chapter theme: still remembering - as it is

8:30 AM

Reirei:

Humabol kang elemento ka

I swear to God if you bail, I will never forgive you

I will break-up with Slade!

Ay erase! erase!

I will stop being your friend!

10:56 AM

Silver:

Plane just landed

on the way to the ferry

Reirei:

Salamat naman!

Sunduin ka namin sa Pier

Silver:

Rei, 'yong pinag-usapan natin please

That's my only condition for coming to Montival Island for this wedding

Reirei:

We won't make it awkward for you and jethro

You broke up and we get it

We all moved on

We're too old to poke fun of your failed relationship

Please just get your ass here

Minsan lang tayo makompleto

Silver:

Okay

I'll take your word for that

Reirei:

Btw, they're planning a surprise for Piper when she arrives tonight

You'll be playing the piano

Silver:

It's been a while since I played

Reirei:

Get your ass here then so you can practice

See you, Elemento!

Silver:

Sino mga nandiyan?

Reirei:

Hindi ako baliw para isa-isahin sino mga nandito

Silver:

Sarap mo talagang kausap

Reirei:

That's why you love me

Silver:

Sino nga nandiyan?

Reirei:

Jethro's here but don't worry, he moved on already

it won't be awkward if you won't make it awkward

Silver:

I moved on too 

I don't care about him

Reirei:

GOOD

Silver:

Good

Pero rei

Reirei:

Ano???

Silver:

Nandiyan ba si Colette?

Reirei:

Wala

Wala nga kaming balita sa kanya. 

Mariin akong napapikit.  Hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin sa akin ang kinahinatnan ng pagkakaibigan namin ni Colette. Hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanya. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan kapag nagkita kami. I miss her so bad but I know she hates me to death. And I understand why.

If roles were switched and Reika was on Vanessa's situation, I don't know how I'll cope.

***

"Rei!" Hindi ko naitago ang ngiti ko nang makita sina Reika at Slade sa pier. Dali-dali akong nakipag-unahan sa pagbaba ng ferry habang hila ang maleta ko. Ilang buwan na rin mula nang huli ko silang makita. Our families tend to go out of town together when there's celebration. At dahil out of town, nakakasama ako.

"What the hell did you do to your hair?" bulalas ni Reika habang nanlalaki ang mga mata, laglag ang panga.

"Wig ba 'yan?" tanong naman ni Slade.

"Mga siraulo." Natawa na lamang ako. "Matagal na akong nagpagupit. Nakatali kasi lagi sa tuwing nagvi-videochat tayo kaya hindi ninyo halata," dagdag ko pa.

My idiot twin brother poked my hair curiously, trying to see if its real.

"Damn, mukha ka nang si Dora." He gasped.

"Dora na walang bangs at kulot ang dulo," hindi pa rin makapaniwalang sambit ni Reika.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Match made in hell talaga ang dalawang 'to.

Sakay ng rental car, dumiretso kami kaagad sa isang Villa na nagsisilbing isang hotel. Kinakabahan man, hindi ko napigilang mamangha nang makita ang napakalaking gusali na animo'y isang victorian mansion. 

Mayroong itong isang napakalaking hardin na tadtad ng naglalakihang mga topiary at gazebo. Sa tingin ko nga ay dinesenyo ang kabilang parte ng garden para maging isang maze dahil sa naglalakihang mga halaman.

Sa gitna ng hardin ay isang napalaking fountain. Tiyak akong napakaganda nito lalo na sa gabi.

"Silver?!"

Napalingon ako at otomatiko akong napangiti nang makita ko sina Lucho at Braylee na nagtatakbuhan patungo sa direksyon namin. Gumraduate na lang at nagka-trabaho, para pa ring mga bata ang mga ito.

"You'll break my bones!" biro ko lalo't halos pigain ako nang mga ito nang yakapin nila ako. 

"Dapat lang! Ilang taon ka ring di nagpakita!" Really chimed in and joined our hug.

Para na akong maiiyak kaya pilit kong pinigilan ang sarili ko. Masyado ko silang na-miss. 

"Nurse Quack!" Umalingawngaw ang isang napakalakas at pamilyar na sigaw.

Sabay-sabay kaming napalingon sa terrace ng villa at nakita ang isang grupo ng mga lalakeng nakaupo sa isang bilugang mesa. Masyado silang malayo at masyado ring nakakasilaw ang liwanag ng araw kaya hindi ko mapin-point kung sino-sino ang mga ito, pero isa lang ang nasisiguro ko, si Haji ang hayop na tumatalon at kumakaway-kaway habang tumatawag sa akin.

