~Kyungsoo~

The sound of oddly pleasant chirping greets me as I'm pulled out of my pleasant slumber. The fog lifts from my brain and my dreams, still existing on the edge of my subconscious, fade away. I feel my limbs starting to stretch out and feel around before i even process what they're searching for. When my right hand connects to a soft, warm surface, i know they found it.

My hand, on its own validation, slides down the smooth area, feeling every hard plain, tight and sculpted. The gods clearly gifted it to this earth to be marveled. To be revered. Perfection personified, and he's in my bed.

Too lost in enjoying the moment, i almost miss the amused sounding hum... Almost.

My eyes snap open and my lip sucks safely into my mouth at finding Jongin's eyes open, watching me carefully. It makes me want to shy away, but instead i push myself to be daring.

I lean in and seize Jongin's lips, then pull back to gage his response. He stares at me a bit caught off guard, but doesn't seem upset. I decide to play with fire and lean back in pressing our lips together, this time separating my lips quickly and pulling his bottom lip into my mouth, marching my way through his surprise until i get a reaction. It starts slow, Jongin still edging on his caution, before i feel him react properly. He moves closer, deepening the kiss and hungrily pushing his tongue into my mouth.

A deep, low moan pulls out of my throat. It only encourages him, and i soon find a large, sure hand fitting across my ass. My thin briefs allowing for the awareness of every single digit fitting across the swell, squeezing a good handful. I gasp and my hips move forward on their own validation, which forces Jongin to pull away. I chase him, but he refuses to give me what I want. He takes a deep, struggled breath as he rests his forehead against mine, and our ragged breathing echoes through the room.

"Jongin..." i start, about to make my case once again, but he stops me before I can.

"You have so many stuffed animals in here." He mentions, staring over my shoulder.

A sigh falls from my lips and i lean away from him. He's been doing this for over a week now. Any time we get further than an innocent kiss, or even a small taste of something heavier, he breaks away and clouds the moment. Like now, when he's looking at me with that boyish smile that made me fall for him to begin with and awaits my answer, i can't even bring myself to be upset about it.

I shake my head and let my hand move up his chest and deliver a vengeful tweak to his nipple. Jongin yelps and gives me a wide eyed, yet amused expression. The little shit, he knows exactly what he's doing.

"Don't question my children. This was their bed before you started crashing." I state.

Jongin mocks offense and then pouts. "Well fine. If your children are more important."

He scoots away and makes a move like he's going to get up, and panic seizes me. I grab at his arm and he pauses, looking at me with a questioning gaze, as if waiting. Like this is an actual test. I know it's in a kidding way, but something about this moment makes my heart shutter. The thought that my next choice could make or break his presence in my bed feels way too heavy in my chest. Why is it so hard to breathe?

Jongin's brows furrow and he places a hand over mine, still frantically holding onto him. I know he doesn't miss the tremble that vibrates down my arm.

"What's wrong?" Jongin asks, his voice laced with concern. It only makes my chest tighten further.

"I don't... I'm scared that I'll make the wrong move and you'll disappear again." I admit, taking a bit of my own advice and being honest about my feelings.

Jongin's eyes drop from mine but i know i catch the guilt resting in them. "I'm sorry, Soo. I keep hurting you. I never meant to make you feel like this. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to make you count the minutes until someone else walks out of your life. I know how that feels, and I don't want that for you."

A sigh escapes me and i risk shuffling closer to Jongin till we're inches apart. "So stay."

His eyes flash back to mine and there's a hesitance there, but there's also want... so much want. I know Jongin wants me as much as i want him. I know he wants us. But he's scared, and i know why he's scared.

Kai is someone who's ruined so many good things in his life. Someone who was created to be the gatekeeper and protect his heart. But how do you tell the gatekeeper to stand down when you two don't speak the same language. Kai is hard, cold, calculated. He thinks in strategy and dirty tactics. Jongin is soft, kind, and so innocent. He's breakable and just wants to be loved. Kai has kept Jongin locked away in a tower for so many years.

Jongin's been alone for so long, I'm not sure he remembers what it's like to fully let someone in, if he even knows what that feels like to begin with.

We both have been fighting a similar battle on the sake of protecting ourselves. The want to not get hurt again is strong. Pain is a natural thing to set precautions against. We both need to learn that, even though there's a risk, not every chance ends in heartache, and not everyone needs to be kept outside the gate.

"Kyungsoo..." Jongin starts, once again waging a war in his head.

I shake my head and lean forward briefly pressing my lips against his, then crowding into his space, cuddling up against his chest. His arms react instantly and wrap around me, pulling me even tighter against him, while he scoots back to his original spot. Clearly his heart reacts before his head.

Grinning, i shuffle around and press the rest of my body against the human heater and tangle our legs together. I love that his longer legs can wrap themselves around mine with ease.

I hear a sigh of a man who has given in and tightens his arms, almost possessively. My grin of triumph follows me into the sweet embrace of slumber.

....

