~Tao~

'Tick, tick, tick.' The sound echoes in the back of my head, mocking me.

Time stretches. Seconds have turned into minutes, and minutes into hours. The clock ticks by tortuously, reminding us of the suffocating silence weighing down on our shoulders. The longer we sit here, the more I feel helpless.

'Just talk to me' i want to scream. 'Say anything. Yell at me. Tell me you hate me. Just say something.' I want to tell him. Anything than this silence. I can't take this anymore, but i don't feel like being the one to say something first will help this.

A sigh finds my lips for the millionth time, and i glance towards the window. It's getting later in the day. We've been here since early morning. I've watched the shadows from the sun move from one to the other side of the floor. Still nothing. Kris holds in his stubborn silence, and here we are, still locked in our room, not a word has been said.

This morning I was awoken to Sehun dragging me, literally dragging me, blanket and all, out of bed and down the hallway. He threw me into Kris's bedroom and slammed the door. Sehun then
demanded that we get our shit together. He said we are dividing the house, and that we need to fix this. They took our phones, our laptops, and have locked us in our room. Held hostage with our hearts binding us. Sehun stands guard outside, (He sat down against the door a while ago, and it makes me feel regretful towards him.) so there's no running from this.

There's nothing to distract us from the matter at hand. All that's left to do is talk, but silence is all I've gotten since Kris bolted out of bed at the sound of me clattering onto the floor when i was pushed in here this morning.

Kris doesn't seem to want to talk to me. He won't even look at me... This was a brilliant plan.

There's a wall between us. I haven't seen a wall since the first time Kris and i was forced to stay in the same room together. We fought the entire time we were doing that project. Gods, i hated him back then. I thought he was just a pretentious asshole, who wanted nothing more than to make my life difficult. I wasn't wrong, but i wasn't right either. There was so many layers to Kris that i didn't know... that i still don't know. I thought that since he let me past one wall i was in, but it turns out that Kris has a labyrinth of walls blocking people out. I wonder if i'll ever get to know all of him.

I hear muffled voices outside the door, followed by a drawn out sigh. Yixing.

"I'm taking Sehun to get some food. He hasn't eaten all day. This is getting ridiculous, guys. Just fucking talk to each other." Yixing calls from the other side of the heavy wooden barrier.

Silence follows their leave, and it's almost funny at how fitting that is. More silence...at least until...

"Did you sleep with him while we were together?" Kris's voice comes out like a brick scraping across pavement. It almost hurts at how harsh it is.

My eye twitches at how enraging the idea that he could even think such a thing. "I didn't fucking cheat on you, Kris. It was before we got together."

Kris's lip curls and he takes a large breath. "How long before?"

The disbelieving breath that leaves me, makes his arm twitch. "The night before."

He freezes, his eyes shifting like he's trying to figure out some large math equation. "After i told you i loved you for the first time, you immediately went and hopped into bed with Baekhyun?" My mouth drops open, and  i huff another pissed laugh out, before Kris continues to further shove his own head up his ass. "All this time... i thought i was your first. I thought i was your only... but now i find out it's... it's fucking Baekhyun." Kris says, still not looking at me. "I thought i was that important person for you. The person you lost you virginity to. I know you probably think it's a stupid thing to focus on, but to me i loved that you were mine and only mine. That no one else had touched you, had seen and felt you the way i had. But now i know that as soon as i revealed the truth to you, came out to you, and told you i loved you... you fucked Baekhyun that very night?"

"Like you went and fucked Kyungsoo, yes." i answer, catching Kris off guard enough to freeze with wide, panicked eyes.

I don't for a second miss the slight shake of his hand, or the tremor in his voice. "What?"

"Kris, don't even insult me enough to think that i don't know about Kyungsoo. That night after you told me the truth, after you told me you loved me, but said you needed the night to calm yourself and figure some things out, then you left.... after dropping a bomb like that, you just fucking bailed. I knew exactly where you were going. I knew you'd spend your final night with him, that you'd still go and fuck him even after telling me that you loved me... The idea of you and him together, hurt me. It hurt like hell because i knew there were feelings between you two. I knew you loved him too." I glance up, blinking through a bit of the glassiness. Baekhyun had been the only other person I told this to. Up until now, he's the only person who knew the whole truth.

I take a stuttering breath and pick at my nails anxiously. "I called Baekhyun. I didn't want to be alone. He brought alcohol he stole from his older brother, and we got drunk. We were both upset and lonely, so naturally we sought comfort in each other." I sit back and cross my arms. "I won't apologize for sleeping with Baekhyun, Kris. It was a stupid night where we made choices we shouldn't have, but i don't regret it. I'm honestly glad you aren't the only person I've slept with. It made me appreciate how well you know my body, how well we fit together. With Baek, it was awkward and we just didn't mesh well. When it was over, we just kind of laughed it off and agreed to put it behind us."

Kris locks his jaw, his lips pressing together in distaste. He still seems a bit shell shocked. I wonder how long he thought he was protecting such a secret. I wonder how much stress the possibility of me finding out about his ex lover, caused him. A part of me feels he deserves it, but another part of me thinks that this is exactly our problem. We don't talk to each other. We don't communicate and in that we're losing track of who we are in this relationship.