Ngumiti ako at nagtaas ng kamay, pero natigilan ako nang bigla kong naisip na maaring isa siya sa kanila. 

"Since when have you been friends with Haji?"

Nagulat ako nang bigla na lamang nagsalita si Denver na nakatayo sa isang tabi habang nakapamulsa. Bumubuntot na naman siya kay Braylee, as expected. But what I didn't expect was him, striking a conversation with me. 

"Ang lamig bigla." Reika acted like she was shivering. 

"Oo nga eh, nag-uusap kasi ang mga yelo," kantyaw pa ni Lucho.

"Ang sabihin ninyo, mga masasamang elemento," Riley chided.

"Hey, that's just how they talk." Braylee giggled as she clung to my arm. "Pero bear, tama sila, parang ikaw ang kambal ni Silver at 'di si Slade."

Denver just smirked and shook his head.  Puchangama. Ayaw rin kitang maging kakambal uy!

"Aray naman bubbles, nandito ako." Humalakhak si Slade at ginulo ang buhok nito. 

"Hey! Ako lang dapat ang tatawag sa kanya ng bubbles." Bumusangot si Reika kay Slade.

Natawa na lamang ako sa mga kalokohan nila. "I missed you guys a lot, but I heard from a little demon that I'll have to play the piano tonight. Is there any place that I can practice?"

***

"Wow this is so fucking awkward," natatawa kong komento nang makitang nasa isang maliit na stage ang piano, at ang stage na ito ay nasa gitna ng dalawang grand staircase. Everyone will literally see my play because I will be on top of the staircase.

"You've played at bigger venues." Slade patted my shoulder. "And to think you were just a kid back then."

"I wonder how your life would've turned out if you pursued music instead of nursing," Reika mused with a smile. "Damn, you would've been famous."

"But not as great as I am," Slade smirked, placing his arm around Reika's shoulder, trying to get her attention all to himself. Para talagang bata.

"Elemento, pwede mo 'yang mapagkakitaan." Reika grinned, ignoring Slade. "You can be a pianist or a music teacher. Pero siguro ang creepy mong tingnan, mamaya mapagkamalan kang multo ng mga students mo."

Humalakhak si Slade. "Yeah, your students would freak out."

I glared at them and pointed away. "Umalis na nga kayo. Magpa-practice pa ako."

"Hanggang ngayon pikon pa rin," Reika gloated and handed me a music sheet. "Sabi ni Riley 'yan daw ang tutugtugin mo mamaya. If you have any questions, ask him. Siya ang organizer eh."

"And while you're practicing, maglilibot muna kami sa isla." Slade grinned and winked.

"Hala sama ako!" protesta ko pero pinagtawanan lang ako ng mga demonyo. 

***

I kept glancing at the music sheet as my fingertips danced against keys. I should be nervous, but for some reason, my heart is at peace.

Noong una ay medyo na-conscious pa ako dahil napapatingin sa akin ang mga bisitang dumadaan sa hagdan o sa lobby, pero kalaunan nasanay na ako at hinayaan na lang sila. Siguro nga sanay na rin ako dahil bata pa lang, tumutugtog na ako sa harap ng maraming tao.

I found myself humming and smiling along with the music. It had been years since the last time I played. I always claimed that playing the piano was a burden to me, but the truth is I've always loved playing the piano. 

"Sabi mo 'di ka pupunta?!"

All of a sudden, something hit the back of my head. I slammed forward, pressing most of the keys together.

Mabilis akong umikot at tumingala. Parang umakyat ang lahat ng dugo sa ulo ko nang makita ang nakangising mukha ni Haji. 

I glared at him and tried to throw a punch to his abdomen. He caught my fist and held it as he sat right next to me, laughing maniacally.

"Sumabay ka kaya sa amin ni Kuya na mag-gym?" pang-aasar niya. "Habang tumatagal, lalo kang nagiging lampa. 'Di mo man lang ako narinig na umakyat dito sa hagdan?"

Marahas kong inagaw ang kamay ko at sinuntok na lamang siya sa balikat. "At habang tumatagal lalo kang nagiging isang puchangama."

Lumingon si Haji habang may ngisi sa kanyang mukha. "Jethro, baka gusto mong turuan ng self-defense 'tong si Silver ko?"

My heart instantly hammered at the sound of his name.

I turned around only to see Jethro, standing by the door with the same cold and blank expression. I almost didn't recognize him with his overgrown hair and stubbled jaw. He's still wearing his usual thick eyeglasses and polo shirt, but something about him still looked different. Maybe it was because he got skinnier and taller, or maybe because something about him just felt different now.

