~Chanyeol~

A long suffering sigh escapes my lips, as I lean against the counter and once again organize the straws by color (since Tao insists on ordering rainbow variety packs) to give me something to do. Sunday mornings are always the worst at El D's because it's too early for students to drag themselves out of bed just for a cup of coffee, and all of the university staff has the day off. The afternoons liven up a bit, especially when Soo starts making food, but until then, I'm stuck in this hell.

I groan out loud, letting my head fall to the counter, because I hate not doing anything... Like I seriously might go insane with boredom soon.

I'm contemplating on going back into the kitchen to bother Kyungsoo, but also wondering if the possibility of being shoved into the industrial bread oven again will be worth it, when Minseok stalks into the coffee shop. His feet hit the ground in heavy near stomps as he makes his way towards the front counter. He stops at the pastry display case and opens the small door a little too forcefully.

Minseok pulls out a mocha bun and shuts the case, before lifting the sweet to his mouth about to take a large bite.

"Hyung" I call, stopping him before he can bite down on the sugary treat. His eyes lift to mine, slowly. Minseok glares at me, as if he's waiting for me to challenge his actions.

I swallow hard and clear my throat "y-you said those are for paying customers only and that we shouldn't eat them... I-I just don't want you to be regretful later for eating it when you shouldn't have"

Minseok blinks at me, as if contemplating my death in a million possibles ways. His stare stays locked on mine as he slowly steps over to the cash register, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple notes. Minseok then opens the register, places the notes inside and slams the drawer closed all without his eyes wavering from mine for a single second.

I try to hold it in, I really do, but my mouth moves on autopilot. I won't even blame Minseok if he decides to punch me in the face at this point "enjoy your pastry, Hyung"

Minseok stares at me with almost wide disbelieving eyes, as if he's questioning if anyone can really be as stupid as he thinks I am right now. The answer to this question is yes, yes they can be.

"Go fuck yourself, Chanyeol" he says directly, then takes a bite of his bun, and finally breaks eye contact, walking to his office and slamming the door.

I cringe at the sound and blink rapidly at the counter in front of me, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

Glancing around the cafe, I find Kyungsoo leaning against the doorframe between the kitchen and the front counter. He shakes his head at me and rolls his eyes, walking back into the kitchen without a word said, but leaving the weight of his silence to press down on me.

Bickering follows his absence, and I wonder if I want to waste the energy to go break those two up, or if I want to wait it out and see if it dissipates on its own.

Just a few more hours and I get to be with Baekhyun, I remind myself, pleasantly smiling at the thought. At least there's something to get me through today, and as I hear Tao's high pitch screaming from the back, pleading with Kyungsoo not to turn 'it' on, quickly followed by the loud buzz of an industrial mixer and more loud screaming, I realize it might be the only thing to get me through today.

>>>>>

~Baekhyun~

I stretch out, yawning a bit from being still for so long and shake my head. I hadn't realized how long I've been reading, but as I look out the large window in the living room, I realize just how low the sun is hanging in the sky. We'll need to head over to my parents soon, which quickly makes me wonder where Chanyeol is, it's not like him to be late.

The thought quickly disappears from my head though, when Sehun walks into the room, his sketchbook tightly tucked under his arm. He seems to be searching for something and stops when he notices me sitting on the couch.

He squints his eyes at me, tilting his head and appearing to size me up. What I'm guessing to be satisfaction, crosses his expression and he nods like the voices inside his head actually made a good point.

"Hyung" he says in a suggestive tone and I can already tell that this brat wants something and I already know I'm going to give it to him without a second thought.

"Yes, my child?" I ask, marking my page in my book and setting it aside.

Sehun rolls his eyes "I'm not your child, Baekhyun"

I scoff at the boy "of course you are, now what can I do for you, baby boy?"

Sehun takes a deep breath, clearly not in the mood to deal with me today, like most days "I need your help. We have to draw the human form for one of our in class projects, but I'm a little out of practice with drawing people, so I was wondering if...-"

Excitement fills my chest and I sit up, cutting the boy off mid sentence "you want to draw me?"

Sehun's face pinches into one of immediate regret and he sighs deeply "yeah, all you have to do it sit where you are and act naturally. I mean, you'd need to be still and not move out of position, but... Yeah"

I smile brightly and hold up my hands "say no more" I say, silencing the awkward ramblings of the boy.

