Pink, orange, blue and purple sticky notes with short messages such as you will be missed forever.
Crimson roses overlapping the white lilies. Mini cards laying aimlessly onto the yellow linoleum floors. The heavy scent of lavender pulling on my heartstrings, it's like she's here but she isn't. It's just her sweet scent, making it all so ever bittersweet. She's not here and she never will be here again.
her green eyes, Ava's green eyes stare right back at me. As I look at her picture again, the same one that shows her freckles and messy bangs.

I run my hands over her locker that's covered with sticky notes. Some fall of the locker at the touch of my hand, revelling the deep blue metal part of the locker.

I pick the notes up placing them back where they belong. I can't help but look at some of the messages written on these notes.

~Ava you changed my life in so many ways.

~Heaven gained an Angel
But I lost my soul mate

~Rest in peace, love

~I will never forget you

~gone too soon

~You always put a smile
on my face,
you always stood out Ava.
You'll be missed.

~Words aren't enough
but I miss you.

~You will get Justice
I'll make sure of it.

It's so unreal, I still believe she's alive even though it's confirmed that she isn't. Waking up in the mornings I have to remind myself that she's gone. Memories of Friday rush back to me and my mood dampens.

I look at the glass double doors as students walk in and out, with their bags hanging on their shoulders and their heads hanging low. Some students take one step in and quickly shine a smile, immediately putting on a mask over their true emotions. Others walk in with bloodshot red eyes and cling on to crumbled tissue.

"Excuse me," a soft adenoidal voice catches me out of my thoughts.
I turn around and face a toothpick like girl with huge square glasses and blond short curls. Her magnified grey eyes carry buckets of water that desperately want to topple over.

"I just want to stick this on," she clings on tightly to a blue sticky note.

"Oh, yeah sorry I'll just move away from here." I step away from Ava's locker.

The thin girl places the note onto the locker and it goes along with all the other sticky notes. It's a colourful locker in its glory from a distance a stranger might think this locker portrays a ray of sunshine and rainbows, but if the stranger were to read the words written on the notes, then he or she might see the true colours that the locker presents. The stranger will see the real melancholy.

Thin girl scans her eyes over the notes, touching a few with her small hands.

Was this girl even friends with Ava? Better yet, we're all these people friends with Ava? I remember her having a group of friends not a whole world of friends. Why is it that when someone dies, that the people that knew nothing about you all of a sudden care? I can bet that most of these people didn't even care about her. I knew who she hung out with. I knew she never had this amount of friends, most of these sticky notes are just sticky notes of strangers.

I wonder if all these people will be at the funeral on Saturday.

The bell rings and the floors squeak as everyone rushes to class, crashing into each other. Some run to class, others walk fast-paced. We all have one thing in common right one we're all running away from the locker. Avoiding the joyless rainbowed locker, but we can't avoid this forever.

Even in Mr Bavis's English class there this umbrella of grief that can't be taken away, not even hush winds can blow it away.

I take my seat at the back of the class next to the window. Ameria's seats empty she's not here today so, Mr Bavis won't have to berate us for talking or laughing loudly. AJ, Jake and Skyler too are nowhere to be seen, even though I barely talk to them I do notice that
their usual spots remain empty.

I haven't spoken to any of them since Friday. They haven't shown any signs of being online. I know Skyler loves going live on Instagram, AJ loves posting about football players, Jake loves memes, he lives for them. And Ameria would have texted me at least, but there was nothing.

I don't blame them for not being online though. Pictures of Ava fill social media sites. News reporters have repeated the story so many times I have it recited.

Sixteen-year-old Ava Gray who went missing on the 19th of February was found dead Friday night on route 98. The sixteen-year-old was last seen alive at a house party. Close friends have stated that she left in a hurry and was never seen again.

It's what I heard the whole weekend. Even scrolling through Instagram I saw posts about her and comments about her. It's everywhere. I wonder how they all coping with this, especially Jake. Wherever I close my eyes at night I see his void eyes. The deep misery that overtook his whole body. The trauma that rained on him that night. Questions still circulate in my mind. What was he doing in the Woods anyway? How exactly did he find her, was her body just laying there? Or was her body hidden?

"Well for once you guys are quiet." Mr Bavis walks in holding his favourite black coffee mug with the white words coffee saves lives imprinted on it. He puts down his mug on his empty desk and places his leather satchel over his chair

"Well," he claps his hands "we have a new student." He digs his fingers into his golden brown tapered cut comb-over.
"Everyone Welcome Mazin, get in here Mazin" Mazin walks in with his locks hanging over his eyes and school bag on his one shoulder.

What the hell is Mazin doing here anyway? I narrow my eyes at him and he waves at the class rolling his lips inward.

"Uh... guys this is the part where we all say hi Mazin." Mr Bavis smiles awkwardly scratching his forehead.

