Chapter Nine:

Side Effects

"Loving is one of the bravest things a person can do."

Maya Granger

The ride back from the lake was spent in the usual comfortable silence. And like before, Ryder held my hand. However, unlike before, he was back to his usual self, and for that I was grateful.

I sneaked a glance at Ryder, and found the fool smiling like an idiot, as he watched the road ahead of us.

Smiling contently, I continued to watch the scenery we passed by, as the sun set behind us, painting the sky with pink, and orange.

By the time we reached my house, the sun had disappeared, in its place was the moon and twinkling stars.

Reluctantly, I took my hand out of Ryder's and undid my seatbelt, then reached for my back-pack on the floor. For a few seconds, I simply sat there, lost in my thoughts, hugging my bag to my chest, and fully aware that I have Ryder's full attention. I can see him watching me, studying me, from the corner of my eye.

Finally, after a few more seconds of silence, I slowly turned to him, our eyes meeting.

I smiled, then said, "Thank you."

"For?" Ryder asked, raising a brow.

"For trusting me. For telling me. Also...I'm sorry for your loss."

He smiled softly at me, before I was gently pulled into his strong arms. The position was kind of awkward seeing as the stick shift was between us, and I was still hugging my bag, but I wasn't complaining. Not when it felt like that was where I was suppose to be; in his arms.

He pulled away and held me at arms length. "I'm the one who needs to thank you, Maya. Before I met you, I would be spending this day locked away in my room trying to deal with the pain alone." His eyes glazed over, before a lone tear fell down his cheek. He chuckled, "Seems like I'm not done yet..."

Automatically, my hand came up to cup his cheek, and wiped the tear stain away with my thumb. Then, like before, without thinking, I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, then slowly pulled away. Ryder looked at me with wide eyes, and suddenly, the air felt hot, thick. My heart pounded louder and faster than it has ever before, as Ryder started to slowly lean in, his eyes flickering down to my lips, then back up to my eyes. I backed up a little, knowing exactly what he wanted, and it scared me that I also wanted it; maybe more than he did.

Then, there was something, something in his eyes that made me stop backing away, made me stop running. Made me slowly close my eyes as our noses touched, made me anticipate the warmth of his lips on mine. And when finally, finally he kissed me, a wave of new feelings overcame me, making me want more; making me responed to the light brushing of his lips, and turning it into a more heated kiss.

More, just more.

I came back to my senses when my back hit door with a rather loud thud, making Ryder swiftly pull back. His eyes held worry as he asked, "Are you okay? Does it hurt? Where does it hurt?"

"I-I'm fine..." I stuttered not really sure what to say after that.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." I nodded quickly, before averting my gaze from him. Our position was really weird. Ryder was half way over to my side of the truck, one hand supporting his weight against the dash board, while the other remained on my cheek.

"So, yeah...I'll go now." I said, more to myself, before pushing against his chest. Without waiting for a reply, I picked up my bag again, which had fallen back the floor sometime during our heated kiss, and quickly opened the door, stumbled out, then slammed the door back shut on a surprised Ryder.

I ran up the drive way like hell hounds were at my heels, and entered my house. Once the front door was shut close, I leaned against it, my breathing laboured as my pounding heart filled my ears.

"Scary..." I muttered under my breath, clutching at my chest as I slid down to sit on the floor. To think my heart, my mind and entire being wanted that, was truly scary. And it was all because of one person. I knew if I stayed in that confined space with Ryder for another second, I would be the one initiating the next one. The next kiss that was sure to come if I remained with him.

Screwing my eyes shut, I tried to calm my ragged breathing and racing heart, before trudging up to my room, ignoring my mother's call for dinner. My stomach was still doing back flips I doubted I could keep anything in it, so skipping dinner, and my nightly bath, I changed into my pajamas, took out my contact lenses and went straight to bed.

***

I quickly regreted going to sleep on an empty stomach the next morning, as I found myself making a nutella sandwich at six o'clock, large, dark circles under my eyes.

I may have went to bed early, but that didn't mean I got my daily dose of sleep. The scene from Ryder's truck kept replaying in my mind like a broken record, making me toss and turn.

Mindlessly, I chewed on my sandwich as I sat on the barstool at the island in our kitchen, a glass of orange juice, and an empty plate in front of me. I looked up to the clock and found it has been thrity minutes, and I was still on the same sandwich.

Sighing, I placed the sandwich back on the plate, and took a sip of the juice, just as Nick came stumbling in, his shaggy brown hair pointing in every direction. His plain white shirt was half way down his abdomen, showing off his barely-there six pack that I know he'll have once he hits sixteen.