I dramatically throw myself on the couch in a lying down position and fling my arm over my head, before turning my face in his direction "go ahead, Sehunnie... Draw me like one of your french girls"

Sehun blinks at me, his lips parting and seeming to be trying to form words, but is unable to come up with anything.

I stare at Sehun and wiggle my eyebrows suggestively, grinning widely with excitement.

Sehun takes a big breath and shakes his head "I just... I can't... I can't deal with this" then his face relaxes into a bored, almost annoyed expression (or as I like to call it, his default expression) and turns around walking from the room.

A frown finds my lips and I sit up, jumping across the couch and supporting my weight on my palms, balancing on the arm of the piece of furniture  "wait... Jack, don't let go. Jack, come back... Come back"

Sehun ignores my protest and continues walking, disappearing into the kitchen with the suave that only Oh Sehun, the resident ice queen, can possess.

I sit back and cross my legs, sighing dramatically and resting my cheek in my hand Disney princess style. No one ever understood Rose either, just a wild heart trapped in the repressive chains of society's ideals.

I move back to my original position and grab my book off the table, where I had placed it before, but before I can open it up, i catch an outline out of the corner of my eye.

I turn my head to find Kyungsoo leaning against the doorframe leading into the den off of the living room. He stares at me with pinched eyebrows, his face twisted into a look of disgust.

"What?" I question the man, still not really close with him, myself.

Honesty, I struggle with a small sliver of jealousy for Kyungsoo, because of how close and open he is with Chanyeol. I know there are things the giant tells the small creature that he doesn't tell me and that thought alone bothers me more than it should. But I tolerate their friendship because I know Chanyeol really does love the mini Satan.

"Why are you like this?" Kyungsoo asks dryly, his sense of humor clearly shining bright today.

I chuckle bitchily "what do you mean? Fabulous? Adorable? Perfect?" I ask, pulling my best confidence out.

Kyungsoo lifts an eyebrow "those words... I don't think they mean what you think they mean"

My eyes narrow, not wanting to be out bitched "I've seen Jongin's dick" smooth, Baekhyun. Genius, really.

Kyungsoo blinks at me and rolls his eyes, before turning around and throwing a quick "Who hasn't?"  over his shoulder as he walks away.

I scoff and pout slightly, thinking of all the snappy comebacks I could have said, when Chanyeol interrupts my internal temper tantrum by rushing into the room and nearly knocking over the bookshelf closest to him. I shake my head at the giant klutz and question why I love this man.

"Baek" he smiles that goofy, wide grin of his and flops on the couch, resting his head in my lap. Ah, right, that's why. "Sorry I'm late, Minseok was in a mood today and made me scrub the floors before I could leave"

I shake my head "it's fine, you have time to take a shower and change"

Chanyeol bellows a laugh "I do kind of stink, don't I?"

I roll my eyes, chuckling fondly at the man "oh yeah"

"K, I'll be done before you know it" he hops up and bounds out of the room, his loud stomps on the stairs could be heard through the whole house.

"Things would be so much easier if you choose me" Jongin cringes coming into the room from the kitchen, clearly listening to Chanyeol's stomps echoing from the second floor.

I groan and shake my head, while Jongin laughs in that loud, high pitched laugh of his and sinks into the couch behind me, reaching up to massage my shoulders.

I moan lightly at the feeling and let his fingers work magic on that one knot probably caused by my latest economics test "come on, Jongin. I can't let go of Chanyeol, just as you can't let go of Kyungsoo" I groan when he applies a bit too much pressure.

Jongin loosens his grip and sighs "we could always run away together, I mean... We'd get over them eventually, and have really amazing sex in the meantime.

I snort "sorry, but it's going to take a stronger man than me to deal with the whole Jongin/Kai combo. Plus, I've held onto Yeol for a long time, I don't think I could ever get over him at this point"

Jongin sighs sympathetically, and I note a sort of knowing in its sound "well all affairs are best short lived anyways"

I nod in agreeance, unable to form words, when he starts working on a particular knot I've been trying to get at for months. I feel a sensation on my neck and it takes me a second to realize that Jongin is placing small kisses to the nape. I relax further, always a sucker for attention and physical contact.

The touches remain innocent, very unlike Jongin to keep Kai at bay, especially when touching in such an intimate way.