"I don't want to hear about it." Kris says, his face scrunching up like the very idea of someone else touching me makes him sick.

I shake my head, and scoot my chair forward a few steps. "No, none of this. It needs to stop here, Kris. I thought the fact that you were incredibly jealous over me or the fact that you always felt the need to be exceptionally possessive was a good thing, but i don't anymore. It's not good for us. It's not good for our relationship. That stupid high school shit where you don't trust me enough not to fall into the arms of anyone who calls me pretty. I'm here, Kris. I'm right here. You've pulled some crazy shit in the past and i'm still here. I get daily offers from other people who want me, but i'm still here. You were in love with someone else and I knew there'd always be a part of you that belonged to him, but I'm still here. Baekhyun was a minor misjudgment. I did it. I slept with someone else, and guess fucking what, Kris? I'm still right here. I want you. I've chosen you a thousand times and i'll choose you a thousand more... why can't you trust me?"

"I don't... i just... trust is so fucking hard, Tao. It's like i believe you. I know you would never hurt me. I know you'd never cheat on me... but the second i thought i was losing you or the second i thought you might toss me away for someone else... i just..." Kris grabs at his hair in a frustrated gesture, the first sign of a crack.

"You're not him, Kris. You're not your dad. He pushed everyone away because he was ignorant and selfish. He's too insecure to admit his faults and believes money can buy love, loyalty, and respect. You're nothing like him." I explain, realizing the truth the was so fucking obvious.

Kris fears of becoming the one man who pushed kris's real self under the carpet for years. Kris's father spent years trying to force his son to become a mini version of himself. Grooming him to become a grade A asshole. Kris watched his father belittle, undermine, back-stab, and buy his way through life for years. It messed Kris up pretty bad, and his greatest fear in life is actually becoming that man.

I know Kris, though. Kris is kind and generous. He'd never let a friend go without and is always the first to offer comfort. He's the type of person who will always be on your side, and make sure that you know you're loved. Kris is a good person, and he's nothing like that man. I wish he could see that.

"You should leave me before i start seeing you as my possession. Throwing money at you just to shut you up. Laughing as you get upset over interns with short, tight skirts walking around my office." Kris laughs with a haunted tone. "That's the image i just couldn't get out of my head when i saw you with Jonghyun. I saw her, my mother, constantly moving from one fling to another, just to satisfy the lack of love and attention she received from my father. I saw myself forcing you to drown yourself in some warm body because i wasn't giving you enough... i wasn't loving you enough... i-"

"Kris, stop. You are not your father and i am not your mother. You're so much better than that. I know you have some things to work out, but you're nothing like him. There's so many things that make you different. So many things that make me love you. You're not your father."

Kris drops his eyes for a moment, the small crack in the wall widening. "There's a million reasons you shouldn't love me. There's a million reasons for you to walk away."

Kris's parent's relationship was just one giant clusterfuck of emotional damage and petty selfishness. With Kris's father of course being the piece of work he is, but also his mother, who wasn't without fault either. She set a terrible example for him on how to deal with pain and loneliness. Kris's mother was either too numb from medication to care, or so wrapped up in her constant line of affairs that's she neglected the whole 'mother' thing.

It made sense to me why Kris choose to move out as soon as he turned of age. When i moved out of my aunt and uncles house and in with Kris my junior year, it was almost as if he did a complete 180. The Kris i had gotten to know and fall in love with was nothing compared to the man he became once he was free of his toxic parents. Then, when Sehun moved in with us during our senior year, while Kris was a freshman in college... it was perfect. We were like a family. The family i know Kris had craved his whole life.

Our family only grew once we all entered the fraternity and I know he was so happy, but there was always this fear. There was always this doubt that he'd lose everything he loves, everything he's worked for. He watched the only relationship model he knew destroy itself slowly and maliciously for years. Of course he'd be terrified that we'd turn into them.

"And all i need is one to stay." I say, my chair inching forward another foot.

Kris lifts his eyes, "What reason could you possibly have for staying with me?"

I scoff in disbelief and shake my head. "Because i fucking love you, moron. I choose you because you make me happy. Because you get me better than most people do. You're brave enough to kill all of the spiders for me. You are willing to stand outside the shower and keep guard after i watch a scary movie, because everyone knows showers are the most vulnerable place to be against murders and ghosts. You know when to treat me delicately, but also have respect for me as a man who can take care of himself. You know what and how i like all of my food. You bravely answer and field all of the calls from my mom, so i don't have to listen to her nag for two hours. You are one of my best friends, and i fucking love you because you're you. How could that not be good enough?" i ask, finally resting my chair right in front of him, close enough to reach out and take his hand.

Kris stares into my eyes, his own soft and vulnerable. He's never really been real with me. Our relationship was built in a place in our lives where deeper connections aren't required to fall in love. Simple attraction is all that's needed, but that's not good enough anymore. Kris and i are adults now. We have depth, we have wants and dreams. We have evolved emotions and complex personalities. We've changed since high school, but our relationship hasn't.

"We need to reconnect with one another. There's a whole side of you that i don't know. There's things about each other that have changed and adjusted." i say, and Kris squeezes my hand. That's what i should have done from the start. I should have just told him how i felt and everything wouldn't have gotten so damn complicated.

