I tried to keep a straight face during Reika's memorial. Everyone that she ever loved was able to attend, except for her horrible Grandfather. God knows where that old man is and where he hid her corpse.

Lahat ay nakasuot ng itim, kagaya ng paboritong kulay ni Reika. Lahat ay malungkot at lumuluha, sa kabila nito ay may ngiti sa kanilang mga mukha habang pinag-uusapan ang mga alaala niya. 

Nasa kitchen ako at abala sa pagti-timpla ng kape nang bigla na lamang pumasok ang lumuluhang si Haji.

Halata ko ang pagpipigil ni Haji sa paghagulgol. Mukha siyang isang batang sinisinok habang lumuluha. Lumapit na lamang ako sa kanya at niyakap siya nang mahigpit habang tinatapik ang likod niya.

"It's okay, Haji. Don't hold back. Just cry it out." I looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep myself together. 

"I..." Tuluyan siyang napahagulgol. "I was so rude to her the last time we talked. P-parang namura ko pa siya... H-hindi ko dapat ginawa 'yon..."

Umiyak siya nang umiyak kaya pinikit ko na lamang ang mga mata ko nang mariin. "K-kilala ka ni Reika. She doesn't hate you. That girl loves you. Not as much as she loves me, but she loves you."

Lalo siyang umiyak at nanginig dahil sa sinabi ko. "S-Silver!"

Bumukas ang pinto at nakita kong pumasok si Stacy na namumugto rin ang mga mata. She smiled apologetically and grabbed Haji by the arm. "Hey, Silver is busy. Tara, doon na tayo."

"It's okay." Tumango ako pero tipid na ngumiti si Stacy at umiling. I appreciated the warmth in her gesture. 

"Iinom tayo pagkatapos..." Mangiyak-ngiyak na pagyayaya ni Haji.

"Shh!" Marahang saway ni Stacy at ngumiti ulit sa akin na para bang humihingi ng tawad para sa inaasal ni Haji.

Hindi nakainom pero mukhang lasing si Haji sa kalungkutan. Walang kabuhay-buhay siyang naglakad palabas ng kusina habang inaalalayan ni Stacy. 

Nang tuluyang mapag-isa, hinang-hina ang mga tuhod ko kaya napaupo na lamang ako. Huminga ako nang malalim, paulit-ulit. Nang parang nakabawi na ako ng lakas, pinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa. 

Dala ang tray ng mga kape. Lumapit ako sa mga magulang ni Reika. Tita Abbey hasn't slept and ate for days, Tito on the other hand is restless in his fight to get Reika's corpse. Nakaupo sa pagitan nila ang umiiyak na si Drummer pero sa kabila nito ay kita ko pa rin ang kalituhan sa mga mata niya. Tito already told her that Reika's dead but he just can't seem to understand everything. Maybe it's because he's only five and this is his first time dealing with it.

"Silver, maraming salamat." Tita Abbey held my hand weakly. She couldn't even fake a smile.

Tumango ako. "A-anything for family."

Inabot naman ni Tito ang balikat ko at tinapik ito. The soft look in his eyes is enough for words.

Ayokong maiyak sa harapan nila kaya mabilis akong nagpaalam at lumapit sa iba pang mga mesa upang maghatid ng kape. Nang dumako sa mesa ng mga kaibigan namin, lalo pa akong nahirapan nang makita ang mga luhaan nilang mukha.

"Kaninong anak 'yan?" tinangka kong ibahin ang usapan nang makita ang sanggol na karga nina Riley at Benjie.

The two of them looked at each other with tears in their eyes. "Ours."

Riley looked at me smiled while wiping his tears. "Reika rescued her the other night and entrusted her to us. Ninang ka sa binyag ha?"

Marami akong gustong itanong pero mas pinili kong tumango na lamang ako. Pilit nila akong pinapaupo para magpahinga pero nagbibingihan na lamang ako. They volunteered to help as well kaya hinayaan ko na lang.

Makatapos makapagtimpa ng panibagong batch ng mga kape, tumungo ako sa mesa ng mga ka-trabaho nina Tito Rico at Tita Abbey. Hindi man nila masyadong kilala si Reika, dumalo pa rin sila bilang pakikiramay. Habang paalis sa mesa nila, bigla akong nawalan ng lakas sa mga paa ko at bumagsak ako sa sahig.

Broken glasses and hot coffee scattered on the floor. Nahihilo man, tinangka ko pa rin pulutin ang tray pero bigla na lamang may humawak sa kamay ko.

"Napaso ka ba?" tarantang tanong ni Jethro at doon ko lang napansing nasaba pala ng kape ang kamay ko... pero sa kabila nito ay wala akong naramdamang kahit na ano.

Jethro sighed as he wiped the liquid off my hands.

"Let the others handle this, okay?" he said softly.

Wala akong lakas para makipagtalo kaya tumango na lamang ako at hinayaan siyang alalaayan ako papunta sa mesa na kinaroroonan nila. Pinaupo niya ako sa isang bakanteng upuan at mabilis akong tinabihan nina Ronie at Riley.

