Read through all the lyrics before judging the song

Staring at my food but I cannot eat it

Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping

Crying in my room and I keep it top-secret

Because people tell me they care, but they do not mean it

I'm cut open, even though I am not bleeding

My heart's broken, so imma make it stop beating

Someone runs in the room and screams, "He's not breathing!"

I'm rushed to the hospital to have a doc treat it

But he cannot beat it, there's no time at all

'Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol

And 3 bottles of antidepressants and Sambuca

40 ounces, got killed, didn't puke up anything

There's no use in pumping my stomach

'Cause I'll just do it again

I'm a lost cause, so fuck it!

Everyone with grudges towards me is gonna love this

The smiles on their face when my death goes public

'Cause I'm

Killing myself

Taking matters in my own hands

I can't picture myself as a grown man

I don't wanna grow up; I hate change

Everything is just so rearranged

My life's nothing but a disaster

And time keeps on going by faster

But in a second, all that shit won't matter

Fuck this, imma kill myself!

I act happy, but I wanna die

Not gonna lie

Thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind on a regular basis

Going crazy, 'cause I'm going through bullshit on a regular basis

Look me in the face, I'm sick in my eyes

'Cause I'm sick in my mind

I've been wishing to die ever since I was nine

This isn't a lie

I don't bitch just to rhyme

Or bullshit just to rhyme about it

I don't cry just to spit

Or just to try to guilt-trip

'Cause I could give two shits about your pity

I ain't trying to get everyone to feel bad for me

I'd rather diss everyone and make you all mad at me!

I ain't a happy person and I ain't that liked

Not even by myself

I know I ain't that nice

But people don't understand how much I hate my life

'Cause if they did, they'd know how bad I want to take that knife and be

Killing myself

Taking matters in my own hands

I can't picture myself as a grown man

I don't wanna grow up

I hate change

Everything is just so rearranged

My life's nothing but a disaster

And time keeps on going by faster

But in a second all that shit won't matter

Fuck this, imma kill myself!

I quit, I'm bailing, I'm done

I finally give up

I'm sick of failing, I'm done trying to live up

To the expectations everyone has set for me

And trying to explain shit to myself

Always questioning my destination

Fuck my destiny

No more relationships

My friends are all dead to me

My head is aching, and I don't have any energy

I'm patiently waiting for the day I can rest in peace

And this medication is the reason that I don't get no sleep

It ain't worth taking

So I just take some ecstasy

The hear my friends say, "You're a retarded fuck-up!"

Maybe killing myself will make you retards shut up!

'Cause I only do it once in a while

At times when I forget how to fucking smile

I hate being belittled when you all act like you're

Looking out for me

If you were looking out for me I wouldn't be about to be

Killing myself

Taking matters in my own hands

I can't picture myself as a grown man

I don't wanna grow up; I hate change

Everything is just so rearranged

My life's nothing but a disaster

And time keeps on going by faster

But in a second all that shit won't matter

Fuck this, imma kill myself!

When the time comes

I'll be crying

Then I have to get a hold of myself

Call all my friends

And say goodbye to them

Then get high and call up all my friends again

And say goodbye again

And cry again

Stop crying

Smile

Find a pen, write down some last words

Somebody will find them when I'm in Heaven, looking down at them

Or who knows?

The way shit's been going, maybe Hell, looking up at them

But either way I'm watching

I'm awaiting their reaction

Suddenly someone walks in--wait, they aren't laughing

They read it and start crying

They actually do care

I'm shocked, I can't believe they're sad

That I ain't here

They miss me

Man, what a horrible mistake I made

And I can't take it back, it's way too late

If only I could relive my life

I'd remake this song, rewrite the hook and it would be like:

Life's shit

But I'm taking matters in my own hands

I can picture myself as a grown man

I wanna grow up; I can deal with change

Even if it's all so rearranged

Maybe my life's a disaster

And time keeps on going by faster

But now I can see all that shit don't matter

Fuck this, imma live my life!

-----

This song kept me grounded during my darkest times. It describes me almost to a T.

btw a rant is the next chapter, beware of that ;)