Despite my strong exit, my insides are crumbling and I have to coerce myself to take each step. 

Please just make it to the elevator. I search inside myself, willing every ounce of strength I have left to move.

I just watched the man I love break down in front of me yet I walked away. Every fiber of my being craves to turn around and run back to him, to collapse, to ask him why, but I won't ever go back.

I know his guilt is the only reason for his tears.  If he loved me he wouldn't have done this to us, or in the very least he would have told me himself rather than humiliating and blindsiding me.

Left, right, left, right and breathe. 

I concentrate on every step to prevent my shaky legs from stumbling. Ever forward, reminding myself to breathe or I'll surely suffocate.

The second I enter the elevator my legs give out and I slide down the shaky metal wall, tucking my head between my knees.  I focus on breathing, so I don't think about the mess my life is becoming.

This isn't happening.

This isn't happening, I'm going to close my eyes and when I reopen them this will all have been a dream.  My body feels numb but tense at the same time and my heart is beating out of my chest.

I close my eyes and memories flog my mind despite my unwillingness to face reality. He told me he loved me, he whispered it so quietly into my ear right before passionately making love to me.  He clutched me in his arms until I fell asleep, only to abandon me with the sunrise. He knew I would discover his lies but rather than coming clean he bribed everyone to hold the secret close to their chests.

Breathe in.

I'm angry, hurt, confused, all of the above and everywhere in between.  One second I feel like crawling under a blanket and never coming back out, then the next I feel like punching my fist through a wall.

Exhale.

His words are whirling around in my head, he didn't want it to go this far. How far was it supposed to go?  Does he regret telling me he loves me?  There's no way he meant those three little powerful words, they must have been a part of his game. How could you possibly do this to someone you loved?

Breathe in.

This game he plays is intoxicating, his plan devious but clever.  Luring a woman into his web until she's enamored with his charm, assuming she's the only one for him until he gets what he wants.  Press, sales, fame, an award, all of the above, she's enamored with him creating the perfect image as he effortlessly plays along with his prey. 

All along, I was his prey. 

My stomach clenches and a nauseous feeling rolls over me as I attempt to breathe.

The snake Alex gave him the idea, fitting.  He would come up with a lying scheming idea to get money.  I knew he was a snake the second Jack told me he was a cheater.  I should have told his wife about the scum she was married to the second I met her. 

Exhale.

I want to know when they came up with this plan and when he decided I would be the girl he'd use.  When did the little game he was playing become real?

I hear the elevator ding and look to see that I'm on the second floor about to reach the lobby. I can't possibly face the world yet so I slam my hand into the bright red emergency stop button.

I try to pull myself off the floor and shakily manage because of the metal 'oh shit' bar on the back wall.  I always wondered why they had a long handle in elevators as if they'll go fast enough that you need something to grip on, but now I'm thankful for it.  I'm leaning against the flimsy metal wall gripping the once pointless handle for dear life.

I release the emergency stop button and continue my breathing exercises as the doors open to reveal the first floor.  As I exit, I keep my eyes trained on the floor.  I don't want to look into the stares of all the people here who are undoubtedly already gossiping about the stupid girl with wide eyes who was so easily fooled.

The first person I've ever loved has betrayed me.  He manipulated me and everyone knew it.  They watched us like some reality tv show, never thinking to speak up and save the silly girl who didn't belong in his world.  I think back to all the warnings and red flags I've turned a blind eye to. 

Christian.

Christian was so adamant that I stop seeing Jackson, but I forced the red flag he waved in front of my face down into a deep corner of myself.   I didn't want to hear it then and I didn't want to hear it when Sam tried to tell me. 

Sam

He practically threw his red flag in front of me begging me to slow down.  My heart begins to break as I remember him telling me not to sleep with Jack until I really knew him.  Like an idiot, I yelled at him and told him he was wrong. 

Jackson

Finally, my mind wanders to the devil himself.
'The innocent girl who just couldn't tear her eyes from the devil.'  I cringe as I remember the way he so wickedly spat his words.

'I can only hurt you if you let me.' He warned me the night we spent gazing at the stars on Lookout Mountain. 

I let him in and gave him my entire world.  I was a lonely girl proudly standing in front of him.  Despite thinking I was a strong, take-no-bullshit woman in control of her emotions, in reality, I was vulnerable and weak and he so effortlessly took advantage.

I finally reach the exit and hear someone's heavy feet running after me.  My heart briefly and involuntarily hopes it's Jackson and it surprises me like a knee jerk reaction, then I scold myself for even still thinking about him. 

I can't help the disappointment I feel when I turn and see Nick was the one chasing after me.   Nick is once again out of breath, panting and clasping a bunch of paperwork. 

"Maggie, can I take you somewhere?  Are you okay?" He asks gasping for air, then straightening himself and clutching his once perfectly gelled hair.

"No and no. I'm not okay, but I will be." I say uneasily then bite the inside of my cheek.  I secretly hope saying it out loud will make it true.

"Maggie, I-" His face is thoughtful as he pauses to decide on the right words. He takes a deep breath, running his hands through his blonde hair and attempts to give me the giant stacks of paper he's holding. "I've got your manuscripts."

I don't make a move to grab them, instead, I fold my arms across my chest and look to the floor.

"I know you won't want to read them now, but I don't want you to walk away for good. Jackson doesn't even really work here, and you can take time to work from home.  Just don't waste this opportunity because of that asshole."  He says as he forces the documents into my crossed arms.  I reluctantly take them and turn for the door.

Nick calls out to me, "Wait, Maggie where are you going?" 

I stop abruptly in the middle of opening the door and don't turn when I respond.  "Home."

I exit the office and head directly to The Palace.  My legs pick up the pace as I think of the only person I want to see right now. 

I burst through the doors of the bar and instantly see Sams's welcoming smile.  He sees the state I'm in and quickly leaps over the bar to wrap me in his arms.