~Junmyeon~

Time seems to freeze as we stare at one another. The heavy, intensity in Yixing's eyes paralyzing me and daring me to move. I can feel my heart beating wildly against my ribcage. Taemin told me about how this feels to be under the gaze of a Dominant. How you feel so anxious and overpowered.. but yet, anticipatory.

A sense of excitement thrums through my veins, raw and scorching. I didn't realize how much i wanted this, how much i wanted to give everything to this man until he was in front of me, towering and commanding. His mere presence demands everything, and my stars, i'm more than willing to give it.

I get it now. I get that submitting doesn't mean a loss of power. It doesn't mean being weak. Because right here... right now, i feel the strongest i've ever felt. Allowing myself to give up every ounce of control feels so freeing.

I trust Yixing. I know Yixing. He'll take care of me and he won't allow me to fall.

I drop my eyes and bow my head to him, leaning forward and placing a kiss to the high heeled boot covering his foot. That explains the extra height then. I sit back and take a stabilizing breath awaiting his next move. Whatever he asks of me, i know i'll do it, and that alone makes my stomach tug in fear... but also anticipation.

My chin is lifted by a finger curled gently under it, Yixing's eyes meet mine once again. His breath seems to be labored and his pupils are dilated. I can tell how much he wants me, craves me. But he's exercising restraint. Why? I'm his for the taking. Everything i am, i'm offering on a silver platter.

"You know i never expected this out of you, Jun." Yixing says, his eyes raking up and down my body, still knelt at his feet.

Clearly it pleases him to see me like this. Of course it does. I know that feeling. That rush of seeing someone submit to you. It's such a heady feeling that you get lost in it. Even when Yixing is trying to make a point, he can't help but be affected.

I almost open my mouth, but remember my position and my teachings from Taemin. I keep my words locked away and drop my eyes from his, even if its slightly awkward from the way he still holds my head up.

"Look at me." Yixing commands and my gaze shoots to his in an instant.

A jolt zips up my spine and it feels like the breath has been punched from my chest. When Taemin was helping me he tried to explain this feeling but failed to express it properly. Now i know why. It's impossible to explain what happens to your body... your head when your Dom demands something of you. It's like every nerve in my body is pulsing in the same rhythm of Yixing's breathing.

"Speak your mind, Junmyeon. Tell me what you're thinking. I never asked this of you, so why are you doing it?" Yixing asks, his thumb comes up to trace the outline of my bottom lip and i repress a shutter.

"I know you didn't ask it of me, but i felt that i had to prove myself to you...Sir." I say, my voice foreign to my own ears. I never knew my voice could sound so... vulnerable.

Yixing sighs, a visible shiver travels through his body as he steps forward. He lifts his finger higher so he can stare down on me even further. "This... this isn't what i wanted. This isn't how i want you."

"How do you want me? Do you even know what you want anymore?" I ask, watching the control and dominance slipping from his eyes and pulling me further from my own submission.

Yixing's eyes slide from my own and my stomach swirls with desperation to have them back. "I just... everything got so complicated. At first, it was innocent. Our relationship, if i can call it that, was simple. I kept you at arms length because i felt you wouldn't understand. You were so perfect, then when i found out about just how deep into this world you were, it.. it felt so tangible. Like i could keep you, but Junmyeon... I'm not like you."

"I never wanted you to be, Yixing. You're like a breath of fresh air. You don't have to be like me. I'd rather you not be, actually. I'm a messed up, pretentious, asshole on a good day. You think so highly of me, but really i'm kind of a shit of a person."

Yixing's eyes harden when they meet mine again and my skin tingles, while my breath catches. "Don't ever talk about yourself like that again."

I surrender as easily as blinking. "I'm sorry, sir."

His pupils dilate and his nostrils flare. He's fighting it terribly hard. I can tell. "It's okay, Yixing. I want this. Take it."

Yixing's jaw hardens and his eyes flutter as he drops my chin and takes a small step back. I almost feel the need to cry. "This isn't what i want, Junmyeon. I... this is why i'm trying to keep a distance between us. I can't. I can't live this. I already live this. I need a part of my life that's separate from this. At least to an extent."

"I don't understand. You kept giving me these signals. Looks of desiring me. Like you craved me." I say, feeling a small part of myself starting to break.

"Of course i crave you. Do you think i'd follow someone around for a whole year if i didn't want to touch them, feel them, taste them. I want you, all of you, but not like this." Yixing says, his eyes softening. "This is all you've ever known in a relationship, isn't it? This is all that's existed for you. A power dynamic?"

I bite at my lips and let my gaze drop to his feet. "I... this is all i've ever desired. When there's power. There's no risk."

"Do you still want that? Do you still want a life without risk? Never allowing yourself to get too close? I know i've been pushing you away. I've made my own efforts to keep a wall between us, but i feel that i can finally talk to you on a real honest level because there's no power here. There's no one who is higher than the other right now. So, talk to me. It's just me and you here. Just Junmyeon and Yixing. No Master. No Suho." He smiles gently at me and i see that beautiful boy come back to me that i couldn't help falling for in the beginning. "Is this all that there is for us? Is this all you want? Even now, Jun. I can see it in your eyes. You're submitting so beautifully, my love... but is this all you want from me?" Yixing asks, his voice as soft as liquid honey and my blood sings.

My lips quivers and i sag so i'm sitting on my calves. Suddenly everything is so prestinly crystal clear. "No... i thought it would be enough like this. That if i submit and show you i can do it then you'd let me in. I needed you to let me in because you were the first truly good thing in this world that made me want to be... something. You made me want to be more. You made me see myself clearly and I didn't particularly like what i saw. I wish to fix that for you. To be someone you want and deserve. I understand my own emotions now. I see why I had such fallacies over my behavior. I don't just want you, i need you. I now know why i wanted you by my side. Why i was desperate to keep you close. I'm tired, Yixing. I can't be strong anymore... i can't do this..."