"There's something that hasn't changed." Kris says and i lean my head towards his. Our foreheads touch and he smiles gently at me "I still love you, Tao."

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and relishing in his words. "I love you too, Kris. So much."

"Do you still want this? Do you still want us?" Kris asks me, not accusing, just asking. Open communication without judgment or offense. This is good. This is what i want. This is what we need.

"Yes, i want us, i want you. I don't want to let go of what we have. I want to keep trying." i say.

Kris smiles and nods. "Me too. So, where should we start? How do we fix us?"

I mirror his smile and bring his hand to my lips. "How about we just talk. Openly and honestly. Let starts clearing out everything in our heads. No getting angry. Forgiving each other. To move forward we have to put everything behind us and to do that, we have to let go of everything."

Kris nods and takes a deep breath "it won't be easy, but for you, i'll do anything... Okay, Let's talk."

>>>>

~Kris~

I release a groan, as i stretch my arms above my head. The popping and clicking noises are mildly concerning, but i guess it's just a side effect of sliding into my late twenties. Also, staying up late into the night, allowing the deepest parts of yourself to be seen by the man you love, will make anyone a bit stiff.

I take in a deep breath of cool, morning air when i open the door to the backyard and step out onto the patio. A small kiss of light floods the sky from the sun beginning to rise. It's still too dark to see a lot, but i can make out the distinctive outline of the one person i actually would love to talk to right now.

My footsteps are light, but i see his head tilt slightly in my direction as i near. He's always been the observant type. It's why he's so good at what he does. Not much gets by him.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Jongdae asks, the slight wise, beyond his years, tone deep in his voice. For all of the time Jongdae and i have known each other, he's just always had this aura to him. It's a feeling of someone who's lived through things that ages your soul, that changes you to see the world for what it is, but also to see just how beautiful it can be.

I shake my head and sit down next to Jongdae on the edge of the patio. "I decided to come get some air. I just put Tao to bed, but i feel a bit restless."

He nods absentmindedly, but says nothing further. Jongdae is an anomaly like this. Sometimes he can't shut up to save his life. He's such a tease and a goofball, but there are these rare moments where he's quiet and speculative. Where he just listens without judgment or interruption. I'm thankful for these moments, because Jongdae's really helped me out a few times like this.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" i retort, throwing it back at him.

Jongdae chuckles and lifts a cup to his lips, taking a deep drink. I don't think I've seen him drink regular home brewed coffee in a long time. It's almost surprising. Jongdae peeks over at me, noticing my surprise and winces sheepishly. "Don't tell Minseok." he mumbles, forcing a short chuckle out of me.

"I couldn't sleep. I know it's supposed to be relieving to talk about how you feel. To finally tell someone about the things you've been harboring inside of you, but honestly... i just feel kind of raw. Like i just woke up from a terrible night of drinking and now i'm dealing with the aftereffects."  I explain.

Jongdae huffs a small, sad sounding laugh and nods. "To people like us, who are so used to holding things in and sorting things out in our heads on our own... Talking about it out loud isn't as relieving as everyone seems to think. Talking is good. It helps people understand how you feel and it allows for communication, but to us... it just feels stripping. So many emotions are produced and hormones released. When we say the truth and allow those chemicals to actually effect us, it takes a lot out of us. It beats you up a bit."

"Is that why you always disappear the day after your meetings?" i ask lightly, hoping i haven't said too much.

"It's always rough to remember those days. To talk openly about the shit i spent so long bottling up, is hard." Jongdae explains.

Jongdae told us a while ago about his addiction. Actually, it was a moment of bravery which i look back on with admiration. It took a lot for Jongdae to sit us all down and tell us the truth, but he wanted to be honest and open with us. We don't keep a drop of alcohol in this house because of him.

...We really fucked up.

"Chen, i'm really sorry. We shouldn't have had that party. I thought it was a good idea at the time, but that was just me running from my problems. I fucked up, and i'm sorry." i apologize. I've been carrying a fair amount of guilt for last weekend. I shouldn't have done it, and now looking back it was a really bad idea. Our house was a powder keg waiting to blow. That party was our spark. I'm still picking up the pieces.

"Kris, man, it's okay. I'm not mad. I wasn't even mad when i came home. I knew you dumbasses would pull something like that. But i have to be the adult here. That's literally my job, is to look after you idiots and make sure you don't fuck up too bad. I'm just glad no one got hurt... well, at least too bad. How is Jongin and Sehun, by the way?"

I roll my eyes and release a sighed chuckle. "They're fine. The second Sehun came home they worked it out. The were both crying and apologizing and it was really sweet. They apparently passed out on the couch last night while watching a movie. They were fast asleep, cuddling on the couch when i passed them in the living room to come out here."

Jongdae snorts and i take notice that it's getting lighter outside when i can see his face taking on a fond crinkle. "Don't hold it against Jongin, Kris. I know he went way too far and he stepped over a line he shouldn't have, but that kid didn't mean it. I don't know why he does those things, but it's almost like he can't stop himself, like he doesn't have control over himself. Jongin's just a lost kid."

