I am sick and tired,
Of being quiet,
My mouth glued shut,
And yet I'm the one that glued it shut.
I can't even stand up straight,
I'm not sure I ever did.
And yet,
Here I am,
Waiting,
Mistaken,
Unforgiven,
I have started to be so loud,
It's a white silence,
That screams out loud,
I'm not sorry,
Tearing off the glue,
That's been holding my shoulders down,
I never made it,
As a quiet murmur,
Hidden under the noise of everyone else,
And it was today I told the class,
I hate that name,
As the teacher let it slip again,
I turned around and let the fact,
Of being called a sister,
And last year's soccer season slip,
For some reason,
I can't help but feel like that is the reason,
I've worn through the glue,
Are you understanding any of this yet,
I've become so methodical,
In that hiding,
Even if it means heat hot enough,
To send my head into overheating,
And I keep wondering,
Why I'm getting dizzy spells,
And I've sweat enough to dehydrate,
That's just some friendlies anxiety,
But you don't know the rest,
I can't make it through the day,
Without feeling clean,
I can't tell if hiding my body,
Or what my head tells me,
Is the worse kind of lying,
Isn't it stupid,
I'm scared risking the silence,
At the end of the day,
But in the beginning, I told the class,
I have begun to hate that name,
Why the hell did it get hot enough,
To burn the glue,
Keep waiting for the moment it burns out at home,
Couldn't cut it,
Being silent,
Now I'm so uncomfortable I hate to say something,
And every day I feel like I'm dying,
Like what's the purpose of burning,
And it sends me home crying,
Because I can not at all ever seem to get myself to make noise all the time.
And yet I was once told sorry was a board game,
And I shouldn't ever say it.
This is why I've begun to live by it,
I can only tell you I'll do better next time,
Because I can't change the past,
And all I have is my legacy,
All these new found morals,
And I wonder why,
I have begun screaming all of this lately?
-Joshua Banks JJAJ