Chapter 12

“Meg, kakain na,” humiga na lang ako patagilid habang nakatutok ang aking mga mata sa hawak kong cellphone nang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan at ang pagpasok ni Nanay Orsing sa aking kwarto.

“Hindi po ako nagugutom,” tipid kong sagot.

“Hinihintay ka ng magulang mo sa baba,” Nanay Orsing explained but I acted deaf. Saka ko naramdaman ang pag-upo nito sa gilid ng kama ko. “Napapadalas na ang hindi mo pagkain sa tamang oras,” dagdag pa nito, seryoso ang kanyang tono.

“Bababa na lang po ako kapag ginutom ako,” I added. Silence then embraced us. Hearing her exhaled a deep breathe, she stood up.

“O siya sige, basta bumaba ka kapag nagugutom ka. Hindi pwedeng hindi ka kakain, Megan,” dagdag pa niya, pinagsasabihan ako.

“Opo.” When Nanay Orsing left, binitawan ko ‘yung phone sa kama saka malalim na bumuntong-hininga.

Aaminin kong nagtatampo ako sa mga magulang ko dahil sa ginawa nila sa akin last graduation ko. Kahit naman siguro sino, ganoon ‘yung mararamdaman. I also admit that I distance myself with them but what’s the use of it? Kahit ilang beses pa yata akong magdamdam, alam kong wala naman silang pakialam.

Days of my vacation became boring. Kung wala siguro ang social media accounts ko, baka mas lalo pang maging boring. Si Shane lang din ang nakakausap ko. Kung minsan naman ay nagkakamustahan kaming magkaklase sa group chat namin.

[Kailan daw lalabas results ng UPCAT?] tanong ni Shane habang nasa harapan siya ng kanyang vanity mirror. Katatapos niya lang yatang naligo.

“Hindi ko pa alam e. Baka this month or up to June?” I answered unsurely. We’re talking through a video call right now then she brought that UPCAT topic.

Shane and I applied in the UPCAT last October and we were one of those hundred thousand applicants who took the exam. They say results are expected to be released within 5-6 months after the examination or it might be released earlier or later than the expected date.

Since April ngayon, baka ay anytime lalabas iyon or baka late din katulad ng sinabi nila sa amin.

“Kailan ka pala uuwi?”

[I don’t know, yet. Basta before ng enrollment, I’ll inform my parents para sabay tayo. Claim na nating makakapasa tayo.] She answered, wearing an assuring smile. Ngumiti naman ako. Sana nga makapasa kami.

Shane is at the States right now, having her vacation there. Saka tuwing bakasyon talaga ay roon sila pumupunta. After that conversation which took almost 20 minutes, we bid our goodbyes to each other.

Mabilis lamang na lumipas ang mga araw until last week of May came and definitely, it’s Ate Trixie’s graduation day. Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto, nakita ko siyang naroon na sa hagdan, naglalakad paibaba. Suot-suot na rin niya ang kanyang toga.

Nagpatuloy naman ako sa paglalakad hanggang sa makarating ako sa tuktok ng hagdan. Ate Trixie then reached the tip of the stair until my parents suddenly showed in front of her.

“Congratulations, my dearest Trixie!” Ate Trixie was shocked because of how my parents surprised her.

Mom then welcomed her with a tight hug. She also kissed her on her cheek. After that, hinawakan niya ito sa magkabilang braso, sinasabi niya kung gaano siya ka-proud dito.

Behind my Mom was Dad who’s holding a big bouquet of flowers with a wrapped gift on his other hand then she handed it to my sister. Hinalikan pa niya ito sa kanyang ulo and even hugged her, it’s as if it’s his way to tell how proud he is to my sister.

Touched by their surprises, naiiyak na yumakap pabalik ang ate ko sa kanila habang ako ay naroon sa taas ng hagdan, naiiyak din dahil sa tagpong ngayon ay aking nasasaksihan.

I should be proud of her as well, right? I was supposed to feel happy for my sister but it pains me to see them in this kind of scene. Naalala ko na naman kasi ‘yung graduation ko, e. Hindi naman kasi sila ganyan kasuportado sa akin. Kailan kaya darating ‘yung araw na ganyan din ang ipaparamdam nila sa akin?

When I noticed my Mom looked up, I immediately moved on the left side and hid myself on the wall. Napatingala naman ako upang kontrolin ang mata ko. Kailangan bang lagi na lang akong iiyak kapag nakikita ko kung gaano sila kasaya?