I nod and take a deep breath. Sehun already had a conversation similar to this one with me. He pulled me aside and asked me not to be too hard on Jongin. Sehun asked me to overlook what his best friend said for him. For Sehun I'd do anything, so i let it go. Honestly, I'm not mad, at least not anymore. I'm more so worried for the kid. His eyes that night, i saw it... it's almost like he wasn't himself. Like it wasn't really Jongin. It was kind of scary.

"I've already forgiven him, and i promise it won't cause any rift between the house, but Chen..." i pause, unsure on how to present this.

"Yeah?" Jongdae encourages.

I bite at my lip and cast my eyes to the ground. It's hard excepting the truth and deciding that something needs to be done. It's hard to make that step, unsure of how things are going to go or what you could possibly be bringing out, but it's harder watching someone you care about go through something like this. It's hard standing on the sideline watching them hurt and destroy themselves.

"I want Jongin to get some help. He needs to talk to someone. He needs to work through a lot of shit, and i don't think it'll be good coming from me. Jongin and my relationship is a bit rocky right now, and you're kind of our keeper, so i think it'll be better coming from you." I feel a hand on my shoulder causing me too look up and realize just how blurry my vision has become.

Jongdae nods, and squeezes my shoulder again. "I'm worried about Jongin too. I'll talk to him."

It takes less than a minute to ask if someone is okay. It takes less than an hour to hear them out. It takes less than a day to figure out how to help them. Mental health care is more than just being worried. Reaching out, making sure the people we love are safe and okay, can do more than anyone realizes. When Tao told me about what Sehun tried to do back in high school, i felt devastated. I felt angry and hurt, but most of all scared. Sehun lived with Tao and me the last year of high school, and I spent weeks on full alert watching him. I realized little things that i never did before. People can hide a lot when you're not paying attention.

At the end of that week, i made a promise to myself that I'd never ignore signs again. If I felt that someone isn't doing okay, or that they need help, I'd do something about it. Not all mental issues lead to self harm or worse, but it doesn't mean it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean they don't need help either. All it takes is a few seconds to check in with someone, even if all they need is to be noticed for once.

"Are you and Tao planning on having kids?" Jongdae suddenly asks.

I blink at the other, taken by surprise. "I don't know. Honestly, I'm not even sure what Tao and i plan on doing past graduation. There's a lot we haven't exactly worked out between us. Tao's right, we've been handling our relationship like children. No plans. No communication. No growth... Why do you ask?"

Jongdae seems to think for a second, like he just had a realization that he didn't before, but seems to shake it off. "I just think that you'll be a good dad when the time comes."

A snort leaves me and i shake my head. "What gives you that impression. I can barely keep together my relationship, what makes you think i could handle tiny little demons of terror and mischief?... no offense."

Jongdae chuckles. "Seriously, none taken. But honestly, Kris. Come on. These boys... the way you take care of them? You love them like a dad. Even if wrong is done, you love all of those boys like family. That's what i love so much about you idiots. That's why i was so drawn back to this house even after my memories of this place, it is because you love each other and won't ever let anyone go through something alone. The good. The bad. You're always there and you don't see support and care like that these days. Kris, you being the one to guide and support them like a father, is what makes it the most special. Those boys look up to you and they really do love you. You'll make a great dad, because you already do."

I sit back and let the words of praise seep into my bones. I never got any type of encouragement or praise from my dad. I never got anything other than yelling about what i was doing wrong, or how i was too much like my mother. My father was never hands on enough to see anything going on in my life other than what he saw on the surface. My dad was never truly in my life and never approved of anything i did.

When Jongdae first showed up in my life, he was a bit of a mess. I could tell how much he was struggling to hold himself together, but i could tell he was doing his best. It wasn't until the first night i had a huge defeat in a class, getting a low grade on a paper that i realized how much Jongdae could teach me, how much he could guide me. Jongdae not only sat with me for an hour that night, in this very spot actually, but he gave me advice and encouragement that i never experienced before. He gave me nonjudgmental, and un-circumstantial love, and i didn't understand how much i needed that till that very moment.

Jongdae became a constant in my life then, and i started looking towards him like a father, because it was so easy to do so. He always supported me and cared for me, even in my stupid decisions. Jongdae has become the dad i always needed and i don't really think he understands how much i need him, how much we all need him.

"You're a great dad too, Chen. Not just to the cutest little girl in existence, but to all of us. I think we needed you." I say, nudging his thigh with mine.

The emotional smile that tugs at Jongdae's lips mirrors my own, and Jongdae slings his arm over my shoulder, pulling me close. "i think i needed you guys too."

....

A calmness sweeps through the house as i come back inside. I decided to leave Jongdae to his thoughts. Whatever dilemma is keeping him awake is clearly best left for him to sort out. Plus it leaves me time of silent reflection. It reminds me of the times i used to wake up at the first break of dawn, when just a dusting of light touches the horizon, placing a light glow to every room i walked through. It was always so quiet, so peaceful, like a whole different world than the one i was living.

The only part of my childhood home i miss, is how the large house filled with light in the early morning. The pristine, immaculately decorated rooms just hummed with a magical aura. I felt balanced, grounded in those silences. I felt whole, when every other moment i felt hallow.