The next time i awake, I'm alone. It's not surprising, considering I've probably slept most of the day away. I haven't been sleeping much to begin with, so i guess my body decided it was time to catch up.

I climb out of bed and groan at how stiff my muscles feel, and how empty my stomach is. I briefly wonder where Jongin went and scratch at my thigh, ambling down the hallway, then descending the stairs. It's one of those pleasant, quiet days in the house. Most of the guys must be out or doing something that doesn't require their normal screaming and breaking things.

When i reach the bottom of the stairs, instead of turning to head towards the kitchen, something catches my sight in the living room. Soon, I stand before two grown ass boys, who might i add are way too large for this, scrunched up together on the couch again.

They're so absorbed into whatever they're watching on Sehun's phone that they don't move until Jongin glances over and does an amusing double take, then proceeds to immediately push himself into a sitting up position. "Hyung, you're up. I thought you'd sleep longer. You looked so tired this morning."

I blink at Jongin and smile softly at his hair tousled messily all over his head, mixed with his pouty lips, and heavy lidded eyes. Clearly i'm not the only one who needs more sleep. I wonder if it's bothering Jongin to sleep in my bed?

It's been this way for over a week. Since the night of the party, when i made Jongin sleep in my room with me, he hasn't gone back to his own room but to change or get something. I don't mind, really i don't. but it's starting to get odd.

Jongin is known for sleeping often, but since he started sleeping in my room, he wakes up before me. This morning was the first time i woke up to find him next to me. I was starting to get used to waking up with him absent in my bed, but when i woke up earlier to find him next to me, i knew i'd never be content with finding an empty pillow next to me ever again. Waking up next to Jongin was too good. It was like my own little slice of heaven.

Another reason it's starting to get odd, is because Jongin still treats me as before. He won't get too close. He won't allow us to be in a room alone for longer than a minute or two. He doges me and refuses to look me in the eyes. But the kicker is that he's a completely different person when he crawls under my covers. Basically it's the biggest and most painful tease of all time. It's like i get Jongin at night, when no one else is around, but the second the sun comes up, he treats me indifferently... like i'm not important. It feels way too close to home. Way too familiar.

I can't seem to find it in me to push him away, though. At night when he slips into my bed after everyone has gone to sleep and i feel his arms wrap around me. I have no strength to make him leave. Maybe i am a creature of habit. A true masochist through and through.

I hum and glance away from his cute disheveled appearance. "Somehow sleep hasn't been very satisfying lately." When i glance back at Jongin, his eyebrows are furrowed, and his lips have set into a deeper pout. "Maybe you should sleep in your own room tonight. Minseok moved out of Baek's room, so you should be more comfortable since Baekhyun isn't occupying your room anymore."

Sehun's eyebrows raise and he appraises Jongin with a sort of look i can't read. "You've been sleeping in Soo's bed?"

Jongin shrugs and drops his eyes. "It's comfortable. Baekhyun hyung starfishes."

"Right, well Baek is back in his room, not that he's been sleeping there to begin with, but problem solved." i say, and without a word, i turn and head for the kitchen, despite Jongin's calls of my name over my shoulder.

I start making myself a sandwich, but pause when i hear slight bickering, and then the sound of quiet, graceful footfalls behind me. "Why do you feel the need to fix things for him?"

Sehun chuckles lightly and leans against the counter next to me. "He's like a brother to me, i want him to be happy."

I snort humorously. "You need to convince him to let himself be happy first."

The younger nods and crosses his arms. "Trust me, Soo. I know you're not in the wrong here. The dumbass is stubborn, and i know how he can get."

Glancing up to lock eyes with Sehun, i narrow my eyes. "Then why are you here? Shouldn't you be talking to him?"

Sehun appraises me for a few seconds before sighing. "I could lecture Jongin until i'm blue in the face and he'd still cower away. There's not a single damn thing i could tell him that he doesn't already know. He just doesn't know how to stand up for himself. He's never had to. Kai took care of all of that."

I shake my head and release a sigh of my own. "So, what? Are you telling me to give up?"

Sehun raises an eyebrow. "Do you want to?"

"Absolutely not, but I've run out of options here, Hun."

Sehun smirks and tilts his head. "Maybe not."

"What do you mean?" i ask, giving up on my sandwich and leaning on my hip against the counter to face the other.

He takes a deep breath, his eyes calculating. "You and i both know that you can handle Kai. Hell, i think even Kai knows that you could handle him. The only one who doesn't think you could go toe to toe is Jongin, who has done everything possible to keep you away from Kai. So, what i'm proposing is, get Jongin cornered. It's not exactly a stand up way to deal with it, but give him no choice." Kris was right, it is fascinating to take a trip in Sehun's head. The kid is too smart for his own good.

"So you want me to use my powers for evil to battle evil?" i ask, feeling a bit amused.

Sehun winks at me. "Sometime you have to play a little dirty, baby Soo. Especially when the person you are fighting doesn't believe in rules."