"Hi Mazin", we say simultaneously sounding like Zombies.

"Well," he pats Mazin on the back. "You can go sit right over there next to Nora." He points at me

I don't know why Mr Bavis has his spirits up. Doesn't he know what just happened? Why is he in such a good mood? Perhaps it's his way of grieving I guess, or maybe he's just avoiding it all. Putting on a facade. Why do people do that though?

"Wassup," Mazin whispers and bobs his head.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper back.

"Wow so much for my warm welcome, I'm moving here remember I told you at the party"

"Really? Damn probably did-"

"Nora pay attention please you will catch up with Mazin later."

"Sorry, Sir."

The day drags on and I'm relieved when the final bell rings. Passing a couple of lockers I stop in my tracks looking yet again at Ava's locker.
This time it's filled with sticky notes overlapping each other, all fighting to have a say in Ava's tragedy. Rose petals and mini cards are squashed up and stomped over by huge footmarks. And the Lillies lay flat on the floor.

"Even though I didn't know her as you did, I still think what happened to her was messed up," Mazin says holding on tightly to his Adidas bag

"It's more than messed up," I whisper, "we should go anyways my moms probably waiting outside."

"Yeah I'll catch you tomorrow we walk through the exits", Mazin disappears into the crowd of teens rushing to go home. And I wait, wilting in the heat.

I don't die in the heat for so long though but I wish I did. Therapy's the last place I want to be at right now. It's not my safe zone anymore, the comfy couch is occupied by my drug dealer also known as my psychiatrist.

"Hi Nora", she flashes me a smile her face stretching presenting her faint wrinkles. Her long bob black weave glistens under the light. She sits with her one leg crossed over the other.
"Hey, Dr Nkosi."I take a seat on the couch.

Dr Nkosi and my mom hug each other and I shift into the edge of the couch. Dr Jameison watches them with a small smile plastered on to her face.

My psychiatrist being here means trouble. Something is up.

"It's been so long since I've seen you." Dr Nkosi pulls out of the hug.
"I know right," my mother grins "I was thinking of coming by to your office I do have some questions regarding Nora's medication, I guess I can ask them today."

Oh shit. What questions could she have? Dammit, I know exactly what's going to happen they going to try to increase my dosage. It's bad enough at night I can't sleep now they probably want to turn me into a zombie. Fuck!

My mother finally sits down, since Dr Jamieson's office isn't big Dr Nkosi sits at her desk.

"We just waiting for one person then we'll start"
Dr Jameison says as she slips her glasses on to the crown of her head.

One more person, who could that be? This better not be an intervention. Why would I need an intervention anyways?

"So you had questions regarding Nora's medication." Dr Nkosi leans back into her seat.

"Well I only had one question", my mother says. I clasp on to my hands tightly, the deep desire to bite my nails awakens. What could she possibly ask? Shouldn't I be the one with the questions I am the one taking the medication. A bubble bath of recycled questions circulates in my mind. What could it be? Damn it!

"When will she stop taking the medication?"

Dr Nkosi frowns and I think she stopped blinking.
"Well," she tilts her head and scratches her nose.

"You weren't expecting that question," my mother laughs nervously.

"Looking at what Nora has been through and what Nora is going through I wasn't expecting that type of question. But what I can say is I don't think she should get off the medication just yet."

"But she's been taking the Valium for months now and she says her nightmares have stopped."

Fuck! I shouldn't have lied about my dreams but on the bright side at least my mom thinks I don't really need them anymore. The same dream still plays every night like a ballerina twirling in her music box.

"That's great that her dreams have stopped," my therapist looks at me smirking she knows my dreams haven't stopped.
"But I agree with Dr Nkosi. Now it's a rough time for Nora, her best friend's gone"

I smirk at the word gone. "You mean she's dead" I chuckle. "Not gone, dead, there's a difference."

For a second the room stiffens with silence "uh... yes," Dr Jamieson goes on. "We think Nora should go on with the pills especially at a time like this on the bright side she has made some progress she's more open with her feelings. She's more understanding of them."

I want to roll my eyes how is that progress? I'm still having the same dream, my memory of that night is blank and these Valium pills keep me up. Can I just go home?

A soft knock at the door saves me from this unwanted conversation.

"Come in." Dr Jamieson says the door sequels open.

"Dad?" I sit up

"Hey princess," he grins stretching out his arms for a hug. I stand and immediately go hug him. Wrapping my arms around him taking in his powerful smokey tobacco scent that failed to hide behind his juniper aroma.

I pull out the hug and take my seat again. "Sorry for being late had some work to handle," he shakes Dr Nkosi's hand and does the same with Dr Jamieson.

He shoves his Audi keys into his black trousers and gives my mom a small peck on the lips. My mom giggles like a naive schoolgirl. If only she knew what dad was really doing when he was at work, 'handling business' as he says.