That was back then, though. That was when i still allowed my father to control my future, to control everything. That was before Tao. He made me realize some things. He forced me to see myself and who i was becoming. He saved me from myself and freed me. I owe Tao everything. I could never give up on him. If he wants me, I'll be right next to him through anything. I'll prove that I'm nothing like my father and fight for the people that matter the most to me.

Sehun sleeps before me when i reach the living room, the TV illuminating the cutest image I've ever seen. He's curled up on the couch with Jongin wrapped around him like a human cobweb. The two boys are stripped down to boxers and t-shirts, and look like two incredibly lanky toddlers, snuggled up to one another. Sehun has his head smashed into Jongin's chest and it momentarily reminds me of how he used to sleep, pressed into the side of Tao's neck. More often than not, I'd wake up to find Sehun in our bed when he lived with us. Hell, i still do, though i haven't felt the kid coiled into my side or nudged in between Tao and me in a while.

That's our fault, i guess. We managed to turn into the two people we swore we never would; Sehun's parents. We promised when we took Sehun in that we'd never resort to petty arguments or resentful despondency. That promise was broken, and gods how much i regret that. I wonder how much hell we've put Sehun through in these past weeks?

'No more thinking about who did what. About who hurt who. Let's move past this and put the pieces back in their proper places.' Tao had told me this earlier. When i was beating myself up nice and thoroughly. He told me that the only way to make up for the past is to fix the present. The only way to move forward is to take one step after another. No use in dwelling on the 'should haves' and the 'what ifs'. He's right. He's always right.

I pull the blanket up off the floor that had clearly slipped off the two puppies at some point in the night. Slowly and carefully, i tuck the blanket around both of them, and make sure all of their parts are covered. When did Sehun get this damn tall?

A smile touches my lips as my hand slides over Sehun's hair. I really do love this kid. I guess i had taken over a fatherly role to him without even realizing it. We always joke about the whole "mom and dad" thing, but Jongdae kind of put it into perspective for me. Sehun nudged his way into a part of my heart i wasn't even aware existed, let alone ready to open.

My eyes shift to Jongin. So young, so delicate... so much like Sehun. I reach for Jongin's hair, feeling its rough texture from years of dying it. I'll have to tell Tao to make sure he helps the boy next time. We don't want it falling out.

I don't really know how I've never allowed myself to open my arms to Jongin the same way i had Sehun. Well.... maybe i do. Maybe, just maybe i saw the look in Kyungsoo's eyes the first time he saw Jongin walk into this house. Maybe, just maybe i realized that in that moment i lost Kyungsoo forever.

"Kris?"

My name almost comes out like a hiss at how grainy Jongin's voice sounds. He did spend most of the day equally crying and laughing with Sehun, so it's not exactly surprising.

When i look down into Jongin's eyes, that dark purple bruise around his left, greets me. I wince and subconsciously hover my fingers over it. I wish i could make it better, could make the shit of a night that was, disappear.

Tao's voice echoes in my head and i take a deep breath, while Jongin stares up at me with wide, cautious eyes. There's an almost childlike vulnerability swirling in those hot chocolate irises, and it makes me want to pull him into my arms, keeping all of the scary monsters at bay.

"You can hit me." Jongin says, pulling away from Sehun. "But let me get up. I don't want you hurting Hunnie."

I place my hand on his shoulder, stilling him as my chest clinches. "I don't want to hit you, Jongin."

Jongin blinks at me and i swear if he had a tail, it would be tucked between his legs. "Do you want to just yell at me then?"

I shake my head and slowly drop down to my knees, kneeling in front of the couch. Jongin shifts so he's laying on his back and can properly stare at me. "I don't want to hurt you at all, Jongin. I want to apologize actually."

"Apologize? No, Kris. I should be the one saying sorry. I said some messed up things. It's all my fault. I shouldn-" I stop him with a hand to his lips.

"Don't. Blaming yourself won't undo what happened. It won't fix things. The only thing it'll do is unnecessarily hurt you." I say, absentmindedly pulling at the blanket, tugging it back into place after it had fallen in Jongin's readjustment.

"But, Kr-" Jongin mumbles behind my hand, but i stop him with a hard look.

"Don't apologize. We're both at fault. We were both stupidly fighting over the same person, when clearly you've already won." At that, Jongin is quiet, and i can see the storm of emotions in his eyes. He knows who I'm talking about. "He really cares about you, Jongin. Kyungsoo isn't the type to jump on a whim, so if he's putting his attention on you, then he's kind of all in."

Jongin swallows hard and drops his gaze. "He's better off without me. You saw what happened. All i cause it trouble."

I sigh and reach out, grabbing Jongin's hand. "I used to think the same thing. I used to think that i was nothing more than a destroyer of things, but even worse, i just saw the people i hurt as collateral damage. I didn't care about what i left shattered in my wake... until i met someone i never wanted to ever feel pain. Someone i wanted to protect with every bit of my being. You're capable of being a truly exceptional person, Jongin. The biggest thing holding you back isn't your reputation, or even Kai... it's you. Don't let anyone else control how you live your life. Don't let your heart be the price you pay to the gods of fear."

Jongin's eyebrows knit momentarily and he meets my eyes once again. "Why would you give me advice? Why would you tell me to give him a chance?"

