Maggie -

I wasted no time rushing off to the office, I've always thought the best therapy was a long drive and good music, however, I'm not so sure it will be as therapeutic with all of this traffic.  Red lights shine in bumper to bumper traffic and I wonder if it would have been wiser to wait an hour. 

I check the mirror at the cars piled up behind me and decide to take a shortcut to the office.  There's a long road along the canal that takes you straight to our office from downtown.  There are hardly any street lights.  The twists and turns add additional mileage, but it's also empty and soothing. Jackson discovered it, of course, always looking for any way to avoid people.

I roll down the windows and allow the wind to rush through my hair, the night air smells like wet concrete as the first drops of rain begin to fall.  The clouds above look wild and angry as red streaks of sunlight make their way through the cracks. 

I arrive quicker than expected and waste no time running up to my office to discover a stack of manuscripts piled on my desk.  I feel as if I'm always backed up with work at this job, how can they expect me to read so many full-sized novels at once?  

Although it feels like I should be stressed, the thought of spending the weekend locked inside with Jack, surrounded by good books sounds like a dream.  I quickly gather the stacks of paper in my arms and make my way to the exit.  I don't want to risk running into anyone, I'd rather not answer mindless questions about my day or plans for the weekend.

I won't let my mind wander to what happened today, I can't.  I don't have the mental capacity to deal with it yet, but I promise myself I'll begin to heal after this weekend. The only strength I have left comes from Jackson. 

The cracks and crevasses my father has carelessly left in my life and heart have been carefully filled to the brim with Jack's love. Despite the disappointment of this morning's outcome and the once possible but suddenly ripped away relationship that could have been, I feel whole knowing I'll never be alone as long as Jackson is by my side.

My phone rings for the second time in a row and I glance at the screen to confirm it's my mother again.  I roll my eyes in irritation.  She can't wait to find out what happened with my father- Or the man who was once my father. I can just imagine crying to her, explaining everything that happened and being told a simple, 'I told you so.'

I cringe just thinking about it as I exit the building and make my way towards my car. I pass the Scottsdale Palace and glance in. I don't recognize anyone working, even the bar has a new bartender.

I think back on my time at the club and out of all my memories, the most prominent is the night I met Jackson. It was the start of it all, even though it ended up being my initiation to their scheme, I can't find myself regretting a single second.

The rain starts to come down harder abruptly ending my reminiscent thoughts, so I pick up the pace and attempt to make it to my Hyundai before I'm drenched.  It's no use, I'm soaked before I'm even halfway to the parking garage.

Great.

Arizona is mostly known for its dry weather.  We hardly experience rain but when we do, it's usually a disaster.  Harsh rainfall comes abruptly causing flash floods that ruin roads, destroy cars and anything else left out in your yard. I've even seen a monsoon steal an entire street's trash bins. 

The storms here do millions of dollars damage a year, frankly because our hard desert ground can't absorb that much water.  Oddly enough, it's not monsoon season, it's just a freakish day all around.

On top of all that, I notice as I get in my Hyundai and start the car that my windshield wipers are falling apart.

Great.

I would have taken Jackson's car if I knew we'd be getting a storm.  It only rains a few times a year, yet every single time I need new windshield wipers due to mine rotting in the sun.  

I make my way slowly but surely on the long drive to Jackson's penthouse, weary of the crazy drivers that just can't seem to figure out how to drive in the rain.

By the time I arrive, I'm soaking wet and exhausted and no matter how many times I smacked the dash in desperation, the heater just wouldn't turn on.  I'm always too embarrassed to use Jack's luxury apartment valet since my car is a hunk of junk, so I usually park further down the street. 

However, today I don't have the patience to walk a block in the pouring rain, so I hand over my keys to the valet and immediately walk off. I'd rather not see his reaction when he gets in my mess of a car. 

