"I'm a virgin."

After the words leave my mouth I instantly meet his diamond eyes to gauge his reaction. 

Jack's face relaxes and he gives me a bright smile which warms my heart, "Are you really? That's brilliant!"

"Really?" I ask unsure.

"Fuck yes, the idea of someday sharing that experience with you and knowing I'd be the only one is really sexy." He says and a faint blush colors my cheeks.

"Come here, baby."  He says as he pulls me back on top of him.

Baby

I revel in the way he made me feel by calling me baby and settle into his chest feeling content and relaxed.  The sun had fallen while we were busy worshiping each other's bodies and the night sky is clear enough to see every star.  It's chilly but I'm warm enough from his body heat.

"So how far have you gone with someone?" He asks as he starts playing with my hair again.

"Not far."  I attempt to avoid the question and play with the buttons on my shirt.

"Come on, don't get shy on me now love.  You just made me come in my slacks, the least you can do is answer some of my questions." He says, then laughs at my deer in headlights look.

I try to hide my embarrassment and look away but he brings one finger to my chin and lifts my face to his.

"Blowjob?" He asks curiouser and curiouser.  I shake my head no and continue shaking it because I know he's not done.

"Have you had your pussy eaten?" Jesus, I cringe at his dirty words but continue nodding no.

I hate that word, I come up with every substitute possible to avoid it.  Hoo-ha, v-jay, anything else for the love of god!  He's so vulgar, how have I not noticed this before?  It appears his vocabulary is much more expansive than just the beautiful words in his books.  I'm sure the blush painted on my face has stained my cheeks by now.

"What the fuck, Mags have you even been touched before?" He laughs.

I'm so mortified I wish I could crawl under one of the nearby rocks.  I start to cover my face with my hands but Jack flips me onto my back and holds my arms above my head.  My eyes go wide and he gives me a devilish smile. 

"Baby, did I give you your first orgasm?" He whispers and presses himself against me.  I can feel him rock hard already.  My body begins to heat up again as I nod a quick yes.

Jack brings his lips to mine and kisses me sweetly.  His kisses are soft and delicate, they're not urgent like before.

"I would have done things differently if I knew." He whispers as he gently sucks the bottom lobe of my ear.  I lean my head to the side to give him easier access and his soft wet mouth lowers to my neck.  A shudder runs through my body and I suddenly come alive again.

I reach under his shirt, rubbing my hands along his smooth chest and caressing his toned pecks.  I start gently dragging the tips of my nails slowly down his stomach until I'm just above the rim above his jeans.  I feel his breath hitch and he presses his erection harder between my legs. Then my fingers slowly trail back up to his neck in a teasing motion.

My breathing speeds up as his fingers reach down to unbutton my jeans and I internally panic.  Does he want to- Are we going to- Do I even want to?

The idea of losing my virginity on top of a mountain in the middle of a starlit sky does sound appealing but I'm not sure if I'm ready.  We're still getting to know each other and he only just started letting me see the real him moments ago.

"I- Are we?" I gasp as his hand slips in my jeans and grazes over my panties that I'm already soaking through. 

Oh god.

"I mean-" My mind is swirling with emotion and I'm gasping for air unable to form coherent sentences. 

"Are we what baby?" He whispers and starts rubbing circles on top of my white laced panties.  "Bloody hell, you're so fucking wet for me Mags."

My body is alive, breathless, begging for more and I want him.  I feel the tantalizing heat radiated from his body and in this moment I know I'm bound for sin. 

"Do you have a condom?" I manage.

"Maggie!" He laughs at the loss of my self-control and presses his lips against my neck never stopping his hand.

"We've got plenty of time for that." He whispers.  "I want to taste you." His dirty words thrill me and I can almost feel the moisture in my panties spread. I'm flustered by the image of his dark head burrowed between my legs.

I prop myself up on my elbows to watch him lift my shirt to just above my belly button then I lift my hips a bit to help him slide down my jeans.  I'm still mostly dressed but I feel so vulnerable and exposed. He takes a moment to gaze at my half-naked body and brings his lip ring between his teeth. "You're so fucking hot Maggie."

I pull him back down to me and feverishly bring his lips to mine, but he places a hand on my chest to slow me down. I whimper a pout because I want him urgently and the corner of his mouth turns up in a smile. 

He kisses my cheek, the tender spot right under my jaw, then trails down my neck and through the valley between my breasts.  His mouth burns over my flesh and with every gentle kiss he places, I silently give him another piece of my heart.

Jackson's mouth continues wandering lower, my ribs, just below my belly button, my hips, but my breath catches when his mouth covers my underwear. 

Oh Jesus- Not Jesus. Oh God- oh not God either.  Oh God please don't be watching this. 

My mind is frantic as I feel his hot breath spreading through my cotton panties trapping the heat beneath them.  His fingers apply a little more pressure and I buck my hips involuntarily.