Yixing is in my field of vision before i realize what is happening, and all too soon i'm wrapped in his arms. "You don't have to put on a brave front anymore. I'm right here. I'll hold you together. Both of us, on equal ground, keeping each other upright."

It makes so much sense. It's something i'd never thought of before. The ultimate question everyone asked me, was why i was doing this. Why i wanted Yixing by my side but didn't want to make him mine. I ruin everything i bring too close. I intended to keep him at arm's length, like a beacon in the fog, guiding me in the right direction. I just wanted a reminder of what he made me feel whenever i looked at his beautiful face. What he made me want when i felt him close behind me, watching over me like a guardian angel. But i got too close to the rocks. I lost control. I tried to be what Yixing wanted so i could keep him, but in the end, the reason i didn't want to let anyone close, the reason why i pushed everyone i secretly cared for, away... is because i don't want them to see the broken, half of a person hiding under my own cloak. I couldn't let them see how little control i really had all along.

"Yixing." I choke, and his hand smooths down my back.

And that's it. I break. After years of holding my head up like my neck was made of stone. After years of demanding power and never wavering in my resolve. I crumble in the arms of the man i love.

This is what he wanted. This is what he's been waiting for. The looks, the expectant gazes. He didn't want me to submit. He wanted me to be real. He wanted me to shed the mask and be true to myself as well as him. I've been putting up a brave front for so long, even i didn't realize when i was locking everyone else out. Yixing did.

He asked me to show him the real me and i failed time and time again, because even i don't know who that is. Kim Junmyeon is a fabrication of my parents. My father's company. Our social circle. Suho is another creation. A byproduct of a scared child trying to find some control in his world. But who am i? Who am i without those facades? Even i can't answer that.

Yixing holds me close, his soft voice and strong arms promising to keep me safe. Everything i'm left with. The crumbled pieces of myself, the fragments tossed behind the curtains are all that's left of me. The ruins of a once hopeful, imaginative child. It's all i have left. And Yixing accepts them as if they are the most beautiful things he'd ever seen.

....

"Come with me." Yixing says, it's not a request, but not a demand either.

"Where?" I ask as he leads me out of a backdoor. It's later in the day. Only a few hours of daylight left. I wonder how long we'd been in that room. "I came with Wonho."

Yixing smiles at me and steps closer, his gentle hands cradling my face as if the slightest pressure could crack it. "I'll have my people inform him and make alternate accommodations for him to get back home."

A deep sigh pulls from my lungs and i feel the weight of what just happened settle around us. I have never fallen apart like that nor broken down in front of someone before. I've never been held and allowed myself to show emotions like that in front of others. I was always the kid who got told to reel myself in and collect my emotions.

Never allowed to cry, or laugh like other kids. I was always expected to hold myself a certain way. To behave as i was told. I wasn't given the freedom of choice, and i certainly wasn't given unconditional love. My upbringing was tattooed with threats of losing everything i was taught to value if i dared step outside the line. I knew what i would risk if i dared to dream of a relationship that Yixing wants from me.

It scares me that i could wake up one day and find the people i relied on, trusted to always be by my side, turning their backs on me. So, i learned color in the lines and check every box i was told to. But it just doesn't hold the same power anymore. I'm scared of something else entirely... I'm terrified to lose Yixing. I'm terrified to go back to the same life, the same person i was before, without him.

I've changed. I hadn't realized it, but the second i asked Taemin to teach me how to submit, i gave up on everything. I wasn't asking him to help me develop another persona, i was asking him to help me destroy my current ones. All it took was Yixing to finally tap on the spiderwebbed glass. Who am i now?

Do i even fit into my world anymore?

Fingers curve around the side of my cheek and i blink my eyes open, not aware that i had closed them. "Are you okay?"

I breathe in deeply and bite at my lip. "I don't know. I don't precisely know where to go from here."

Yixing smiles and leans forward. His lips brush mine, sweeping gently over the sensitive flesh. I've never been kissed like this before. It's kind, caring. It tastes like love. I tilt my head and he takes me deeper, my head swirling and stomach clenching. He pulls my bottom lip between his and swipes his tongue over the crest. A kiss hasn't ever felt so good.

"Come home with me." Yixing says a bit airily when he pulls away, settling his forehead against mine.

When his eyes meet mine, i know without a doubt, i'd follow him into the abyss if he asked it of me.

.....

Yixing's gaze is unwavering. His patient and observant expression causing me to fidget. I feel like a kid again, back in my father's office with him sitting on one side of the desk berating me for some misbehavior i had participated in. Back then i always felt so powerless under his gaze. So weak.

As i got older, i learned to command authority. To stand up against those trying to question me, but to also be able to stand even with my father. I never wanted feel powerless before anyone ever again.

And yet. Here i am. Sitting before Yixing. Completely disarmed.

Even if i relinquished the power, it still feels odd. Like a knight without a shield. Exposed and vulnerable.

Yixing catches my eye and smiles, forcing my chest to flutter. I trust him. I'm not sure how to feel or where to go from here, but i know i'll be okay. Yixing has me, and i have him. We'll take care of one another. Guide each other down this new path.

"To understand who I am, i think we need to start from the beginning. I need to tell you how this began." Yixing says, his eyes dropping down in thought.

I sit back in my chair, addressing the others sat at the table as well and cross my legs, motioning for him to continue.  "Okay, go ahead."

Yixing had brought me home, saying i needed to see and understand a few things about him to help me fully grasp what he wants. When we arrived at his fraternity house, we had all eyes on us, curious and slightly concerned. I guess they weren't used to seeing me so out of sorts. I pride myself on being immaculately put together, but there's something liberating about not caring for once.

All it took was a look from Yixing and the words, "It's time to explain." for everyone to scatter, before coming back together in the dining room of the cozy feeling home.

They all sit on one side of the table. Chanyeol at one end, with Baekhyun seated on his lap, Zitao at the other end, shadowed by Kris standing behind him, and Sehun sitting on top of the table with legs folded, to Yixing's right. The blond boy from the party sits behind everyone, leaning against the window. And unfortunately, my sort of friend Kyungsoo and his significant other, Jongin are absent. Yixing sits at the head of the table, looking every bit of The Master i had expected The Master to look.