I think over his words for a beat. Sehun might just be on to something... "What time do you go into the club tonight?" i ask, grabbing my sad excuse for a sandwich off the counter.

"Around 9, why?" Sehun questions, eyeing me wearily.

I smirk and throw a, "To play dirty, you have to be properly prepared. Preparation takes time, Sehun" over my shoulder, then head to my room, gears already turning in my head.

>>>>

The bright, almost obnoxious glowing sign greets me as i walk up to the large, warehouse looking building. I can already hear music thrumming inside the club, and the smell of alcohol and terrible choices wafting out onto the street. I always hated coming here. The few times I've made the exception, usually on Chanyeol's request to check on Baekhyun, I've only stayed a few minutes and hated every second of it. This definitely isn't my scene, but for Jongin, i'll go to the depths of hell if i have to.

It's what i should have done years ago. Even when i now look at Tao and Kris, and i see them exceptionally happy, a part of me wishes that i had at least tired. I never fought for what i wanted before. When things slipped through my fingers, i just let it happen, never finding it a big enough deal to square up.

But Jongin... Jongin is different. Jongin is someone i never want to lose. He makes me want to try harder, to be better in so many ways. Jongin inspires me. He's my muse and my humbler. He's so many things I've ever wanted, and so many things i didn't know i did. Jongin clears my checklist and i'm tired of wondering if i deserve it. Wondering if he's too perfect. I want Jongin. I need Jongin. I will win this fight. I will prove to Jongin that i can stand strong by his side and not bow to his demons.

I give myself one last check in the shimmery, metal doors and take a deep breath, then step into the club. No turning back now.

....

~Jongin~

"Kai, can't you stay with us." A woman from a group of younger college age girls calls over the music. "Yeah, stay and entertain us." Another girl slurs, sounding way too desperate for attention.

I chuckle and shake my head. "Sorry, Ladies. We're quiet busy tonight. Can't let you gals have all the fun." They give me way too fake and trying too hard sort of giggles, and i push down a cringe as i make my way back to the bar.

Sehun pats my shoulder and i almost slap his hand away. I'm still not over the fact that the little bitch decked me, but i have to give props that it was a good hit. "They're brutal tonight."

I roll my eyes, "The group of bottoms tried to abduct me earlier before Seunghyun stopped them. It's crazy."

Sehun snorts, his shoulders shaking. "Just a Saturday, my dude. This is usually a breeze for you. Something on your mind?" He asks side eyeing me.

My jaw clinches and i narrow my eyes. "Sehun, you know i barely tolerate you at best, why are you trying to be my best friend? Save it for Jongin."

Sehun chuckles, "I'm just fascinated to see you distracted. Makes me think you have a sort of depth to you. Maybe, dare i say, feelings."

I take a large breath, "Impossible. That's the point. I don't feel. I'm still Jongin, just Jongin cut off from feelings. I'm not a whole other person. Just a side of him that comes out when needed. All of you are the ones who gave me a name."

Sehun's eyes appraise me and his face pinches in concern. "That's oddly profound for you, Kai. Somethings definitely wrong."

I shrug and lean forward to grab a stray shot Jiyong left unattended and throw it back. "The aimless flirting and charming just isn't as fun as it used to be."

Sehun glances away from me and a sort of devilish smirk crosses his face. "Could Kyungsoo be the reason?"

A snort bubbles out. "Yeah, I've been warned from even saying that name, let alone coming out when he's around."

"But you like him, don't you?" Sehun pushes.

I sigh. Even when i'm not attached to Jongin's feelings, Kyungsoo still peaks my interest. He's not an easily moved force. He's like a challenge that i still have no idea how to beat. So many people have showed interest in Jongin, but he's the first one not to shy away. He's the first that sees the damaged parts and loves us- Jongin anyways. He interests me. "Does it matter?"

"Well, since Kyungsoo's coming this way, i'd say it's pretty relevant." Sehun casually mentions.

Panic seizes my stomach, and i know it's not just from me. I take two seconds to decide not to let Jongin out, and turn around realizing pretty quick how much of a mistake that was. My eyes widen and i feel weak in the knees at what stands before me.

Kyungsoo in tight ripped back skinny jeans, a frayed black tank-top, and biker boots. His hair is styled messily, swept back on his head, and jesus christ, is that eyeliner? Kyungsoo stands before me, looking like the child of an 80's hair band and a goth rave. So damn fuckable, and delicious.

Without hesitation i step forward to get a taste of this man, but he holds up a hand stopping me in my tracks. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if i threw this boy over my shoulder and pulled him upstairs to Siwon's office, he'd let me fuck him into the desk... so why do i stop? Why am i not dragging him across the club this second?

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, a sort of finality in his voice. "We need to talk."

....

~Kyungsoo~

Kai seems to want to argue, but decides better of it and leads me to a quiet corner away from most of the crowed. Somehow it doesn't feel like i'm in the winning position, but i'm determined. I know i can resist Kai's charm.

"What can i do for you, my darling Soo?" Kai purrs at me.

