chapter theme :  falling for you - the 1975

"I don't want to die..."

Reika's cries continued to haunt me as I tried to apply first aid on Jethro's bleeding knuckles. I was beginning to have trouble breathing again so I ended up only wrapping bandages around his knuckles.

"How about we get dinner? Hindi ka pa kumakain," I said calmly, trying to control my breathing while hiding my own trembling hands.

Hindi kumikibo si Jethro, nanatili siyang nakatitig sa kawalan, walang kabuhay-buhay. Nasa loob pa rin kami ng sasakyan, sa basement parking ng hospital. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko na nakinig siya sa akin at hindi na nagtangkang umalis. Driving at his current emotional state would only make him a danger to himself and to people on the road.

I sank to my seat. Patagilid akong sumandal sa kinauupuan upang patuloy siyang mapagmasdan.

"Believe me when I say that this is not your fault..." I said, trying to get his attention but he still didn't move. He didn't even blink. 

I took a deep breath, trying to still my tension in my heart. Despite my tears, I pressed my lips together and smiled. "But if you still choose to blame yourself, then do something to, at least, make up for it. Makakabawi ka pa sa kanila, lalo na kay Kirsten at Magno."

I fetched my phone from my pocket and saw an unread message that came an hour ago. It's from  Tron, Magno's brother, informing me that Magno is finally awake.

"Would you look at that.." I let out a soft chuckle as I wiped my tears. "Magno's awake. Put your bravest face and fakest smile, we have to be there for them."

Humawak ako sa siradura ng pinto pero bago ko pa man ito mabuksan, hinawakan ni Jethro ang kamay ko. Napakalamig ng kamay niya at tila ba nanghihina.

"N-nakita mo ang galit ni Kirsten.." He said hoarsely, his tired eyes brimming up with tears once again. "Baka sumama lang ang loob ni Magno kapag nakita niya ako."

"And will you let that stop you from making up for your past mistake?" tanong ko at nang hindi siya sumagot, napangiti ako. "That's what I thought so."

Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at nang hindi pa rin siya lumalabas, ako na mismo ang nagbukas sa pinto. I lowered my head just to look at his face. 

"Filimon, it's time to be a better friend." I smiled, reaching out my hand to him. "Get up."

Marahan siyang tumango at parang nag-aalangan pang tanggapin ang kamay ko. Walang emosyon siyang lumabas at tumayo sa gilid ng sasakyan. Parang wala pa rin siya sa maayos na pag-iisip kaya ako na ang nagsara ng pinto at nag-lock ng kanyang sasakyan.

Iika-ika akong naglakad patungo sa elevator pero natigilan ako nang mapansing nakapako pa rin siya sa kinatatayuan, nakatitig sa kawalan.

The pain in his eyes made me even more desperate to comfort him.

Lumapit ako at tumayo sa harapan niya. Sa kabila ng pananakit ng braso ko, itinaas ko ang dalawa kong kamay at inabot ang kanyang mukha. Ngumiti ako at pinunasan ang kanyang mga luha gamit ang sarili kong mga daliri. "I know it's tough, but we have to fake it 'til we make it."

Hindi siya nagsalita at nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. "'Yan din ba ang ginagawa mo ngayon?"

Tumango ako. "For Slade, I have to fake it 'til I make it."

Ibinaba ko ang mga kamay ko at humakbang paatras mula sa kanya. "Naghihintay na si Magno. Tara na?"

Tumango naman siya. "A-ang saklay mo pala?"

"Hala..." Napasinghap ako nang maalalang nalaglag ko 'yon habang hinahabol si Jethro. 

Marahan niyang hinawakan ang pulsuhan ko at inilagay ito sa braso niya. Kahit hindi niya sabihin, parang alam ko na ang pinapahiwatig niya. Tumango na lamang ako at nagsimula nang maglakad sa alalay niya.