His eyes are piercing, commanding, but there's a softness to him. It's like a formal mixing of the two people right in front of me. Like the bridge connecting the two worlds into one.

Yixing nods and takes a deep breath. "I'm sure you're curious about The Master's brand. About how that person and business came into fruition."

I nod. "I admit, i'm still slightly shell shocked, but i am curious as to how you... and i mean this not to insult you, but i want to know how someone of your softer demeanor is capable of demonstrating this dominating and captivating character."

The smirk that touches his lips, twists in my gut like a pot of scalding led being poured straight into it. "The brand came into existence when i was just a kid. I was 16 when i thought it up. I was making my slow stumble into this lifestyle at that point and my curiosity led me to dreaming up different concepts, designs, products. I had been on many BDSM product sites, but most of them held that cheesy, almost raunchy type of feeling to them. It felt too in my face, too fabricated. It made me turn away from those things i wanted to try due to feeling uncomfortable, almost dirty in a way. In my mind, i couldn't understand why sexual and kinky had to be so low class. So, i imagined a brand, a site with the level of class that buying high couture would. I needed to imagine going to buy a dildo with the same ease and sophistication of buying a Louis Vuitton bag would. So, i dreamed up The Master's brand. It laid in the back of my closet like a dirty secret for years until one day, Baekhyun found my ideas. He found the folder in which i had stashed every design, outline, and fleeting thought. Baekhyun being Baekhyun, decided to take my imagination to reality." He pauses and looks over at his best friend who gives him a knowing smile. The fond eye roll Yixing gives the other is almost endearing.

"Baekhyun had designed a very rough first draft of our website. It wasn't exactly beautiful, but there it was, everything i had dreamed, organized and presented on the page before me. I was shocked, but i couldn't be upset when i saw something I expected just to remain in my closet, so tangible. It was at my fingers and gods, i wanted it. Of course it was just a prototype at the time, a conceptual idea. None of the products i had idealized could actually be sold yet, and i didn't even know a single thing about how to get the ideas in my head into an actual product. It was all above me at that point. I was a senior in high school. I had no idea how to even start." Yixing explains, seeming overwhelmed, even now. "So, i refused to get my hopes up... that is, until it actually took off. People started visiting the site. They filled my inbox and comment sector with support and compliments. They wanted more. Apparently i wasn't the only one who desired more than the gaudy, ridiculousness that often accompanied kinky product sites. I wanted to give that to people, even if i felt so out of my element. So, i went to the only person i knew who had a background in all of this. Byun Heechul. Baekhyun's mother."

I raise an eyebrow at the mention of Heechul. He's slightly known in the business world as he has his hands in a great deal of things. From properties, to publishing. He is all over the place, but people rarely see him. He was like a ghost. All this time, that man is Baekhyun's father?... or mother, as Yixing called him.

"I showed Heechul the site, my ideas, the public outreach. Part of me expected him to shy away, but instead he took us under his wing. He helped me get off the ground. Suddenly i was being funded to start up an entire company by Baekhyun's mother, and i was expected to gather a team, create my first line, and produce a product all within a year. It was a hell of a year. Most of the people on my team ended up being the people you see at this table." Yixing motions to the people scattered around him. I finally take note at how they look together, so sure and comfortable. These aren't just friends, this is a company family. They have absolute confidence and trust in each other.

No wonder they always look so bonded. They've been doing this for years, pushed together for something greater than just friendship. They've been fighting and driving themselves for so long now that they've established the purest of trust and operations. It's almost astounding seeing how this is literally the top tier brain of an immensely successful company.

"I went to Tao first. I knew he was majoring in fashion when we would leave to start university in the fall. I've seen his own clothes he would create and wear to school. Hell, he even created his own prom tux. So, when i needed someone to help me with fabric, textiles, materials, and just putting all of it together into an actual wearable piece, he's the first person i thought of. Just like Heechul, i expected to be turned away, but Tao seemed excited. We got to work, but my design was a bit lackluster and we had a hard time coming up with something that would work. I almost gave up right there. I mean, i was staring down the back of my first semester of college. I felt so in over my head, but then..." He pauses, his eye twinkling with fondness.

"Then Sehun came to us. He noticed that our designs were a bit arbitrary and lacked form. The little genius stepped in and pulled both of our ideas together. With Sehun fronting the designs, Tao was free to pick out the fabric and create the first demos of our line." Yixing smiles, a sense of pride existing in his eyes. He reaches over and squeezes the youngest's thigh. "I remember when we finished the line. It was just a simple set of two corsets, a few harnesses, and some accessory pieces. It was simple, but we were damn proud of it."

I smile, looking down at my hands and nod. "I bought every one of those before they went off market. The first line was so simple, yet intricate. I could see that so much detail and thought went into it. Even back then, The Master had so much potential."

"Really? You bought all of them? Even the corsets?" Baekhyun asks, raising his eyebrows.

I chuckle and shrug, not offering any further explanation. Yixing seems to contemplate this, before a slightly amused smirk pulls his lips up. My thighs tense.

"After the prototypes came out, the response was immediate. We had more orders coming in than we knew what to do with. So we went to Heechul. Seemingly overnight he established a tight team of workers and opened a small space downtown where we had an operations center. My summer was filled with nonstop work. My small idea had evolved into a full force company and i still don't know how i functioned those first couple of months. I couldn't have done any of it without Baekhyun, Tao and Sehun." Yixing pauses and a sad look entered his eyes.

"By the end of the summer, a second line was in the works and we almost needed to double our work force with the sheer size of demand we had, not only from the first line, but also the second. It was manageable, i didn't get much sleep, but we somehow did it." Yixing chuckles along with his friends, nostalgia deep in their eyes. "When i entered my first year here, things went drastically down hill. I was messing up on my studies, my head wasn't as focused on the line. Things piled up, and i just couldn't run things on my own anymore. A week away from the launch of the third line and the first release of adult toys into our brand, i fell ill and ended up in the hospital. I worked myself so hard that i almost burnt out. After I woke up, a decision had been made by the team and they voiced their concerns. If i didn't bring someone in to share the work then they'd be putting the new line on hold."