I roll my eyes and place my hands on his chest keeping him distant from me, despite his attempt to bridge the gap between us. "We have some things to discuss, Kai."

Kai pushes up against my palms, his signature smirk only wavering for a second when i don't even budge. A challenging smirk replaces it... good, i like a challenge.

"Come on, Kyungsoo. I could tell how much you wanted me the other day. Why so shy now?" He draws, too sweet.

My eyes narrow, and i take a step forward, crowding into Kai's space, much to his surprise, based on the look on his face. I wonder if anyone has ever stood up against him in his life. I wonder if he's ever been tested the way he tests others.

"Of course i wanted you, but i have a certain respect level for Jongin. I will only comply if he's on board." I say, forcing him back a step.

Kai swallows hard. As i figured, he's all big bark but no bite. You bark loud enough, you never have to prove that you can back it up. Kai's never been pushed. He's always used to getting his way and unapologetically using anyone to keep ahead. It's how he feels powerful. It's how he feels safe.

"What he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him." Kai says, his voice low and dangerous.

In an instant my hand secures around the back of his neck, while the other slips into his hair and pulls tight. I yank Kai's face close to mine.

"It does hurt him, Kai. It hurts him every time. You destroy everything in your path and leave him to pick up the pieces. You hurt him more than the world ever could and you don't even care." I hiss.

Kai's face hardens, and his eyes take on a dangerous edge, but he doesn't struggle. He just stares at me with those dark, tantalizing globes. It sends an excited shiver up my spine. I have him exactly where i want him.

"The world doesn't deserve us. It's a dark, twisted place. The only way to protect him is to be scarier than what lurks in the dark." Jongin deadpans, his venom slipping out in his words.

That's it isn't it. This is the side of Jongin who's taken it all. The side Jongin sends out to take the pain. Take the fear. Kai doesn't know how to not hurt others, because he only knows hurt. That's all he's ever experienced. The people who've loved him have only let him down and that betrayal and sadness, only reflects in his actions. Keeping the world away from Jongin, is how we loves Jongin.

"I can't let this continue, Kai. I won't allow you to hurt Jongin anymore. I wont allow you to damage everything he builds in his life. You may think you're protecting him, but you're just keeping out any possibility of happiness. Of love." I state, softening my expression slightly.

Telling by the ice that clouds his eyes, showing him pity was the wrong move. "And how exactly are you going to do that, beautiful? Are you going to change me? Make me a better man? Stronger people have tried, princess. How, pray tell, do you plan on protecting someone who's already been beaten by his demons?" Kai grits out, his challenge made clear. Even in the position he is, he still fights.

A smirk of my own appears and Kai's eyes visibly dilate. My hand in Kai's hair, slides down to his neck, and around to press under his jaw, wrapping around his throat with just enough pressure to make it a threat.

"Underestimating me would be a huge mistake, Kai. But, please.... Go ahead, push me." I warn.

Kai's eye twitches momentarily and he tries to yank out of my grasp, but between the hand grasping his nape, and the one wrapped around his windpipe, he barely budges. His eyes widen, and i see the panic swirling in them as he realizes the situation; realizes his absence of control.

"I'm not going to harm you, Kai. I would rather die than have Jongin get hurt, but i won't let you hurt him, either. I won't let you destroy him, when you were created to protect him." I say, staring deep into his eyes.

His laugh is humorless, too dark and chilling. He's trying to act indifferent. Trying not to give power by casting it off, but the panic still lacing his irises, tell me otherwise. "Fuck off."

Anger sizzles in my veins. "YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL ANYMORE!" I yell, my voice deep and demanding.

Kai flinches and I feel him shiver once. His chest heaves, like he wants to fight back. Like he is trying to find any possible escape route and is coming up empty. Then, I see it. My stomach twists as i see the exact moment he submits. The exact moment he gives up the power to me. He knows he can't fight me, even if he wanted to. I have the upper hand on him. He knows i see the truth, i see right through the facade. Kai isn't as strong and cold as people think. Kai is Jongin's most damaged parts. Jongin's scars personified. He's just as pained and scared as Jongin, he's just learned to mask his hurt with acid.

Kai didn't need to be beaten. We didn't need to have it out for power. He just needed to be challenged. Honest to god, Challenged. He knows i won't back down, and because of that, he's already lost.

My smirk deepens, testing my power. "Knees, Kai."

The boy sinks to the floor instantly.

"I want Jongin. I'll deal with you later." I growl, pressing the tips of my fingers harder against the column of his throat.

His eyes immediately round and the almost dark glint in them fades until i know the eyes staring up at me are Jongin's. He doesn't make a sound. Doesn't even twitch. But the glassing up of his eyes tell me he's at full attention.

"Am i hurting you?" i ask, but don't remove my hold.

Jongin shakes his head slightly and swallows thickly.

I nod and lean in a bit closer. "Are you done pushing me away now?"

Jongin's gaze drops, but he still refuses to move an inch. "Yes." It comes out small, and barely a whisper, but i hear him loud and clear.

