~Junmyeon~

My eyes scan the room, passing easily over anyone who's too mediocre and unimportant to be the beautiful boy I'm looking for. I've been all over campus, thinking of anywhere he could possibly be. I'm used to having my little shadow follow me around, and unfortunately didn't get the opportunity to do the same. There are only a few places I know that he visits on his own regard.

Luckily though, I finally find the person I've been searching all over for. The day is late, the sun starting to set through the library, casting a golden glow across the scattered tables and students occupying them, from the large wall of windows on one side of the large room.

I'm a little disappointed in Yixing. When I told him that I want to be close with him, it wasn't a suggestion, and the idea that he can't follow a simple order irritates me. It might be a bit controlling of me, but I expect certain demands to be met of those I make them for. Yixing is no exception, though it doesn't entirely surprise me.

I idle over to his table, watching the subtle movement of his lips as he attempts to figure out a rather complicated looking math problem. It wouldn't be difficult for me, but for someone like Yixing, I can tell mathematics isn't his area of expertise.

I lean over him slightly, going through all of the steps on the paper, and finding exactly where he went wrong, which is why he's angrily mumbling at the paper. I silently chuckle and grab his hand with the pencil in it, and fix the problem for him. He watches the entire time, not once looking up at me with surprise or confusion, just intently watches his problem fix itself.

I finish the problem and set it up for him to solve the rest, and he nods briskly, uttering a small "oh, ok" then proceeds to solve the problem.

I smile, amused at the boy. I never seem to find enough qualities about Yixing that doesn't interest me to some degree. Yixing just has this casual innocence about him, it's refreshing really.

I wait patiently for Yixing to connect the dots in his head and when he does, those large eyes briskly turn to me, staring in shock and awe. He seems to go through a whole battery of emotions, but doesn't know how to voice any of them.

"Hello, Yixing." I say casually, still leaning over him, probably way too close for him to be comfortable, but there's a sort of excitement in watching him squirm.

Yixing blinks at me, and opens his mouth, only to produce a helpless squeak, one that I can't help but be charmed by.

I regard Yixing calmly and order him to pack up his things, then to follow me. I wait for only a second, before Yixing obeys to my delight. Clearly he does know how to listen, so why has he decided to go against what i told him the last time we met?

Yixing follows me out of the building, and down the street to a little bistro place. My father owns the building, and is good friends with the owner, so they tend to wait on me with uttermost devotion. A good display of power might help Yixing sober up to who he's dealing with. I don't find it to be cocky, but realistic about who I am and what my name can do.

I glance back at Yixing periodically on our way to the cafe, checking to see if he's behaving. Each time I'm amused to find him pathetically holding his book bag to his chest, while staring at me with a confused, deer in the headlights look on his face. It's cute.

Walking inside the upscale bistro gives me a sense of pride. The staff fluster around me, calling me master Kim and attending to my every need. It would normally be embarrassing to be treated like this in front of a friend, but I know Yixing needs to see the affect I have.

They lead us to a private table in the back and Yixing instinctively follows, he pauses and stands awkwardly next to the table as I sit down, pulling out my napkin and folding it neatly onto my lap. These habits have been engrained in me since I was a kid, there's no time to be a child when your every move reflects on your family.

"Sit down, Yixing." I order in a tone I know Yixing will be powerless to disobey.

He sits down in the chair hastily, murmuring a "yes, sir" seeming just as surprised as I am that the words came out of his mouth.

I can tell that I wasn't quick enough to hide the flame that ignited at the quiet submission, when he gives me a quizzical expression. I stow away those emotions and revert my features back to their causal setting.

"You've been avoiding me." It's not a question.

He tugs his lip into his mouth and bites at it nervously. I try not to let my eyes rest there for too long. "I-I just... I didn't think you were really serious about wanting to spend time with me."

I sigh, disappointed by his answer and reach for a small roll from a basket on the table. "Of course I was serious, Yixing. I don't say things I don't mean."