I watched as he headed straight for the refrigerator, rubbing his eyes, and running smack into it. I barely managed to contain my laughter as he sat on the kitchen floor in a daze, before shaking his head and glaring at me.

"Well good morning to you too, sis." He grumbled, standing back up.

"G-Good morning..." I managed to greet back in between my laughs. "Oh my...that was a killer...wish I had my phone..."

"Yeah, yeah whatever..." he grumbled, as he took out the milk from the refrigerator and taking a swig from it. Mom walked in just then already dressed for work, and smacked the back of his head with the morning's paper.

Nick flinched, almost spitting out the milk in his mouth, then started coughing, pounding his chest with his fist.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop drinking from the the gallon, young man?" Mom chided, retrieving a glass from one of the cabinets, before placing it on the counter next to the refrigerator where Nick stood still coughing.

"Morning, Maya," mom greeted me with a kiss to the forhead.

"Morning, mom." I greeted back.

"Are you feeling better now?" She asked, as she took out a box of frosted flakes. "You didn't eat last night, so I'm a bit worried."

I smiled sleepily, then answered, "I'm fine, mom."

Mom was already dressed for work. A simple black pencil skirt, a crisp, white blouse under a black blazer.

"Good morning everyone!" Dad's voice boomed through the kitchen, and we all flinched at the level of loudness, as he made his way over to Nick who was pouring the milk into the glass mom gave him.

Like mom, he too was already dressed for work, except it wasn't as professionally as mom. Whereas mom works as a Real Estate agent, dad works at our family's auto repair shop, and was dressed in a pair of grease-stained blue-jeans, and a blue V-neck shirt.

I watched as dad took the gallon from Nick, and drank right out of it, earning him the same punishment my brother got from mom. "Just because you're the man of the house, it doesn't mean you can do as you please, mister!"

Mom handed dad another glass, and dad took it from her with a sheepish grin. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and mom's eyes glistened with love. I knew then that dad was forgiven. I smiled fondly at my parents display of affection.

I wondered how mom was able to cope with the side effects of loving someone. Does her heart still race just having dad nearby? Does her stomach still do back flips whenever they kiss? Does dad's simple display of affections still make her fall deeper, and deeper in love with him?

Mom noticed my gaze on her, and she gave me a questioning look. "What's wrong, Maya?"

Immediately, dad and Nick turned their attention to me, their discussion over the best football team momentarily put on hold. I chuckled uneasily at being put under the spot light, before answering, "I-I just wanted to ask you something..."

Dad and Nick was still watching me.

"What is it?"

I looked over to the two males of my family, then back to mom, who somehow got my silent message.

"Alright boys, out!" She announced, clapping her hands together twice.

"Why?" Dad and Nick asked in sync.

"Because it's time for some girl talk between Maya and I." She explained, as if she was talking to kids.

"We can handle it," dad said, but at mom's narrowing-of-eyes technique, both he and Nick quickly left the kitchen.

"Now," mom walked over to me, taking a seat on the barstool next to mine, turning her full attention towards me. "What's going on?"

Unable to keep it in any longer, I began talking, explaining everything from accepting my feelings for Ryder O'Connel, to being scared of them. And through it all, mom simply nodded, and listened while I rambled on.

"...I mean, I like him...maybe even love him, but it's scary! It's scary what one look from him can make my heart beat increase, and my stomach do back flips! It's scary that there's no logical explaination as to why I have to feel this way just because I love him! I mean, it's simply terrifying!"

I took a deep breath after my long rant, and mom chuckled.

"Mom?"

"Oh, honey..." she smiled warmly, comfort immediately washing over me. She took my hands into hers, then looked straight into my eyes. "You've really fallen far, haven't you?"

I tilted my head to the side, unable to understand her words.

She went on. "It comes with the territory, hon. There's no logical explaination to it, because love itself is unexplainable, and unique. Love isn't something that can be solved with a formula, or be put into scientific terms. Love is simply that; love. We can't know how long it'll last, but if you truly love that person, you'll make it last, the both of you. Love happens to both parties, so I am sure that whatever you feel, Ryder feels as well."

"How do you know Ryder loves me?" I asked. "That he's not playing around? That he's not misunderstanding his feelings for me?

Mom smirked, then winked. "Mother's intuition."

"But how can I control my feelings? I feel like I might die of a heart attack if my heart continues on like this." I looked to mom with hope that she'll at least have some kind of remedy for me.

"You don't." She answered bluntly. "Not if you truly love him."

With a pat on my head, she stood up and went back to her morning routine, leaving me to my thoughts.

So basically, I will have to live with the side effects of loving Ryder O'Connel.

Right, easy as pie.

Not.