A sigh falls from my lips as i squeeze his hand. "I love Kyungsoo. I'll always love Kyungsoo. He's truly one of the few people in this world who loved me even at my worst. He stayed by my side, even when i treated him like absolute shit at times. I want the best for him, and someone who defends his honor up against someone who's nearly twice his size, comes pretty close."

Jongin bites at his lip and i see an almost resolve pull at the corners of his eyes. "I wouldn't say twice my size."

I chuckle at his cuteness and ruffle his hair a bit. Jongin's lips tick up at the corners at i take that as a small victory.

"Still, I'm sorry about what happened, Kris. I've never hated you. Actually, I've always kind of looked up to you, and i really don't want any bad blood between us." Jongin squeezes my hand, subconsciously tapping a finger against my palm. "Is there any way that we could just start fresh?"

A small bubble of light fills my chest and i feel like laughing, but also crying. "Consider it done, kid. Just... take care of Soo. He's tough, but he's not unbreakable."

Jongin's eyes crinkle in distaste, like he'd rather take a bullet than hurt Kyungsoo in any way. I hope that's true. "Thanks, Kris."

I smile and let my eyes slide over to Sehun. "You know, Sehun's kind of become like my son. I care for him in a way that a father would. If he needs support, advice, or just a friend, I've always been there. If you want, you can see me that way too, Jongin. If you need me, for anything, I'm here."

It happens so fast, it takes me by surprise. One second I'm watching Jongin's eyes well up with tears, and then the next i have my arms full. Once i gain my bearings, i wrap my arms around Jongin and press him closer to me.

Jongdae always has a way of being right. I never had a proper family growing up. So i built one. I never had a proper father. So i became one.

Jongin pulls back and wipes at his eyes. I chuckle and pat his cheek at bit. I catch the sight of Sehun smirking at me sleepily from where he laid back on the couch, and i reach out for his hand which he takes and gives at small squeeze.

I stand and motion for both of them to lay back down. They cuddle back up together like two baby kittens, and i tuck the blanket back up around them once more. As much as I'd love to stay here and continue to give my two boys love and attention, i have a beautiful man upstairs who needs it a bit more.

I give them both a nod and turn, walking to the stairs, calling a quick "take care of them, Jongin. Both of them."

>>>>

~Tao~

My eyes slowly shift across the yard, watching the world come alive and soaking color into its bones. The sun is rising, bathing the world in golden rays. It's almost symbolic how this is the first day in a week that clouds haven't hung in the sky, dark and angry. It feels like a new day... A fresh start.

"What are you doing up?" Kris's soft voice asks behind me. "I thought i put you to bed?"

I sigh and close my eyes as i lean back into the supporting weight that pulls me close from behind. Kris kisses my bare shoulder, and i breathe in the familiarity of it, the comfort. It feels like forever ago that Kris became my home, my happy place. I thought for the longest time that feeling comfortable was a bad thing, that feeling this content satisfying regard meant that we were losing touch, and i don't know, maybe we were a bit, but i think we were also growing up.

Kris and i are about to graduate college. We are going to move on with our lives, and so much change is about to happen. I got so comfortable in the idea that this is all there is and there won't be more after this, that i took what i had for granted. I didn't appreciate that i could come home from a hard day off classes, sink into Kris's arms and feel at home. Feel at peace.

My mind and heart was growing up, but i rebelled against it. I fought the change. I fought the progression. I was scared of losing the one constant in my life, that i picked it apart until i regressed the people we had become. Our relationship was stagnant, but it wasn't bad. A little trying and communication would have fixed our issue, but i needlessly broke us. I destroyed the good and brought back the bad. I have no one else to blame for how complicated things got, other than myself.

So, it's time to put my big boy pants on and put the pieces back in their proper place. For Kris, the man who has become so much of my rock, so much of my biggest supporter, i'd do anything.

I turn around in his hold, the blanket that was wrapped around my body, slips down a few inches. I watch with amusement as Kris's eyes follow the fabric's movement.

Emotions filter though me as i realize that this is what i wanted. The way Kris is looking at me right now, with a mixture of so much love and want. This is what i was trying to get from the beginning. It didn't take stupid plans, jealously, doubt, or high school tricks. It didn't take breaking trust or hurting pride. All it takes is a conversation. Honesty and open mindedness. Being able to compromise and listen. I've been so stupid.

"I woke up and you weren't next to me." I say, being truthful for once. So many times i'd hide how i feel or my reasoning for things for the sake of not wanting to be a burden or coming across as needy. But hiding what you desire in a relationship is hiding a piece of yourself. It's toxic. It's what nearly ruined us.

Kris seems to light up at that and he leans in to run his nose against mine. He wants to feel wanted as much as i do. Stupid, stupid Tao. "I had to get some air, Love. Sorry for leaving you."

I shake my head and smile gently, reaching up to run my fingertips down his jaw. "I saw you outside with Chen. It's okay. Did you two have a good talk?"

He turns his head and presses a kiss to the palm of my hand. "We did. I always enjoy our conversations... speaking of... i also talked to Jongin."

I pause for a second, remembering the last time those two spoke together didn't exactly go well. "What did you guys talk about?"