I take the elevator which is filled with people, dry people no less, and squeeze in next to everyone. I'm slightly embarrassed that I'm dripping wet so I attempt to make myself smaller to avoid rubbing up against anyone.

When I'm close enough to knock on Jack's door I notice it's ajar. I reach for the handle but stop when I hear a woman's voice beaming through the crack. I pull my hand back and debate on walking away, I should trust Jack not enough to eavesdrop. The thought of not listening in quickly fades when I recognize Julie's voice.

"Jack, I just want to talk about what happened with us in Seattle." Julie's words tear through my chest and I hold my breath, careful not to utter any sounds.

What happened in Seattle? How does she know he was even in Seattle? My mind is frantically searching for answers that I know I won't find the answer to.

"There's nothing to talk about." Jackson's voice comes out in a growl, he's on edge.

"Jack, I know you were drunk but I think we do need to talk about it. I need to explain-" Julie's voice rings out into the hall through the small crack in the door and my knees grow weak.

I thought- My brows pull together in confusion.  I thought while he was in Seattle he was feeling the same way I was, depressed, anxious, missing me, but he had his thoughts occupied elsewhere. While I was here in Phoenix missing him desperately, worrying about him and helplessly trying to reach him, he was getting drunk with Julie.

A sharp pain sears through my chest and my breathing begins to falter. It could be something else, maybe I'm not hearing this right.

No. The little green jealousy monster echoes in my head, whispering thoughts of distrust and envy.  He was with her, you heard clearly and there's no misconstruing his deceit. 

I narrowly avoid letting out a disappointed groan, I trusted him. I took him back into my life despite the chaos I knew he was capable of causing, yet he's betrayed me again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice-

"The bar was a mistake, we never should have-"Jackson's voice rings out, this time more vulnerable than aggressive.

"Kissed?" Julie answers the statement he's trying so hard not to utter.

Kissed

Kissed

Kissed

Julie's words ring through my ears and tears sting my eyes, threatening to begin streaming down my cheeks. 

Why?

The only word I can formulate in my mind is begging to be answered, why?  Why would he do this to me? To us? Is it so hard for him to keep it in his pants that one trip away from me and he slips into a deceitful pig?

My chest begins to tighten and the panic that surged through me begins to fuel my anger.  I feel like bursting through the doors and letting my wrath fill the room, yet I wait for the opportune moment to show myself.

"But we did and you can't take it back, it happened. But that's not why I'm here."  She begs with him to let her explain and I'm willing to hear her out.  If you're going to destroy us with your ex or any woman rather, might as well go full-on and let her speak.  Bastard.

My body is fighting a battle within me, my heart is breaking with every spoken word and my mind is filled with rage while my face seers with an angry heat.  My cheeks must be bright red despite the rainwater soaking through my hair and clothes which once had me freezing. Yet my chest is clenched and my breathing is scarce with every inhale wrenching and twisting the knife further into my heart.

The jealousy monster deep inside me echoes further mistrust as I wonder the reason he was in Seattle in the first place.  He had told me he was going on a business trip, a signing tour specifically.  What are the chances he ran into her thousands of miles away, then went to a bar and hooked up with her?  I've been fooled too many times to pass this up as some kind of coincidence.

I've always been patient, kind, and I suppose a bit naive. The last time he fooled me I promised myself I'd never let someone break me down so easily again, yet here we are.  My father this morning and now Jack, with how many times I've been broken I can no longer afford to be this naive.  I can't accept his apology time and time again to have him break my heart repeatedly. This time, I have to leave and stay gone.

"Julie you need to leave, if Maggie finds you here-" Jack starts and I take this as my cue.

I throw open the door and letting it slam against the wall, then take one step inside.  My body fills with rage and I let the heat take over my actions, fury feels better than the grief I'm sure to experience later. I clench my fists so tight that my nails dig into my palms, surely leaving marks.

"Too late." I growl and watch both of their faces drop in surprise.

