❝i'm aware that i can be annoying.❞
─sandra bullock

enews: whoa. swipe right if you want to feel your heart shatter with pictures of keanu reeves on a date with a mystery brunette and click the link on our bio to see all the details!

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sandra
pst 

hey 

hello?

oh i see how it's going to be 

your girlfriend is suddenly in town and you don't even tell me she's SUPER HOT 

keanu 
wha ─ what? 

and yes 😊 skeeter is VERY beautiful 

sandra
hELL YEAH 

i mean, that HAIR 

keanu 
are you mad at me or just venting about skeeter's hair? 

sandra
oh right 

yes i'm mad at you 🤨 but only because you haven't brought her over for dinner 

keanu 
sandy, you sound like my mother 🙄

sandra
oh good idea! we should invite her too 😁

keanu 
invite her to what? 

sandra
the dinner 

keanu 
what dinner?

sandra
the one happening tonight at my place 😜

keanu 
what's the occasion? 

sandra
i want to meet the woman who makes my best friend happy! 

that should be a good enough reason

keanu 
hm. . .i'll think about it 

sandra
keanu charles reeves, you will not think about bringing the hot doctor to dinner tonight. what you will do is bring the hot doctor to dinner tonight. understood? 

keanu 
why do you keep calling her hot?

sandra
because she is! 

keanu 
wait, how do you know she is? you haven't even seen her face yet 

sandra
yeah because you won't send me pictures 🙄

keanu
how do you know she has nice hair?

sandra
i saw it on an instagram post 🤗

keanu
what post?

sandra
how can she like you? you're clueless sometimes, ke

here:

sandra sent a link!

this is my favorite one btw:

sandra
i see you took her to the Ambrosia Club 😏 super fancy restaurant for the ever-so secretive couple of the year 

keanu 
shit 

this is bad 

sandra
calm down, keanu 

you can't even see her face

keanu 
true but you know how those reporters are 

they're ruthless 

i bet they're stalking every enneagram account right now trying to find the woman who looks like her 

which is good i guess because skeeter doesn't have social media 

but her brothers do so what if they find a picture of her and people connect the dots? 

sandra
instagram 

keanu 
huh?

sandra
the app that you're talking about is called instagram and what is happening here? you've never given a fuck if people find out who you're dating

keanu 
ofc i don't give a fuck but skeeter is different, okay? i actually want this to last as long as it could 

sandra
you're really serious about her, huh?

excuse me for being cliché but do you feel like she's the right one aka THE one? 

keanu 
the thing is, sandy, i don't think i've ever loved the wrong one. i think it was just the wrong time or the wrong place or the wrong circumstances. when i'm with her, everything just feels right as if there were missing pieces of my life falling into place little by little.

i've always been regarded as the "lone wolf" or "the most eligible and oldest bachelor" and i don't usually mind being alone too. 

sandra
is that why you break it off when the relationship gets too serious?

keanu 
hm. . .possibly.

or it's the other way around. i tell women i just want to be by myself for awhile and interpret it as "i'm breaking up with you" 🙃 

i've been alone for too long that i don't even know what cooking with someone else feels like. 

sandra
awweee, you guys cook together? that's too adorable! 

keanu 
uh. . .it's more of  me doing the cooking and she watches or chops vegetables really 🤷🏻‍♂️

sandra
still. 🥰🥰🥰

the deal breaker is always if your partner snores. does she snore?

keanu 
i don't know? we don't sleep in the same bed

sandra
THAT'S A CRIME 

keanu 
no it's not because we've only been dating for a month 

sandra
true but you've been friends longer too 🤔

keanu 
i think it's because skeeter is used to sleeping by herself too 

sandra
is she used to eating dinner by herself? because we have still have that dinner 

keanu 
oh right 

i'll tell her 

hopefully she doesn't freak out 

sandra
pfttt 

you know i'm hip 😎 so she's got nothing to worry about 

keanu 
yeah. . .i don't think people say "hip" anymore 

also, don't invite my mom

i don't think we're in that whole "meet-the-family" stage yet 

sandra
oh. . .

uh. . . .

. . . . . .i wasn't supposed to invite your mom? 

keanu 
sandra annette!

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The difference between being with him and being with Keanu is sooooo huge that I feel like I could take out a whole forest just by listing them one by one. But, no. We love trees and we love this planet. Therefore, I'll try to list it down in this little diary of mine. 

Being with him were the worst years of my life. It felt like there was a rock tied to my feet and I was constantly drowning in the toxicity that was him. I was always scared I'd do anything to upset him or that he'd feel he wasn't good enough in doing his job. Every day I prepared for the yelling of derogatory names to be thrown at my face. I was scared that what I wore and how I did my make-up was too provocative. He'd pull my face roughly toward his and tell me sweetly that he was just looking out for me. He didn't want other men to get the wrong idea. Ugh, I still shudder at the thought of those horrible times. Fortunately, I untethered that rock and ─ when I did ─ I could finally swim to the surface and breath easier. 

Recovering from being drowned in a toxic relationship wasn't easy. I could see the surface but everything was just so blurry like there was still some sea water clinging to my eyes. I'm happy to tell you that it does get easier. I went to a group home that dealt with domestic abuse victims. It felt nice knowing that what I was going through wasn't my fault and that I wasn't ever alone. I moved back to my hometown and got myself the job that I knew ─ in my tissues and cells ─ I would excel in. I could see land clearly now. But, somehow, I just felt like there was something missing. 

The years I spent with him were steadily triumphed just by the mere weeks I spent being with Keanu. (Not to mention the months leading up to that kiss in the rain. He proved to be a good friend too.) I'm not going to play dumb and tell you I didn't know who he was because I did but I just didn't care that he was a Hollywood legend. 

To end this entry for today: I fucking miss work. 

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MICKEY MOUSE IS CALLING!
ANSWER | DECLINE

"Oh my god! What? What?!"

"Jesus, Skeeter. Calm down."

"What do you want, Christopher? I'm a bit busy."

"Doing what? Laughing your ass off on Charlie's couch? Because that's where you are, right?"

". . .Yes."

"Cool. Just checking."

"Cool? What happened? You don't say cool."

"Just. . .you're cool."

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

"For fuck's sake, say what you wanna say, dumbass!" 

"What's gotten you so riled up anyway?"

". . .N ─ nothing. Sorry. Hey, quick question: you never told me how you met Bambi's mom."

"That's not a question."

"Well. . .what were you wearing when you met her mom?"

"Uh. . .jeans and a t-shirt? It was sort of unplanned for me to show up at her childhood home in Pennsylvania after '#BambiGrayIsOverParty' started trending on Twitter." 

"Oh. Cool."

"You're meeting his mom, huh?"

". . .Uhm. . .I ─ I have to go. Bye!" 

"See ya, Skeeter! Don't make yourself look like an idiot!"

"I hope you choke on your dinner, Christopher!" 

CALL ENDED!