Niligpit ng iba ang kalat na naiwan ko samantalang pinunasan naman nina Ronie ang mga kamay ko gamit ng wet wipes nila.

"Sabing magpahinga ka na eh!" parang nanay akong pinagalitan ni Ronie. "Nabasa ba ang damit mo?"

"Silver naman eh, baka mapano ka niyan?" bulalas naman ni Riley at saka inabutan ako ng tubig.

Habang nagpapahinga, bigla kong napansin si Sawyer na nakaupo sa isang tabi, nakatulala habang lumuluha. Magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong ayaw ko siyang suntukin dahil sa sama ng loob na idinulot niya kay Reika, pero kung tutuusin, pare-pareho lang naman kaming dinismaya si Reika hanggang sa huli.

***

Everyone took turns standing on top of the stage to talk about Reika for her Eulogy. It was bittersweet getting to hear everyone talk about their love and good memories with her. Ang sarap masariwa ang mga alaala niya, pero napakasakit dahil sa huli iyon na lang siya, isang alaala.

Sa isang iglap bigla kong narinig ang palahaw ni Reika at ang pagmamakaawa niyang mabuhay pa. Mabilis akong nakapikit at natagpuan ko ulit ang sarili ko sa gabing iyon, nang matagpuan namin siyang nag-aagaw buhay.

Idinilat ko ang mga mata ko at pinagmasdan ang mga kamay kong nanginginig. Kitang-kita ko ang bahid ng dugo ni Reika at ramdam ko ang init nito sa palad ko.

"Silver, your turn." I flinched and closed my eyes shut. Nang dumilat ulit ako, wala na ang dugo sa mga kamay ko. 

As I stood up the stage right next to Reika's photo, I couldn't help but smile with contempt. "Do you know what's funny? Reika De Juan doing whatever she could just to see all of us together in one place again. We didn't give her that until it's too late."

Napatango-tango ako. "She succeeded though. She was finally able to gather us together at one place... pero kompleto na nga tayo, wala naman siya." Napatingin ako sa litrato ni Reika at pagak akong napahalakhak. "Nangako ka na walang iwanan diba?"

Napailing na lamang ako dahil sa nasabi ko. Mali iyon. Kami nga pala ang unang umiwas. Kami ang unang nang-iwan.

Huminga na lamang ako nang malalim at bumuntong-hininga. 

"My Reika De Juan was more than just a friend to me, she was my sister. Hell, we were even closer than my brother. I was her Villafranca #1 while my brother was Villafranca #2," I joked as I wiped my tears. "Tulungan pa naming inaaway at kinukulit si Slade. I kinda think she loved me more than she loved my brother," biro ko pa. 

"She was also very supportive, so supportive that she let me practice pricking needles on her arm, kahit halos mamutla na siya sa daming beses ko siyang natusok at nakunan ng dugo. Tapos every time may kaibigan siyang nai-injure, she'll call me right away para raw maka-practice ako ng wound dressing. Knowing Reika, she kept doing that for two reasons: Because she wanted me to learn and improve, and the fact that she wanted her friends to be safe and well at all times." I gasped, looking at Reika's photo while trying to stop myself from crying. "But Reika De Juan isn't Reika De Juan without her shenanigans. There's one time she gave me a plate of oreos, but it turns out to have toothpaste instead of the usual cream! Imagine her effort, separating the biscuits just to scrape the cream off and replace it with toothpaste. There was also this one time Reika and I both got drunk, so drunk that we accidentally entered the wrong car thinking it was Sawyer's! Hiyang-hiya kami dahil nagsisigaw pa talaga ang babae, akala niya carjackers kami."

Somehow my heart felt a little lighter, especially when I saw the smile on Tito and Tita's faces. Slade was right to have this tribute for Reika.

I looked at my brother and saw him smiling but it wasn't enough to hide the emptiness in his eyes. 

He's trying to hide it but I can tell there's a void in his heart left by Reika's death. I don't even know if I'll ever get to see the old him again.

***

Pagkatapos ng memorial, isa-isa nang nag-uwian ang mga bisita at pati ang pamilya ni Reika hanggang sa barkada na lang ang natira.

They started drinking just like the good old days but I couldn't bring myself to take a sip.

Everyone started sharing their fondest memories with Reika. 

"Naalala ko no'n, nanonood kami ni Reika ng concert tapos todo cheer siya sa akin na mag-crowd surf daw ako. Siyempre, takbo agad ako sa stage tapos tumalon sa audience. Walang sumalo sa akin at kahit siya, umilag din!" Lucho shared kaya nagtawanan ang lahat. Ako naman ay napangiti lang.

"Wala 'yan!" Humalakhak si Ronie. "Last year yata 'yon? Nagsimba kami tapos sabi niya, tawagin ko raw 'yung lalake sa harapan namin. Tinapik ko ang balikat ng lalake para kunin ang atensyon niya tapos ang hayop na si Reika, biglang nagkunwari na walang kaalam-alam sa mundo. Para kaming tangang nagtitigin ng lalake!" Tawanan lalo ang lahat.