Yixing lowers his head, the obvious submission doing things to my body. "I'm sorry, but I really don't understand why you want to hang around with me."

I scoff lightly, prompting him to look back up at me. We really need to work on his confidence. "Why wouldn't I? I already told you, you fascinate me, Yixing. I want to get to know you, I want to understand your mind."

Yixing shakes his head, clearly frustrated, sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed. Is... is he throwing a tantrum? "There's not much going on up here, Junmyeon." He says gesturing to his head. "Trust me I'm a complete bore on a good day and a complete downer on a bad... I'm not someone people go out of their way to get to know... I'm actually one that people go out of their way to avoid. Please just save me the trouble of constantly obsessing over this and tell me why you want to know me."

I stare at him with a silent calm that I know makes people squirm. A trait I picked up from my father, and judging by the way Yixing swallows thickly, I know it works well.

"Because I like you, Yixing."

"Pleas stop saying my name like that." He mumbles while biting at his lip.

His comment is ignored as I feel the need to further explain myself. Further justify why this beautiful boy deserves attention. "Because I feel drawn to you just as I'm sure you feel drawn to me. I want to know you, and I don't think you're boring, I think you're amazing. I've seen your compacity for kindness and love, I've seen the way you can bring joy into someone's day just by smiling at them, and I've seen the way you devote yourself to something you care about. You're not boring and you're far from mediocre, Yixing... You're actually quite spectacular."

Yixing stares at me in awe, his eyes sparkling with an emotion I've never seen before. I would like to see it more often, but it's gone before I can bring light to it, replaced by doubt and self pity.

"You're disillusioned." Yixing says with a sigh. "That's not me. You have no idea who i really am."

"Why are you becoming a nurse, Yixing?" I ask abruptly, giving him a curious head tilt. I don't like to be wrong.

Yixing blinks at me and pushes his lips out into a pout, a habit, I've noticed he has when he's deeply thinking over something. "I like to help people, I like to make them feel important and cared for. I've been an outsider my whole life and I want to take care of people... I want to give them a sense of belonging even if it's only for a second."

I pick the previously discarded roll and pull off a chunk of it. "That's why I like you, Yixing... because you're turning your weakness and past hardships into strengths. You always look for the brightest side to everything, even if you don't see it in yourself. You're biggest want is to make people smile, because you understand what it's like to live with a frown... that's beautiful to me... you're beautiful to me"

Yixing's eyes shine with emotions for only a second, before they harden and he huffs out angrily. "You need to stop this. Stop saying these things. Stop calling my name like that, and stop acting like this is normal. This isn't normal, Junmyeon. Nothing about this is normal. You deserve better than me, and I need to let go of this damn obsession with you. Let me go on with my life and you go on with yours, like we had never even crossed paths... the way it was always meant to be."

I regard him calmly, trying my best to keep my temper under control. So many violations have been broken in that one single rant and I'd like nothing better than to teach him my rules. That's it, though. What Minho had said the other day. It'll be hard to keep Yixing by my side without wanting to drag him into my world.

"No" I say, willpower working on overdrive. "I want you by my side, Yixing. That's not a request."

Yixing's lips flutter in disbelief. "Why do you say things like this? What does that even mean?"

I take a deep structured breath and cock my head to the side. "We are going to be friends, Yixing. I want to be your friend and I want you to be mine. I want us to create a bond together and share our lives. It's that simple."

Yixing shakes his head and drops his eyes. "We were never meant to be friends. I was never meant to be a part of your life. I stole moments, saw things I was never meant to see, things I was never meant to be a part of. I can't be your friend, Junmyeon and you can't be mine."

I try my best not to scoff at his refusal and clench my hand now laying on my lap. "Yixing... this isn't-"

"Stop saying my name like that." Yixing grits out. "Just leave me alone. I know I don't have the right to say such a thing, after how long I followed you around, but I learned my lesson and I'm very aware of my place now. Please, don't seek me out anymore. This is how it was always meant to be."