***

The moment the elevator doors opened, kapwa kami nagulat ni Jethro nang tumambad sa amin ang nagwawalang si Slade. Humaharang sa harapan niya ang ilang mga lalakeng nakaputi, tila ba mga bodyguard. Natigilan ako nang mapagtanto kung sino ang tinatangka niyang sugurin.

"Ibalik mo sa amin si Reika! Hindi ka man lang ba naaawa sa sarili mong pamilya?!" Slade screamed at Attorney Magno. I see nothing but anger in my brother's tearful, red eyes.

Pinagtitingnan na sila ng lahat. Ang mga hospital staff naman ay nagtatangka nang umawat.

Dali-dali akong tumakbo patungo kay Slade at niyakap siya mula sa likuran. "Slade tama na, tama na," mangiyak-ngiyak kong pakiusap sa kanya.

"Do you think Reika's happy with what you're doing?" 

Kapwa kami napalingon ni Slade nang magsalita si Jethro.

Kung kanina ay halos wala siyang kabuhay-buhay, ngayon ay nakataas na ang ulo ni Jethro. He looked just as brave and full of authority like he was before. 

Pagak na humalakhak si Attorney. His eyes are just as pained as ours but somehow, I can feel the rage it holds against us. "So now you kids care about my granddaughter?" 

Hinimas niya ang balbas at sandaling napatingala. Lumitaw ang mapait na ngisi sa kanyang mukha nang sa-isa niya kaming tiningnan. "Mr. Filimon, you swore an oath to serve and protect but you ended up turning your back on the city that made you. Not only that, but you also turned your back on your friends and family, the very people you should've protected. And then you, Silver. You were supposed to be my Granddaughter's best friend. I let her live with you because I thought you were a good person... but I was wrong. All it took was one heartbreak for you to abandon her. And then there's you, Slade. What a shame. I regret ever trusting you because instead of protecting my Granddaughter, you were out there acting like a rockstar. You were having the time of your life at a concert, while my Reika was out there, bleeding to death!"

Attorney's words felt like daggers. And the worst part is that there's truth in what he said.

"How about her parents?!" bulalas ni Jethro. "That's your own daughter! How cruel can you be?!"

"I should ask that to all of you!" Attorney Magno's thunderous voice blared in the corridor, silencing everyone. "Why couldn't you protect her?! Why did you let her die like that?! Her own family and friends!"

He walked away, burning with undisputable rage, leaving the three of us in our tracks. All of a sudden, Slade's fell to the ground, kneeling.

"Slade!" Awang-awa ako sa kapatid ko nang makita ko na naman siyang hinang-hina at lumuluha.

Dali-dali akong lumuhod sa harapan niya at hinawakan ang magkabila niyang pisngi. "Slade, d-don't listen to him! Hindi niya alam ang sinasabi niya! H-he's just looking for other people to blame! Mali siya, okay?!"

"H-he's right..." Slade's lips trembled as he sobbed. "I should've been there with her. "

"No he's not!" Umiling-iling ako, pilit na pinipigilan ang sarili kong emosyon. "Let's just go home okay? It's been a long day, you need to rest! Drummer must be looking for you, too!"

Pilit kong pinapatayo si Slade sa tulong na rin ni Jethro. Slade became too weak and unresponsive kaya halos hindi ko siya mabitiwan. Mabuti na lang at nag-volunteer si Jethro na ipagmaneho kami pauwi.

***

"Anong nangyari?" alalang bulalas ni Mommy nang makita ang nanghihinang si Slade nang pinagbuksan niya kami ng pinto. Mabilis niyang inalalayan si Slade papasok at pinaupo sa sofa.

Umiling na lamang ako. Baka kung ano pa ang gawin nila ni Daddy kapag nalaman niya ang pinagsasabi ng Lolo ni Reika kay Slade. They hate him enough for stealing Reika's corpse.

