Chapter 3: I Look Like a Zombie off The Walking Dead

Songs for this chapter:
Sacrifice- Zella Day
Born This Way- Lady Gaga
You Don't Know Me- Allison Iraheta
Better Than Me- Hinder
Tic Toc- Kesha
Dirty Little Secret- The All American Rejects
Talking Body- Tove Lo

Peytons POV

I immediately found Clair and Sophie who were still talking to Ansel. By the looks of it Clair has had way to many drinks and is ready to take Ansel home with her. I hope she's not one of those clingy drunks, they are so annoying.

"Hey guys where's Meghan?" Leave it to Meghan to wonder off at a movie premier.

"I don't know she went to the bathroom like 15 minutes ago and never came back." At least Sophie sounded sober.

"Okay I'm gonna go find her please don't let Clair leave your side." I glarred at Sophie and slightly smiled at Ansel. I should be asking for his picture but right now I needed to find Meghan.

I knew she wasn't in the room but I also had no idea where else to look. I went back outside to where the red carpet was pretty much clear of all celebrities. I pulled up a picture of her on my phone and asked a few people if they had seen her but of course none of them had. I walk back inside and make my way to the theater where the movie is being screened. I doubt they would let me in yet but I had to try.

"Excuse me miss but only the stars of the movie are allowed in there right now." Great now what?

"It's fine she's with me." It would be just my luck that he would be here.

"Of course Mr. James, miss" he said looking at Theo and then me, "go on in, my apologies." That guy was trying way to hard to be nice.

"You didn't have to do that" I walked in front of him hoping he wouldn't follow me.

"You know most people would say thank you for the help." Why does he never give up?

"Yeah well I'm not most people and I don't like the help." Hey the truth for once. I really did hate it when people helped me, the only people I've ever let help me is my grandparents.

"Oh trust me I can tell that your not like most people," What did he mean by that? "What did you need in here for any ways?"

"First you don't know me and second I'm looking for my friend Meghan, have you seen her?" I show him the picture of her and he shakes his head no. Of course he hasn't he's been to busy stalking me. "See your no help anyways."

"Ok first you may think that I don't know you but I do and second now that I know who you're looking for I can help." He said the first part in the same tone that I did. Ugh he was so frustrating. And what the hell did he mean by 'he knows me' I can guarantee that he doesn't know a single thing about me.

"Fine but only because I have no idea where I should look."

"Theres a VIP room behind the theater if she's not there than I don't know where she could be." He is leading me down a dimly lit hallway and if I wasn't me I would be completely terrified right now. He opened the door and I half expected it to be a dark room and this is where bad things would happen but the room was actually bright and full of people from the movie. I noticed Meghan sitting with Shailene. Seems like we have all made new friends tonight.

"Thanks for the help but I found her now so you can go back to doing whatever you were doing before you started annoying me."

"Not yet I want something in return." He lightly grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear.

What?

What could he possibly want?

"I'm not going to have sex with you." Of course he would want what every other guy wants from me. Normally I would agree and then after making out with them for a few minutes make up some excuse to leave. I know I sound like a slut but I've actually only slept with 3 guys.

"What? I don't want to have sex with you Peyton, why would you even think that?" He looked hurt and surprised, I didn't understand his reaction one bit.

"Because your a guy, I'm a girl it's what happens." I shrugged because I know the truth, guys may say that they want more than sex but in the end that's all they end up wanting.

"I don't want to have sex with you." Ouch that actually hurt. Obviously he could tell that I was hurt by that. "That's not want I meant, I just...um would you.... I meant I'd like to take you out on a date first."

"First?" I knew he didn't mean anything by it and it was actually really sweet but it would never work. "Sorry but I don't date."

"Oh come on we could even call this a date." the sad part about this was that he was completely serious. Looks like its time for a bit of honesty.

"Look Theo your a great guy and I'm sure that you would make a great boyfriend, just not my boyfriend, you're to good for me honeslty. You deserve to be with a girl that can be honest with you and that's not me. I'm a mess, my life is literally one huge pile of dog shit and I'm not going to drag you into it. I wish that I wasn't like this, that I could fix myself or...." Before I could say anything else his lips were on mine and the room went silent. I pulled away almost immediately. I say almost because well it was Theo freakin James and who wouldn't want him to kiss him.

"Peyton you don't need to be fixed you are the most real person that I know, you are perfect and someone needs to show you that."

"That person isn't going to be you." I know I'm the biggest bitch on the face of the planet and literally everyone would hate me but Theo really was to good for me. He didn't deserve my games that I would play. I know that all I would do is hurt him. I hated that I couldn't have a normal relationship but I hated it even more that I felt bad about hurting him. I turned around and walked out of the room before anyone could see me cry. As soon as I got to the bathroom I locked the door and called Sarah.