"You ok, kid?" I ask, leaning back into him more.

Jongin hums a non-committed response and kisses the side of my neck, his hands rolling over my shoulders gently. I sigh and let him continue, clearly this is a weird form of comfort  for Jongin, but if it helps, I'll stay here as long as he needs.

Which isn't long, when a deep, slightly annoyed sounding voice breaks the silence in the room.

"Jongin" kyungsoo says, coming out from the den once again "why don't you come study with me, we could work on English" he suggests in a tone that sounds more like a command.

Jongin's fingers halt and I hear him swallow hard, like he's trying to mentally come up with any excuse he can not to. But finally a sigh comes from his lips and he gives me one last kiss to my neck and pulls away from me.

"Sure, hyung" Jongin agrees, in a too cheerful tone, that honestly worries me at how fake it sounds. He stands up from the couch and follows Kyungsoo into the den, closing the door separating the two rooms.

My jaw sets in worry and I'm across the room before i can even think about it, my hand ready to fling open the door and forcefully pull Jongin from Kyungsoo's claws. But I'm stopped before I can even touch the cold metal of the door handle.

"Baek, what are you doing? Are you ready?" Chanyeol asks behind me, his voice close, way too close.

I jump and spin around, nearly bumping into Chanyeol in the process. Chanyeol raises an amused eyebrow at me, and cocks his head to the side in an adorable manner that makes me want to grab him by his hair and kiss the fuck out of him.

"What were you doing?" he asks, glancing between the door to the den and me.

I clear my throat and shrug my shoulders nonchalantly "nothing, i was just going to... to put up my book" i say suddenly coming up with an excuse and holding up my book i just remembered is in my hand.

Chanyeol clearly fights a smile as he tries to act like he didn't see right through my bullshit. Obviously Chanyeol knows me too well and knows when i'm lying, but he also knows when not to ask questions and because of that i love him even more. (if that's even possible)

"So, ready?" Chanyeol asks after a beat.

I take a deep breath and nod "yeah, let's go. You know how my mom gets when he has to wait"

Chanyeol cringes "yeah, i'd rather not have to be on the other side of your mom's wrath... i mean people think your bitchy, but clearly they haven't met him"

I agree, grabbing my bag off the floor beside the door "if i wasn't so confident in the fact that i'm a badass bitch, i'd be offended by that"

Chanyeol's obnoxious snort follows me out the door as we make our way over to my parents, wondering what shocking and embarrassing things my mother will come up with tonight.

>>>>

~Chanyeol~

"Baekkie, Yeollie" that unnecessarily loud voice attacks us as we enter the large apartment, that might as well be my second home, with how much time i spent here as a kid.

All too quickly we are assaulted by none other than Heechul, Baekhyun's 'mother' as the man likes to be called and will absolutely reject the idea of anyone calling him father or dad. I made the mistake of introducing Heechul as Baekhyun's dad to a friend once when we ran into each other on the street and the man had actually grabbed my ear (a habit Baekhyun unfortunately picked up) and gave me a piece of his mind, right there in front of my friend... Kyungsoo still brings it up from time to time and has a good laugh about it at my expense.

"My boys" Heechul gushes and he pulls Baekhyun and me into a tight hug, crushing us together.

I tense slightly, still even after all these years, i'm unused to Baekhyun's mother being so affectionate and treating me like his own. Baekhyun's arm on my lower back calms me though and i quickly relax, letting the man get it out of his system.

Heechul finally releases and holds us at arm's length "how are you guys? how's school been going? Chanyeol, you look like you haven't been eating properly, you're too skinny"

I sigh and smile warmly at the man "i've been working out a bit with a friend of mine"

Baekhyun turns his head abruptly and gives me a curious look, obviously he knew nothing about it, and there's a reason for that.

Heechul gives me a once over and steps forward feeling my arms and gives me an approving grin, then grabs our hands and leads us further into the apartment.

"Jagi, our Yeol has been working out" Heechul says, forcing us into the kitchen.

Siwon stands up, with a large pan, he had just pulled from the over and smiles brightly "is that so? Trying to impress someone, Chanyeol?" he asks, setting the pan on the counter and takes off the bright pink oven mitts (clearly Heechul's choice), before putting his focus on me. He looks me up and down, like Heechul had and nods, approvingly "yeah, i can see it. I feel like we miss so much"

Baekhyun groans suddenly and pulls away from his mother and walks over to Siwon to give him a hug "i talk to you guys all the time and you see me at the club almost every night"

Siwon rolls his eyes and flicks Baekhyun on the head "but i don't see or talk to my other son, now do i?"