He stands before I even understand what's happening and leaves me sitting there dumbfounded, wondering what the hell just took place. I unclench my hand and place it flat on the table, drumming my fingers over the solid surface, making a thick thumping noise.

I don't like when I don't get my way, and I definitely don't like when I have to chase after what I want. I like control, order, and predictably... Yixing is none of those things. How can a man both infuriate and fascinate me in the same moment? No one has ever ignited this much feeling inside of me before and if he thinks for one second that I'm going to give up now... he has a surprise in store for him.

>>>>

~Yixing~

The heavy doors squeak as i force them open. My feet nearly trip over one another in the effort to get to where i'm going as fast as possible. I need to clear my head and forget about the mess my life has become lately. I stop dead however at what or more like who greets me on the other side.

I release a squeak of surprise catching the attention of one of the people inhabiting the room.

"Yixing?" Sehun asks, glancing up from the sketchbook propped up on his knees as he sits against the far wall.

Jongin halts in his actions and turns from where he was moving on the other side of the room. "Hey, Xing."

I drop my gaze and sigh "Sorry, i didn't know anyone else was in here."

"It's alright, come on in." Jongin says. "I need someone to give me a critique on my rotations for this move."

I bite at my lip and shake my head. "Can we do it another time? I'm not feeling it today."

Sehun and Jongin's gazes bore into me, forcing me to give in. "I just met with Junmyeon... i'm feeling a little... perplexed right now."

Sehun is the first to speak. "Why would he leave you feeling perplexed? You should feel excited that you got to meet with him."

My answering eye roll can't be helped. "It's Junmyeon, of course i'm elated that he wants to talk and meet with me... but..."

"But?" both of them prompt in unison, creeping me out with their twin powers.

"Junmyeon is so charismatic and perfect, and i'm... this..." i say gesturing to myself in a less than impressed manor.

The responsive groans i get, deflates me further.

"Yixing, come here." Jongin says, pointing to the space in front of him.

I slump my shoulders, but know better than to ignore the boy when he makes a demand.

"Sehun, play track six." Jongin orders, when i reach him.

Sehun is quick to change the track, letting the familiar music swell the room. I remember this song well, having spent many hours in this room with Jongin, dancing to this very song for our last years showcase. It was a brilliant dance routine and it always made me feel charged with energy. Even now my body starts to rock, muscles naturally remembering the notes.

Jongin smiles and grabs my hips, pulling me over to the wall of mirrors and placing me in front of them. I attempt to fight it at first, but give in when the music bridges, letting my body take over easily. Each twist, each step, my body flows with easy precision.  Sehun eventually joins us and then, it's the three of us, dancing in sync, never missing a beat.

This is my element, my church. When i feel the music pulsing through my veins, my body pumping along with every beat, i know where i belong. I know who i am and everything clicks together when i'm in this moment.

"Stop" i suddenly hear, just as the music is cut off.

I stumble and look up in surprise, just as Jongin grabs my wrist and spins me to face the mirror. "Here, tell me what you see."

"Three hot and out of breath people staring at a mirror, in a dance room." i state, failing to understand where he's getting at.

Sehun sighs and takes my hand. "Look at yourself, Xing. Look in your eyes."

I swallow deeply and stare at myself, then blink in surprise. The guy staring back at me, has a wickedness, a wildness in his eyes. He looks confident, in control, and even sexy. This guy is in control of his body, and spirit... who is this guy?

"That's you, Yixing." Sehun answers my silent question. "None of us really feed into your pity parties because we know this side of you, we've all seen this cocky, confident guy who owns the stage. When you dance, when you take command on stage, the true Yixing comes out. When you preform, you become a whole other person. You're fucking hot, hyung and fuck, like this... how could you ever say you're not someone worth Junmyeon's time? Yixing, you could own anyone you wanted like this."