"Hey sis whats up?"

"Are you busy I can call back?" I can hear people in the background I know shes getting ready for a fashion show but I didn't figure she'd be busy at 1 in the morning.

"No we just had a problem with one of the models but Joe can handle it, whats wrong?"

I start telling Sarah everything that happened tonight and its funny that I can guess her reaction before I even tell her. Sarah is an amazing fashion designer but she is even better at giving advice. Five years ago I wouldn't have been able to say a damn good thing about Sarah because up until Aaron's death we hated each other, but now I couldn't imagine anyone else who I would be sitting on the phone crying to while at a movie premier.

"Sweetheart you have got to stop pushing everyone away. I'm not saying go in there and agree to go on a date with him, sure he's Theo James but still you are in no position to have a relationship."

"Sarah I know, that's why I said that, because I didn't want to hurt him, normally I don't care about guys feelings but I cared about him. Not in a way that I could like him you know just as a friend. You know how Aaron did that face when you told him something bad, the face that was like I'm just pretending to judge you, well Theo made that exact face and then after that all I could picture was Aaron. I think that's why I tried to get away from him because I don't want to go thorough that." I had started crying again but this was worse because now I had all of these thoughts about Aaron.

"Peyton it's been 5 years, Aaron would not want to see you like this, you need to move on with your life." I hung up on her, she had no idea what it was like, none of them did, they weren't close to him like I was. Everyone has a hero well Aaron was mine and the day that he got taken from me will forever haunt me.

In 10 days it will be the 5 year mark that Aaron has been gone, normally I take the day off from school, shut the whole world out and drive to his favorite place, but seeing as it's 1500 miles away I knew that wouldn't be happening. Instead I will most likely skip school and eat noting but chocolate ice cream. March 23 is the one day a year that I completely let myself go.

After 20 minutes of sitting in the bathroom crying about how horrible my life has become I finally decide that this can't be me, at least not in public. I can count on one hand the amount of people that have seen me cry, and one of those people is dead, I'm not letting that change today. I reapply my mascara and put on the perfectly posed face I always pretend to have. I used to think that if I acted happy for long enough eventually I would just believe the lie. Sometimes it seems to be working and I actually feel happy but then when I'm alone all of the memories and the pain come back.

I walk out of the bathroom and luckily the hallway is empty but that also means the movie has already started. I text Sophie, knowing that she will have her phone on her.

How long ago did the movie start?  I'm standing outside the door, I would feel completely awkward just barging in but I also don't want to miss the movie. I decide to wait until I get a response from Sophie. No way am I embarrising myself after I've just been crying in the bathroom.

Like 5 minutes ago hold on.  As soon as I read the text, the door next to me opens.

"You okay" Sophie looks concerned even though I nod my head yes, but she knows that this is not the time or place to ask me a million questions. "Okay then come on we saved you a seat."

We walk in and our two best friends are sitting just a few rows up. As we go sit next to them they both squeeze my hand. They don't have to know what happened to tell that I'm upset but they also know not to ask. I know that I should tell them, not just the stuff about my brother, but the stuff with my mom, and my best friend, and everything that happened that summer at my uncles beach house. None of those things have anything to do with each other but to this day I still can't decide which is worse.

This night has been nothing but drama, sadly that is the story of my life, but I will not spend the rest of the night regretting my past. I will save that for a rainy day and right now I will enjoy this movie.

***

"Rise and shine little miss hung over."

"Go away and turn off your brights and stop yelling at me."

"P you look like shit, here drink this." Yumm coffee, its such a wonderful smell but I can't open my eyes because Sophie still has her brights on. Brights? Did I really just say that? Oh god how much did I have to drink?

"I feel like shit what happened last night?" I have a feeling that I don't even want to know. I remember getting trashed at the premier party that we got invited to. Of course it was Theo who invited us and of course I did not want to go but after all three of my best friends practically begged me to go I couldn't say no. So I did what I do best, get drunk.

"Nothing out of the ordinary, although you did get Theo to leave you alone by the end ofthe night."

"O god what did I do?"

"I have no idea you guys were dancing and then in the middle of the song he just left."

"What do you mean left? Like he left the party?"

"Yep, I'm just as confused as you are, after he kissed you I thought everything was going good but not even 20 minutes later he left."

"What do you mean he kissed me?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Sure I remember him kissing me at the movie premier but Sophie didn't even see that. As much as I hope shes talking about that kiss I know she's not.

"You don't remember anything do you?"

"No..... UGHHHH" I flung myself back on my bed, this was way to much to process at 9 in the morning considering I probably have the worst hangover I've ever had.

I hear Sophie mutter something that sounds like call him as she's walking out of my room but I'm already on the verge of unconsciousness and I have zero energy to respond to what she said. I know I should be figuring out what the hell happened last night but right now all I wanna do is sleep the day away.