I've always imagined how I'd react once I get to see him again. In my mind, I always practiced what to say and how to act. In my mind, I always questioned whether I should act casually or formally. 

God knows how much I dreaded for this day to come.

Haji suddenly cleared his throat, freeing me from the clutches of my own reverie. 

I looked at Haji, our faces only inches apart. 

He smiled at me and nodded as if he's assuring me that everything will be okay and that he'll always be right beside me. This is the side of him that only a few would get to witness, and I'm glad to be one of them.

Armed with newfound courage, I turned to look at Jethro again, but before I could even do anything, he nodded and walked out of the door.

I gaped, my eyebrows furrowing. 

"Nagselos ba 'yon?" halos pabulong kong tanong.

"You're too assuming, Silver." Humalakhak si Haji. "Akala ko ba nasabi na ni Reika sa'yo na naka-move on na 'yon?"

"Alam ko, nagbibiro lang ako," bawi ko agad sabay ngiti. "Masaya nga ako na naka-move on na siya."

"Does that mean you'll come back to Filimon Heights?" He grinned. 

"Don't push it, Bumbay." I pressed my lips together, squinting my eyes.

"Ano ba kasing problema at ayaw mong bumalik?" He sighed and scratched his head like a little boy.

"Just because." I shrugged and continued practicing instead.

***

Reika was right when she told me things wouldn't be awkward. No one asked or talked to me about Jethro, ni walang bumanggit ng kahit na ano tungkol sa naging relasyon namin noon. Kung tutuusin, parang wala ngang nangyari. 

Nagtipon-tipon kaming mga babae, kasama si Riley, sa iisang kwarto para magbihis at mag-ayos para sa surprise ball para kay Piper. It was really fun catching up and hanging out with them just like the good old days. Kahit papaano, nakalimutan ko ang mga dinadala ko.

"Hindi ako sanay sa short hair mo! Hindi ka na mukhang si Sadako!" biro sa akin ni Riley habang inaayos niya ang zipper ng suot kong champaigne dress. 

"Should we call her Happyako?" Braylee giggled, rolling on the bed.

The entire room fell silent and we all looked at her with a blank expression.

"Dahil takot ako kay Denver, tatawa ako," Ronie said, letting out a forced chuckle. 

"Hoy Braylee, makukunot ang dress mo!" Napapadyak si Riley. "Reika, I-braid mo na nga ang buhok niyan!"

Reika crossed her legs and let out a sultry smile. "Kiss muna."

"Ako?" Bumangon si Braylee at ngumiti, excited na tumingin kay Reika.

"Pwede ka rin." Reika shrugged and raised both of her arms, welcoming Braylee.

Braylee beamed and came running towards the bed where we're sitting at. Tumalon ito patungo sa aming dalawa ni Reika at salitan kaming hinalikan sa pisngi. "I missed seeing you girls together. Toyo at Suka!"

Kapwa kami napangiwi ni Reika at nagkatinginan.

"Ikaw ang may toyo," I mouthed.

***

"Silver my best employee pero secret lang dahil baka gulpihin ako ni Ronie!" Inalog-alog ni Cohen ang magkabila kong balikat nang muli kaming magkita. Gusto kong maging masaya dahil ikakasal na siya pero hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng lungkot para kay Apollo. 

"Nurse na ako ngayon, umayos ka sa'kin," pabiro kong pagbabanta. 

"Nurse pero mukha pa ring multo," Haji chimed in, appearing with a glass of champagne on his hand.

Pasimple kong nilibot ang paningin at nakita kong nakatayo sa dulo ng lobby sina Denver at Braylee, nagbubulungan at nagtatawanan. In a crowded room, the two of them seemed to have a world of their own. 

I placed my arm around Haji, my subtle way of preventing him from turning around. "'Di bale nang mukhang multo, basta hindi mukhang diablo gaya mo."

"Whoa... Ba't may paakbay?" Natatawang lumapit si Apollo. "Mukhang totoo ang chismis."

"Anong chismis?" Haji grinned and I felt his arm wrap around my waist. "Na mukhang bangkay 'tong si Silver."

"Na ikaw ang magiging bangkay." Sawyer approached, holding a glass of champagne just like Haji. Aga-aga pero mukhang mag-iinuman na sila.

"RIP Bumbay." Magno chimed in, patting Haji by the shoulder.

"Guys! The bride is coming!" biglang lumapit si Riley sa amin, seryoso ang mukha at halatang work-mode na. "On your positions!"