All Jongin needed to know is that i could handle myself. All Jongin needed to see, is that i can hold my own up against Kai. I know Jongin is scared because Kai ruins everything in his path and i know he's scared of getting too close to people because they just end up walking away. It takes a strong person to deal with damage, and I've always prided myself in being able to stand my ground.

I lean forward and press my lips to the boy's, still on his knees at my feet. It's a good look for him. Jongin pushes his face up, leaning into me like a man who's been stuck in the desert for days finally finding water. So eager and so pliant. It's cute.

I pull away with a small peck and give Jongin a soft smile. "I'll see you when you get home, baby."

Then i leave him there. His gaze heavy on my back and his taste heavy on my lips.

>>>>

Steam sticks to my skin, swirling around my naked chest as i open the bathroom door, feeling better. Even though i was only in that club for a short time, i still felt grimy when i left.

I'm humming a small tune to myself, walking down the hall, towards my room. I stretch my back and a short shiver travels up my spine at the sensation pressing in my nether regions right now. Hopefully, if everything went right, all of my preparation won't be in vein. I'm satisfied over how well things went, and feel a bit of a skip in my step when I open my door, but halt short when i find a familiar shape sitting on my bed.

I blink steadily for a few moments, before i regain some senses and briskly retrieve my glasses off of my dresser.

Jongin clearly comes into view and i stare at his form. He sits on the edge of my bed, his head lowered and his body tucked in on itself, almost like a scolded puppy.

"Jongin..." i start, but his smooth voice cuts me off.

"No one has ever forcefully commanded Kai like that. No one has ever made him do anything, let alone retreat. He listened to you. He fucking bowed to you... how? I don't understand." Jongin says, finally lifting his head.

His eyes shine with a glossiness of unshed tears, and clearly by the blotchy tracks down his cheeks, they wouldn't be the first.

"Is it relieving?" I ask, leaning back against the hard surface of my dresser.

Jongin makes a pitiful sigh and nods slightly. "I've battled him for so long... I've been alone in this for so long, Kyungsoo."

I can't help a small smile at that. "I told you not to underestimate me, Jongin. I told you that i can handle Kai. I want you, and i see you. The real you. Nothing he says or does will keep me from that."

"I'm still scared, Soo. I feel so close. I feel like i can finally have you, but I'm scared you'll slip through my fingers with the snap of his." Jongin says, his voice holding a tremble.

I push off the wooden surface and take the few steps towards Jongin, till I'm standing inches from him. He sits back and allows me to inch closer between his spread legs. I take notice of his hands twitching from where they sit on his knees.

"You can touch me, Jongin. It's alright." I say, reaching out and taking his head into my hands, my palms cradling his jaw.

Jongin hums and his eyes flutter shut, a stray tear sliding down his cheek at the action. My thumb brushes under his cheekbone to catch it.

"I'm scared." He whispers, his hands clinching into fists.

"I won't let him hurt you anymore. I won't let you be alone anymore." I say, lifting his face up more, forcing his eyes to open.

"Kyungsoo." Jongin whispers, almost too low for me to hear.

Then, i feel a slight touch to my hip. A light, almost ghosted brush of his fingers over the towel still wrapped around my waist. My thumbs brush over his cheeks once again, encouraging him.

I wonder how long it's been since Jongin has been able to touch someone without Kai. How long he's been deprived of others touching him. Loving him. He's never been able to allow intimacy, allow himself to be cared for or loved without the mask of Kai. He never had to fear being hurt, because Kai would always be there to hurt them first. He'd never have to fear of being used, because Kai used them first.

Jongin shuts himself off from his emotions, his feelings, his pain to the point that he becomes another person. Because of Kai, Jongin has blocked himself out from love. Blocked himself out from life.

I bite at my lip, watching his eyes darken, but Jongin stays with me. I don't even see a glimmer of Kai. Boldly, i decide it's time to push Jongin out of his comfort zone. It's time to pull Jongin down from his tower.

Dropping one hand from his face, i grasp at my towel, loosening the hold and letting it fall from my hips.

Jongin's eyes widen and his breath hitches. "Kyungsoo." He almost says in a warning.

I shake my head and return my hand to his his face. "It's okay, Jongin."

His eyes slowly drop, and he swallows hard, his eyes drinking in my body. "Fuck, you're perfect."

"Touch me." I breathe.

Jongin's hands are sure as they grip my hips, slowly sliding down. They achingly slow, map their way down to my knees, before rotating and sliding up the backs of my thighs. When his palms come in contact with the swell of my ass, he removes them only momentarily. A protesting whine builds up in my throat but dies as his large, sturdy hands grip my ass and squeeze, before kneading the flesh.

A moan pushes from my throat and i watch his pupils center at the sound. Without even a second of warning, i'm picked up and thrown over Jongin, landing on the bed. I squeak and stare up at the man who is suddenly on top of me, finding purchase between my spread legs.

"J-Jongin..."