Baekhyun pouts and crosses his arms "it's not my fault he won't come to the club"

I sigh, having had this conversation with Baek many times "it's just not my scene, Baek. I'm not a clubber, and i have an early class, i can't stay out that late"

Baekhyun mutters something close to "stupid morning class, only freshmen make that mistake" and moves to the refrigerator digging through it, mumbling under his breath, while Siwon swats at him and tells him to stay away from the food, because he'll spoil his dinner. I move over to the large dining table and take my normal seat, watching Baekhyun bicker playfully with his dad.

Honestly, it's not a lie to why i don't want to go see Baekhyun at work. I'm really not into the club scene, but the truth of it is that i hate to see Baek like that in a place like that. Watching him walk around in revealing, barely there clothing and flirting with people who just ogle at him like a piece of meat. The last time i went to see him, i watched a guy slap Baekhyun on the ass and nearly broke the guy's jaw. (Baekhyun of course knows nothing about it, since i waited till the guy left the club to beat the shit out of him, not wanting to make it worse for my best friend), but still, it's best not to even think about Baekhyun in that place, because all it makes me want to do is march in that club, throw him over my shoulder, carry him out, put some real clothes on him and wrap him in his fuzzy, ducky blanket, like the child he is.

"Yeol" the loud call of my name, snaps me out of my inner monologue and i look around for the source.

Heechul smiles at me amusedly and rolls his eyes "i asked you how your dad is doing, i haven't talked to him in a while"

I swallow hard, a sudden tightening in my stomach. Even if it's been a while, Heechul probably talks to my dad more than i do "fine, i guess"

Heechul give me a disapproving look as his eyes glass over in worry "how long has it been since you've talked to him?"

I think back, and wince at the answer i come up with, knowing Heechul won't be happy about it "Christmas, i think"

Heechul's eyes widen and he crosses his arms, and hardens his stance "Chanyeol" he says in a chiding tone.

"Heechul" Siwon says, getting his husband's attention and giving him a meaningful look when Heechul glances at him "not our place" he says quietly, but i still hear it.

A pitiful sigh leaves my lips and my eyes quickly find their way to the table. It's not that i don't want to talk to my dad or have a relationship with him, it's just too hard... since... it's just not really something my dad and me have ever really had, we were never close and we probably won't ever be.

"So the guy Yixing has been stalking found him out" Baekhyun suddenly announces, prompting my head to snap up.

Heechul's eyes widen and he spins in Baekhyun's direction "you're kidding"

"Nope, and get this, the guy knew that Yixing was stalking him the whole time" Baekhyun gushes, while his mother feeds into the juicy gossip without hesitation.

Baekhyun glances at me, while Heechul raves about how it must be fate that casted Yixing and the guys he's been stalking together, and gives me a worried expression. I smile gently at him in a sort of thankful, reassuring way. Baekhyun gives me a wink and turns back to his mom, sliding into the whole story of what happened the other night with Yixing and his stalkie.

A slight tingly feeling spreads across my chest and I'm reminded of why I love Baekhyun so much. Baek's always been there for me, through the bad times, Baek was always so quick to step in when I needed him, and I wouldn't have gotten through most of it without him. I couldn't imagine where I'd be or who I'd be, if Baekhyun hadn't been in my life, and honestly i'd rather not try to.

>>>>

"So, why are you being a dick to Seunghyun? Your boyfriend is actually a good one, he's different from the normal line of losers you've dated in the past" Baekhyun suddenly asks Jiyong in the middle of dinner.

Siwon chokes on the large bite of food in his mouth and tries to eat faster so he can yell at Baekhyun, but Jiyong beats him to it "i don't see how this is any of your business"

Baekhyun scoffs, nibbling at the tomato on his fork "of course it is, i have to watch the giant dork walk around all sulky and depressed, while you ignore him all day. It's been almost a week, Jiyong. Cut him a break"

Jiyong rolls his eyes as Heechul sits up excitedly and folds his hands together, waiting for his son's response "if he's going to act like a jealous bitch, then i'm not putting out for him. Not every guy i talk to is fucking me" Jiyong spits.