Kasalukuyan na naming tinatahak ang daan papunta sa venue kung saan magaganap iyong graduation ni Ate Trixie. Pagkarating namin sa Henrietta gymnasium, sabay-sabay kaming bumaba sa sasakyan.

Nang papasok na sa gymnasium ay halos lahat ng nakakasalubong namin ay kinocongratulate ang ate ko, lalo na ang magulang ko na kulang na lang ay ipagsigawan nila sa lahat na anak nila si Ate Trixie.

Ate Trixie played a big role on their graduation. I don’t know if how many rewards did she get. She also had her speech as the only Summa Cum Laude in her batch. Her, being on the top made our parents more proud to her.

“Ayaw mo bang makisali sa kanila?” mahinang tanong ni Nanay Orsing sa akin. I can see her looking at me through my peripheral vision.

Instead of feeling anything, it just made me uninterested. “Okay lang po. Baka makaistorbo pa ako sa kanila,” I answered coldly.

Katatapos lang ng graduation nila Ate and they are having their pictures right now, kasama ang parents ko. That’s what Nanay Orsing told me, to at least join them but I refused. Makakasira lang ako sa view.

Ala una ng tanghali nagsimula iyong graduation at alas sais na siyang natapos. As we went home, hindi lang kami ang magkakasama. Some of my sister’s friends also came with us for the dinner celebration they have prepared in the house.

As they’re partying together in the first floor, umakyat na lamang ako sa kwarto pagkatapos kong kumain. Nagkaroon kasi sila ng unplanned night swimming sa baba at hindi ko matagalan ang kanilang kaingayan.

[Hey, how’s your day? I already missed you.] I just fixed my pillow saka ako nahiga at tinignan si Aldridge through my phone screen.

“Yan kasi, iniiwan mo ako, e,” I joked.

[If you just only knew, Meg. I don’t want to be away from you but I have to be with my family.] He answered.

“Baliw ka! Okay lang ‘yun ‘no! Nakakapag-usap pa rin naman tayo,” I saw him smiled at me.

He’s in his mother’s province right now. Doon sila nagbabakasyon. Kahit naman nasa malayo siya, nakakapag-usap pa rin naman kami and I don’t want to ruin his vacation with his family.

Done with our conversation, I went downstairs because I’m feeling thirsty. Pagkababa ko sa living area, some of my sister’s friends were there. Nagkalat sila pati sa island bar. Naririnig ko rin ‘yung ingay ng mga nasa pool. I’m not sure if Ate Trixie was there too. Ang parents ko naman ay baka tulog na.

Pumagilid na lamang ako upang hindi makaistorbo sa kanila at dumiretso sa kitchen. I went to the fridge and took my tumbler there. As I closed the fridge’s door, nagulat ako nang makitang naroon ang isang lalaking kaklase ni ate. Nakatayo ito sa gilid ng mesa at nakasandal pa ang isa niyang siko roon.

“So, you’re Trixie’s little sister,” he playfully smirked at me.

“Uh, yeah,” I answered obediently though I don’t like his vibe saka ako uminom sa tumbler ko. I even tilted my head sideways because I can see him looking straight at me, still wearing his smirk.

“Does that water taste delicious?” he asked, licking the side of his lips. Agad naman akong umatras dahil sa mga galawan niya.

“I hope you are aware that water isn’t a food for you to describe it as delicious,” I sarcastically replied.

“Witty. I like it,” he laughed.

Not minding him, I returned back my tumbler on the fridge but before I could do it, I was startled when he slightly kissed my bare shoulder at the back since I’m only wearing a sando.

Mula sa ginawa niya, naging dahilan iyon para ibato ko sa kanya ‘yung hawak kong tumbler at kahit nakasara iyon, nabuhos ‘yung tirang laman no’n sa sahig. I also pushed him away causing him to be hit on the table’s sharp edge, getting furious yet scared at him.

“Don’t you dare come near me! I hope you’re aware that you are inside our very own house and I can do anything for you not to harm me. You, who just graduated from law course knew what I mean,” I warned but chills are now running down my spine. Nagtunog matapang lang ako pero pinupuno na talaga ng takot ang dibdib ko.

Later, I heard footsteps coming in our direction. Ang ingay ng pagkahulog ng tumbler ang alam kong pumukaw ng kanilang atensyon.

“What’s happening here? Bryan, why are you here? I thought you went to the pool?” takang tanong ng mga nagsidatingang kaklase ni Ate Trixie.

All of them now flocked in front of us, nakikiusosyo sa kung anong nangyayari. I again heard footsteps coming until my sister appeared in front of us.

