The events at the supper had left me exhausted. Even though I hadn't had a drop of the wine on offer, my head ached with the sunlight that streamed in through the window. I groaned and rolled over, burying my head in my blankets and trying to return to the blissful throes of sleep. At least in sleep, I could avoid the inevitable confrontation with Father.

Once he had recovered from all the wine he had drunk, of course.

I listened to the sounds of the birds outside my window, the rustle of the trees in the light breeze, and the footsteps of servants moving around just outside the door. The blanket didn't keep out the sounds or the heat, but it allowed me an additional barrier from the outside world, and it was a barrier I needed to last.

Since the previous evening, I hadn't spoken a word to anyone else in the house. Father, Mother, and Alice had all gone to bed when the Marlow's had left — my leaving did not have any impact on the night. George had come up to see me almost half an hour after I had left the table, but I had feigned sleep and he didn't probe any further. I couldn't avoid that forever.

Sooner or later he would come to talk to me, as would Father, and they were two conversations I wanted to avoid. Although I knew that my conversation with George would go far better than any I might have with Father, I still didn't think I would face it. I would rather have forgotten the entire night had happened, something that I knew would never happen.

"You cannot stay under there forever, Master Nate." George's muffled voice carried through the blanket. I hadn't even heard him come in or knock.

"I can, and I will. Just let nature take its course."

"Unfortunately, I cannot do that." I felt the bed shift beside me as George sat down. "You will have to face last night sooner or later and I am going to recommend sooner. The longer you leave it, the worse it is going to be."

I pushed the blankets off my face and turned to look at him. "It's going to be bad, anyway, regardless of how long I leave it for. Father is going to blame me despite the fact that he's the one who made the comments in the first place. It is going to be a mess and I am far better hiding from it."

"Or you can face it like a man and be the responsible one in this scenario. Your father won't admit his mistakes, but you will look far better in his eyes if you own up to yours. Be the adult."

"That's not going to work, not with him."

"You won't know unless you try. Now, out of bed. I brought some breakfast with me so you can eat in here. You scarcely ate a thing last night."

"You sound like Mother."

He laughed, standing up. "If that is what it takes to get you to listen to me, then so be it. Get out of bed, eat the breakfast, and get dressed. We can discuss it a little more after that."

"Were you and Mother separated at birth?" I mumbled, pushing the blankets back and sitting up against the pillows.

George laughed but said nothing. He handed me a silver tray with a cup of orange juice and a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast. After having barely eaten anything the previous evening, my stomach grumbled at the smell and I dived in, devouring the food before George had finished opening my curtains to allow the sunlight into my room. At least I wouldn't have to face Father on an empty stomach.

Once I had finished eating, I dressed slowly to prolong any potential conversation just that little bit longer. With no fancy supper, and the heat still growing by the hour, I pushed my shirt sleeves up past my elbow and left my top button undone. Father would no doubt have something to say.

I didn't think Father could still take the moral high ground after the way he had behaved during supper. He may end up putting it down to the wine, but there was no excuse for what he said after the countless warnings he had given me. My actions at supper had been a result of his behaviour, but I doubted he realised that.

Father never thought himself to be wrong. He had an answer for everything and it was always those around him that made the mistake, even if he had been the cause of it. I remembered once when I was small enough to perch on his lap; he had yelled at a servant and then proceeded to dismiss them after they spilt something. They had only spilt it because of him raising his voice.

He had been the cause of the mistake, but it was the servant who paid the price.

"Right, are you ready to talk about last night or are you going to return to your hiding spot?" George asked, smoothing down my blankets. He didn't usually make my bed. That was one of the other servants' jobs, but I supposed he just wanted to fill in the time as I got dressed.

"Do you really want to give me the choice?"

"Perhaps I phrased that badly." He smiled. "You are not to return to your hiding spot, and we are going to talk about what happened. It is better you go over it with me first before you face Mr Thorpe. At least you can be clear about what you want to say."

"There are plenty of things I want to say." I dropped down onto the window seat, feeling the light breeze on the back of my neck.

"I don't doubt that, but I expect most of it should not be said aloud. If you do not wish to get yourself into trouble, we need a plan."

George sat beside me, his hands placed on his lap as he waited for me to reply. I raked a hand through my hair, making it far messier than it had been before, which would no doubt upset Mother if she saw it. Even though I hated to admit it, he was right. There were many things I wanted to say to Father, but saying them would land me in even more trouble. Instead, I would have to step carefully even though I had done nothing wrong.

"First of all, how are you feeling?" George raised an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged. "Fine, I suppose."

"That didn't sound very convincing, Master Nate."

"What do you want me to say?" I threw my hands up. "That Father made one comment about me and I couldn't handle it? That I spent the entire night feeling like I was going to vomit because I was terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing? Or that I constantly feel as though I'm standing on a ledge?"

"What do you mean?" He frowned, glancing down at my hands, which were starting to shake.