Jongin stares down at me, a sort of raw want radiating off of him. His pleasure. His needs has been locked away for so long. Sex is twice as powerful when feelings are involved and he hasn't had that in a long time, if ever. Everything's magnified. More intense.

He swallows thickly and leans down, his gaze flickering between mine and my lips, making it known what he wants. I surrender instantly, letting him take everything he wants. Jongin can use me any way he likes tonight.

When Jongin pulls away, his lips are puffy and swollen, his hair is the sexy kind of wild, and there's a sort of predatory look in his eyes. He's the personification of sex, and gods, i want him so much.

"What do you want, baby?" i ask, my nails etching temporary marks across stunning caramel skin covering his shoulder.

Jongin shutters and closes his eyes, while dropping his hips, pressing his clear need against my own. He grinds his hips in amazing circles for a few seconds, almost as if doing it absentmindedly. "i want... i want to pull back. Let him take over. It's... it's too much."

I gasp out and throw my head back as a particular grind that puts just the right amount of pressure on my aching cock. "Please don't, Jongin. Please. I want you. Not him."

The sweet friction stops, prompting me to look back up. Our eyes lock and he stares at me with the strangest of expressions. "Say that again."

I blink at him and it clicks. I get it. Nobody has ever wanted Jongin for who he is. The dorky kid who would rather spend hours watching anime, than grinding on strangers in a club. The kid who giggles and claps his feet together when he sees something amusing. The lovable warm person who feeds all of the stray cats on campus and risks himself, to go out during a storm to check on a new mama cat and her kittens. No, they only want Kai. They want the life of the party. They want the one who's up for anything. The one who doesn't care enough to say no. The one who is quick to smile and even quicker to give in.

Jongin's always wanted to be accepted. He's always wanted people to love him. But when he was a kid, people were cruel. They forced him into a corner. Kai wasn't just a protector, or mask he wore so no one would get close. Kai was also the version he created to be what everyone wanted. Kai is his way to be loved, because that's what they expect out of him. Jongin can slip into Kai, so no one can hate the person he really is. Kai is adaptable. He's cunning. He can be what anyone wants at the drop of a hat. He can be anyone's wildest dream... but not my dream.

In that moment, i see the broken little kid who just wanted to be liked. Who just wanted to be loved so much that he split himself in half to appease the people who hurt him and made him hate himself.

I don't even realize a stray tear has slipped down my temple until Jongin's face pinches into distress and he leans down to kiss it away. "What's wrong? Did i hurt you? Are you okay?" he asks in a panic.

"Jongin," i say, my voice horse. "You are the one i want. The real you. Not the one everyone else expects you to be. I want the person who has a ridiculously large action figure collection. I want the person who sobs every time we watch Big Hero 6. I want the person who still has yet to successfully scramble a pan of eggs. I want you, Jongin, not Kai. I don't want perfect. I don't want you to be someone you're not. I don't want you to be what you think i want. I want you. Flaws, quirks, scars, all of it."

Jongin slowly pulls away from the side of my head, his face steadily coming into view. Blurry eyes and tear tracked face in all. His eyes stare holes into my own, even through the glassiness. He just stares. I don't think anyone has ever told Jongin that it's okay to just be who he is. That he's allowed to be loved for just being Jongin. It breaks my heart.

"Kyungsoo." he whispers, his voice full of countless years of pain.

"Jongin, make love to me." I say, placing my hand on his waist and lifting my hips up to meet his own.

He sucks in a sharp breath and lowers to meet me in a down right filthy grind. He pulls back and sits up in a quick motion, then nearly rips the thin fabric of his shirt off, revealing his toned, muscular body. The darkness of his skin only enhances the dips and curves. I want to map every inch with my tongue. Jongin blushes when i mention this out loud and i can't help the amused smile at how much of a shy baby he is.

I sit up and let my hands explore the soft, flawless skin beneath my fingertips. He's so beautiful, especially when a pleasant shiver ripples through his body, and goosebumps blossom across his torso. I can't help myself when i sit further forward and press a teasing nip on his hip, pulling the skin with my teeth. Jongin hisses and he reaches for my chin so he can lean down and force his lips against mine in a hungry, messy, open mouthed kiss. It's dirty and it drives me insane.

His hands find their ways back to my thighs, clearly a partial area for him and sensually slides his hands up, till he reaches my inguinal creases. My breath hitches. Just a couple inches. So close.

"Please." i beg, watching a playful smirk pull on his lips. It's a Jongin smirk. I've never seen one before, and it's beautiful.

When Jongin finally touches me, grasping my length and giving it an experimental tug, i swear i see stars. A curse falls from my lips, as my legs part just as easily. Jongin happily accepts my wordless invitation and once again regains his rightful position, keeping a steady grip on my leaking cock.

"You're so hard, Soo. You could cum any second." Jongin casually mentions, rotating his hand on an upstroke. My hips lift on reflex, and Jongin bites his lip at the action.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted you, Jongin." i say, arching my back at the pure pleasure pulsing up my spine.