***

It's 5 in the afternoon when I wake up again. My head is only slightly throbbing and my eyes are actually allowing the light in. I walk into my bathroom glad that only Sophie has seen me today. I look like a zombie off The Walking Dead, its not a pretty sight. My hair has some red sticky stuff in it, it literally looks like there could be a rat in it, and my makeup has left my eyes and made its way down my cheeks. Was I crying last night? This is not fun, I literally can't remember anything after the four of us girls sang karaoke. I do not recommend getting this drunk to anyone, blacking out is not worth it.

After a long hot shower I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and go out to the kitchen. I have been starving since I woke up but the hot water felt so good that I ended up taking a 40 minute shower. Mainly because I wanted to scrub off what ever happened last night, oh and because I had to freaking wash my hair three times just to get that shit out. I still didn't want to know what it was. Walking into the kitchen I realize Sophie isn't there. I thought about texting her but it seems I can't find my phone, this just keeps getting better.

I have this weird thing that I do where I have to eat some kind of breakfast everyday no matter what time I get up. I just feel that breakfast has to be my first meal that I eat. I know its weird but think about it, who can just wake up and eat a bowl of spaghetti, its just gross. After making my ham and cheese omelet with my side of bacon I go sit down at the breakfast table. It's weird being here alone especially at this time. Usually we are almost never home.

I wander into the living room but there's nothing on TV. I can't sit still when I still have no clue what happened last night. This is literally going to drive me insane. I can't take it anymore I have to go for a run. I'm changed and out the door in less than 5 minutes. I love the neighborhood that we live in, its a perfect distance from the park. Luckily we don't live on campus.

Very few things can calm me down and running is one of those things. I take a detour on my way to the park thinking that maybe I will find Sophie at the strip mall down the road or the Chinese restaurant across the street. As I near the mall I slow down so that I can look inside her favorite stores but unfortunately I don't see her. As I'm starting to head across the street to take an extremely quick look inside the Chinese restaurant, I hate the smell of Chinese food, I hear my name being called from behind me. Its definitely not Sophie's voice.

"Hey P, I heard you got completely trashed at some Hollywood party last night."

"Where'd you hear that from?" I turn to look at possible the hottest guy I know.

"Soph, she called me earlier and told me that you couldn't remember anything."

"Yeah apparently I was all over Theo and he kissed me but I don't know I really can't remember anything."

"Wait you were all over some guy or some guy was all over you?"

Why does he sound jealous? Sure we just hooked up last weekend and he's one of the guys that I've actually slept with but this is nothing more than a friends with benefits type of thing.

"You know you shouldn't get that drunk when I'm not around to take care of you." He mostly sounds like hes flirting but I also catch a hint of sincerity in his voice.

"I don't need a guy or anyone else for that matter to take care of me."

"Whoa calm down I didn't mean it that way, don't get all serious on me now." Phew, I let out a silent sigh, I'm glad that he doesn't take this seriously either.

"Fine then what are you waiting for?"

"My place or yours?" His face lights up in the most sinful grin, he enjoys this game as much as I do.

"Yours idiot, Sophie lives with me remember, she'd kill me if she knew about this."

"Fine lets go babe." He puts an extra emphasis on the word babe and throws an arm around my shoulder. He knows that I hate being called any pet names.

"Watch yourself or you wont be getting laid tonight."

"Damn your sexy when your angry."

"Ugh you're so annoying." I shake his arm off my shoulder and shove him away from me but within seconds he goes right back to the same position.

"P can I ask you something?" He looks at me waiting for me to give a response, usually I just ignore his questions but the look on his face is making me curious, I can always lie if I don't like the question. I have become an expert liar so I shake my head yes. " Okay why don't you want anyone to know about us?"

"Us?" I stop walking immediately "Did you seriously just say 'us'? There is no us don't even go there."

"P what we are doing kind of makes an us even thought its just casual."

I see what he's saying about there being an 'us' but I only half believe his explanation, lucky for him I'm in no mood to discuss it.

"Fine its because you're disgusting and I'd rather wear last seasons Gucci bag then have people know about this."

He starts laughing so hard that he is almost crying. Its times like these that I completely understand why the girls are obsessed with him.

"Like you give a shit about anything Gucci now stop lying and just tell me the truth."

"I'd just rather not tell anyone okay now shut up before I make you take me home." The real reason has more to do with Sophie than it does with me. No she's not in love with him I am not that bad of a friend, she actually thinks hes an arrogant pig, sexy as hell but a pig no-less. The reason I don't want to tell her is because she will tell me how stupid this is and she will try to get me to stop but to be honest its the distraction in my life that is keeping me in line, as messed up as it is, its the only thing that I feel like is helping. I know its just the sex part that helps and keeps me distracted but hey at least its not a different guy every week right?