They are both frozen in shock, staring at me open-mouthed. Jackson is freshly showered, standing in nothing but a fuzzy grey towel low enough to show off quite a bit of his deep v. I choke back the tears that threaten to spill as I look between them.

"Congratulations Julie, you've won." I manage to speak without shedding a single tear, focusing on my nails digging into my palms.

"What?" Julie breathes, still in shock.  I'm surprised her bitch face hasn't shown it's true colors yet. "No that's not-"

"You've won, you can have him." I spit then walk passed them both, shoulder checking Jackson hard enough to send a shock through my body, but I don't let myself stop.

I head towards the bedroom to grab some essentials.  I grab my curling iron, my favorite heels, the envelope with my father's address, anything that I won't be able to easily replace I pile in my arms. I don't plan on ever coming back here so anything that I can't carry out in my arms is lost forever. 

Jack follows behind me and as he speaks I try my best to keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks and attempt to call back the rage that first fueled me to burst into his apartment.

"Maggie, you don't understand let me explain." Jack grabs my shoulders and spins me to face him but I jerk away.

"Don't you ever touch me again." I growl, my words taste like venom.  I slip under his arm and make my way towards the exit. 

"It's not what you think! It wasn't even a real kiss!" He shouts as he chases me out into the hallway and attempts to hold up his towel. What kiss isn't a real kiss?  He wants me to let him explain, but I can't.  I'll just be lured back into his web so he can shower me with his lies then devour me again.

I notice a group of people getting into the elevator and I start to run to catch up.  If I make it, I know he won't be daft enough to follow me half-naked and screaming.  His pride has always been his downfall.  I assume that's why he didn't follow me the first time I left him.

"Maggie please!" He shouts after me gripping his towel tightly as he picks up the pace behind me.

I slip into the elevator already packed with people.  I would normally wait for the next elevator especially considering I'm soaking wet but there's no time.  I embarrassingly squeeze in the front grasping the few prized possessions I've managed to save.

They all stare at me with concern while the doors begin to close in front of us and Jacks voice bouncing down the hall screaming for us to hold the elevator.  I ignore their stares and click the button to close the elevator doors repeatedly.  We all jump when Jack appears with just a sliver of the door left open.

"Maggie, it's not what you think.  I promise nothing happened with Julie-" The elevator doors close, shielding me from his lies and I hear his fists bang on the other side.

The elevator ride is quiet and I know they're all judging us.  I'm sure it's not often they see such a messy breakup in their luxury apartment complex. I ignore their stares and concentrate on the numbers lighting up, signifying which floor we're on. 

Thirty floors later the elevator doors open and I step out swiveling my head in either direction, checking for Jack.  It would be impossible for him to take the stairs that quickly and I know for a fact he wouldn't be desperate enough to show up in the lobby half-naked.  He's got a reputation to uphold and now, he's got Julie to keep him company. 

My foolish heart wretches in pain at the thought, but I shake it from my head and continue moving towards the exit. 

The valet is busy with a line of people requesting their cars and I know if I wait, Jackson will catch up with me and attempt to poison my susceptible ears with more lies.  My eyes lock onto my old Hyundai Sonata clicker that no longer works and while he's distracted I snatch them and begin walking towards the lot where the vehicles are stored.

Large raindrops come down hard, almost painfully and begin soaking everything in my arms.  I'm sure my curling iron is ruined but the envelope that's clutched tightly in my palm is my biggest concern. I tuck it in my bra, hoping to save it from the downpour but my wet clothes offer little protection.

I make it to my Sonata and manually unlock it, toss my only possessions into the passenger seat and begin to back out.  I'm in such a hurry that I realize I'm backing out before I even remembered to turn on the lights.  By the time it takes me to switch them on, my head swivels backward and I stomp on the brakes just before I smash into Jack. 

My eyes widen in shock as he waves his one arm in the air desperately attempting to get my attention.  "What the hell?" I barely manage to breathe.

