I've always seen my thoughts as a tornado, especially my anxious thoughts. The what if's get so big in my mind that it pulls all my logical thinking into it. it's almost as if the what if's thoughts suck away my positive thoughts. Within the Tornado I sit in the middle, listening and watching my thoughts go out of my control. I try to grab a hold of them, I try to grab a hold of my mind, but maybe I do not stand up quickly enough to get a grip of them. Maybe these thoughts are stronger than me. They slay me down with a sword each time and I lose most of the duels

My anxious thoughts do not just tackle me in my mind, but my body as well. It's in the way my chest clenches right now. It's almost like my chest has grown hands of its own and has decided to strangle itself.

We are inches away from the school doors and the news reporters get louder with every step. The clicking of cameras makes me tighten my grip on Ameria. A student with broad shoulders and a baseball cap proceeds to open the door. And there is this nightmare outsides that rushes in, a swarm of bees with their microphones as stingers, and the cameras as wings, flood in. My eyes lock with one reporter's eyes and her eyes widen with realization. My sweaty hand lets go of Ameria's and I take two steps back, but that is not enough to escape her. With her cameraman and her microphone that has the words ‘Channel 44’ written on the mic. She leaps to me, tripping, but not falling.

“Nora how are you" she pushes the mic to my mouth and speaks with speed.

“Uh.” I look at her black T-shirt that also reads Channel 44.

She eyes me up and down and proceeds to grab my hand with her icy cold one. She moves closer and stands next to me. “It seems like former best friend of Miss Grey is in shock unable to answer questions at this moment-"

“NORA!” I turn to the call of my name, my eyes are hit by another camera crew and news reporter. “What are your thoughts on Mr Bavis being the new lead suspect on this case?”

“Is It true he has been prying on young girls?" Another voice booms into my mind. My chest is on the edge of life, this sharp pain must be a heart attack. But wait is  this a heart attack though?

“NORA ANY COMMENTS ON MR BAVIS?
NORA ANY COMMENTS ON SKYLER AND THE INCIDENT BETWEEN HER AND MR BAVIS."

That's when it all clicked Skyler must have called news reporters. Her text message makes sense now.
FUCK! this time a drum roll plays in my ears.

Can no one see that this is going to break me in half?
I can't even see Ameria all I see is a thunderstorm of reporters. With bright lights like I am being abducted by aliens. Everything seems like a dream now, there is no way these many reporters are screaming at me with rage in their veins.
Some of their faces sweat with desperation for anything I might say. Taking a step back is impossible, because behind me there are the reporters. I'm trapped. They've built a human brick wall around me.

Just as my heart stops beating for a second there's this sharp hitting force. And a wail of terror. Followed by more of it almost as if someone as taken out a bottle of champagne and popped it. This time the wail turns to keening with a splash of bellows. The cannon shooting goes off again, but this is not a cannon
It's a-

“SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE HE GOT A GUN!" A voice shrill with trepidation causing  the reporters to scatter away, like ants that have been squirted with residual spray.

My heart beats faster maybe trying to compete  with the pace of a tiger. My knees buckle and even though I want to run  my body gives in to the fear. Heavy-panic feet run for the light at the door. There's wails and bellows filling my ears. I'm on the edge of death with nothing to bring me back up.

My eyes dance around the halls. I can't find Ameria and there goes my breath quickening. I sit on my wobbly knees. My staggering breath covers my ears now. I guess fear is that powerful? My eyes fall to the lines on the tiles. It's nothing like how it looked but instead, the lines are askew.
I rub my face with my sweaty hands. And on one knee I try to get up, but when I turn beside me there he stands.

The one who took her from me
The one who holds  life and death in his hands with a gun
The one who haunts my sanity.
Mr Bavis.

His eyes meet with mine and I am taken back to the night with Ava. I can see her clear as day and hear her. “Nora run." The memory of Ava plays shortly in my mind

And like a jet pack, my freeze stance turns to flight. And I pick myself up and jet to the light.

“Nora!” A warm hand grabs a hold of me. And my face smashes into a sweet candy scent sweatshirt. I take a step back.

“Ameria" I breathe with relive.
Sirens wails. And I know it's over now. There is no way Bavis can escape cops
My mind suddenly fills with doubt when Bavis's silhouette seems to be reloading his gun. He runs and students hop into their cars, some even hide behind others. Others just fall to the ground and scream.
“Come on", Ameria grabs my hand forcing me to run with her.

“PUT THE GUN DOWN. I REPEAT PUT THE GUN DOWN." A police officer blares through the speakers of his car.