"You're soaked for me, I can feel it through your panties." He moans as his fingers trace the wetness and a whimper escapes my lips.  I find myself unexpectedly loving the filthy words uttered from his lips.

His fingers slip them to the side and I feel his tongue flush against me.  I gasp in a mixture of excitement and shock, no ones ever had their mouth on me before. He responds to my noises by letting out a soft moan himself and it vibrates through me.

"Jack..." I barely manage to stutter, as I feel a mixture of cool metal from his lip ring and the warmth from his soft lips. 

Without warning, he slips one finger inside me and I yelp.

My body tenses up and my chest begins to tighten from a mixture of anticipation, nerves, and excitement.  What am I doing? These raging hormones that I've ignored for a decade are suddenly bursting to the surface for Jackson, desperate for release.

"Fuck Maggie, you're so tight." He whispers into me. 

I groan and feel my surroundings for something to grip onto but there's nothing here in the desert so I just grab handfuls of his hair.  This causes him to moan into me and the vibration pulses through me once again.

His fingers move skillfully, playing my body like a violin and I involuntarily sing along with the music. The uncomfortableness of his finger fades with each slow pump and starts to combine with the pleasure from his mouth.

I begin to get the same building sensation in my lower belly as earlier and start to squirm and arch my back off the floor.  Jackson however, seems a professional as he simply wraps his arms around my thighs to keep me stationary and continues playing his tune on my body.

I love the sight of him between my legs, the muscles in his arms flexing as he holds me down and his soft chocolate hair lacing between my fingers. 

His diamond eyes fuse with mine, focusing on my every note.  I shut my eyes tight, bucking my hips against him once more until my body stiffens around him and I completely come undone.

My body is limp and shaking but a calm peace runs over my body.  My mind is empty and I can only describe the way I feel as euphoric.  I want to curl into Jackson when I feel him lie next to me propped up on his elbow, but I can't seem to move. 

He gives me a minute to collect my thoughts while he lazily runs a few fingers up and down my arm.  Despite my exhaustion, my body reacts eagerly to his touch, trailing goosebumps behind his fingers. 

"Alright, love?" Jack asks after he catches his breath.

"Mmm, Good."  Is all I can manage.  He laughs and I try again, "Perfect."

I turn my head in his direction and give him a goofy smile.  I'm sure I look like a hot mess but I don't care right now, I feel amazing.  I feel like I've bloomed under his caress into a woman.

"Best. Date. Ever."  And I absolutely mean it.

Jack kisses my temple and slides me closer to him.  We lay there for what seems like an eternity in a comfortable silence just gazing at the stars. 

I don't want to leave but I check the time on my phone and realize it's 10 pm and my stomach begins to growl. 

"You hungry?"  He asks after listening to my stomach complain. 

We've been here for a long time and I haven't even eaten anything since lunch.   As if my stomach wants to respond on its own we hear another rumble from it and we both laugh.

"I guess that's a yes."  He says as he stands up and reaches for my hands to help me up.

Our path back to the car is lit up by the city skyscrapers and moonlight.  Even though the sight before us is beautiful, I can't help but feel a little sad.  Jackson and I really connected for the first time.  It feels like this was a safe oasis for us and we're heading out into the danger zone. 

I know I should be happy and revel in this feeling now, but instead, I'm dreading the future.  I feel like there's this massive iceberg headed our way and it's just looming in the shadows.

He told me he couldn't hurt me if I didn't let him, but I fear it's too late.  I'm too invested now and there's no turning back.

Once we reach the car Jack seems to notice the change in my demeanor. Before unlocking the doors he leans on the hood and pulls me flush against him.  My body immediately reacts without my permission and I feel a slow heat spread through me.

"You alright, Mags?" His voice is concerned. 

"I'm fine." I lie and concentrate on the asphalt.

"Any regrets?" He asks worriedly as his hand brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear and a tingly sensation flows through me.

I'm shocked he could think I would ever regret a single second of tonight. 

"Hey, talk to me."  He whispers and grabs my hand. 

I snap out of my trance and hold his face gently with both of my hands to be sure he looks in my eyes.  "I could never, ever, regret a single second spent with you."  He beams a bright smile at me. 

I drop my hands and look away and his worried expression is back. "It's silly but I just don't want to leave.  I want to stay here in a little bubble with you forever, so the outside world can't taint us." 

"Come here, baby."  He says as he pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. 

Baby

There's that beautiful pet name again. So the tables have turned, he's comforting me as I worry about getting my heartbroken.  I'm starting to feel like his pessimism is rubbing off on me and I can't let it take hold or I'll ruin this- whatever it is we have- all on my own.  But for some reason, 'nothing that's good can last' echos in my mind.

I shove the warning bells deep into a corner of myself where I hide everything else I'm afraid of and put on a brave face.  "I'm being silly, let's go." And with that, I walk around the car and get in.

"Do you want to grab something to eat before I drop you off?" He asks. 

My stomach rumbles in response so he pulls into The Habit, one of my favorite burger joints.  We get two chargrilled burgers and sit outside on the patio.

