It's times like this where I wish I was normal. It's crazy to say that, because if you were to see me you would see I look completely normal from my big brown eyes to my high cheekbones to even my slim arms and legs. You would say nothing's wrong. But if you were to take a look in my mind. You would see the bubble of thoughts that carry worry and can't be popped by a simple needle. They build up onto each other until my head becomes full and crashes like a plane that just lost its engine.

It's especially like that tonight. After dad left the house and mom walked up to her room, with the stairs creaking at every heavy step she took. I heard her slam the door.

I should have gone to be by her side, but I was too stuck in my own thoughts and they began to eat me up. Even as I lie now staring at the dark ceiling I'm consumed by them.

“Remember what doctor Jameison said you should have told her about the affair. You had all this time.” I think to myself.  I guess the truth really does have a way of squeezing its way out.

What's going to happen now?

What if we move to a whole new house, because my parents get a
divorce?

What if dad never comes back?

What if I never see dad again.?

Where did he even sleep?

Is mom okay?

Damn, I still have to read that English book.

Did I even do math homework?
Wait a minute did we have homework?

I'm going to fail.

The what if's merry go round my mind until I fall asleep and then I JOLT AWAKE. There's drumming in my ears, it's my heart trying to escape my chest. I try to take a deep breath in. That's what I remember Dr. Jamieson tells me. To do

“Whenever your anxiety starts acting up just breathe” her voice plays in my mind. I inhale and exhale but still, my heart won't stop it's antsy. Breathing has become arduous it is like I'm drowning in an ocean crying for help but I'm not. I'm here safe in my house what does my mind and body not understand about that?
“Your say safe", I say out loud to myself.

“Sometimes talking to your body and telling it that your safe that it doesn't need to worry may help you in your anxious times”  Dr. Jamieson's Voice plays in mind again like a guardian angel.
“This is a safe space”, I tell myself repeatedly. It's stupid but it worked.

And when I finally get downstairs I'm surprised to even find mom making bacon and eggs. She stands there aimlessly looking at the pan. The bags under her eyes and slight puffiness tell me that she's been crying.

I go to her wrapping my arms around her waist.
Her body jerks in surprise “Hey baby”, she sighs in relief. “How are you?”

She asks me that but I should be asking her that.

“I'm meh. How about you?”

“That's a new one. Meh is that even a feeling?” She chuckles softly.
“You didn't answer my question.”
“Well,” she says “also meh” she laughs again at the word.

I unwrap my arms. “You need some help?”
“Nope, you just sit there and wait.”
“That's literally what I do all the time in the kitchen.”
“Don't forget your moody graveyard walk.”
“Mommy no!” I shriek.
“What!” She places the eggs on the plate. “You are so moody."
“I'm not.”
She gives me a side-eye look.
“Me moody nope.” I shake my head
“If only you could see yourself from my point of view then you would under-” my phone chimes. “Is that Ameria its still too early for you to be going to school.”

“I don't think it's her", I take out my from my pocket. “We would have heard her music blasting away this whole house.”

“You just reminded me, tell Ameria to listen to something more peaceful and to turn the music down. It's too early for her to be doing that.” Mom goes on about Ameria but her voice drowns out.

Text from Skyler
Girl did you see this.
Link: http://twd.news.com

I open the link and my eyes are hit with the Willowwood Daily logo, which is just a group of letters that read TWD

The video clip starts and I'm almost positive by the arched blue double doors and the baby pot plants that this is a porch I've seen before. But where?

The door opens up and a tall figure with a black hoodie walks out. The figure's blond hairs sprout out to the sides of the hoodie. And the camera zooms in and then this figure looks right at us. It's Jake.

He pulls on to the strings of his hoodie and it scrunchies up. News reporters immediately push mics and more cameras into his face.  My volume is on mute so I can't hear anything. But I don't need to hear to understand that this is chaos. Jake pushes his way through the annoyance of the reporters. They're like bees that won't leave sugary coca-cola alone. He finally makes it to his car and the video ends showing the TWD logo.

“Did you hear anything I was saying?”
I look at mom. I nod my head and smile “okay baby I'm going to get ready. Be safe these cops still show no mercy, even if you're a woman. I'm telling you as long as you black you are a target.”

Clearly, I missed a big portion of her rant. How did she go from Ameria playing loud music to the cops?

Text to Skyler
Was this today morning??? 😳

Text from skyler.
Yeah like literally an hour ago 😶😶

Damn TWD is fast with the news but it's no surprise their slogan is.  Fast daily news, you've got it!

Text to skyler
What's the other link about

If it's another video about Jake then I can't watch. Even though in the first video I couldn't see any sign of emotion a part of me wanted to jump into that video and push away those reporters. I wonder how he feels. Ava his now deceased girlfriend.

lt still doesn't sit right with me. Him and Ava. How were they even compatible?