A somber tone takes over the air around the people sitting before me and i can't even imagine how hard it had to of been to watch someone they care about so much go through something like that. How worried they must have been. My chest aches at the idea of Yixing pushing himself like that. I find myself concerned when the man doesn't eat for a meal, but to watch him destroy himself with work. It must have been awful. A company is only as strong as its foundation. Obviously in this company, that solid structure is Yixing. They all rely on him so much. I'm honestly, surprised he didn't break sooner.

"That's when Kris came in. He had been silently observing our little company in the time Tao had been working with me, so when i fell ill, and unable to perform my duties as the CEO, which yes is my official title now." Yixing adds when he sees my eyebrows shoot up, but continues without bringing much attention to it. "Kris stepped in and started running the little things that always made my days stressful. The things that kept me busy and unable to focus on my studies. At the time, he was just simply helping because he knew how to do this stuff. He was in his second year of his business major and had grown up with a father who ran a large corporation. He fit in and managed things so seamlessly that i started to rely on him more and more. At the beginning of our second year, i named Kris my official COO, and he accepted the job without hesitation. He runs things now, only reporting to me and coming to me with handled matters or things he can't figure out alone. It allows me to focus on our products and the creation process, rather than the operations of the company."

My eyes flash to my tall friend who smiles and shrugs. We were both unaware about the parts we played in this commanding person's life. Yixing really is remarkable.

"Things took off from there, only getting more and more in-depth. Our small company was beginning to rapidly develop and it still is. Every day it gets bigger. We have a whole warehouse downtown for production and management, but we're quicky exceeding it. Heechul has taken over the official title of CFO for now and is basically helping manage that while we all are still going to school." Yixing flips open his binder and hands a paper to me. "These are the projections for the next year as our company is about to grow even further."

I glance at the paper and am riddled with shock. Holy shit that's a lot of numbers. "So... do they remain in positions within the company?" I ask motioning to Yixing's original team.

Yixing smiles and nods. "They're all executives. Sehun has just accepted the position of my chief designer. We all collaborate with him about what we want to see and he handles the concepts. He draws out what we want and makes it into art. Then it goes to Tao, who discusses materials and finance with Heechul and me. Then he makes a prototype, which are usually fitted to Baekhyun and Jongin. Once we get the finalized design it's sent to the production team, who handle the build of the line. Sehun and Tao oversee these things so the themes and advertising of the line fits their vision. Then it hits the site and PR takes it over, not that we really need much help in advertising, but that department is very loyal and dedicated to our brand." he chuckles and takes a deep breath. My head is spinning so I can only imagine what he's going through.

"Social media has been a godsend in the development of The Masters community." Yixing says, sitting back to lean against his chair, pointing at the petite boy at the end. "It wasn't until Baekhyun suggested doing a few videos demonstrating our products and how to use them, that our brand really took off in the underground. Then i was being invited to events and conventions to do live shows and promote our label. It was amazing, but then... i got overwhelmed again. My studies fell behind and i lost track of some things because i was so busy traveling and presenting. Everyone kind of started burning out a bit. That's when Kris stepped in an made a decision for all of us."

Kris sighs and reached out placing a hand on Yixing's shoulder. He looks up at me with a heavy gaze, the gaze of a boss. "I decided it best for everyone to take a hiatus. This last year, we all needed somewhat of a break. Even without a new line being put out every six months, we are still growing rapidly, so i felt it necessary to put everyone in a time out. But this last summer everyone came to me, expressing their desire to create again. Yixing started doing shows a couple months ago and we've designed a whole new line coming out this summer. We've all been a bit busy, but honestly, this is almost ingrained in our veins now."

Yixing nods and chuckles. "When i first created 'The Master' i never foresaw it reaching this level. It's kind of jarring when i think about everything we've done over the past four years."

I blink at Yixing from across the table and breathe out a breath i hadn't even realized I'd been holding. "How much are you worth at this point?"

My eyes widen when i realize how rude of me it was to ask such a thing, but even before i could, Yixing holds up a hand. I'm silence just by a gesture of this man.

Yixing's lips twitch into a slight smirk and he folds his hands together on the table. "I could buy your father's company three times and still afford to live comfortably for the rest of my life, Junmyeon. And that's if i shut everything down and never make another dime off of The Master."

I swallow thickly and suddenly realize, I've never had the power in this relationship, not really. Yixing was always so far above me... just out of my reach. Of course my money and power never impressed him. He had all of that. So that means, he really just wanted me this whole time. It's a bit astonishing.

"Let us discuss where that leaves you and I, then." I suggest, unbuttoning my shirt sleeves and rolling them up.

"Whoop, that's our cue to leave." Baekhyun suddenly announces, standing up and pulling his boyfriend up as well.

"Wait, no. I have some fucking questions too." A small framed boy, who i remember as the one being tied up at the party, announces from where he's been leaned against the wall behind the table. "So you're all, just a part of this company? This large, high functioning company. Most of you are like heads of departments, like... you're fucking college students!"

Yixing snorts and looks over his shoulder at the boy. "Lu, breathe. Trust me, it's kind of shocking to us as well, but this is our lives. This is what we have created. It's bigger than any of us ever expected."

This Lu person looks unsettled and just whines a bit, causing Sehun to unfold himself from off the table and gracefully move over to comfort him. "So, you're all into... um, into this stuff?"

It's Baekhyun's turn to speak up, clearly one of the most open in the group. "Some of us enjoy small things, such as light impact play or even role playing, and some of us enjoy the harder stuff like bondage and Dom/Sub dynamics. Sehun is into rope bondage as I'm sure you're aware by now, Kris is pretty vanilla, though I've seen him eyeing the new line of harnesses. I suspect he has a leather thing. Tao has a slight praise kink as does Yeol, plus some kinks we have yet to explore fully." A small squeak behind him lets me know that the larger man under him isn't completely confident in his desires yet, but remains quiet. "Jongin is well, Jongin. He's pretty much down for anything as long as he gets pleasure out of it. And Yixing and Soo are just a bucket full of tricks and fun."

