The anxiety of glass closet door,

I don't want you to feel as it,

Here I have to close my eyes and pretend,

Wondering if you know the things,

Battling the wars, and closing all those doors,

Just to have this one locked,

But yet you can see me and won't let me in.

I'm not sure if I can ask for an apology,

Because it took me so long,

Even just to turn the lights on.

The anxiety of the repeated habit,

The nervous tic, and the panic it set in,

I don't feel like I can ever really get through,

Don't you understand that,

 I'm not sure she ever did exist,

Self destructive and toxic to taste,

Don't you understand it's not an innocent presence within me,

Tearing up myself more than the world,

But still I can't help but cause such a landslide,

I can't help it,

No I can not,

Is it all I need?

Or if it's just want,

The anxiety of feeling like somehow,

I was burning down the whole time,

And I'm still hiding from you,

You say that you really don't care,

And you just want to be a family,

But at times this being still seems dead to you,

Saying the last few years,

You have worried about me,

And don't you understand,

That I haven't ever felt much more that,

Noticed but dead to you,

Saying you don't care,

Appears like you never really knew,

I know you count stand to see the kid,

Thinking of blood,

With tears in his eyes,

Pretending those scars are in my skin,

But can not dare,

Knowing the devil,

So full of evil,

Was an angel,

Never thought,

Knowing I was built strong,

I didn't need an apology,

I have tried for so long,

I'm the one you've worried about,

And I still find myself,

Unable to tell you,

All that has become of me,

But I still feel like I'm dead from your side.

-Joshua Banks JJAJ