But that doesn't stop Bavis. Bang! There goes off his gun. Ameria opens her car doors and pushes me inside.
She joggles as she tries to fit the keys into the ignition.
“SIR STAND DOWN." The cop again repeats.
“Shit shit SHIT!" Ameria's breath staggers. Straight ahead, Bavis with his gun begins to run.

“YES Finally” Ameria screams when the key fits into the ignition. She starts the car.
Bavis gets into his car and reverses.

“Ameria" I turn to her. Her face waning with tear-filled mascara turns to mine. “We have to follow Bavis."

“What" she whispers “Nora are you stupid!” she then yells. “I'm not following that psycho"
“THEN GET OUT OF THE CAR AND GIVE ME THE KEYS.”
“Nora this isn't some game or movie it's real life."
“I know that.” I say sternly
“AMERIA DRIVE HIS GETTING AWAY"
“FUCK IT!" The engine roars and we follow right behind.

---

Racing past other cars and onto route 98, I can't help but burn with range. Why did he do it?
I want to know if it was worth it.To take an innocent girl's life. How did he sleep at night knowing he took her life?
I Want To Know All Of It.

WAS. IT. WORTH. IT.

Right on cue Ameria drifts and abruptly stops at the side of the road. The far wailing of sirens doesn't stop me from getting out of the car and following Bavis. I know the cops can stop him but I want to know why.

He leaves his door open and throws his gun to the ground. He begins to run and I pick up the heavy gun. I WANT TO KNOW WHY HE DID IT

“Bavis!" I scream almost tearing my vocal cords

Through the woods of dead bodies that will never be found I follow him. The sunrays play peek a boo and the sticks crack at the steps I occasionally take. Leaves rustle and the sirens of the police ring loudly. Doors from a distance slam the cops must be here now.
Right in front of me Bavis runs but he stops to look back at me.

I wonder from his point of view what do I look like. Do I look like him when he rammed his car into Ava's or when he covered my mouth with his hands? Do I look like the monster he is?

“Damn it" Bavis trips and he falls.

That's when I pick up my stride he struggles to get up, but he can't. The universe is on my side. My heart pumps my blood with anticipation. Oh, I can dance right now. I can even sing my lungs out. With my steps, I slow down and there he is. Helplessly with his foot askew. I think it's twisted maybe broken.

I laugh. He tries to stand up, but with all force in me I push him. He cries in agony and I smirk.
“See how it feels this time”, I bring the gun to his head. Tears begin to well up. “I can't believe it was you, how could you do that to Ava?"

He remains quiet and in that moment my mind empties. It's so still in that I can hear him try to catch his breath.

“Was it worth it though? Did it bring you peace at night knowing what you did?"

“It was a mistake” he finally speaks up.

“A mistake!” I walk up closer to him burning with volcanic acid. “Mistakes are things that are done unintentionally.  YOU HAD EVERY INTENTION OF KILLING HER.”
Hot fat tears roll down my face. “How dare you?” my voice cracks.

“HOW DARE YOU", this time birds from trees flap away.
I drop the gun down and squat down in front of him, “Was it worth it?”

“TELL ME!” Everything in me collapses. Memories of Ava spin in my tornado of thoughts that begin. It's her laughing holding on to her stomach. It's her dancing in the rain. It's her crying and hiding herself in her knees. All of it plays. Even the time we met, her little innocent self giving me her Ice cream. “You took away my best friend, the one person that made life easier for me”, I squeeze my eyes shut.

“You took away my light in a world of darkness. Don't you get that?” Someone who understood me, my safe place. My home. And you call that a mistake. When she went missing I couldn't even eat or sleep. For days on end, I thought about her. I blamed myself!” I stand up to my feet. “Everyone at school looked at me like I was supposed to be in an asylum. YOU DID THAT!"
I scream to the sky, breaking away the atmosphere of the earth. I blubber and the trees around me turn into a blur. I cross my arms grabbing my arms tightly.

“You gave me a curse to live with. Grief. I cried, I woke up forgetting all of this had happened. I looked for Ava in all corners of this earth. I fought to remember what happened. I did it all for her. To know what had happened. "

“While you lived on pretending you had not done it. You were free as a bird and I was caged in the grief you caused. I still don't even think I can be free from it. So was it worth it?”

Bavis remains quiet no remorse seeps into his face. Just nothing.
“You don't even care that you did that to me, to her family, her other friends, to Ava.”

“She's in a better place,” he says

“Shut up! Don't pretend to care. Be the monster you were born to be.”
I sniff and aggressively wipe away my pain of tears

“HEY ON YOUR KNEES NOW!” 
Save by the bell a cops yells in my face and pushes me to lay on my stomach.

Was it worth it Bavis? Was this what you wanted all along?