Luhan blinks steadily at the other and just shakes his head. "What kind of kinky circus did i get myself involved in?"

Baekhyun smirks, apparently taking a level of amusement at the other's expense. "Well you better prepare yourself, Sweetheart. The monthly orgy is next week and we've chosen you as the main dish."

The blond boy looks panicked for a second, and yet doesn't look off-put by the idea. Interesting. I'll have to keep an eye on this one and how he continues to develop.

"He's kidding." Yixing says, fixing Baekhyun with a stern look and attempting to calm the newbie. "We are actually very loyal and traditional in our relationships. Though we all have our niches, we also understand boundaries and respect each other's limits."

"Also, if you have any questions of interests, you can go to Yixing to help you." Sehun adds. "There's a lot of tastes that he's helped all of us work out with some things we found interest in. Being in this world as much as we are, most of us came across a intensive amount of information. Yixing helped us and guided us to realize who we were and what we really enjoyed. No judgment or awkwardness."

Tao hums in agreement. "We have a family motto or well, a company motto i guess you can say. It's 'We don't kink shame in this family.' At first it started out as a joke, but then involved into the thing we say when someone seems unsure or worried about having a certain curiosity. It's also the thing that comes out when we want to remind each other not to judge or make fun of each other. Even over simple things that really have nothing to do with kinks at all."

Chanyeol smiles fondly and leans forward looking at Lu, who seems to have calmed considerably and I realize what they're doing. They're offering him a safe place and understanding that he'll never be judged or disrespected in this group. It's kind of amazing seeing friends operate like this.

Chanyeol pats his boyfriends leg fondly. "When Sehun first dove into his interest in ropes, I'll admit that some of us poked a bit of fun, but then Yixing quieted us with that phrase and it instantly settled us. We had this grand sense of awareness that Sehun was our family and that he deserves the respect of having his own tastes. We may not enjoy it, but we're so happy that he does. In another sense Kyungsoo used those words when Tao was judging Baekhyun for dipping his frenchries into a milkshake a few weeks ago. It's kind of like... our safe word in a way."

The table grins at Chanyeol's word usage and explanation, but also ignoring Baekhyun's, "It's fucking delicious." in response to his eating habit.

"So you all just coexist in this house with a vast collection of kinks and you all also run this profoundly successful company, and this is normal to you?" Lu asks, not accusing, but seeming to finally understand.

Yixing smiles at his friends and then looks toward the boy. "Yeah, we wouldn't have it any other way at this point."

Lu hangs his head, seeming deep in thought and the others leave him. Letting him work out what he needs to. Acceptance seems to be his biggest problem. Learning to love and embrace yourself is one of the most important steps when diving into this lifestyle.

I smile fondly at the blond boy, clearly new to all of this. After what i saw at the party, he didn't seem naive, but maybe just evolving. Stepping behind the Kinky world curtain can be quite overwhelming at first before you figure out your style and niche. It seems like Sehun is guiding him quite well though, as the taller boy smooths a hand down his back.

Which reminds me of who has more than likely guided Sehun. Holy fuck, Yixing is The Master. He's the man I've idolized for years. The man who i would be willing to do anything just to talk to, let alone have a chance to know. But here he is, right in front of me.... wanting... me?

Yixing seems to realize my sudden change of thoughts and wordlessly looks at his friends, who just nod and clear the room.

Now that's power.

The type of power i've always dreamed of possessing, but now... i don't know what i want.

"Why did you feel the need to tell me all of this? What is your desired point?" I ask, placing my elbow on my knee and leaning forward with my jaw cushioned on my palm.

"Jun, i live this life. Every day i'm surrounded by these things. I never get a moment to just breathe normal air. I'm not saying i want to give it up. I'm not saying i want to leave it behind. But i need a sense of normal." Yixing stands and walks to the other side of the tabel, leaning against the edge. He's still in the, clearly tailored, suit he was wearing from the show, and my eyes can't help but trace the outline of his body. He ditched the boots back at the convention, but now he's wearing an expensive set of dress shoes, tying off the look. Yixing looks every bit of a powerful CEO at this moment. Every bit of The Master. "I want us to try normal."

My eyebrows furrow and i drop my eyes. "I have never done normal. I have practiced in this lifestyle since i was an adolescent. It offered a sense of control and organization for me. I... i don't know what normal is."

Yixing nods and sighs out a tired sounding breath. "Me either. I'll be honest, Taemin shared with me what you have been trying to do."

My eye widen. That little, insolent-

"I went into that convention today fully ready to accept your submission." Yixing continues breaking off my thoughts. He sees the appalled look in my eyes and lifts his shoulder in indifference. "I figured that if we got each other out of our systems then maybe you'd let go of this idea of us. I was ready to take you into a scene with me, but then i heard what you said to The Master before you knew it was me. I heard the way you told me the full extent of your feelings and i realized that what i thought i wanted and what i actually wanted were different. The minute you dropped at my feet and i saw your eyes give everything to me... my heart broke."

At this, my lips part. Chest caught in a vise, i reach out with my free hand and Yixing meets me halfway. "I don't... i don't know who i am, Yixing. I don't know what to do from here or what will happen. I can't promise you that this will be easy. Tomorrow i can wake up and slip right back into asshole Junmyeon."

Yixing's eyes harden and he ticks up an eyebrow, making my stomach swirl once again. "My apologies, S-... Yixing."

The other just takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "Clearly you're not the only one who has a hard time letting go of a part of themselves that feels so integrated into their mindset."

My eyes sparkle with interest. "Do we necessarily have let go?"

His teeth pull at the flesh of his lip and he fixes me with a gaze of uncertainty. "I don't want either of us to be on unequal ground. I don't want a power dynamic to exist between us. I want a relationship with you, Junmyeon."