I blink at the attractive, powerful being staring back at me and reach out placing my hand on the glass. I was never aware that this is who i became when I️ took control. When I was in my element. I've always seen myself as this nerdy, boring, dork of a person who had the sex appeal of a leaf, it's why I always wear concealing outfits during my performances. But seeing this guy... it feels like i could conquer anything like this. I knew that preforming, was always my happy place, my center, but i had no clue that i had a separate persona when my body takes over my mind.

"This... this is new." I say, wanting to see more of this guy, wanting to be more of this person. "I know I always go into a different headspace when I'm in my zone, but I never... I haven't ever seen this."

Sehun shrugs and looks at me with the deepest sincerity I've ever seen from him. "You always hide from yourself, hyung. When you're on stage and you're doing your thing. You command the room, you own the power of every single person watching you. Being on stage, dancing, preforming... it breaths life into you."

Jongin smirks and pats my butt casually. "Seriously, if it wasn't for Sehun placing the don't touch order on you so long ago, i would have torn your cloths off every practice."

Sehun rolls his eyes. "And you wonder why i have to make rules for you."

Jongin shrugs and fixes his hair. "I didn't say they didn't have practicality, just that they we're unnecessary"

"Unnecessary?.. Jongin you can't fuck everyone you come in contact wit-"

I tune their bickering out and stare at the stranger in the mirror once again, giving a little smirk out for try and surprising myself at how alluring it is. I'm oddly obsessed with this person, with this person's confidence, and wondering what i could do if i had that type of confidence in every aspect of my life. Would Junmyeon like this person?

I think about Junmyeon's structured, detailed, controlled life. How tailored and perfect everything is. He likes predictability, organization, and simplicity. Junmyeon isn't the type to want a wild, cocky, and impulsive person. Junmyeon wouldn't want this type of sexy confidence, he wants a classy type of confidence. This person doesn't fit into Junmyeon's world either... i don't fit with Junmyeon no matter who i am.

I make my way over to the corner of the room where the sound system is and start the music over again, gaining the other two's attention. They smile at me, as i join them in front of the mirror again, and we start to move in uniform once again.

The boys are right, when i dance, when I preform, i become another person. When i feel the melody in my bones and my blood pulses to the beat, a confidence comes out of me that i had never realized before. I feel so powerful on stage. Everything makes sense, everything connects. Preforming collides with my body and molds to me like i was always meant to do this. I just wish that i could fit somewhere else as well as i do here.

>>>>

~Junmyeon~

The man sits down across from me, the bell on his choker tinkling obnoxiously. He flashes me a gorgeous smile, the one that made me fall so easily into his trap once upon a time. He cocks his head to the side, while crossing his legs in dramatic flare I've only seen produced from him before.

"It's been a long time, Junnie." His smooth as silk voice rolls over the words.

I smile fondly and nod at the man affectionately. "Yes it has, Wonho."

I sigh and push down the sudden urge to bend him over the table in front of me, just to see how loud we can get that bell to jingle. That isn't an aspect of our relationship any longer, though and we are no longer entitled to one another's bodies.

"How's Changkyun?" I ask, making it clear that the line has been drawn.

He smiles fondly and taps the table with his fingers, a telling sign of his nervousness. He's always managed to hold a mask of confidence, a fake sense of control, even when he's cracking around the edges. I remember how fun it used to be to smash that control of his into dust at the flick of my finger.

"He's well, busy planning the wedding." He mentions casually.

I nod, having known about the event for a while, as the boy in front of me keeps me updated on his life. Honestly, I'm happy for him and his lover. They found a happy ending and are taking a step to bound themselves together. Marriage is beautiful, and even I wish to partake in the structure one day... though it's hard to find someone who fits such specific requirements.

I thought Wonho was perfect, exactly what I was looking for, but there was a problem. One I couldn't possibly overlook, and because of that we parted ways. Of course, we remain friends. The want for him is gone, but the specific need of two people who were involved in a very intimate and intense relationship, remains.

Wonho understands this, and we'd both never dream of crossing that carefully drawn line I bolded long ago. I don't mix the past and present. What's over is over, and it will remain this way.

