~Baekhyun~

Loud, boisterous laughter fills the room. Stupid jokes and witty insults are thrown around. Occasional playful punches are exchanged, along with caring touches. This is one of my favorite things. We don't get to have these meet ups often, and you'd think that with most of us living together, that we'd spend more time together. But it's incredibly infrequent when we're all together, and I couldn't be happier when we are.

It's late, Minseok closed the shop hours ago, but all of us still occupy the small cafe, and no one seems to mind. When time passes as effortlessly and joyously as this, no one really wants to give it up. I love when we can all just sit together, catch-up, and just forget for a moment all of the bullshit life is throwing at us. When you have good friends, shared laughs, and amazing food, problems just fade into insignificance. It's perfect.

"Seriously, though. I thought he was going to deck me" Chen explains, telling one of his many college stories. They're meant to be funny and reminiscent, but somehow also come out as precautionary tales.

"Honestly, you kind of deserved it" Minseok says, sipping at his coffee with an amused smirk.

"You were there?" Chen asks, bewildered.

Minseok snorts "I helped the guys carry your drunk ass home that night. You kept trying to run away from us. You were repeatedly saying that you wanted to find Ophelia, because, and I quote 'such a gentle soul deserves better than that douche Hamlet. I'll show her how a real man loves a woman' it took me an hour to convince you that she is a strong and independent woman who will figure things out on her own... I didn't have this heart to tell you how the play ended"

Chen looks surprised, then actually seems to carry a look of guilt, and ducks his head, taking a bite of his pastry. It's kind of cute watching our troll of a house dad become completely caught of guard.

I chuckle at the scene, and reach for the last cookie on the plate in front of me, just as my best friend happens to also be reaching for it. Our hands meet over the plate and we lock eyes for a second, pausing in our actions and staring at each other. Our eyes narrow.

The battle ensues silently, an intense game of Rock Paper Scissors, has been wordlessly waged. It's a war I don't intend to lose. That cookie will be mine. Chanyeol throws scissors at the same time I throw rock, and alas, victory is my own.

I laugh in a high pitch and pick up the cookie nibbling into the edge of it, making sure to lock eyes with Yeol, just to rub it in. Chanyeol's eyes narrow, and he reaches over flicking my cookie and making it crumble to pieces. I watch them fall to the table in slow motion and widen my eyes in disbelief. Chanyeol starts to laugh, that obnoxious, flailing chortle he has.

Murderous rage fills me, as I pick up the pieces in my hands and shove them into my best friend's mouth. He chokes a little bit from the unexpected attack, but recovers quickly and smiles, munching on the cookie happily. Bastard.

I can't stay mad at him though, I've missed these moments too much to let them pass carelessly. These times when Yeol and I connect on a deeper, bonded level that no one else can. Chanyeol fills a place in my being that no one else could even dare to fit. My best friend gets me, just as much as I get him.

Chanyeol grins and reaches over, ruffling my hair. A gesture the giant puppy started a long time ago, one that never fails to comfort and center me. It's almost like his way of telling me he loves me.

Yeol's never been great with expressing himself verbally, so I just got good at picking up on the subtle things. I'd like to say that I know my friend through and through, but lately, I can't say as much. It feels like I've lost touch with my best friend. Yeol's still by my side, but it feels like he's moving further and further out of my grasp, like he's purposely trying to hide himself from me. I hate it. I just want my Chanyeol back. Like this.

"You two are idiots" Kyungsoo say looking directly at me and Chanyeol.

My response is immediate.

My eyes go wide and i grasp dramatically at my chest, turning to Chanyeol and grabbing his shirt in my fist "oh my god, Chanyeol. I-I'm an idiot"

Chanyeol's response is also instantaneous, as he grabs my hand and looks at me as if I had just told him I have brain cancer and will die in a week.

"No, Baekhyun. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know, Yeol. I just didn't know."

Chanyeol reaches up and caresses my cheek, adding on the dramatics with an impressive lip tremble, almost making me crack a smile. Oh yeah, I've definitely missed this Chanyeol.

"Baek... I have to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"I'm also... an idot"

"Oh god, no! Why?!" I cry out desperately and slid out of my chair onto the floor and angrily slam my hand on the floor "anyone but him! Curse you gods!!"

I burst out laughing, accompanied by Chanyeol's loud, deep rumble. It's a comforting sound, and it warms my heart.

Kyungsoo leans over the table, staring at me as i roll around on the floor, holding my stomach and scoffs at me. "I'm cutting you off. No more coffee or sweets"

I sit up abruptly and stare at Soo with my best puppy eyes "you don't have that power"

"No, but Minseok does" Kyungsoo says "and who's side do you think he'll be on?"

I climb back up into my chair and stare at Kyungsoo with a horrified expression. "You're a monster"

Kyungsoo just shrugs and picks up his tea "I've been called worse"

"Squishy" Chanyeol and I say in unison.

Kyungsoo's eyes widen to dramatic levels, before they narrow to dangerous ones. A shiver goes up my spine, knowing I'm probably staring at my death, but I can't help the burning amusement filling my chest.