Baekhyun grins and slaps the table "you cut him off? Because he got jealous over Seungri?"

Jiyong's eyebrows bunch and he narrows his eyes at his brother "yes, how did you know about Seungri?"

Baekhyun chuckles and waves his hand "matter of interest, i'm really talented at securing information, but that's not important. What is important, is why are you flirting with Seungri?"

Jiyong sighs, forcefully shoving his spoon into his rice "Seung flirted first, it's not my fault"

Siwon holds up a hand, and then i realise why he's been so quiet through this conversation. The man is more like his husband and children than he likes to think "with who?"

Jiyong rolls his eyes "that whore Daesung"

"Seriously?" Siwon gawks "who knew. I wouldn't have even thought about those two together"

"They're not together" Jiyong grits out.

"I mean, it makes sense" Baek says, ignoring his brother "look at those lips. Daesung probably sucks dick better than Ji ever thought about"

Jiyong launches out of his chair, hands aiming for Baek's throat, while Siwon and Heechul are quick to prevent their oldest from murdering their youngest.

I chuckle, watching the exchange. There's never a dull day in this house, and i'm kind of glad for that. This family has always been the polar opposite of mine and when i was a kid, it was always such a welcome change, especially when things got hard.

I remember the first Christmas i had with Baek and his family. My father was picking up an extra shift at the factory and i was alone for the first time on Christmas eve. It wasn't an easy night, and i vaguely remember crawling into my parents closet, where my mom always use to hide the presents until the week before the 25th. (i used to try to sneak in there all the time to get a peek at them, but my mom somehow always found me out) Baekhyun had found me there, huddled in a ball, and crying my eyes out. He didn't say a word, just grabbed my hand, took me to the bathroom, cleaned me up, then brought me to his house.

Siwon and Heechul didn't blink when Baekhyun walked in with me trailing behind, just opened a space for me on the couch, where we all curled up and watched Christmas movies together. When i woke up the next morning there were four new presents under the tree that weren't there the previous night, all with my name on them.

This family never even thought twice about bringing me into it, they never even flinched to take me in as one of their own, and for that i can't even begin to express my gratitude or love for them.

Baekhyun especially is so important to me, what he's done for me, the way he's always taken care of me. He is my family. Baekhyun is my home, and i love him so much. Which is why i hesitate to tell him just how much i love him. The thought of being with Baekhyun as more than his friend is a nice one, but the thought of losing him if we don't work out is terrifying.

I glance over at Jiyong trying to shove a piece of bread in Baek's ear, which Heechul nearly hurts himself because of laughing at, and Siwon still trying to pull the two apart.

It isn't just Baekhyun i'm afraid to lose, it's all of them. This has been my family for so long, and if Baekhyun and i had a falling out, i'd lose everything i've known since i was a kid. I'd lose my home, and i can't go through that again. It's selfish, i know, but I can't risk losing my family, just because of some silly feelings.

Baekhyun cackles as they finally restrain Jiyong in his chair, and my best friend rests his head on my shoulder. I feel my chest squeeze, and i reach over running my fingers through his hair, before the little puppy smiles up at me, with a cocky satisfied grin.

No, i really can't lose this over some little feelings...the problem is, i just wish i could convince myself that they really are silly little feelings.

>>>>

I bring in the last dish and place it in the sink, causing Heechul to smile up at me thankfully. He's always been like this, so warm and caring, unless you piss him off or mess with one of his kids that is. Baekhyun had to get his sass from somewhere, and he doesn't even touch his mother's level.

"You ok, sweetheart?" Heechul asks, giving me a concerned look.

I pull up the best smile i can manage and nod "yeah, i'm fine. Why?"

Heechul sighs and pats my arm "you were just really quiet during dinner"

I shrug "just a lot on my plate lately"

Heechul smirks, much like Baekhyun's "are the feelings you have for my son, some of them?"

My lips separate in slight surprise, not much ever gets by Heechul. When Baekhyun and me were kids, Baek would always get into trouble, and i always felt the need to cover up for him.