Jongin's eye's are intense pools of mocha when he finds my gaze again. "The second you walked into the room that day at rush. The second Sehun introduced you to me as his senior from high school, I wanted you so bad it scared me. I wanted you so much that i made a point to avoid you at all costs." His thumb circles around the tip of my dick, and my breath shallows. "You were perfect. You're innocent face. Your intense eyes. Your fuckable ass and thighs. God, i wanted you so fucking bad. So, yes i can imagine how much."

I shake my head and grab at his hand, stopping his motions. My balls were so tight, i almost lost it. Jongin stares down at the bead of precum glimmering at the slit and licks his lips, and i have to force myself to not lose it. I close my eyes and breath steadily out of my nose, calming myself.

When i open my eyes, Jongin stares down at me with an amused expression. "You good?"

I roll my eyes and lightly punch his shoulder. "Take off your pants."

Jongin stills at that, and it almost seems to hit him at once that this is happening. He seems to have a bit of a settling moment, then with a decisive nod, sits up again, to pull his pants down his thighs. I nearly have a stroke when i realize he isn't wearing underwear, then nearly flat-line when his beautiful cock comes into view. It's not particularly large, i'd say on the average side of not a little over, but damn it's pretty. My mouth waters at the sheer sight of the fat, dusty pink tip. He's thicker than most, definitely not as thick as me, but enough to imagine how well it would fill me up.

"Fuck me." i breathe.

Jongin chuckles, as he fights with getting his pants down the rest of his legs while still kneeling. "Isn't that what we're planning on? Unless you'd like me to bottom, which i'm okay with."

I groan and decide that now is a good time to retrieve the lube bottle from under my bed. "I'd like to cum before i die, thank you." I earn another chuckle at that, but it's cut off short by a gasp, when i turn on to my belly, and bend over to reach the bottle.

Oh. Right. I almost forgot.

Hands spread over my ass before i can even firmly grasp at the plastic tube, and spread my cheeks fully, exposing everything to the world. I squeak and move quickly to get a hold on the edge of the bed before i topple over at the rough treatment.

"Jongin." i protest, but a sharp poke sends a jolt through my body and i clench hard around the momentary prodding.

"How big is it?" Jongin asks, once again placing a finger over the external knob and pushing on it.

My lower abdomen tightens. "Jongin, please."

A light slap echoes through the room and a pulse of pleasure sends my nerves into hyper-drive. "Jesus."

"That's not my name. Now answer my question." Jongin says, still poking at the nub.

"It's small, just enough to be there, but not enough to intrude." I say breathlessly.

Jongin hums, and lets go of my ass. "Lube, Kyungsoo." He says with a bit of urgency that wasn't there before.

I scramble forward, a steady hand on my hip keeping me from face-planting, and locate the bottle once again. I nearly throw it over my shoulder and a few seconds later, i feel hands spreading my cheeks apart again, as well as the continuation of pressing against the bud a bit roughly.

A groan pulls from my lips and i let my head fall down onto the bed, just before Jongin gets a more secure hold and slowly pulls the plug out inch by agonizing inch. I whimper and feel it push back in, filling me once again. But it's not enough. It never is. This is the anal plug i use when i feel like wearing one, but don't want it to be to distracting.

"You're so stretched for me, Soo. You're ready to go. Did you do this for me? Did you plan on this happening when i got back?" Jongin asks, beginning to pull the plug out and press it back in.

A mixture of a whine and a moan falls off my tongue and i press back into it, fucking myself thoroughly onto the smaller of my plugs. More, i need more. I hear Jongin let out a curse under his breath.

"I... i had it in before i even... went to the club. I didn't know... what would happen, but i was... hopeful." i rasp out between my harsh pants.

I hear Jongin swallow audibly. "Do you make a habit out of wearing this?"

I nod into my comforter and whine. "I like being filled."

Jongin answers me with a growl and i suck in a sharp breath as i'm roughly flipped onto my back. His eyes meet mine, looking hungry and zeroing in on the needy look in my own. He makes sure to hold my gaze as he reaches down and grasps back onto the plug and yanks it free of my ass, then secures the lube. He uncaps the tube, and drizzles a fair amount onto his palm.

His hand spreads out the sticky mixture onto his exceptionally hard cock. I bite at my lip and my hands twitch. I want to be the one doing that. I want to touch him so bad, but the look in his eyes as he holds my stare dares me to move. A small thrill prickles around the base of my skull. Whether he wants to admit it or not, there's traces of Kai in this man, and that's interesting to say the least.

He spreads the excess lube onto my crack and too empty hole, then reaches out grabbing my thighs, pulling them up, and hooks them over his arm creases. He yanks me roughly, closer to him and leans forward.

I feel his cock brush over my crack, and my eyes flutter. So fucking close.

Deciding to help, i sit up slightly and firmly grasp Jongin in my hand, giving him a few teasing, but also self indulgent, pumps. He feels so good in my hand, i can only imagine what he's going to feel like inside of me. Jongin's responding moan makes me even more desperate.