"Oh no. Junnie has his deeply thinking face on" Wonho comments, taking a sip from the water in front of him.

I repress a sigh and blink at the man in front of me "I have a problem"

"Problem?" He enunciates like the word tastes disgusting on his tongue, while tilting his head in that obnoxious matter i never could break him of.

I take a deep, weighted breath, knowing exactly what i'm giving him over this admittance. "There's a certain underclassmen who has been... irritating me."

Wonho's eyes sparkle with mischief as he smiles at me, daring me to continue. He sits back and gives me a roaming look, like he just recognized a new physical trait he hadn't before. Has Yixing effected me this much? That i carry the man around in a way a bloodhound like Wonho can sniff him out instantly at the slightest mention of him?

I swallow deeply, wondering if i'm playing with fire bringing this little devil into this. If i didn't feel so hopeless and powerless when it comes to the Chinese enigma, I would have never sought out Wonho's advice, but if anyone were to know me and this situation better than myself it would be this man sitting in front of me. Wonho knows my habits, my needs, he understands what kind of man i am beneath the polite words, and controlled expressions... he's seen that control break before, and i trust him entirely. It doesn't stop me from concerning over the man's actions after he hears my impasse. Wonho has always been irrational, and impulsive. That's something i could never train out of him. Even when it was endearing, it was worrisome.

"He frustrates me. One second he's obedient, then the next he's argumentative and uncontrollable. He lacks confidence, or any type of positive self image, plus he's too naive for his own good. His friends are always taking advantage of him, and treating him like he's their mother, and he's...." i groan and rub my temples with my fingers. "He pisses me off so completly all the time, but yet... i can't stay away from him. I'm entirely obsessed with him, and everything that pisses me off, also enthralls me so much i feel addicted to the challenge." I say, blinking at the table cloth in front of me, before slowly glancing up at the other man's startling silence.

"You're completly infatuated with this kid" Wonho says in a mixture of delight and astonishment. "So, what's the problem? He pisses you off? There are ways to fix that, you and i both know how easy it is for someone like you to train a wild animal to behave like a house pet."

I shake my head indignantly. "No, absolutely not. I... i refuse to get close to him... He's frustrating and fascinating, but he's also good. Won, he's so kind, and beautiful... i won't ruin someone like him."

Wonho blinks as he takes a cherry from the fruit bowl sitting in front of him. "Ruin? Is that what you think you do?" his laugh rings through the air, mocking me. "Junnie, you're helpless."

I sigh. "You knew what the arrangement was before you signed your name. Yixing has no clue what that life, that world is about. He's not like us... i can't imagine he even knows what half of the things in my closet are even called, let alone used for."

Wonho smirks, biting into the cherry, his lips taking the dark hue nicely. "Those things can be taught."

"I don't want to teach him. I don't want to taint him. He's so... pure." I say stabbing at a piece of melon from his bowl. "Plus, he doesn't have the confidence to do the things and be the person i'd need him to be. I told him that i wanted to be close to him, as in be friends, but he started explaining that he wasn't worth my time, and that he doesn't understand why i'd want to be his friend."

Wonho's lip curls unpleasantly. "He pisses you off, he doesn't follow to your strict lines, and he has a pathetic self awareness... Why are you conflicted over this? He sounds like someone who you'd normality wipe off your boot without remorse."

A fleeting, momentary smile takes over my lips, but Wonho doesn't miss it for a second. "Because he's beautiful. He's kind, and he has a great sense of humor. Yixing is just one of those people that everyone wants to gravitate towards because he's so humbled and real... he doesn't feel the need to hide himself or put on a mask for people... he's..."

"Everything you wish you could be." Wonho finishes for me, his eyes shinning with understanding.

Wonho and i may have just been two ships passing in the night, but our wood was made from the same tree. We understand one another, and for this he'll always be a true friend. Wonho just gets me, he always has. After all, he knows what it's like to find someone who balances your demons with their angels.

