It had been four days since the world discovered Kellin and Melissa Brown were in an actual relationship with each other, and by the world I mean the whole school.

For some reason, it'd been the talk of my class for two days in a row and I hated every single second of it. Hearing everyone talk about them certainly stung more than seeing them holding hands. And I was thankful I didn't have to see that again in the hallways, I don't know what I would do. I don't know what I would do if I saw them doing something more. Truly, I didn't get it, but I was making myself believe I didn't care.

I hadn't spoken to Kellin at all since those texts I sent him the other day during lunch, but that didn't stop him from trying to contact me. He still had the nerve to ask us to meet even when he had a girlfriend now. Just who does he think he is? I didn't want to deal with his indecisive ass at all, so I kept ignoring his texts and avoided running into him at school. I know, I have a great coping mechanism.

And that had worked until the following Friday, where I had to see him at soccer practice whether I wanted to or not. He was not going to make me miss my favorite part of the week.

The practice itself was great, I avoided looking his way and if he looked for me I just didn't notice at all. I focused all my annoyance into the game and ended up scoring the most goals out of the match. It was a good practice. Then when the matches were over coach sent us to the showers and we all obliged.

I was putting on my clothes after a much needed shower while Tom and Jaime talked about the match we had next week. That chat turned short though, when Adam called them out because he was leaving and they both were catching a ride with him. I waved them goodbye when they splintered towards the door and chuckled to myself. Most of the team was now gone too, I think just one of the guys was there in the opposite side of the room.

I took my shoes out of my locker and placed them on the floor, I put on my shirt and sat on the stool to put on my socks.

"Bye Vic," I heard someone say and I realized it was Andy.

"See you man," I nodded his way while putting on my shoes. So now I was alone and I truly believed I was until I was tying up my shoelaces and I heard him. Fuck.

"How come you're not singing this time?"

My stomach dropped at the sound of his voice. It felt like forever since I've heard him and I rolled my eyes, mostly at him, but also at myself for letting him make me feel this way.

I looked up and saw Kellin walking towards me on the stool. His hair was wet from the showers, a towel wrapped around his neck and he had put on those black pants that hugged his legs in such an insane way. I can't believe I was actually checking him out. I made myself look around instead to see if he was the only one here and he laughed.

"Relax, everyone left already. I checked." He said and I stood up grabbing my bag.

"Well, I'm leaving too," I said and started to walk to the entrance door, but he blocked my way.

"What do you want Kellin?" I huffed in annoyance, which only seemed to amuse him for some reason. I wanted to smack him.

"So, I guess you heard," he walked closer to me, but I took a step back. He chuckled, again. "Yeah, it's clear you heard."

"What, you didn't expect me to hear? It's literally what everyone's talking about," I turned my back to him and closed my locker. Did I really forget to do that? "Congrats, I guess."

I kept my back to him and when he didn't reply I turned around. He was sitting on the bench, looking at me.

"Look," he started, but I cut him off.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it."

"Vic, I was going to tell you," he said and I tried to find a way to see if what he said was true, but I couldn't.

"Whatever," I shrugged. "You don't owe me any explanation." I started to walk away again, but he stopped me mid way by standing up suddenly.

"Exactly," he looked me in the eyes. "So why are you so pissed at me?"

"I'm not pissed." I looked away from him. "I'm not anything."

"Oh, so you haven't been avoiding me for like a week?" He questioned and I rolled my eyes.

"What else am I supposed to do Kellin?" I retorted. "Pretend like nothing's going on?"

"You could let me explain."

"I told you I don't want to hear it," I sighed. And when he didn't reply back
I lifted my gazed up to him again. He was already looking back at me.

"Vic..." He didn't have to say anything else, his eyes were my weak spot. And the look he was giving me melted me from the inside. I really thought I was stronger than this.

"Fine, but don't think I care."

Kellin sighed.

"Melissa's family is close friends with mine," he started slowly. "Since forever, really, and last week our parents set us up on a date. I didn't even know where they were dropping me off until I realized a little too late that I was on a date with her.

Apparently their dream has been to see us together since we were little and now that we're going to the same school, they thought it would be a brilliant idea to finally act on their plan. They even had this talk with me the other night about how proud and happy they are about the whole thing and I think she's pretty into it too, but I'm just doing what they want me to."