Impatiently, i position his length right at my entrance, holding it there and look up to meet eyes with Jongin. He stares at me questioningly, and i nod once before his hips are pushing forward. There's light resistance, but then he's pressing inside and my eyes roll back in my head, while our synced groans fill the room.

"Fuck, this is really happening." I comment out loud, and let Jongin bend me in half, while he continues to press deeper into me.

Jongin isn't huge, but gods he isn't small either. It feels like forever before he bottoms out and i feel every weighted inch, opening me up. I breathe in the feeling of him inside of me, finally after so long, Jongin is here. In my bed and inside of me. I could cum.

His deep chuckle rings through my ears and i feel my legs release, then placed around Jongin's hips. More comfortable and intimate, especially when he leans down and nuzzles under my jaw. I moan softly as he presses a kiss to my neck and thread my fingers through his hair.

He pulls out just a hair, then presses back in. My back arches, and i can't help the moan that pulls from deep in my belly. Jongin does this again, then again till he picks up a small rhythm, all while littering kisses and nips across my throat and clavicles. My nails rake up his shoulder, while my left leg arches up higher on his hip allowing him to push in deeper. He picks up the pace in result.

My breath shutters and moans spill from my lips like a song worshiping in the magnificence that is Kim Jongin. Fuck, i love this man so much.

The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. Of course i had known i love him. Of course i knew that he had my heart, but until this very moment it had no name. It had no power. But now, now it's here and it's real.

Jongin, pushes up further onto his knees and starts thrusting harder, giving way to slight groans mixed in with my moans. His intense gaze finds me once again for the hundredth time, seizing me and refusing me to doubt how i feel about him. My heart. My soul. My everything is given to Jongin in this second. My body opens for him, and i tremble as my orgasm is ripped from the depth of my being.

He kisses me through it, holding me tightly as he chases his own high, pounding himself into my sensitive hole. I cling to him, my tongue tangling with his, trying to milk every bit of Jongin i can. I want to be surrounded by this man. I want to be cocooned in everything Jongin, so i never have to be apart from him. So i never have to feel him leave me.

"Jongin, " i gasp, still feeling drunk on the feeling of my release. "Jongin, cum for me, baby."

Jongin runs his hands down my thighs, grasping tightly. "Kyungsoo. I don't want it to end." he groans.

"Jongin, i'm yours. You can have me whenever you want. Let go, baby." i say, reassuringly running my thumb over his cheek.

"You're mine?" Jongin asks, his eyes twinkling.

I offer him a wobbly smile "All yours. I love you."

His eyes widen, and his hips falter as his release hits him unexpectedly. He says my name like a curse and i get a sick satisfaction from that. He thrusts in shallow jerks before stilling above me, our heaving breaths syncing in the stillness of my bedroom.

"Fuck." i say, laughing a little.

Jongin closes his eyes, humming in agreement, as his forehead rests against mine. I pet at his dampened hair and feel him relax his body weight against mine, until he's fully laying on top of me. His face tucks into the crease of my neck and i feel myself relax into his body heat and comfort.

After a few moments i start to feel myself drifting off, and shake myself awake at the prospect of falling asleep covered and full of jizz. My lip curls up at the mere thought of it. "Jongin, we should probably clean up."

His despondent, mumbled moan answers me and i huff a small laugh. Of course he'd be the type to fall asleep right after. He's such a cuddly teddy bear, and so so soft. I don't know how anyone could label this boy as anything other than a beautiful ray of sunshine.

Placing a kiss to his temple, and wrapping my other arm around his shoulder so i can rub at his back, i decide to let him sleep for just a few more minutes. We probably need to have a bit of a talk about what i said and we probably need to settle a few other things if this relationship is to continue, but right now i'll let him stay is his blissful little bubble. I'll let him breath in his first taste of being truly loved for himself.

I am Jongin's protector now. I am the one who defends and loves him the way he deserves. I'll make sure of it, from this moment forward, Jongin will always find safety and comfort in my arms.

>>>>

Chickens!!

It's been a while, hasn't it? I've missed you guys and I've missed this story too. I had a serious case of writers block, but i felt inspired so i wrote the whole second half of this in one go. Haha its 3am here in Daegu, SK and i just finished some damn good porn. I hope you all enjoy.

Midterms are next week, so you might not see another update for a bit. I'm sorry guys, but school always comes first, especially while i'm overseas. I hope you guys can understand. I know you guys wait a bit for updates sometimes and may be a bit desperate for something from me, but please don't message or comment asking for updates. Nothing is as much of a mood-killer or a disappointment as you guys sending me those. I try my best to write and give you updates, but life is life, my doods. Sometimes i don't have time and sometimes i get majorly blocked. Trust me, I've been there, desperately waiting for an update. But being patient and understanding of a writer really goes a long way.

Anyhoo, thanks for reading. I hope i did enough justice for Kaisoo. I hope to see you guys next time. SuLay is up next.

Kisses! 😘

사랑해 💕

~M~