"It just feels like every time I have to talk to someone or do something, I struggle to catch my breath. My stomach is wrapped up in knots all the time, and I cannot stop my hands from shaking. It's as if I am no longer in control of my own body."

"How long has this been going on for exactly? I thought the other day was the first time it had happened."

I shook my head, running the palms of my shaking hands over my thighs. "Not long. A few days after Miss Edwards was found, I think."

"You should have said something to me, Master Nate."

I looked at George, noting the furrow in his brow and the concern etched into every line on his face. The mere idea of telling something how I had been feeling had only crossed my mind for the fleetest of moments. I had dismissed it almost as quickly as it had appeared. It was not an idea I could entertain.

How could I have possibly explained to someone else how I was feeling if I struggled to understand it myself? Not only that, but I knew how it would sound out loud and did not want to humiliate myself further. Father had always taught me that women always allowed their emotions to overwhelm them and that I could not let the same thing happen to me. I knew how he would react if he were to see the state I had allowed myself to get into.

George might never have reacted the same way, but the fear still lingered deep inside. I never should have allowed my emotions to get as bad as they had or become too overwhelming to deal with alone. Had it been down to me alone, George never would have found out, but my own body had betrayed me and he knew more than I wanted him to.

"I expect there are many things I should have done but didn't. For example, I should have stayed at the table last night rather than run like a coward. At least if I had stayed, I wouldn't have to face him today.

"But you do, and we need to make it easier for you to handle," George said. "What did you say when you left the table?"

"That I didn't feel well. It wasn't really a lie since my stomach had been in knots since the Marlows had arrived."

"Then that is what you shall say to your father. If he probes further, I'm sure the kitchen staff will support you given how little you ate. I shall tell him you felt unwell beforehand because of the heat."

"Except that's a lie."

"Not necessarily. You had been complaining about the heat, after all. I just filled in the gaps." George smiled and chuckled to himself.

"But if he finds out the truth and you're dismissed, it will be because of me."

"No, it will be because I made a conscious choice to embellish the truth." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Not everything is down to you, Master Nate. Everyone makes their own choices in life and you cannot go around with the weight of the world resting on your shoulders. The sooner you realise that, the lighter you will feel."

I sighed and leaned against the window, closing my eyes. The breeze tickled the hair on the nape of my neck and allowed a cooling effect, albeit a minor one. Although George made it seem as though it were simple, there was nothing about the past week or so that had been simple.

Joseph had been dismissed because of me because I had been stupid enough to make Father aware of his knowledge about Rebecca. I had been unable to make very little progress with Rebecca and had been forced to hand off any information I had collected to others to try to solve. If George got dismissed for covering for me, I wouldn't be able to cope with it. Father would be sending me off to the Asylum rather than Rebecca.

Still, I was glad to have George on my side. At least I knew I wasn't going to be facing Father on my own and that someone still stood in my corner. Before George, I would have to face Father's wrath on my own. No one would help, not even Alice. George always made sure to offer me a helping hand when I needed one, and I could not allow him to lose his job trying to help me.

I would have to make sure Father didn't speak to George. He couldn't lie if he was never asked about it.

"Do you think Father will believe the story?" I asked, opening my eyes and looking at George.

"You said yourself that it isn't really a lie if you had been feeling off all day. Besides, you look rather pale, but that might be because you are worried about what your father might say. It should help your case at any rate."

"I did wake up with a headache, which he cannot put down to the wine since I didn't have any. The same could not be said for the headache he most likely woke up to. He told me not to do anything that would ruin the supper and went and drank far too much wine." I shook my head.

"Do you still have the headache?"

"Not really. It seems to be going now."

"In my experience, that is your body telling you that you need to relax and that you are too overwhelmed. Now that you have spoken about how you are feeling, that overwhelming sensation is lifting. It really doesn't hurt to talk about things, Master Nate, especially with me. You know that you can talk to me about anything and it will stay a secret unless I feel someone needs to know. You will do yourself more harm than good if you continue to keep things shut away."

"I know, and I promise I will speak to you if I ever feel like this again."

"Good. It's why I am here. I'm a confidant as much as I'm a valet."

I nodded my head, staring across my room. Even though I could still hear Father's comments about being in control of my emotions, I resolved to talk to George if I ever found myself feeling overwhelmed again. It certainly helped me more than sitting on my own ever did. Out of all of our servants, I was grateful to have George by my side.

Someone knocked lightly on my door, and I clenched my fists, knowing what was coming.

"Enter," I said.

Lucy pushed open the door, standing in the door frame but not venturing inside.

"Your father has requested your presence in his study, Master Nate."

~~~

A/N - We are back with a brand new chapter! There are about 10 chapters  left of this story before Nate's story comes to an end! If you've been enjoying this story, please check out some of my other works as well!

Questions! 

Is George's advice right for Nate? Should Nate have been honest with him earlier on?

Comment below!

First Published - March 28th, 2023