"Kumusta na ang pakiramdam mo?" tanong naman ni Daddy sa akin at malungkot na pinagmasdan ang mga benda ko sa braso.

I forced myself to smile. "Parang kagat lang ng langgam."

"Honey, tubig!" sigaw ni Mommy kaya mabilis na nagpaalam sa akin si Daddy at tumakbo sa kusina para ikuha si Slade ng tubig.

Lumapit sa akin si Mommy at hinawakan ako sa kamay. "My poor baby... Pumasok ka muna rito at--"

"I'll continue to stay at the hotel. I can't stay here." Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa mga paa kong hindi man lang makuhang pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Dito pa lang sa labas, napakarami ko nang naalala. Lalo tuloy akong nangungulila sa kanya.

"O-Okay..." Nanubig ang mga mata ni Mommy, siguro ay naiintindihan niya ang ibig kong sabihin. 

"If that's what's going to help you feel better." Lumapit sa akin si Mommy at marahan akong niyakap dahil na rin sa mga benda ko. "Ihahatid ka namin sa hotel--"

"Stay with Slade," bulong ko sa kanya, pinipigilan ang sarili kong maiyak sa harapan niya. "Please keep an eye on him," sabi ko na lamang.

I don't have the heart to tell her about what Slade did while trapped in that burning room.

"Si Drummer po pala?" tanong ko.

"Nasa taas, natutulog. Umalis kasi sina Abbey at Rico," Si Dad ang sumagot na kababalik lang. "'Wag mo nang isama ang bata, kami na muna ang bahala sa kanya. Magpahinga ka lang doon. Tumawag ka kaagad kapag nakarating ka na."

Pagkatapos makapagpaalam, umalis na kaagad ako. Nasa restaurant pa ang sasakyan ko kaya naisipan kong mag-taxi na lamang. Habang naghihintay, nagulat ako nang biglang huminto sa tapat ko ang sasakyan ni Jethro.

Naguguluhan man, binuksan ko ang pinto. "Hey, nandito ka pa pala. Ba't 'di ka pumasok?"

"I didn't want them to get the wrong idea," aniya dahilan para sandali akong matigilan.

"Saan ka pala pupunta?" tanong pa niya.

"Mom and Dad's using my room so I'm staying at the same hotel," sabi ko na lamang.

"I'll drive you," aniya pa kaya tumango ako at pumasok. 

Hindi nagsasalita si Jethro habang nasa loob kami ng sasakyan kaya naman pilit akong nag-iisip ng mapag-uusapan namin. Ayokong magka-ilangan kami. We should be friends just like the good old days. This is what Reika would want.

"Mabuti at okay pa ang steering wheel mo?" biro ko sabay turo ng malaking yupi nito.

Hindi siya kumibo kaya napairap ako at humarap na lamang sa bintana. "Nice talking."

"It's just a dent," aniya.

I took a deep breath and sighed, trying to control my temper. Humarap na lamang ulit ako sa kanya at ngumiti. "I'll send you a list of medicine for your knuckles tapos bumalik ka bukas sa hospital. 'Wag ka na ring--"

"I told you not to smile at me," he said coldly, eyes still on the road. "It would be better if you'll stay away from me, too."

I gasped, taken aback by his words.

"Do I really make you feel that uncomfortable?" I spat out angrily, facing him with an eyebrow raised.

"No, and that's the problem." He breathed a sigh, glancing at me with a blank expression on his face. "You're being so nice to me, and I'm scared that one day, I'll get the wrong idea."

Nabigla ako sa sinabi niya kaya napaharap ulit ako sa direksyon ng bintana. Naramdaman ko agad ang biglang paninikip ng dibdib ko at pag-init ng mga mata ko.

"I-I'm sorry..." I swallowed hard, trying to stop my voice from breaking. "I was just trying to be a good friend."

"And I don't want to be just a friend," he said, making my heart skip a beat. 

"When did I ever want to be just a friend to you?" he added.

//