"Akyat ka na doon!" Halos mapamura ako nang pabiro akong itinulak ni Haji. Kung hindi lang talaga ako nakasuot ng dress, natadyakan ko na siya.

***

I poured my heart out as I played for my friends. I may not be the biggest fan of their matrimony, but at the end of the day, both of them are dear to me and I will always support their pursuit of happiness. 

"Good job, Elemento." Sinalubong ako ni Reika ng yakap nang lumapit ako sa mesa nila.

Halos isang oras din akong tumugtog sa itaas, mabuti na lang at may dumating na local pianist at ito ang pumalit sa akin.

Tinanggap ko ang baso ng champagne na inabot sa akin ni Reika at yumakap ako sa bewang niya. "Medyo namali ako ng konti, halata ba?"

"Nah, it was perfect," sabi naman ni Slade.

Masyado akong natakot na magkamali kaya hindi ko masyadong nakita ang mga nangyayari sa paligid. I focused my entire attention on the keys and on the music sheet. 

"Holy crap, bakit nakaluhod si Denver?!" Biglang bulalas ni Reika kaya sabay-sabay kaming napalingon.

"Oh my God!" Umalingawngaw ang napakalakas na tili ni Riley. Rinig na rinig naming lahat dahil naka-lapel pa ang puchangama.

I froze when I realized what was going on.

In the middle of the room, Denver was kneeling right in front of Braylee with a little red box on his palm. He had the happiest smile on his face while looking at up her. We were far from them so we couldn't hear his voice, but we were sure that he just asked her to marry her.

Braylee was in tears but she had the biggest smile. She nodded, almost screaming the word 'Yes'.

Denver quickly stood up, hugging and kissing her before our very eyes.

I should be happy for them, but I know that their happiness comes with someone's heartbreak.

My eyes immediately searched for Haji and I found him on a table with Sawyer, Magno, Apollo, and Jethro. Everyone was clapping their hands, except for him.

My heart sank when I noticed his pale and emotionless face. His hooded eyes stared down at the table as he roughly grabbed a glass of drink.

For some reason, my eyes went on Jethro's direction, and I caught him staring at me with his cold pair of eyes as he drank on a glass of champagne. I had to look away.

My heart was beating intensely and I could feel that my hands are already trembling.

"Haji, hinay-hinay lang!" I heard Magno say.

Mabilis kong ininom at inubos ang baso ng champagne na hawak ko.

"Ang sarap magmahal, lasang wasak!" Haji laughed.

I held my head high and with every might, I walked towards their table. When I got there, Jethro was already trying to stop Haji from drinking.

"Let him be," Apollo commented, and just like Haji, he had the same broken look while looking at Piper's direction.

"No," sabi ko dahilan para mapatingin sila sa aking lahat. Kahit sina Magno at Sawyer ay natigilan dahil sa paglapit ko.

I could feel Jethro's gaze but I focused my attention on Haji. 

Mabilis kong hinawakan ang kamay ni Haji at hinila siya palabas ng Villa, walang buhay naman siyang sumunod. My steps were firm and fast while his were light and stiff.

I dragged him to the garden and pushed him to the giant bushes where no one could see us. He fell down on the ground, his watery eyes are still in a state of daze.

Wala na akong pakialam pa kahit madumihan ang suot ko, umupo ako sa tapat niya at hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kamay niya.

"A-alam kong mangyayari 'to pero ang sakit pa rin pala." He smiled, tears falling from his lifeless eyes.

I bit my lip and nodded. I don't want to cry right in front of him so I closed my eyes shut.

Part of me has always questioned why Haji won't tell Braylee about how he truly feels, and I get it now. All along, Haji was just sparing her from the burden of a one-sided love story. 

"I.. I should be happy for them... I should be happy for my friends," he stammered. I could hear his breathing getting ragged by the second.

I opened my eyes and saw that he was already covering his mouth his clenched and trembling fist. Tears kept falling from his eyes and I could tell by the tightening of his chest that he's having trouble controlling his emotions.

Binitawan ko ang kamay niya at hinawakan siya sa magkabilang pisngi. I lowered my head to look at his eyes directly. "It's okay. I'm here. Just let it all out. I'm here."

My words were enough to break his last defense.

Haji broke down in tears, despite this, he tried so hard to smile. Seeing him in this state broke my heart. I was no longer able to stop myself from crying.

 I hugged him tight, caressing the back of his head.

Haji melted in my arms. He buried his face on my shoulder as he cried.

//