I listened to his words, but my brain just couldn't process how someone could do something so... stupid. I stared at him for a while, I didn't really know what to say.

"It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't like her like that, not.. not like I like you."

At this I scoffed. "Oh, save it Kellin."

"I'm not lying."

"Do you realize how fucked up this whole thing sounds? Do you realize you're not only playing me, but you're playing her who doesn't know any better?!"

I couldn't do this, I had to go and forget about whatever is that we did or had or whatever for the past three months or so. Just forget about everything because apparently it also meant nothing. It was all a mistake. I shouldn't even have let him explain.

I started for the entrance door again and he took me by the wrist. I tried to yank away but his grip was stronger than I thought.

"Vic..." he pleaded. "Truth is, I just miss you."

I kept my back to him and clenched my jaw and closed my eyes.

"You can't say that."

"Why not?"

I turned around and he let go of my wrist.

"Because! God, Kellin you have to make up your mind. You just can't expect me to be okay with this. With whatever you're trying to say."

"I'm not saying anything," he walked closer to me. He was so calm, it just unnerved me l even more.

"Yes, you are!" I said taking a step. "You want me on the side, to be your dirty little secret while you show everyone else how perfect you are with your perfect girlfriend, you want to live a lie, but guess what? I'm not going to be part of your little game anymore. I'm not..."

I didn't realize just how close I had gotten to him during my little rant until it was too late. And he had too, or maybe he didn't move at all and this was all on me. Having him this close to me again made me lose my train of thought, his eyes bore into mine and my heart picked up it's rate. I was still so angry, but we were mere inches away from each other and he was still giving me this look... I don't know what I wanted more, to push him into the lockers and punch him in the face for being an idiot, or push him into the lockers and kiss the fuck out of him.

Either way I didn't get to choose, because a second later he pushed himself into me and we crashed into the metal doors in an instant. His lips on mine like they were the only source of air left in the world, my fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me, not letting any space left between our bodies.

We had kissed a lot before, we knew by now exactly how we worked together, but somehow this kiss felt different, it felt more.. powerful, and filled with something I couldn't really point my finger on. Perhaps it was my anger or his neediness, or our overall tension, but I felt like my chest was burning inside of me. My whole body on fire. And that's when all rational thoughts left my brain and I shifted us so he was the one against the lockers.

"I hate you," I breathed once we pulled away. My arms pinning him to the metal surface.

"Don't say anything." He wasted no time and reconnected our mouths once again.

I knew then that there was no going back. Truth is, I missed him too. As much as I didn't want to admit it. And we stayed in that locker room for longer than anticipated.

***

I laid in bed that night feeling like the worst person on the planet. For one, I did the complete opposite of what I preached at him and let him get away with us having sex again. I actually helped him cheat on Melissa and I think that's what felt worse. So much for my moral compass.

Second, I think I enjoyed it way too much. I don't know how, but it felt totally different from the previous times. It was... intense, I guess.

And third, when he said "I'll see you later" as he was leaving I didn't say anything. I didn't tell him no, I didn't tell him to never contact me again, I didn't even move. I was so dumbfounded, that my stupid brain couldn't even function.

I hated him, I really did. But at the same time I really didn't. And I was starting to confuse my feelings, because what I felt earlier couldn't have been mere anger, it was something way deeper and I was afraid to dwell on the thought much further.

I was trying to shut my head up, when my phone lit up with a notification.

See you tomorrow. Same as always ;) -Kellin

I groaned and rolled my eyes. I threw the device far from me on the bed. This was all a mess and what was worse was that I couldn't talk to anyone about this either. And I was in desperate need of advice.

All I knew was this: he couldn't do this. Not to me, not to her. Not to himself.

I knew what I had to do, so that's why I picked my phone back up and started typing.

Kellin, what we did was a mistake and it can't happen again. I stand by what I said earlier. If you want to be with me you should just tell the truth. I can't live in between your made up version of yourself and the real one. It's honestly not fair to anyone but you.
-Vic

I stared at the screen and pondered on the words. Maybe I shouldn't send it and just block his number. I shook my head.

"Fuck it," I said to myself and pressed send.

Fuck him.