Habang kanya-kanya sila ng kwento, biglang lumapit si Chewey. "Guys, may nawalan ba ng cellphone?"

Napatingin kaming lahat sa kanya.

"Patingin nga?" tanong agad ni Heath.

Iniangat ni Chewey ang cellphone na hawak at sa isang iglap ay biglang napaluhod si Sawyer sa sahig, tila ba tinakasan ng lakas. Nagulat kaming lahat lalo na nang biglang umiyak si Sawyer.

Doon ko lang napagtanto na ang cellphone ay pagmamay-ari ni Reika.

***

Iilan na lang kaming mga natitira sa restaurant para magligpit. Umakyat ako ulit sa stage upang kunin ang litrato ni Reika na kuha noong nasa Montival Island kami. It's a candid photo of her smiling while admiring the ocean. She looked so beautiful with the sunset glowing in the background. 

Hindi ko napigilang mapatitig sa litrato niya. 

"Ang daya mo. Ang daya daya mo," I whispered. 

"When was the last time you took a rest?" Hindi ko namalayang nasa tabi ko na pala si Jethro. Gaya namin, namumugto rin ang matamlay niyang mga mata.

"Let me talk to that slashed faced bitch and I might." I couldn't help but glare at him. "Stop being a hypocrite and let me fucking talk to her. It's been two fucking days already."

"I know you're angry but--"

"Angry?" Pagak akong napahalakhak. "Angry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. My best friend was murdered by some random crazy girl. I didn't just lose Reika, I lost Slade too. My brother is still breathing and walking around but he sure is a dead man without her."

Jethro hung his head low and I saw him reach out for my trembling hand. I quickly took a step back.

"Are you even doing anything to give Reika the justice she deserves? Are you even doing anything to find Magno at all?" I couldn't control my temper anymore.

Jethro closed his eyes shut. "Reika's Grandfather ordered us to back off. May sarili siyang task force na pinakilos sa paghahanap kay Magno."

"Let me guess?" Sarcastic akong napangisi. "Attorney Magno probably blackmailed your Father into letting him do his own thing? And you, being the most obedient son in Filimon Heights, followed your Father's orders again just like the good old days huh? What a great friend you are, Jethro Filimon."

"I'm sorry..." Muli niyang sinubukang abutin ang kamay ko kaya iniwasan ko ulit ito.

Malamig akong napatitig sa kanya.  "If you really are sorry, let me talk to that bitch and stop keeping me in the dark. I deserve to know what's going on."

"She's the only lead we have. I know this sounds fucked up but we can't let anything happen to her while Magno is still missing. Don't hurt her... yet."

***

Paglabas ng restaurant, nanghina agad ako nang makita ang sidewalk kung saan namin natagpuan si Reika. I can still see her lying there in a pool of blood while begging for her life. 

Nakatayo malapit rito sina Riley at Slade. Nakatitig silang dalawa sa mga kandila at regalong inilagay ng mga tao bilang pag-alala kay Reika.

"Are you sure about this?" tanong ulit ni Jethro.

"Shut up, Filimon." Inunahan ko na lamang siya sa pagsakay ng kotse niya.

My heartbeat ran wild while inside Jethro's car. He's taking me to see the woman who took Reika away from us and I can't wait to put the hurt on her. I don't even care about going to jail anymore. 

"What do you know about her so far?" tanong ko nang magsimula siya sa pagmamaneho.

"Reika's Grandfather recognized her as Vicky... our childhood friend," kalmadong sagot ni Jethro habang maya't maya akong sinusulyapan.

"Vicky?" Nakunot ang noo ko. "I only know one Vicky from Reika's stories but she's dead."

"'Yan din ang hindi namin maintindihan. Vicky's alive all this time..." Napatulala si Jethro sa direksyon ng kalsada kasabay ng pamumuo ng luha sa kanyang mga mata. "Kirsten was right..." pabulong nitong sambit sa sarili.

"Ano?" Napasinghap ako. Hindi ko masyadong narinig ang sinabi niya pero nang binanggit niya si Kirsten, bigla kong naalala ang pagtatalo nila ng Daddy niya nang araw na hiwalayan ko siya.

"Don't tell your brother about this. Ilang beses na niya akong pinakusapan at pinagbantaan para lang makaharap niya si Vicky," aniya.

"Yeah... you better not. Slade will kill her in a heartbeat. I don't want my brother to become a murderer," sabi ko naman.

Kung gusto kong patayin ang Vicky na iyon, ano na lang kaya ang kapatid ko?

"I don't want you to become a murderer too so don't do anything stupid." Napatingin sa akin si Jethro.

Malamig akong napangiti. "Never again."

I'm done being kept in the dark. I'm done being swayed by his lies. I'm done with his manipulative ways. Never again.

//