my pain, that would be my reflection in the mirror. Sa kanya lang ako nakakapag-open up, e. Sa kanya ko lang malayang nailalabas lahat ng damdamin ko... lahat ng hinanakit ko.

Sa madaling salita, ako lang iyong nakakaalam sa lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan ko.

“Uy, pakibalik sa last slide. Hindi ko pa tapos,” rinig kong pakiusap ni Shane sa mga kaklase namin. Good thing she talked because if she didn’t, baka malulunod na naman ako sa kakaisip sa mga what ifs at sana ko.

Napatingala ako ng wala sa oras at suminghot. Ramdam ko kasi ‘yung pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata ko.

“Sinisipon ka?” tanong nito nang lingunin niya ako. Napailing naman ako sa kanya bilang sagot.

Hours passed by quickly until we got dismissed in our last subject. Naunang umuwi si Shane sa akin dahil nakaabang na ang Daddy nito pagkalabas namin sa gate.

As for me, I received Uncle Danny’s message earlier. Pauwi pa lang daw sila kasama ang parents ko. Sabi ko naman ay huwag na niya akong sunduin at magtataxi na lamang ako.

But that’s not what I did. I just realized I’m already walking alone at the sidewalk mula sa kahabaan ng kalye. Magfafive pa lang naman ng hapon. Hindi naman na gano’n kasinag ang sikat ng araw. Isa pa ay masarap sa balat iyong hanging umaakap sa akin. It feels like it’s inviting me to walk with its serenity.

“What’s up? Why are you walking alone here?” gulat, napatingin ako sa gilid ko at nakita kong si Aldridge iyon. Nakasakay siya sa kanyang bike at hininaan nito ang kanyang pagpepedal para masabayan niya ako.

“Gusto ko lang. Masama ba?” asik ko sa kanya.

“Wala naman akong sinabing masama.”

“Wala rin naman akong sinabing ikaw iyong sinasabihan ko ng masama,” I replied.

“Tss. Ang gulo mong kausap,” natatawa nitong sambit.

Nang huminto ako sa paglalakad ay huminto rin ito. Pansin ko kasing sinasabayan niya ako. “Teka, bakit mo ba ako sinasabayan?”

“Wala naman tayong ibang kasama rito para siya ang sabayan ko.”

“Aldridge!” I exclaimed his name in annoyance. “Mas magulo kang kausap!” singhal ko sa kanya but he just answered me again with his soft chuckle.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad at patuloy pa rin siyang nakikisabay sa akin. “What?” I roared when I stopped again.

“I bet you’re tired walking,” natawa na naman ito. “Wanna hop in?” sinamaan ko muna siya ng tingin pero sa huli ay walang rekla-reklamong sumakay nga ako.

“Maka-hop in ka naman d’yan. Is this a car, huh?” reklamo ko sa kanya nang makaupo ako.

I didn’t sat at the rear rack, doon ako sa may crossbar naupo. Definitely, I sat in front of him. Aldridge didn’t complain though, instead he started pedaling his bike.

Unlike earlier, medyo bumilis na ang pagpapatakbo nito. Hindi naman ako nag-aalala na baka madisgrasya kami dahil sa gilid lang naman kami and he drove a bit fast yet a smooth ride.

While moving, mas lalong lumalakas iyong hanging tumatama sa balat ko. Because of that, I spread one of my arms, the other one is still gripping on the stem of the handlebars.

“Why do you love spreading your arms?” he asked, still pedaling his bike. I guess he remembered me spreading my arms during our first encounter in the bridge.

“It’s my only way to be free.”

“Free from?”

Free from pain... But I didn’t voice it out. Sa halip ay napabuntong hininga lamang ako kasabay ng pagpikit ko sa aking mga mata. Ibinalik ko na rin naman ulit ang kamay ko roon sa hawakan ng bike dahil ayaw ko namang matumba kaming dalawa dahil sa kakulitan ko.

“Makabuntong hininga ka, para namang ang dami mong problema.” Bakit ba ang daming pinapansin ng lalaking ito sa akin?

“Bakit? Sa tingin mo ba wala akong problema?” I asked back, now focusing my eyes on the road.

“You have everything, Meg. What else could you ask for?”

What he said made me laugh bitterly, then I shook my head. “You are wrong.” I emphasized.

If he thought I have everything, then he is definitely wrong. There is still one thing I don’t have... I can’t have... and that is the support coming from my parents.

Aldridge did not bother to ask more questions. Mas okay na rin naman iyon dahil wala naman akong balak na sagutin siya. Pwede niya akong tanungin ng kahit ano, huwag lang ang may kinalaman sa pamilya ko.

“Why did we stop here?” I gave him quizzical look when we stopped at the playground. May mga iilang bata roon na naglalaro kasama ang playmates nila habang iyong mga nannies naman nila ay nagbabantay hindi kalayuan sa kanila.

“Let’s rest for a bit,” Aldridge replied as he sat on the cemented bench.

“Magrest ka mag-isa mo. Pahiram muna bike mo,” without waiting for his response, I took off my bag and threw it on Aldridge’s direction saka ako agad na umupo sa kanyang bike.