"Why can't we exercise both?" I suggest, running my thumb over the back of his. "We know that neither of us stand above the other. Neither of us is any more important than the other. In the bedroom, i give you power because i want to, but outside we share. 50/50."

Yixing seems a bit swayed by my suggestion and mulls it over for a few seconds, then a playful smirk tugs at his lips. "And if i don't want to always be in charge in the bedroom."

Slowly, too slowly, my mind grasps onto his words. "You... you would let me... You would be willing to sub for me?"

His eyebrows bunch and he chuckles. It's smooth and sexy, just like Yixing. "As i have many times, yes."

"You sub?" I ask completely caught off guard.

Yixing sorts. "Jun, there's a lot we have to talk about and work out before we go any further in this. I've existed on the scene before The Master persona came into being. And i exist out of that character too. I've subbed many times."

I sigh and turn my head so my eyes are covered by my palm. "We have a lot to discuss, don't we?"

My head is tugged up from my hand with a strong finger under my chin. Yixing smirks at me and i'm quickly starting to like that cocky smile on his beautiful lips. "I believe you still have a date left, Mr. Kim. Last chance to fully convince me."

I feel myself laugh at his playfulness and realize it's an honest laugh. I haven't felt one in such a long time. "It would be my honor, Mr. Zhang."

>>>>

~Yixing~

"Yixing, first an foremost, i would like to apolo-"

I hold up my hand and blink at the other. "If you try to tell my you're sorry for having a breakdown in front of me earlier, I'll walk right out of this restaurant, Junmyeon."

We had decided to go somewhere close for our date, which had us end up at a pizza place the guys frequent. It's their favorite due to it being close and cheap. I haven't really had pizza in the longest time. We took a table in a back corner, secluded from the rest of the place. It gives us a feeling of privacy and perhaps makes it a bit more intimate.

Junmyeon looks a bit flustered but just takes a deep breath and relaxes. "Okay then, I propose two rules before we move forward." Junmyeon says holding up two fingers with a slightly amused twinkle in his eyes. Is this who Jun is underneath it all? This slightly playful, at ease individual who seems content just to exist instead on asserting his presence in the room? Because if it is, i might actually get used to this person.

I know Junmyeon says he doesn't know who he is, but i think he's a bit less broken than he thinks. I've gotten glimpses of him over the year i watched him. I've seen him relax and just exist within himself. He wasn't Kim Junmyeon in those moments, he was just my Jun. The relaxed, humble guy who watches dramas while doing his laundry. The man who rereads his favorite tattered copy of our favorite book instead of doing homework. The person who walks to a food stand every thursday because the woman running it pats his head and gives him extra chicken due to him looking too thin.

The real Junmyeon has been here all along, i just think he failed to see it. After our first meeting, this epic power struggle and complicated situation slipped into our relationship. I haven't seen the real Jun since then... My Jun.

"Okay, first?" I say, leaning my arms on the table.

Junmyeon chuckles at me and it's so nice seeing the man i fell for once again. "No power. Neither pedestal rests above the other's. Its just Yixing and Junmyeon."

My name has never sounded sweeter on his lips. "Deal. Two?"

"Two, no question is off limits. Whether big or small, we must answer." Junmyeon explains, tilting his head waiting for my response.

I feel my lips tilt into an amused smirk and i nod once. "Okay, deal. Nothing is off the table."

Junmyeon grins and lifts his glass asking for a toast to our understanding. "Great, i'll start. Have you engaged in sexual relations with Oh Sehun?"

My eyes widen and i splutter into my water as i take a drink. I blink at the other man across the table from me and he lifts an eyebrow. He's right, this was our agreement. Alright then. Here we go. No holds.

"No, but he did give me a blowjob once in the bathroom after class that day you sat next to me." I answer giving him pure honesty.

Junmyeon's jaw tightens and then he sighs. "I know, i was in that bathroom. I heard everything. I didn't know if you had pursued anything with him after that."

My jaw drops. "What the hell were you doing in the bathroom?"

A snort. "Well, honestly... I was jealous of Sehun. It didn't look like you were well and then he came over and took you from me, so i followed. By the time i realized your actual problem, i was in the other stall listening to the events unfolding on the other side of the thin wall. A part of me was angry that he got to touch you like that, but another part of me was deeply affected by how your pleasure sounded."

"Fuck," I breathe. "I knew i saw you walking down the hall away from us after we left the bathroom."

Junmyeon shrugs. "I had to go find a empty classroom to angrily tug myself to completion."

I press my lips together to suppress my laughter. "Must have been hard for you."

Junmyeon's lips twitch as he catches onto my joke. "Exceedingly so, Mr. Zhang."

I crack up at that and he follows me soon after. When we get our bearings settled Junmyeon takes a moment to collect himself and then motions for me to ask my own question.

"Hmm... tell me honestly, why did you not say anything after you found out i was following you?" I ask a question that had been swirling around in my head for some time.

The man across the table from me drops his eyes, seeming to collect his thoughts and i let him take his time. "Selfishness. That's the best way i can describe it. When you would show up and i felt you close, it conjured a private domain... just you and me. In that small sector of time, i felt that i had you all to myself and that i finally had something that was mine; only mine. In that instance i felt the loneliness that often threatened to drown me dissipate and it was you and I together. No one could take you from me that way."

A frown finds its way to my face when i realize just how much Junmyeon had relied on me following him around. As much as i had really. We needed each other even when we didn't know the why. It became an obsession for both of us because it was the only time we felt we could step outside of our worlds and just breathe for a second. It makes sense, and honestly i feel the tightness around my belly ease from the guilt of stalking Junmyeon. He could have said something after the first few times. He could have dismissed me and i would have let him be, but he didn't. Junmyeon wanted me there and because of that it makes my heart settle. Junmyeon knew i was his human shadow and he still allowed me to see into his world... to see parts of him he never let anyone else view. Maybe... in my own right... i know Junmyeon better than most people.