"Well, for one, I think we've adopted another child." I snort at that. I've already seen Jongin similar to how i see Sehun. It's hard not to when they're basically joined at the hip. "But, most of all Jongin and I came to an understanding. We apologized and left it at a fresh start. I think that's what all of us need, is to put the past behind us and move forward. A united front, stronger than ever." Kris explains, his hands slowly sliding down my hips. "I admit, i was a bit protective over Kyungsoo, but i probably was also being a bit possessive too..." Kris pauses and uncertainty flashes through this beautiful dark eyes. "is this okay? Talking about Kyungsoo, i mean?"

My heart squeezes at his consideration and i feel so much fondness for Kris in this moment. It seems that being open and truthful is coming a bit more natural with one another now. After taking for hours and laying so much out for the other to see, i was worried that once we stopped, Kris would roll back into himself and lock away under increased security. I can't particularly say that I'm crazy for talking about Kyungsoo, but I'm happy Kris wants to talk to me about him, wants to share a piece of his heart that he'd locked away for so long in a box, marked with a bolded "K".

"Yes, please don't worry about making me uncomfortable. Kyungsoo is important to you too, even if I'm a little jealous, i trust you and know where your heart really belongs." I say, feeling Kris's strong hands on my hips, pressing against me through the thin fabric of the blanket, while his thumbs circle distractedly over my inguinal creases.

Of course. Only you, Tao. You have captured my heart and i never want it back." He hums, leaning in and placing a short, but lingering kiss to my lips. It's as if he's testing it out. Dipping his foot into the pool to see if it's okay to dive in.

A sort of nervousness builds in my belly and i have to close my eyes momentarily to bring back a steady coherency. "Anyways, about Kyungsoo?"

Kris smirks a bit, knowing fully what he's doing to me, and places a butterfly kiss on the top of my cheekbone, then another on my temple. He trails kisses until he reaches the point between my jaw and my neck. My breath shallows.

"I was saying that I'm not sure that i fully let Kyungsoo go. Don't get me wrong, I'm over him and I'm fully devoted to you, but after Kyungsoo and i ended whatever we were, he didn't move on. He never went out with anyone or dated around, hell I don't even know if he's hooked up wi-... what I'm saying is, i guess i somehow worked up this sort of possession that Kyungsoo was still mine. I liked that he wasn't with anyone else... that he didn't move on. It was selfish and deranged of me." Kris pulls back from my neck and locks eyes with me, searching, appraising. "It wasn't fair to either of you. I'm sorry."

I shake my head and let my hands find his own hips, pulling him towards me. "Kris, It's okay. I kind of knew that you still held on to Kyungsoo. I could just tell, especially when Jongin took an interest. You started hovering and paying extra attention to them. I guess it was a matter of time before you two butted heads."

Kris nods lightly and runs his tongue over his lips. "It's none of my business anymore. I want Kyungsoo to be happy and if Jongin does that for him, then I'll support it. It's time for me to completely let go... to move on."

A smile find it's way to my lips and one of my hands wraps around the back of Kris's neck, pulling him across the short distance left between our bodies, and crashing my lips into his. It's like coming home. Kris's lips have that sort of soft firmness that drives me crazy. A sort of gentleness, with just the right amount of roughness behind them, that mimics his personality. I love his kiss, how it devours me and powers me at the same time.

Kris tilts his head, allowing his mouth to slot against mine better, deepening and intensifying. A low moan bubbles up from my throat and as soon as it breaks the surface, filtering into the silence of the early morning, I'm picked up and hauled onto Kris's desk. His lips never leaving mine for a second. Kris crowds into my personal space, slotting between my thighs, and pressing his body against mine with his hands cupping my ass. One little slow grind has me keening against his lips. Kris has managed to undo me without really doing anything, just as he always has.

"Kris, i love you." I say breathlessly.

Kris's nose slides across mine, his lips tickling air across my own. "Say it again."

A smile blooms across my face, and i grab his cheeks in my hands "i love you so much, Kris."

The answering beam i get, makes every last bit of ache fade from the surface of my soul. He really is too beautiful for his own good.

I feel his hands searching, feeling their way across my hips. Kris gives a victorious hum when his fingers connect with my hard cock through the light fabric of the blanket still miraculously wrapped around me.

I keen and my hips rise automatically off the desk, seeking the familiar warmth and friction of his hand. Kris wraps his hand around me, stroking me lightly through the material. It's deliciously maddening. I groan in frustration, but my hips still lift to press against his hand with each pass.

"Baby, please." I gasp, and that has his eyes flashing in one second and him dropping to his knees in another.

I gasp again in shock at how quickly it happened, but have absolutely no protest when he tears the blanket off my body, exposing my naked form to the dusty light of dawn.

"So beautiful." Kris says after a few beats of silence. He leans further in, his large hands finding purchase on my thighs. They slide up slow, feeling every inch of my smooth, tanned skin. Years of yoga really pay off in these moments.

Kris bends forward and places a kiss to the inside of my knee, serving as a catalyst for a full body shutter from me. Having Kris on his knees, his lips presses against my thighs, like he's a priest worshiping at his alter.

He leaves marks, but we both know i love them too. Possessive marks have always been a thing for me, even if the implication is a bit skewed.