Jackson takes a bite then starts,  "Did you grow up here in Phoenix?"

"Born and raised!" I say proudly.

"Any family here?" Jack asks between bites.  He was clearly hungry also.

I nod, "My mother still lives here, though I hardly see her anymore.  She's like Monica's mother from friends so I usually avoid her at all costs."

He questions me with his diamond eyes, "I don't watch Friends, enlighten me."

"You don't watch friends? Oh, we'll have to fix that." I remark.

"I know when you're avoiding the question Mags, you're really easy to read." He smirks and just one brow raises in an accusation.

"She's has a lot of expectations that she nags me about every time I see her. She expected me to go to college, get married, and give her ten grandkids by twenty-five. Since I'm not going back to college, I'm single, oh and of course no children, on top of many other disappointing factors in my life, every time I see her all she can talk about are all the things I haven't accomplished yet."  I take a quick breath realizing I spit all of that out without breathing.

"I just don't want to hear it and if she wanted me around she wouldn't be so- so- annoying."  I set my burger down and take a sip of my ice-cold Diet Coke, attempting to cool the slight irritation that built-up in me. I'm a little harsh with my explanation but it's mostly true. 

"Wow." He says, wiping his brow sarcastically. "That's rubbish, have you tried telling her you feel that way?"

"Look at you Mr. Therapist." I laugh secretly enjoying the fact that he's so interested in my life. "And no there's no real point to it.  She is who she is and I am who I am.  We're just better seeing each other on holidays."

"What about your father?" He asks between bites.

"He passed away when I was twelve.  I only have a few memories of him."  I strain my mind to remember anything about him. "I remember before he passed he came to see me at school while I was at the playground. I remember thinking something was off when he gave me a long hug goodbye but nothing else.  It's like those memories are just gone.  The only other memory I have about him is when my mother told me he passed away."

I look up to find Jackson has stopped eating and is watching my face carefully.  "I'm sorry." He says sincerely.

I swat the air and laugh as if I'm dismissing the whole story I just told. "I don't usually talk about it.  I don't know why I just blabbed all of that."

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his.  "Don't be sorry. I want to know everything about you." He says as he tucks a loose hair behind my ear.

Eager to get the spotlight off me I ask, "What about you, any family?"

His hand pulls away and his jaw clenches.  "No family."

"Like no family in Arizona or-"

"No family." He cuts me off with a stern look.

"Oh, so you're allowed to pry into my life but I'm not allowed to know anything about yours?"  I snap.

"No, you're not."  He drops his half-eaten burger on the tray and brushes off his hands, clearly annoyed. 

"How are we supposed to move forward if you can't even talk to me, Jack?"  I ask trying to keep my cool but feel my throat start to swell up.

"I already told you, Maggie."  He starts cruelly. He turns to look me in the eyes and I realize whoever this man is, I don't know him. "I. don't. do. relationships."  He gets up to grab both of our trays and dumps them in the garbage, then walks towards the car.

After I get over the shock, I feel fury roll through me.  I follow him angrily to the parking lot and feel steam is spewing from my ears.  He unlocks the doors to his car and starts to open it but I run up behind him and slam it shut before he can get in.

"What the fuck? You takin' a piss, Maggie?"  He shouts.

"What the fuck is right."  I usually avoid cursing but he's got my blood boiling.  "What happened?  We were just getting along really well. We were getting to know each other but that can't happen without opening up. I ask one question you don't like and you quit outright?"

"Get in the car, Maggie." He commands through clenched teeth.

"I just opened up to you about my life.  I told you things I usually avoid talking about because they're not pleasant topics.  Because I want you to know me.  I don't want you to know Margaret Carpenter the fun waitress. I want you to really know me." He caresses my cheek with his hand to calm me but I shove his hand away, "I don't want this to be some booty call."

I clasp his face carefully and say softly, "I want to know the real you too." 

I almost regret saying it because he pulls his face away and puts his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry, but no."

"No?" Tears begin welling up but I suppress them and call back the rage because it feels better than pain.  "Then what the hell was tonight all about?  I let you close to me and you're back to freezing me out?"

"This was a mistake."  He says as he pulls his hair.

"A mistake?"  I say taken aback and I can't hide that I'm wounded.  He doesn't respond. Instead, he just stands there with his hands in his pockets and jaw clenched. 

"Did you just use me then?"  My voice comes out less powerful than I'd like so I recover with, "One step forward and two steps back?  Fucking talk to me!"

"No Mags.  Get in the car so I can take you home." He says emotionless.

"No." I say in a crackly voice as I start backing away.

"Maggie get back here!"  He shouts in a voice that sounds like he's hurt.  He's hurt? How dare he even pretend any of this matters to him.

"No." I say sternly and turn around before he can see my tears.  I keep walking until I get to where the sidewalk and parking lot meet and I allow myself one last glance back.  I see hurt in his eyes as he stands frozen watching me leave and then I watch him get into his car.