“What the hell is happening here?” Ate Trixie asked madly. Basa pa ang katawan nito. She’s just covering it with a bath robe while some of the girls behind her were just wearing their swimsuits.

Later on, she faced me lalo na nung makita nito ang nagkalat na tubig sa ibaba ng mesa. Hindi pa man siya nagsasalita, nababasa ko na ‘yung galit sa kanyang mga mata.

“Megan, what’s with this fuss? Can you please at least respect my friends here? Nakikita mong nagsasaya kami, oh!” she yelled, as if she’s wanting to hurt me now. Then she faced that guy, asking if he’s okay or if I did something on him.

I unbelievably shook my head. So, mas inaalala pa talaga niya ang lalaking ‘yan kaysa ako na kapatid niya?

That guy, who’s still facing me, gave me a smirk before he faced my sister, now wearing that innocent look on his face.

“I was just trying to get some water but she suddenly splashed the tumbler on me,” dahilan nito at gustung-gusto ko siyang sabunutan ngayon din sa harap ng ate ko.

Fist curled because of madness, now wanting to smash him with my hand; but I refrained myself from doing so. “You don’t have to act. My sister won’t believe in me anyway,” I answered, leaving all of them there.

Napapailing na umakyat na lamang ako sa hagdan pero hindi ko aakalaing susundan ako ng ate ko.

“How dare you treat my guest like that?” bigla nitong hinila ang braso ko dahilan para mapaharap ako sa kanya. Naroon na kami sa hallway noon papunta sa kwarto ko.

“Did you really buy that pervert’s reason?” hindi makapaniwalang saad ko sa kanya. “Sayang, ate. Nag-abogado ka pa naman pero hindi mo man lang kayang i-identify kung sinong totoong biktima sa feeling pa-biktima,” I saw her grit her teeth because of what I told her.

Agad ko ring binawi ang kamay ko sa kanya saka siya tinitigan nang maigi. “This house was filled with CCTVs. You can check them out. Or if you want, you can delete them then sabihan mo sina Mommy at Daddy para magalit na naman sila sa akin tutal ay doon ka naman magaling,” pagdidiin ko sa kanya.

“How dare you talk to me like—” I immediately stopped her hand before she could slap me.

“No, ate! How dare you do all these things to me? Masaya ka bang nakikita akong laging nahihirapan?” I stated with great emphasis. “Sayang lang. I once considered you as my best sister but I don’t know what made you become like this,” saka ko pabalibag na binitawan ang kanyang kamay saka siya tinalikuran.

Since that day, I never talked to her. Wala lang naman ‘yon sa magulang ko dahil sabi ko nga, wala silang pakialam sa akin. Si ate lang naman ang lagi nilang nakikita. Para nga lang akong bula sa kanila, e.

Weeks passed, ganoon ulit ang nangyari. Dumidistansya pa rin ako sa kanila. Madalas ay nakakulong lang ako sa kwarto ko habang nakatambay sa may Facebook o kaya ay manonood sa YouTube o KDrama sa laptop.

Afternoon that time when I decided to take a bath. Summer kasi ngayon at kakaiba talaga ang init dito sa Pilipinas kapag ganitong panahon na. Kulang na nga lang ay oras-oras akong maliligo, e.

Leaving the shower room after taking a bath, kaagad akong nagbihis. Now combing my hair, I received a phone call so I took it.

[Meg! The UPCAT results are now out!] Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang banggitin iyon ni Shane sa kabilang linya. Her voice was filled with excitement.

“Really?”

[Yes! I’ll be sending you their website link. Sabay nating tignan ang results then let’s talk minutes after, okay? Oh my God! Kinakabahan ako. Bye for now, Meg! Good luck to us!]

Ending that call, I quickly received Shane’s message. Agad kong binuksan iyon upang hanapin ang pangalan ko at napatili na lamang ako nang makita ko ‘yon. What made me happier is when I also saw Shane’s name on the list.

This time, I was the one who called her first.

“OMG! Congrats sa‘tin Shane!”

[Congrats nga sa atin. Gosh! I can’t believe this! Buti talaga niclaim na natin kaagad na makakapasa tayo.] She giggled on the other line. [Pagkauwi ko r’yan, magcelebrate tayo.]

“I would love to, Shane! See you soonest. Congrats ulit sa atin!” Our second call ended right after congratulating each other.