"Did you ever regret following me?" Junmyeon questions, his eyes deep and layered with emotions.

I release a heavy sigh and smile a bit at the truth before us. "No, i regretted infringing on your privacy and how you'd feel if you found out, but i never regretted following you. It was like the stress and ache in my shoulders lifted the second i saw you. Like merely being in your presence made me feel at ease i hadn't felt in a long time. The more i saw of you, the more you brought me peace. You became my safe place to escape to when everything got too much."

Junmyeon smiles softy at me and reaches across the table for my hand. "You felt as such too? I felt insane because i didn't even know you and yet, whenever i felt you near or saw glimpses of you out of my peripherals, i felt myself take a full breath of air."

"So basically... we were both stupid fools." I comment, shaking my head at our behavior.

"I should have just been more forward with you. I should have asked for you name and number the first day i realized you were there. I shouldn't have been such a coward." Junmyeon adds.

"Would things have ended like this? Would we have ended like this?" I ask.

Junmyeon seems to mull that over then sighs, shaking his head. "No. I needed to realize some things about myself first. I had to realize why i needed you and what i wanted from you. I've never been the relationship or caring type of guy, but i find that i have the uttermost fondness for you, Yixing. I care about you to the point that i'd give up everything and walk away from it all if that is what you required of me."

"I'd never ask that of you." I stress, squeezing his hand.

"I know, but in the end it might be how our story develops. I'm not assured how my parents will accept this relationship nor am i confident i even want to pursue the same things. There's a lot i still have to figure out about myself now." He pauses and i give him a second to think. "I do know that a life without you in it is unacceptable to me, now. I think i had to unravel myself to realize what i wanted and the only thing that remained sure is that i want this... i want us."

"I'm still not completly sure why you want me, but i can't fight it anymore. Seeing the lengths you went through just to keep me close is almost heart wrenching. Everytime you tried to reach out for me, everytime you were basically telling me you needed help.. i pushed you away." I say with shame deep in my voice.

Junmyeon's eyes widen and he reaches forward with his other hand to grasp mine. "No, do not think like that, Yixing. Please don't. I needed to figure some things out. I required you to push me away so i could figure out how bad i wanted you. How far i'd be willing to go to fight for you. Please don't think that you did anything wrong in this. As far as i see it... everything else is in the past. Right now, we are two people on a date getting to know one another."

My chest tightens at his words. Maybe he's right. Maybe we just need to let go of the past and decide how to move forward together. I'm tired of fighting and i know he is too. It's time to let go of the things that were holding us back and choose the path that leads us to happiness above all else.

"I am curious. Someone who makes as much as you should be able to have the nicest of things at his fingertips... why do you live the way you do? Working at the club. Living at the frat house. You could live in luxury and yet, you choose to live as a simpleton." Junmyeon asks, picking up a piece of pizza off the neglected tray between us.

I chuckle and shrug my shoulders. "Why do you live in the dorms? I'm sure your parents could have gotten you a pent house close to campus."

He pauses mid chew and nods in understanding. He gets that need for simplicity, even if you can afford the best, sometimes comfort trumps everything else. "I like my job at the club. It humbles me, gives me a space outside of the company to just enjoy being a regular college student."

He takes in my words and chuckles to himself. "Most college students don't wear glorified underwear and body glitter at their jobs, but I'm glad it gives you a sense of peace."

A snort pulls from me at his words, but I choose not to comment on it. "Also, i own the frat house. All of the boys live there rent free. The only thing they are responsible for is dues. Our chapter had been threatened by the school to be closed due to multiple issues, but i stepped in and bought the house. Our frat organization is registered and recognized by the school, but since our house is privately owned, there's not much they can touch. Jongdae is also employed by me as our house 'father', which means i basically hired him to be a glorified babysitter for my dumbasses when I'm not there to keep an eye on them."

Pizza forgotten, Junmyeon just stares at me awestruck. "Good heavens... What is your intention with the property after graduation?"

I smile at that question remembering when the other guys had asked me the same thing when Kris mentioned moving out after he graduates. "I bought another house closer to the main campus and planned to turn that into the new house for incoming rushes. We have a group of new members who are living in the dorms and will move there at the start of next year. Once Sehun, the youngest of us graduates, I'm passing the letters over to the new house. We've all agreed that we love our home and don't want to leave after graduation. At least for a while."

"goodness gracious." Junmyeon breaths looking shocked. "That's... woah..."

I nod and shrug again. "It's our home. I can't leave it. Not when I've spent years trying to find it."

Something enters his eyes and my heart aches. I wonder if he's still searching himself. I wonder if he's lost like i used to be before i found my boys. I watch Junmyeon nibble at a bit of his slice and think about how stupid i had been to think that this man was so high above me. He's amazing and so brilliant, but he's not this unobtainable being that stands above an empire looking down on the world like i assumes. Junmyeon is just a lost college student who is trying his best to live up to expectations and keep himself together. It's so humbling to see this man as... just another person. So much like myself.

"You're welcome to join the fraternity as well. Luhan is planning on joining next semester. You two still have to live in the dorms for a year as per rules of the board because we still have to technically follow those, but it looks really good on applications and i hear our next president is already fond of you." I remark, picking up a slice of pizza myself. Minseok would kill me if he knew, but i can afford a cheat every once in a while.

Junmyeon's eyebrows shoot up. "Who will be your next president?"

I smirk and take a bite of the absolutely repulsive and delicious grease and carb filled food. "It's tradition to pass the baton onto the current presidents little. Which in Kris's case, it's Kyungsoo."

The other releases a whistle and sits back a bit. "Oh... that's slightly terrifying."

I feel amusement and pride bubble up from my stomach. "Isn't it? I can't wait. They asked me if i wanted it since I'm slightly older than Soo, but i just couldn't. Not with everything i already do. Plus, watching the other boys squirm under Soo's rein will bring me some enjoyment."

"I guess i can add sadism to the list." Junmyeon comments offhandedly.

My eyebrow ticks up. "There's a list?"