"So, you just need to give the kid a little confidence boost and maybe help him gain a bit of a backbone... he'll need it dealing with you after all." Wonho taps his chin lightly, then pulls out his phone punching at the screen with expert precision.

"I don't want to fix him, Won. I want to fix me. I want to figure out how to keep him as close to my side as possible, without craving more before i take things too far and actually try to break him." I state flatly.

Wonho regards me with an bemused snort. "Why would you fix something that isn't broken? Why would you keep him at arms length when you could make him yours? Junmyeon, you know you want this boy, so take him."

My mind struggles with me. I can't do this to Yixing, i can't ruin him. Yixing is someone, that for the first time in my life, i want to protect and take care of. I want him by my side, but the longer he stays there the more i want to pull him closer, the more i want to pull him into my darkness. He's a small ball of light, and i might as well be the dark winged demon that will carry him to hell. I won't condemn him with me, not just because i don't want to ruin him, but because he's the first ray of light I've seen in a long time.

"I need him." I say tightly, causing Wonho to stop tapping at his screen and look up alarmed. "I need him to be good and stay that way. Yixing is good, the first sight of true, real good I've seen in a while, and i need him to stay that way... he gives me hope... hope that this world isn't completly lost to money and greed."

Wonho looks me over carefully, then sets his phone down slowly. "Junmyeon... if he's that important to you, why wouldn't you want to pull him in? Why would you settle for having him by your side?"

"You know how i am... I don't do normal, i don't do monotonous relationships. It's not something i'm capable of doing. There's always that need, that... instinct growling and scratching below the surface." I explain, tightening my hand on my leg, feeling a stirring in my gut just speaking about it.

Wonho nods. "So don't do boring. Make him yours in every way you need him. Break him, Junnie."

I roll my eyes in a moment of unchecked exasperation. "Have you even been listening to me?"

"Of course i have." He dismisses with a wave "whine, whine, bitch, bitch... basic Junmyeon 'i'm a bad guy' bullshit."

My jaw hardens and i narrow my eyes at him, which has him straightening up and putting him in check instantly. "i mean, Junmyeon. I understand where you're coming from, but in actuality someone who is that good, doesn't exist." I make to argue, but he holds up a hand in search of explanation. I grant it and sit back. "Yixing can be a complete saint, but i guarantee that he's not pure. Everyone has a dark side, a demon waiting in the shadows... all they need is the proper encouragement, the proper master to beacon them into the light. Jun, this boy could be the perfect 'Gentlemen in the streets, but freak in the sheets' you've been looking for... all you have to do is bring out the freak."

I huff in annoyance, a bad trait i picked up from years of being around the man in front of me. "I'm telling you, there's no freak. Yixing is normal and good."

Wonho smiles casually. "I like a challenge."

I suddenly feel a pressing sense of dread and internally cringe. "What are you planning?"

Wonho smirks and blinks innocently at me. "Trust me, Junnie. Let me handle things... you'll have your freak in no time."

I swallow hard and stare at the table forlornly as he bids me farewell and leaves me sitting there in the cafe. I knew it was a bad idea to bring that shameless man into this, but i have faith that if anyone is going to win against that little devil, it'll be my perfect angel.

>>>>

Chickens!!

How are you my lovelies?! I hope all is well. Here is the latest installment. How did you like it? Is Junmyeon still stirring your interest? I hope so.

I hope you like that I brought Wonho into the story. He's in Monsta X and if you guys haven't checked them out, I suggest you do. I needed a character with a certain personality, and Wonho just fit. Let me know what you guys think of it.

Junmyeon in this story, is probably the closest character I've ever written to myself. A lot of his traits are also traits of my own, and I feel like his situation is more sympathized by me than any of the others. I can't wait to show you guys how he develops and how his relationship with Yixing continues to evolve.

As always any questions, comments, or concerns, send them my way. I'll see you guys next time, HunHan is up next!

I love you guys! Kisses 😘

사랑해 💕

~M~