Like the time when we were really young and Baekhyun broke one of Heechul's favorite lamps in the hallway. He was so scared of getting in trouble, that when Heechul came and asked us what happened, i immediately confessed to doing it. Heechul had just sighed and told me that i'll get a half an hour time out, and that i wasn't getting dessert after dinner. Baekhyun had put up a protest and decided that if i was getting punished then so would he. Heechul had just shrugged and said "fine, both of you will get punished together". Baekhyun had sat with me through the whole time out and didn't even complain when he didn't get a piece of cake after dinner, but then later when Heechul had sent me home, he gave me a small plastic container with a piece of cake in it, and a knowing smile.

"Do you remember when Baek and i were kids and i broke that lamp, and you ended up punishing both of us, because Baekhyun insisted on taking it with me?" i suddenly ask.

Heechul chuckles and nods, "i do, what about it?"

"Later that night, when you walked me home, you gave me the desert I wasn't supposed to have, even though i was the one who confessed to breaking the lamp... why did you do that? How did you know it wasn't me?"

Heechul smiles "i just knew. The way Baekhyun looked so afraid and the way you seemed so concerned that he would be punished. You stepped forward with so much determination, and then Baekhyun was clinging to your arm, looking up at you with so much awe... i kind of just put it together that he had done it, but you were taking the blame. Plus it wasn't the first time you covered for him, Chanyeol. It just made sense."

"But why?" i ask, suddenly curious "Why didn't you correct me? Why didn't you call me out on it, or punish me for lying to you?"

Heechul turns to me fully and places his hands on my biceps, squeezing lightly "Why would i punish you for protecting my son? Why would i correct you for loving my son so much that you'd put yourself through punishment, just so he wouldn't have to? Chanyeol, you've always taken care of Baekhyun, and some days i'm so thankful he's had you by his side. Why would i discourage that?"

I blink at the man in front of me, too surprised to function properly. I hadn't ever really thought of what i did as protecting Baekhyun, just being his best friend. Taking care of Baekhyun always came naturally because he always took care of me. He always packed an extra lunch because he knew i'd forget to. He'd force me to read a book over the summer, which turned out to be our required reading for literature class because he knew i wouldn't if a teacher forced me to. He even applied to our university for me, because he knew i'd forget about the deadline.

"I guess i never saw it that way" i mumble, letting my eyes fall to the ground.

Heechul taps on my chin and makes me look up at him "that's why i never corrected it, because you never saw it as protecting him, or covering for him... you just saw it as your way of loving him"

I blink rapidly at the sudden assault of emotion "i really do love him, Heechul"

Heechul cocks his head and smiles "i know"

"No, like, i really love him" i say with a small sniffle.

Heechul rubs my arms gently "i know, Chanyeol" he says not surprising me in the slightest on how deep his understanding goes.

My lip wobbles "but i'm selfish"

His eyebrows knit "why is that?"

"Because i'm scared of what could happen if things don't work out. I'm scared of losing so much if things go wrong between Baek and me" i state, trembling slightly.

Heechul sighs "what could happen, Chanyeol? What could you lose?"

I breath out roughly, and look right into his eyes "you, Siwon, and even Jiyong... but mainly Baekhyun. You guys are so important to me, you guys are my family. I've lost so much, Heechul. What if Baek and I don't work out or if he doesn't return my feelings to begin with? What if we mess things up and i lose my home?"

Heechul narrows his eyes and pinches my arm "Park Chanyeol, you are not too old to turn over my knee young man"

My lips part in surprise and i stutter a small "w-what?"

Heechul shakes his head, his expression softening "Chanyeol, you are my son. You've always been my son, even when you were a baby and your mother and i would place you and Baekhyun in the same crib. I saw you as my own, just as your mom loved Baek as her own. You will always be my child, and nothing will ever change that. I'm not guaranteeing that everything will work out, or that you two will even get together, but no matter what happens. Chanyeol, you will always have a home here, and i will always love you."

I feel the wetness sliding down my cheeks, before i realise that i'm crying. Heechul quickly pulls me into his arms, folding me against him, and rubbing my back gently. I grasp onto the man, and let myself seep into the familiar warmth. Heechul has filled a lot of holes in my life, being my mom when mine couldn't, loving me when it seemed like the world was against me. Heechul will always be a parent to me, and being assured that he'll always be here, means so much to me.