"And it keeps getting bigger the more we converse." Junmyeon shakes his head while releasing a disbelieving laugh. "How did you even get started in this? Where did you learn about this world."

Well, i didn't expect us to get here so soon, but might as well embrace it. "I had an older boyfriend in high school. He had some interest and showed me a path. I took it and quickly surpassed him. He dumped me soon after i started forming my own opinions and wanted to try being in control for once."

Junmyeon's eyes harden. "How much older?"

I look down momentarily and sigh. "Too old to be dating a high school student."

"What the fuck... that's... that shit is not okay in our community. I hate those amateur Doms who think that just because they hold a paddle and like to see people on their knees that they know what they're doing. They have zero training and are the reason our people have a bad name. Please tell me he faced some sort of consequence for his actions." Junmyeon asks, a wild streak in his expression.

I blink at the other, slightly taken aback by his outburst. I don't think I've ever heard him use profanity before. An amused chuckle pulls from my lips as I watch Junmyeon pick up his glass and take a long drink.

"China is a very different country, it's one of the reasons i left." I offer.

Junmyeon's jaw clenches and he breaths out a rough breath. "Well, i apologize on behalf of that scum of the earth. You deserved a better introduction."

I smile at that and shrug again. "I was fortunate enough to have gotten out early. I turned a dark period of my life into my personal strength and success. I believe I've done quiet well, don't you think?"

His responding laugh makes me grin. "So when you said you had experience when Subbing, that's what you meant, that you literally started there."

"Yes, it's all i knew about the life at first. It was when i delved into my research that i realized what was wrong with our relationship and tried to break out. I was tired of being hurt and sub dropped by someone who just knew the actions, not the full practice. I haven't really been partial to subbing since. I've done it a few times. I found a few Doms that i could trust, but nothing that i could do long term. Being under the mask of The Master gave me a sense of control and protection that allowed me to heal and find my enjoyment in the scene once again." I explain reaching for my drink.

"That bastard sub-dropped you?" Junmyeon grits out.

My throat suddenly a bit dry under his darkened eyes, I take a large gulp of water. "Many times. I didn't even understand what was happening back then as i was inexperienced, but when i finally realized what he was doing to me, i put a stop to it and suggested switching it up so i could help him learn about it better. He lashed out and broke things off. I was crushed, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me." 

He contemplates this and seems to accept my reasoning. I had lost my anger and pain over it a while ago. Now I see it as an experience i needed to grow. To become the person i am and to create what i have. I used my past to become somewhat of a "Master" that people can come to and find answers. A safe place in our shadowed world. After all The Master's website isn't just for products. It's a community. Support for whoever needs it.

"Is that why you have the 24 hour chat on your site? And the member message boards? For people who need help like you did?" He asks perfectly mirroring my thoughts.

I smirk at his spot on observation and nod. "No one should have to put up with ignorance and lack of experience."

Junmyeon appears to agree with that and thankfully lets it go. It's not something i'm particularly still dealing with, but i just don't like to live in the past. I've moved on and changed for the better.

"So, all of the situations it seemed as if you were submitting to me?" Junmyeon says vaguely, but i get his meaning.

"To an extent, i was. You have a natural aura of a dominant. It was easy for me to slip into that role with you, but then i realized that i didn't want that. I didn't want to submit to you... not like that at least." I explain. "That day you took me to that bistro and was throwing around what Baekhyun calls your 'big dick energy'. I just got severely turned off by it. I've had that type of person in my life before and i didn't want another. When you said you wanted me by your side and that it wasn't a request, something in me clicked. I decided right then and there that i didn't want it if we had to end up in a power struggle. That's why i started fighting back so hard."

Junmyeon winces and i almost laugh at his sheepish expression. "I kind of see now that such a display wouldn't impress a person like you. Hell, even knowing now how much of an empire you have under your own feet, that type of power doesn't suit you."

I nod, glad he can finally see me clearly. That Junmyeon finally notices the person under my own masks. "I guess when i started fighting back, you took that as a sign that i wanted your submission."

He hangs his head with a bit of an embarrassed shyness playing on his face. "I had been in this world for so long that there's only two types of dynamics to me. Either you submit or you demand it. It's the only way i could think of handling you pushing me away and standing up to me. That you must be asking for me to give up my power." He frowns and bites at his lip in thought. "I guess you were... but only to finally be on equal footing. You wanted us to be real and level for once."

A proud smile brushes my lips and i slide my foot forward to touch against his own. "It's nice to finally meet you, Jun."

Junmyeon looks up at me, almost looking a bit relieved and dare i say free. "It's nice to meet you too, Yixing."

His foot nudges into mine as we continue to eat and get to know the other person on the other side of the table. Junmyeon's favorite color is Violet and his favorite food is Sushi. He loves rabbits and his best memory is vacationing in the Caribbean with his family. He's actually a decent golf player and he is terrible at keeping his room clean. Junmyeon is real. Junmyeon is kind. And his voice saying my name is my new favorite sound.

>>>>>

Chickens!!

Hey, dolls. Well... here it is. The long awaited explanation and fallout of Yixing/Master gate 2019. Lmao. Okay, it's not that serious, but i figured after how much you guys begged me for this, i almost want confetti to pop off after you guys open the chapter. Like, Wattpad... get on that?

Anyways, i hope you guys liked it and how it developed. I know a lot of you were asking for a smut scene but i just didn't feel it was right for these two. Reading back through the SuLay chapters, i realized that these two don't really know each other. They've been playing this cat and mouse game for so long that now that they've finally given in, they kind of need time to actually date and get to know each other. I wanted to throw in an actual SCENE, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it. They need time to figure each other out and what they want. It'll take some navigating before they are ready to jump back into the bdsm world together. I hope you guys can understand and aren't too disappointed.

Let me know your thoughts. We're getting really close to the final chapters, guys. This has been years in the making and it's kissing the ass of the end. Bare with me a little longer as i try to give these crazy kids the proper ending they deserve.

HunHan is up next. See you then.

~M~