His lips have probably been on his colleague Kasumi. His lips have maybe explored other areas as well, but I don't want to think about that.

"We were just discussing Nora's medication." Dr Nkosi breaks the silence. "Now that I think about it I think its best to increase the dosage."

I knew it, here she goes fucking up my life once again.

"I agree," Dr Jamieson chimes in. Isn't she supposed to be on my side? How dare she betray me like this. "This is a difficult period for Nora."

"But you just told me she has made progress," my mother interjects. "I don't get it, now you telling me you're going to up the dosage."

Yeah, mom tells her.

"Is increasing the dosage a good idea? I've seen the side effects i'

m honestly worried about her. And I don't want my daughter taking pills-"

A blaring ringtone stops my dad, he quickly takes out his phone.
'Kasumi' the caller ID reads.

"Just give me a second," he stands up "sorry its just work," he dashes out of the room his phone still trumpeting like an elephant. Weirdest ringtone I've ever heard.

My mother sighs heavily exhaling a steam of annoyance and rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry," her expression abruptly changes into a plastered smile. "He's just always busy."

"It's okay we can wait a bit for him." Dr Jameison wears the same smile. No laughing lines at her eyes or mouth just a flash of big bunny teeth forced into a straight line.

Why would Kasumi be calling anyways, this is family time, not mistress time. By that heavy-weighted sigh that mom just gave she's had it for the day already. Work must have gotten on her nervous now dads unattentiveness just has to add on it.

Oh, fucking Kasumi why call now is it out of spite? Does she know where my dad is? I want my mom to find out so badly about his cheating but, ugh I'm conflicted. Finding out means heartbreak and family sinking into lava, but her not finding out means I carry this cross of a secret that only gets heavier with every step I take.

When I found out I couldn't believe it, it was a shock honestly.

*Flashback*
"Uhhh dad no don't tell me you have a meeting right now. Its Friday just drop me off home." I say as we enter the HQR parking lot. The same parking lot where I've had Macdonalds and have fallen asleep. The same parking lot where have watched six to seven episodes of fresh prince of bel air on my phone.
"It won't take long I just got some stuff I gotta take home."
"Some stuff you gotta take home? Did you get fired?"
His eyebrow arched "me? fired no" he unlocks the car, "just some flies that I gotta take."

He steps out of the car "five minutes top."
"Mhm more like 20 minutes"
"Princess, I promise I'll even buy you Macdonalds I know you love that cardboard food."
"It's not cardboard" I scream "its..... "
"Exactly you should eat healthier anyways," he closes the door chuckling

I knew he was going to break his promise. 5 minutes turned to 10 then into 15 then it turned to 20. I scrolled through my Netflix account hoping I had downloaded some episodes.
Dammit, nothing I should have prepared.
Let me just read on Wattpad then mystery stories have always kept me on edge, they have excited me more than my dreams ever had.

Minutes turned to an hour.
Five minutes huh dad?
I reclined the seatback getting comfortable. I might fall asleep here again.

What the hell goes on in those offices? What do economist even do? Study the economy. Seems hella boring. An hour turns to two and I've completed the Wattpad novel I was reading.
I place my phone in the cup holder noticing my dad left his iPhone.

I close my eyes letting the darkness take over me.
"Bzzt bzzt." I open my eyes to the sound of vibration I know damn well it ain't my phone, mines on silent. "Bzzt bzzt," the buzz goes off again.
Let me just see who it is, maybe it's mom wondering where we are. I pick up the black phone, 17451 I enter in the password, dad thinks no one knows his password but I've seen him put it in a thousand times his bad at hiding it.
I go into messager

Kasumi
Thanks for last night baby, we should do it again 😏

Excuse me! I drop the phone on my lap. Damn Kasumi and dad? The fuck, I pick up the phone and scroll through the texts my eyes darting around like lasers.

You coming over tonight?

Last night was crazy ☺ 😏 where was this wild side?

I got sometimes special for you waiting in room 406.... key is on your desk
;-)

Can't wait till you bend me-

Oh hell Nah I exit the messages.
Last night he told us he had some work to do. Mom was hoping they could go out but, he was out with a Kasumi.

Slim, iron bored Kasumi. Man come on, yeah sure she has fiery deep-set eyes that could land her some modelling career and she got that white-blond edgy pixie cut but she has no personality. She ain't funny like mom, I've seen her dance, that stiff two-step she like doing at business parties is a mess. Plus it seems like she's difficult to work with. Dad has come home during dinner complaining about how stubborn she is.

So what the fuck I hit the dashboard
I have to tell mom, she deserves better than this. How could he do this? How long has this been going on? Do they have sex in the office? What was that text about I can't wait until you bend me over?
"Fuck!" I scream. How could he do this?