Mahina lang naman ang pagpapatakbo ko roon and I’m just roaming around the whole park. Nang makabalik ako kung saan naupo si Aldridge, I called him.

“Can you teach me how to bike?”

“Seriously? Alam mo naman kung paanong magbike yet magpapaturo ka pa?” pagrereklamo nito.

“Dali na kasi,” bumaba ako roon at hinila si Aldridge patayo.

Napakamot ito sa kanyang batok at no choice siyang turuan ako. I even laughed hard because he’s trying his best to teach me. Sabi ko kasi ay imagine-nin niyang hindi ako marunong and that’s what he really did. Ngayon ay tulak-tulak niya ako at nakahawak pa siya roon sa likuran ng bike para kunyaring inaalalayan niya ako kuno.

“I think I can do it now,” I proclaimed saka niya ako binitawan. “Balik ka na roon,” I even pedalled the bike one handed while using my free hand in waving teasingly at him.

“Silly,” he commented making me giggled.

Again, I continued biking at ilang beses akong nagpaikot-ikot sa park until I saw this family wherein the parents are teaching and guiding their child on how to bike. Seeing them doing that thing reminded me of what my parents did to us when I was still in pre-school while Ate Trixie is on her first grade.

My Mom was actually the person who taught me how to bike. Si Daddy naman kay Ate. We were so close before. We have that family tight bond before but I don’t know why we end up like this today.

Reminiscing that past because of the bond this family is doing, I felt like I was out of myself until I lost my balance while biking.

“Megan!” Aldridge immediately ran at my direction. Agad nitong inilayo iyong bike na nakadagan sa akin. “Okay ka lang?” he asked worriedly.

Dahil sa katangahan, napasuklay na lamang ako ng buhok gamit ang daliri ko. I was about to stand up noong inalalayan ako ni Aldridge pero natigil ako nang maramdaman ko iyong hapdi sa tuhod ko. Bahagya kong itinaas iyong suot kong skirt and I saw the scrape I got in my left knee.

“Ate, are you okay?” when I looked up, hindi ko aakalaing ang batang kaninang nagpaalala sa akin sa nakaraan ko ay nakatayo mismo ngayon sa harapan ko.

I nodded at her. “I’m okay,” nakangiti kong saad sa kanya.

“Let’s go, Sabrina,” tawag sa kanya ng Mom niya saka ito tumakbo palayo sa akin. When she’s gone, ibinalik ko ulit iyong tingin ko sa may sugat ko. I moved a bit pero naramdaman kong mas lalong humapdi iyon.

“Hey, okay ka lang?” Aldridge once again asked.

“Masakit," sagot ko sa kanya. Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang nagsipagbagsakan ang mga luha ko.

“Megan,”

“Masakit siya. Sobra," I added.

Pain then drew in my eyes, now letting my tears roll down in my cheeks freely, in front of him. And I’m not pertaining to the wound I got. I’m pertaining to my wound inside.

As much as I can, pinipili ko namang isipin na lang iyong mga masasayang ala-alang mayroon ako noon kasama ang family ko but I always end up asking myself na bakit ganito? Bakit kami humantong sa ganito?

“Megan...” Hearing my name again with the kind of tone which screams for worry and pity, with the kind of tone which I don’t want to hear from anybody, I burst into tears.

Aldridge then immediately enveloped me in his arms. That made me cry in tears more while he’s stroking my hair at the back.

“I won’t ask you why. Just cry it out,” he comforted. Napatungo na lamang ako sa may dibdib niya at doon ako nag-iiyak.

I did my best not to cry but today, I couldn’t suppress my tears anymore. I’ve been holding on these tears since then and I didn’t know it would rolled down my cheeks all at once at this moment.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na umiyak sa dibdib niya kanina. I’m just thankful that he really didn’t ask me like what he has told me.

“Okay ka na?” I gave Aldridge a nod.

Hindi ko alam kung paano kaming nakarating dito sa cemented bench. Ang alam ko lang ay bahagya siyang nakayuko ngayon sa harapan ko habang tinatalian niya ‘yung sugat sa tuhod ko gamit iyong panyo niya.

After that, he sat beside me and silence invaded in between us. We’ve been sitting on that cemented bench for I don’t know how long it is until I received a call. When I looked at my phone screen, my Mom flashed as the caller. I then toned down the volume and turned it off.

“Aren’t you going to take that call?” nang harapin ko si Aldridge, napansin kong naroon ang tingin niya sa phone ko at nababasa ko iyong kuryosidad sa mga mata niya. I just gave him a small smile before putting my phone inside my bag.

“Can you drop me in our house?” I asked him, averting the talk in another topic. Tumango naman ito kaagad.

Inalalayan ako ni Aldridge patayo at doon na niya ako pinaupo sa may likuran ng kanyang bike. He even told me to hold onto him at naging mahina rin ang pagpapatakbo nito sa kanyang bisikleta.

Just like the first day I encountered him, where I sat on this bike, I again let the cold wind overshadowed my pain while Aldridge is with me, the first person who comforted me because of my vulnerability.