I also received a message from Aldridge, sending me his congratulatory message. Mas lalong napuno ng tuwa ang dibdib ko dahil sa magandang balita na nakuha ko. Ni hindi pa tapos suklayin ang aking buhok, namalayan ko na lang ang pagtakbo ko sa baba.

“Mom, Dad, I passed the UPCAT!” I announced kahit na hindi pa ako nakakalapit sa kanila. Sa lakas din ng boses ko’y ang ilang kasambahay ay napatingin sa gawi namin.

I was just so happy right now. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala ‘yung feeling. I haven’t started the college and yet, I feel like I’m already halfway to my dream.

“Really?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ng Mommy ko. I can see glimpse of happiness in her eyes.

“Yes, Mom and I made it on the list! Pati rin po si Shane, pareho kaming nakapasa—”

“Wow! I didn’t know you took that admission test,” she sounded amazed.

“Because I wanted to surprise you!” I joyfully replied.

Kulang na lang ay mapunit ang labi ko sa kakangiti. Nakakatuwa lang kasing makitang masaya ang parents ko para sa akin. Tumayo pa ang mga ito para yakapin ako.

“Well, we were really surprised, Megan,” my Mom answered, caressing my cheek. “So, did you take the law—”

“It’s med course, Mom,” I answered and the happiness in her eyes suddenly vanished. Bigla ring nag-iba ang awra ng maamo nitong mukha kanina.

“Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo?” she then roared and that loud voice of hers filled the whole house.

Wala sa sariling napakagat ako sa pang-ibaba kong labi. Akala ko ay masaya talaga sila para sa akin. Naging ganoon lang pala ‘yung reaksyon nila sa akin sa isipang law course ang kinuha ko.

“Mom, alam niyo naman po kung anong kurso ang gusto ko ‘di ba?” My voice broke but I still tried to sound okay.

“You’re using that as your reason again! Megan, for once, can you please do what you are told to?” Napatungo na lamang ako sa may paanan ko nang pagtaasan ako nito ng tono.

I know, they are not supportive at me at all. Masyado lang naman akong masaya matapos kong malaman na nakapasa ako. Ni hindi ko nga namalayan ang sarili kong bumaba para ibahagi sa kanila ang magandang balita na nakuha ko pero hindi ko naman aakalain na ganito ang sasabihin nila sa akin.

“I just want to reach my dream, Mom.”

“Dream,” she emphasized. “Are you sure that being a doctor will give you a good life?” head bowed, I hardly bit my lip. “Hinayaan ka naming kunin ang strand na gusto mo pero sana naman ay hayaan mong gawin namin kung anong nakabubuti sa’yo! We are your parents, Megan. We know what's best for you!”

As tears fell on the floor, nag-angat ako ng ulo saka sinalubong ang mga mata ng Mom ko.

“Mom, it’s not!” I emphasized deeply. “You’re not doing what’s best for me. You're actually dictating me—” I was not able to finish my words because just like before, I ended up feeling her hand on my face again.

“How dare you say that right in front of me?” her teeth gritted. I can see how furious she is now. Agad naman siyang nilapitan ng Dad ko para pigilan niya ito.

“Ilang sampal pa po ba ang mararamdaman ko para matanggap niyo ‘yung pangarap ko?” pagtatanong ko sa Mom ko, na kahit punuuan na ng luha ang mga mata ko ay hindi ko iniiwas ang paningin ko sa kanya.

“Megan!” Dad shouted, disobeying me because of how I acted towards my Mom. “Kailan ka pa natutong sumagot sa Mommy mo?”

“Kayo Dad, kailan niyo po ba matututunang irespeto ang mga desisyon ko?” pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko pati na rin iyong ilong ko. With continuous tears, naging sarado na rin iyong ilong ko dahil sa kaiiyak.

Mom closed our gap and once hit my face. “Hindi kita pinalaki para lang sumbatan kami!”

“Sa paanong paraan niyo po ba ako pinalaki, Mommy? Did you raise me to follow all your demands?” Mas lalong napuno ng galit ang mata ng Mom ko dahil sa binanggit ko. Ate Trixie also came near me, trying to stop me but I pushed her away.

Gamit ang dalawang kamay, napahilamos ako sa luhaan kong mukha, na kahit anong punas pa ang gawin ko ay pilit pa rin naman silang dumadagsa.

“Nag-aaral po ako dahil gusto ko pong makamit ‘yung pangarap ko, pero kung pinag-aaral niyo lang po ako para ipilit sa akin iyong prospesyong gusto niyo, pwede po bang huwag na lang akong mag-aral?" I asked with shattered heart.