"Plus" Heechul adds, "I'm getting old, and i know Jiyong isn't going to be giving me grandchildren any time soon"

The sudden bark of laughter i let loose isn't forced, "i'm not sure how Baekhyun would take that"

"Not sure how i'd take what?" a certain little voice asks behind us "and what's with all the hugging? Did i miss a heartfelt moment?" Baekhyun asks, sliding his arms around the both of us and laying his head on my shoulder "you know how i love touching family moments"

Heechul snorts and pulls back, swatting at his son "and you also know how to ruin them, you little shit"

I turn quickly, wiping away the evidence of my earlier shed tears "i was just helping mom with the dishes, it's a very touching time"

I can literally hear the eyeroll in Baekhyun's voice "so is jerking it in the bathroom, but you don't see Jiyong going around hugging people... Honestly, i think he's punishing himself more than Seung" he says a little too loudly.

"Baekhyun" we hear a screech from the other room, promising murder, followed by Siwon attempting to calm the eldest son.

"And that's my cue to get you home, before your brother kills you and then i have to avenge your death" i say, noticing Heechul's small smile out of the corner of my eye.

Baek goes to get our coats, and leaves me once again with Heechul, who places a warm hand on my cheek "remember what i said, Yeollie. You'll always have a home here, and a family who loves you. Quit worrying about the what ifs, because you'll never know until you give it a shot" Heechul says, the last sentence hitting home. It's something my mom use to say to me when i'd worry about something, and somehow it always worked. Heechul knows me better than i realized, but he always has this way of just knowing, and maybe that's not a bad thing.

>>>

~Baekhyun~

"Why were you crying?" i ask suddenly while we're walking home, causing Chanyeol to almost trip over his own feet.

"W-what?" Chanyeol stutters, sounding slightly panicked.

A light chuckle falls from my lips "calm down, I'm not giving you shit about it" my lips tighten, burning away any evidence of a smile "there's nothing shameful in crying"

Chanyeol glances at me out of the corner of his eyes and shoves his hands in his jeans pockets awkwardly "I-I wasn't..."

"Don't" I say, stopping him before he can even fully deny anything.

Chanyeol's shoulders sag in defeat, while his strides slow "I just got caught up in the moment with your mom... He just said some things that got to me"

My interest peeks at this information. I know how my mom is, he enjoys nothing more than getting sentimental and tugging at your heart strings, but he's always so careful around Chanyeol.

For a while after Yeol started becoming a permanent presence in our household, my mom would barely speak to Chanyeol. He was always so afraid of saying something that would break someone he thought was so delicate.

I knew better though, Chanyeol wasn't, nor has he ever been delicate, if anything the hardships he's gone through has made him stronger. Which is why I'm so surprised to find Chanyeol so emotional earlier. My best friend has been like a vault for such a long time, I barely know what he's really feeling anymore. Everything is always hidden behind a quick laugh or a carefully constructed smile.

Don't get me wrong, Chanyeol tells me things. He's always open and honest with his feelings and problems, but when it comes to the big things, the things I really wish he'd talk to me (or at least anyone really) about, it's like trying to break into a maximum security prison. Chanyeol closed himself off a long time ago, about as soon as things started getting hard for him. He's locked up a lot inside of himself and I'm so worried that one of these days he's going to let it destroy him.

"What did he say?" I ask, knowing I won't get an actual answer, but I wouldn't be myself if I wasn't optimistic.

Chanyeol's lips twitch, a ghost of an almost sad smile touches his lips "just something I needed to hear"

I sigh inwardly, glancing away from the giant to hide my bout of disappointment. It was foolish of me to expect more. "oh, I see"

Sometimes I wonder if Chanyeol will ever open that door he closed between us so long ago... If it was really ever open to begin with.

.....

We make our way up the small walkway leading to the front porch steps of the house. I find myself lost in thoughts of a paper due Friday that I really need to stop procrastinating on, hoping it'll distract me from my even bigger problem walking next to me.

We arrive at the front door and I reach for the handle, but am stopped short when a hand grabs my wrist. I jump, releasing a squeak, and turn to look up at Chanyeol, about to curse at the idiot for scaring me half to death, when I catch sight of the storm brewing in his eyes.

It's a swirl of emotions, real, true feelings. As quickly as I saw the glimps though, it's gone with a blink. So close, but yet still so far away.

"Baek, can we talk?" He asks, his tone tight, but his expression relaxed and causal.