Text from skyler.
Just watch it 😑🤦🏻‍♀️

I click on the next link.

This time putting up the volume. The TWD letters bounce around on the screen.
“Mrs. Grey, how do you feel about police deciding to conceal the fact that Jake Payton was the one who found your daughter in the forest?"

I can't see the reporter's face but by the gentle and plumy pitchy tone, I guess it's a woman who holds the mic so tightly that her veins are about to burst.

Mrs. Grey's eyebrows raise and her eyes widen. Her one hand lands on her chest.
“I- "she sighs, “I didn't know about that I only knew about Nor-" she stops and I swear she was about to say I only knew about Nora being the last one with her.

I pause the clip. I could have sworn everyone knew about Jake being the one to find Ava, maybe it was just us. But why keep it a secret from the town?

And as the day goes on I can't help but obsess over it. Even during lunch while Mazin and AJ talk about- well whatever they are talking about. My mind still hasn't stopped. My hands pressed pause on the video but not my mind. I swear in my mind I rewind and fast forward trying to catch every detail from that video.

“Hey” Mazim nudges my shoulder “you've been deadly quiet today everything okay?”
I nod my head “just have a lot going on.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Mazin rolls the green apple around on the table.
“Uh no, it's nothing major just school stuff.”
“Okay cool for a second I thought you, Ameria and Skyler had some chick fight”
“What would make you think that”, I stare aimlessly at the apple rolling back and forth on the table.
“Idk they over there at that table and you here with us. Ain't y'all supposed to be having girl talk.”

I blink my eyes abruptly I didn't even know Ameria and Skyler sat somewhere else. I've been in my mind this whole time.

“Nah it's nothing I swear besides looks like Ameria's helping Skyler with work or something,” I say noticing the thick familiar math textbook.

“Damn don't tell me that's a math book. I forgot to do my math last night damn"
AJ  immediately stands up from his seat.
“Baby!” He yells across the room and Ameria pops up from Skyler's books.
AJ rushes over to their table.

Dang it I know I didn't touch any math yesterday. I'll just ditch. The bell rings and I hear AJ groan.

I look over at Mazin as he holds on to his tray. I'll see you later I dash out the cafeteria. I'm not dealing with that teacher today. I squeeze through bodies first making my way to my locker and then the girl's bathroom.

I burst open the door. And I'm hit with a mix of sweet and an antiseptic odor. I sneeze and from one of the stalls a voice says “bless you.”
“Thanks," I say back. I've never actually skipped class if mom finds out about this I will be beaten. So maybe if I do half of my homework now and just say I struggled with the rest. Maybe mercy will be shown.

I go onto one of the stalls close the toilet seat and begin writing.

I don't even know what I'm writing

45555
55798. just keep writing numbers, Nora

789.
56
A= 35
X=89

Shit, my heart pumps with pressure building up in my shoulders as well as causing them to stick up and remain close and stuck to my ears.
I look at the time it's already 10 minutes into the period. Just write just keep writing this teacher knows I'm bad at this subject anyways.

An echo of laughter makes me jerk up the door sequels open. And the clicking of heels makes me wonder. Who the hell wears heels to school? It's a normal day, not some prom night.

My eyes meet with the shiny black heels and the converse sneakers.
“So glad the cops are no longer here honestly”, the one voice says.
“I know right this whole case is annoying and it's obvious who did it.”
There is a long pause and my ears burn to listen.
“You thinking what I'm thinking.”
“If your thinking Ameria did it-”
A sudden gasp interrupts the voice.
“Ameria? I was thinking Jake did it or even her best friend Nina or something.”

I roll my eyes and bite my cheek fighting back the urge to correct her.
“But you were thinking Ameria. Is it because of what happened at the party?”
There's a pause again and I want to desperately look at what is going on.
“Hhm Ameria it wouldn't be a surprise if it was her.”

What does she mean by that?

Throughout the day my mind plays tag from thought to thought.
My cloud of worry thoughts goes from wanting to check up on mom to then tagging another cloud of worry making me think about Jake and the other cloud then touches the thought that makes me wonder about Ameria.

“Nora, I hope you paying attention", M.r Bavis looks at me and I sit up straight all our books are open and Skyler is reading out loud.
I force my eyes to the words in the book. I look up scanning my eyes looking for Jake. In the video, he was seen leaving his house and going in the car but come to think of it I didn't see him today.

“Since we are halfway with the novel." Me Bavis says

Halfway! Shit I didn't even read it
“Next week Friday you'll be writing a test.” The class groans.
My heart plummets. I know I'm screwed but I still have time it's only Wednesday.

“I suggest that you find study partners I know some of you need it” Mr. Bavis glares at Skyler. And I look over at Mazin.

“Pssst" I hiss at him “bro let's study together."
Mazin nods his head.

There's too much going on now and I can't afford to fail English. I'm barely paddling through math and my thoughts tighten their hold on me. I think I might be drowning.