"Fine I'll just keep thinking that you want me all to yourself, I can't blame you I'd want me to."

I roll my eyes, usually when a guy has confidence it's sexy, but not when its him. It actually makes him less attractive, but not much hes still gorgeous as hell, not to mention a complete sex god.

This little fling has been going on for almost 6 months now and I know I should stop but honestly its my escape. Dance used to be my escape but now its sex, what does that say about me?

Derek is a great friend and he never makes me talk if I don't want to it's all about the sex with him, which neither of us mind. Sure I've considered him as a possible boyfriend once upon a time but then I got to know him and realized that he's an even bigger game player then me. That's why we get along so well because we are always playing games, and I don't just mean with each other. It probably makes me a horrible person to be this way and I'd like to change but to be honest all this shit from my past has caused me to be this way and I have yet to find a way to let it all go. I had hoped that getting into this little fling with him would cause me to fall in love with him, just like in the movies, but that didn't happen and now I'm starting to think that I can't be fixed. I"m glad hes not the one to fix me though because he's definitely not boyfriend material.

We walk the rest of the way to his apartment in silence. He shares it with some jock named Logan but lucky for us he's never home and the only time I see him is at school. I have always found silence comfortable because its better than people talking and asking questions that I don't want to answer. We walk into his apartment and I head straight for his room.

"I'm going to take a shower you wanna join me?" Why is he being so clingy today? A shower is way to intimate, no way in hell am I doing that with him. This might be a surprise but there are a few things that I'm saving for the guy that I will fall in love with one day. That guy will never be Derek.

"No definitely not I'll take one when I get home can we just get on with this whole sex thing." I wasn't one to waste time. Time, another thing I was saving for the love of my life.

"Way to kill the mood, here I am trying to be a bit romantic and you just want to fuck and leave."

"That's what we always do why would it be any different today?"

"I don't know I thought maybe you would want to talk."

He wants to talk? I'm not totally sure because I've never done this friends with benefit thing before but isn't the time to get out the time that one person says they want to 'talk'? I had a bad feeling about this when he started talking about there being an 'us' and now I know that something is up. I'm not sure if I should just ignore what I'm thinking or call him out on it. Or maybe I should just end this, but could I even do that? I honestly don't think I could especially when I know what next week is.

"Just shut up and screw me until I can't walk anymore please." That was a bit vulgar even for me but I don't care right now I know that he can't pass up sex with me and I'm going to use that to my advantage right now.

He runs a hand through his dark shaggy hair and I notice how is blue eyes instantly become darker. Next thing I know he's kissing me with so much aggression and lust and for a split second I am in awe of him. He is the one person in my life right now that can make me forget everything. Of course that's only when we're having sex but when you have as much sex as we do it works in both of our favors.

He's kissing me and our breathing is shaky and all I can see is the lust he has created. He puts his hand under my shirt and its not long before hes taking it off and shoving me back on the bed. This is how I like it, there's no talking or random confusing questions just me, him, and the lust. I am completely lost in the moment. He slowly slides my shorts off and he trails kisses all the way from my neck down to my hips. This is getting to personal and I don't like wear its headed.

"Take your pants off and get inside of me before I walk out that door."

He stands up and rips off his shorts not even phased by what I just said. Now he's the one not wasting any time as he goes deep inside me and I remember the exact reason why this makes me forget everything.

"Stay the night with me please?"

"No way" I'm not one to lay around and cuddle after sex, another first that will not be happening with him. I get up off the bed only minutes after we both reached our breaking point. I get dressed and bolt out of the door before he can even say anything else. This will probably have to be our last Horrah anyways so might as well not waste any time by lingering around his apartment.

It's starting to get dark out and I decide to take the long way home. I love this time of night when the sun is setting over all the ridiculously expensive houses. It makes this city even more beautiful. I feel a wave of calmness wash over me. Its odd how some things can just completely make me calm like this but I know I worry to much so I'm not going to complain. I know it will take over an hour to get home and Sophie will be freaking out but I need this time to myself. Time to think about everything in my life.

Most people look at me and think that I have this perfect life, they see this amazing dancer who has the potential to be anything in the dance world, they see this beautiful and loving family that has more money than they know what to do with, and they see all of these friends that would literally do anything for me. I know what they see isn't a lie but its nowhere near the whole truth. Sometimes I wish that I could just tell someone everything, someone that doesn't already know, but every time I think I trust someone enough to let them in they do something that makes me do the complete opposite. Over the years I have perfected the art of shutting people out. It should make things easier because then you don't get let down when they betray your trust but honestly it just hurts more and more each time I watch someone walk out of my life.