I blink at him a few times, feeling whiplashed from how many different directions he's jerking me in "of course, Yeol. You know I'm always down to talk" I chuckle in that high pitched, obnoxious way I do when I get nervous. (honestly I think it could be considered a tick at this point)

Chanyeol's answering eye roll and smile hide the reality of what's going on in his head "I just wanted to talk about something... It's kind of been bothering me lately... Well not really bothering me, but well, I guess bothering is an ok term, but still... And it's not like you've been bothering me, just the situation... And I-"

"Yeol" I nearly shout, making him jerk in surprise and blink, before realization sets in his eyes.

"I was rambling, sorry" he apologizes, chewing at his lip, tearing the delicate flesh. (His own tick of sorts)

"What's this about, Yeol. What's going on in your head?" I ask in the best teasing tone I can come up with, and step forward, tapping his forehead.

Chanyeol swats at my hand, and leans forward to scold me in a normal Yeol manner, but gets way too close, way too quickly.

His eyes meet mine, wide and intense, boring into me and seeming to ask questions he didn't even know he had. My heart beats erratically, too caught up in Chanyeol's gaze to think properly.

"Baek" Chanyeol's deep voice rumbles my name, his breath fanning across my cheek.

Slowly Chanyeol's eyes lower, tracing down my facial features until he reaches my lips. I swallow thickly, watching him lean in inch by agonizing inch.

"Hyung" the very word is like ice water splashed straight on your crotch.

I watch begrudgingly as Chanyeol's eyes widen to almost Kyungsoo levels and he jumps back, gasping like he'd just been hit.

I turn my head quickly, noticing Sehun standing at the open front door, looking at us with as much surprise as the personified grumpy cat can manage. "Am I interrupting something?" Sehun asks, glancing between us.

"Actually..." Chanyeol begins, but I'm quick to cut him short.

"Of course not, my baby Hunnie" I say, reaching out to pinch the younger boys cheek, only to have my hand swatted away with Sehun's special level of sassy annoyance. "What do you need my precious little kitten?" I ask blinking adoringly at him.

Sehun breaths deeply, closes his eyes, and reaches up pinching the bridge of his nose "I know I'm going to regret this, but I really do need help drawing still figures and you're one of the only people in this house who's not busy and not proportionally... Displeasing" he grits out, side eyeing Chanyeol.

I suck in an excited breath and bounce on the balls of my feet "that's damn near praise coming from you, Hunnie. Of course you can draw me"

Sehun rolls his eyes "just two rules, no talking or moving from the position I put you in"

I smirk and reach up poking Sehun in the nose, which he crinkles in disgust and bunches his eyebrows in immediate regret "use my body however you please, Sehunnie"

Sehun groans and turns around waking into the house, motioning his hand at me to follow. I chuckle and risk a glance back over at the man next to me.

Chanyeol stares down at the ground, his eyebrows pulled tightly together in a confused, deep in thought expression.

"Yeol" I call softly, his head shooting up and eyes meeting mine. "Why don't you go up and go to bed, it's been a long day"

He blinks at few times at me, clearly his mind still racing with questions and uncertainty, but eventually he nods.

We walk inside and I head for the living room, while Yeol heads for the stairs, his feet dragging over the floor like his body protests the very idea of moving.

It's not that I didn't want Chanyeol to kiss me, gods knows how much I would have surrendered every inch of my body to that man, but I know that kiss would have only left him more confused than before.

I watch Chanyeol, while he slowly walks up the stairs, his mind clearly lost within itself. Sometimes that man just wades into the pool of "what ifs" and gets too deep, too fast to where he almost drowns. I can't even recall all of the times I've pulled that boy out and saved him from himself... But this time, I can't save him. I have to let Chanyeol figure this one out for himself and hope he learns to swim on his own.

He needs to figure things out and be certain of what he wants. I've seen Yeol ruin way to many good things because he couldn't find the confidence to keep them in his life. He's not ready for something to happen between us, but I'll gladly wait until he is.

Chanyeol is smart, he'll get it eventually. Even if he doesn't though, I'll always stay by my best friend's side, because honestly, next to Chanyeol, is where I belong and it always will be.

>>>>

Chickens!!

Here's a little Baekyeol to brighten your day.

Love you guys. Sorry for the update taking a bit, but school comes first!

Anyways, love you guys and cant wait to see you next chappie.

Kisses,

사랑해💕

~M~