"Maggie, stop the fucking car." He orders but his aggression fuels my rage and I put the car in drive, leaving him behind clutching his towel in the pouring rain.

Once I've successfully eluded him, the tears that had been threatening to escape roam freely down my cheeks and the salty taste enters my mouth.  Noises I wasn't even aware I could make croak from my throat and I gasp for air but it continues to evade me.

The constant brakes of the busy street drive me crazy and I desperately just want to drive away from my heartbreak in peace.  I'm not sure where exactly I'm going but I'm determined to head in the direction away from traffic, so I take the street that Jackson and I have so often traveled together.

The familiarity of the deserted canal road brings back memories of times Jackson has used this shortcut, our private road to escape the city.  No matter where I go, I'll always have his painful memories following me.  I'm alone, no one to run to and nowhere to go. 

Water pours from the sky, sliding from the slick street into an empty ditch to the right of me and filling the canal to the left.  The only road in the city I'm able to drive where I truly feel a distance from the outside world.

With the city behind me, I feel free enough to let my sobs rack through me, releasing the pain that's been threatening to swallow me whole. My sobbing breaks through the drumming sound of rain and I gasp for air between screams.

My windshield begins fogging up and it's impossible to see where I'm going, even the beaming city lights are dulled. I grip the sleeve of my sweater, attempting to wipe the windshield clean but it's no use.

My phone lights up beside me and Jackson's name flashes across the screen beckoning me to answer.  I ignore the urge to falter and step on the gas, attempting to outrun my endless thoughts.

The world passes around my car windows in streaks of red and white and I roll down the windows slightly, stretching my hand out of the window to catch the raindrops and allow the smell of rain to enter my nostrils. 

My phone lights up again in the corner of my eye and I glance quickly in its direction noticing his name flashing over and over.  I roll my eyes attempting to pass off my hurt as annoyance but my mouth involuntarily turns to a frown and a few extra tears fall regardless.

My weary eyes are back on the road just as my car begins swerving back and forth.  A weightlessness falls over me and it feels as if my car is drifting on water, tires unable to properly grip the tarred street.

I try my best to adjust the steering wheel back in the direction of the road but I've completely lost control as the water washes beneath me. My car starts veering towards the canal that's filling dangerously quickly with rainwater.  In a panic, I slam as hard as I can on the brakes and twist the steering wheel, attempting to correct my deadly mistake.

The world quiets as my body becomes weightless and an unnerving calm washes over me. What feels like minutes is only seconds, as my Sonata flips through the air in a clumsy ballet which is disrupted time and time again by the deafening sound of metal colliding with concrete.

The weightlessness ends and my body is thrown over the steering wheel causing my forehead to collide with the window.

Pain

I awaken to find myself upside down, car still, and blood rushing to my head.  My arms limply hang to the floor which used to be the roof of my car and I force myself to move. With every movement, air is sucked from my lungs and the capacity I'm able to inhale becomes less and less with each breath. 

Pain

My bones ache as I attempt to unbuckle my belt and release myself from this hanging trap but my fingers crack with every movement. I fumble with the strap for what feels like minutes but could only be seconds until I realize it's no use. I want to scream, to beg for help but I know there's no one around.

Pain

My hands hang loosely in a pool of water that's begun to seep in through the open windows and smashed windshield.  A coppery taste pools in my mouth, clinging to my teeth and dripping to the floor. Wetness covers my eyes and I attempt to wipe what I originally thought was rain but it smears further.

Help

My breathing slows, unable to continue gasping for more air to scream, wasting the effort seems pointless.  My throat closes and my thoughts begin to fade, a call for help no longer muddles my mind.

Spots appear in my already blurry vision and the breath that once filled my lungs escapes my grasp. Static fills my mind and a buzzing noise fills my ears as I drift in and out of consciousness, until-

Nothing.

Update coming very soon, I promise!