Once Kris is done littering my thighs with kisses and bites, painting them in dark angry splotches, he slots himself between my legs. Kris reaches up, pulling my ass halfway off the desk, and motions for me to throw my legs over his shoulders.

I nearly cum right then and there. I freeze, staring blankly at my boyfriend for a few seconds. Kris rarely blows me, let alone so eagerly. I usually never push it, because i know it isn't his favorite thing, but this... this is new, and I'm not arguing.

Just as my legs are settled into place, and i lean back onto my palms, pressed firmly behind me for support, a hand finds my dick and begins to pump me lazily. I moan in short surprise and throw my head back momentarily. Fuck, just the slightest of touches from Kris, sets my blood on fire.

A pause in movement has my head lowering and my eyes assessing why such a perfect feeling was interrupted. Kris locks eyes with me, his own, blown wide like steaming hot-springs of intensity and holds my gaze, before slowly sliding his gorgeous lips down my shaft. I groan and lace my fingers into his hair. His muffled moan makes me pulse against Kris's tongue.

I arch my back, keeping my ass planted firmly against the desk, refusing to move even an inch. One of the reasons Kris hates giving head is because this man has a killer gag reflex, and I'd hate to ruin this for both of us.

Kris's free hand explores my body, following the curve of my back, and to the top of my ass, torching my skin as he goes. It's almost too much sensation with how sensually he touches me.

His mouth works my shaft, pressing his tongue to the slit, sliding it around the crown when he comes up for air and a break. It can be taxing when you're not used to it.

"Take your time, baby." I pant at him, pressing my hand to his chest and sliding it up to his clavicle.

Kris narrows his eyes and i know I'm fucked. I just made it a challenge for him.

My cock is swallowed down so fast, i don't even have time to blink, let alone properly collect myself. I scramble to grab onto something, and find the edge of the wooden surface under me, gripping it so hard my knuckles turn white.

The noises obscenely bounces off the walls and further my arousal. Kris sucks me hard, his lips air tight and fucking me so good.

"Kris." I moan out, feeling his tongue press against the underside of my hardness with each pass. I might pass out from all of the stimulation my man is delivering me.

Kris lets his teeth lightly scrape over my shaft and it has me jolting with a hiss, and surging forward, shoving my hand through his dusty blonde locks.

His gaze once again finds mine while my fingers grip so hard at Kris's hair that if i didn't know any better, I'd be worried about hurting him. He pulls back, observing, watching, like a hungry lion stalking prey, while his hand pumps me to keep the edge just lurking under the surface.

"Kris, please." I whine, begging him to let me cum.

Of course, my love is all too happy to oblige.

He swallows me down in one go, his tongue massaging the underside, while his cheeks pull me in with every suck. It's maddening. I've taught him well.

I close my eyes tightly and cum with a probably too loud moan of my lovers name and tremble as waves and waves of blissful orgasm washes through me.

Kris slips me out of his mouth gently and smirks up at me with proud adoration. We stare at one another for a few long, intense seconds. It feels real. It feels right. Like the last gear clicking into place.

"Hey, Stranger." Kris says, his wrecked voice sliding across my eardrums with an arousing rasp.

"Hey, yourself." I say, leaning forward and cradling his head in my hands.

Kris stands and pecks me lightly on the lips, knowing I'm not too crazy about making out after head. It's refreshing having someone who can wreck you completely like a passionate hookup, and yet still know you like you've been married for fifty years.

"We should probably get to bed." Kris says, sliding his hands up my thighs, pressing his thumb into a particularly dark mark.

I bite at my lip and fight off the smirk threatening to spread at the playful glint in his eyes. "Yeah, we probably should. We still have classes later today."

Kris's lip twitches, but he manages to control his composure. "Round two in the shower?"

I free the sly grin and lean in to kiss him once again. "What are you waiting for?"

I'm whisked off my desk so hard, i get a little dizzy and release a surprised giggle. I wrap my legs around Kris's strong hips, feeling his hardness press into my still soft, yet stirring and interested cock.

I was a fool to think that our relationship lacked passion. Just because I had given up on trying, didn't mean the attraction and want, wasn't there. It doesn't mean that we were headed for a cliff. Sometimes comfortable, doesn't mean stale or old. Sometime comfortable doesn't mean that you're growing apart and are losing each other. Sometimes comfortable means that you've grown. Means that you know a person so well that they're just a constant in your life. Sometimes comfortable means happy.

And when i look into Kris's eyes, shining with love, acceptance, and sincerity... I feel holistically comfortable.

>>>>

Chickens!!!

Hey, guys! So here's the long awaited Taoris. Sorry it took me a bit. I'm in the process of moving and i don't exactly have a lot of time on my hands to focus on writing. I can't promise that my next update will come fast either, due to next semester starting and moving to a new place and all that. I'll try my best.

Anyways, focusing on Taoris. I kind of didn't want to leave things in a bad place for too long. I didn't want anything to be too dramatic, because honestly, everyone has a lot going on already in their own lives. Over the next couple of chapters, until XiuChen, there will be a lot of problem solving, tears, and forgiveness... so prepare for that.

I don't have have anything else to say, but you know the drill. Comment, message, vote. I'm here to listen.

BaekYeol/Chanbaek is up next. See you then.

Kisses 😘

사랑해 💕

~M~