Chanyeol and I bust out laughing, unable to contain ourselves.

"I've heard you call him that before, why?" Jongin asks, plopping down in the seat next to me, suddenly. He throws an arm around my shoulders, causing red hot anger to burn in Soo's eyes.

Chanyeol speaks before I can explain "it's a joke from high school, I doubt you'd get it"

I turn to look at my best friend, only to find all humor drained from his face. My mind swirls at the sudden shift in his mood, but don't get to evaluate, when Jongin plops his head on my shoulder. I don't even have to glance at him to know he's pouting.

Kai may have an iron defense, casting off rude comments with an amused smirk. But Jongin however, is more like a sensitive butterfly. You have to hold him gently and carefully. He gets hurt way to easily.

"It was just something we came up with a while ago, Jonginne. Soo hates it, so it's probably better of you don't know anyways." I explain, trying to appease all parties.

Kyungsoo gives me an approving nod, and Jongin accepts my explanation easily with a sigh. Clearly though, by the annoyed scoff next to me, Chanyeol isn't as sufficed.

I push it out of my mind, letting the pouty man child next to me, brood in silence.

"So when's your apartment supposed to be ready, Hyung?" I ask Minseok, attempting to change the subject.

Minseok winces and sighs "my landlord said it'll be a couple of weeks still. Apparently there was a lot more damage than he thought. Sorry, guys. I didn't know it would be this much of an inconvenience"

"It's alright. You're welcome with us for as long as you need" Kyungsoo says, patting our favorite Hyung's arm.

Minseok smiles gratefully, and I don't for a second miss the side glance exchanged between him and Jongdae.

"Yeah, take your time. I like rooming with Baekkie. He makes a good pillow" Jongin says, nuzzling against my arm.

I chuckle at the boy, and pat his head, catching the sneer Kyungsoo is sending my way. I give him a playful wink, loving the way his eye twitches slightly.

Suddenly, a loud bang sounds next to me, causing me to jump. I look over to find Yeol standing next to me, his hand placed heavily on the table.

"Yeo-"

"Don't call him that like you know him. Only I can call him Baekkie" Chanyeol says staring at Jongin, who is smartly no longer leaning against me.

"I...I'm" jongin stutters, looking like a little lamb pinned by a lion.

"Yeol" Kyungsoo calls in that tone. Honestly, even I'd submit to that tone. I feel Jongin shiver against my side.

Chanyeol's head snaps to his friend and his shoulders sag after a minute of eye contact. "S-sorry." He says guiltily.

"Hey, we all get a little territorial over our best friends" Kris is the first to speak up "we've all been there. No harm, buddy"

I nod and grab Chanyeol's arm, pulling on it to force him to sit back down "it's cool, Yeol. I kind of hate when people call you Yeollie. That's a best friend right" I say chuckling a bit uncomfortably.

"Do you even know the difference anymore? It seems like the term best friend is subjective for you these days" he says harshly.

I blink at the man I have had by my side for as long as i can remember, the man who has my heart and feel so utterly lost. Why is he acting like this? Has he been feeling neglected lately? Is he mad at me for something I did? Why is he acting like this so suddenly? Chanyeol's always like a damn vault, so how am I supposed to know what he's feeling? I can't fix it if I don't even know what's broken.

"Oh come on, Yeollie. You know no one else can put up with my shit" I laugh shortly and gratefully everyone else seems to get the hint and laughs, attempting to make the situation lighter.

Chanyeol sighs and glances up, meeting my eyes "we should call it a night"

Everyone reluctantly agrees and we separate after a few more words, clearing out of the small cafe. I attempt to latch onto Yeol, so we can talk on the way home, but Kris beats me to it. He throws an arm around the giants shoulders and leads him down the street, talking intensely to my best friend.

I watch them get further and further away, staring after them a slight bit confused about what just happened.

>>>>>

I sigh, tapping away at my phone, slightly annoyed. Chanyeol just texted me, saying that he's sorry about what happened yesterday, and that he wants to talk when we get home.

The giant idiot ignored me all day today, always finding an excuse to slip out of a room as I enter it, or engaging in some interesting conversation with someone else before I can talk to him. It honestly pisses me off a bit, and now he wants to 'talk' when I get off. I feel nauseated by whiplashed emotions.

"Why the frown, sugar tits?" Luhan asks, wrapping his arms around my waist and placing his head on my shoulder.

I roll my eyes and turn off my phone "Yeol wants to talk when I get off"

"Why doesn't he just come here?" Luhan questions, "I'm sure your dad would give you some time to talk to his favorite son in law"

I narrow my eyes and pull out of Luhan's grasp "quit talking to Jiyong about me" I yell dramatically. The little shit and my brother have been getting close lately, and it's really irritating.

Luhan gives me this creepy smile, that kind of worries me about his mental stability "he has good stories about you, though"

My jaw tightens and I consider what the consequences of decking him would be for a second.

"Chanyeol doesn't come here" Sehun interjects, throwing an arm around Jongin, (i note the clench in Luhan's jaw for later blackmail) and points at me "he can't bare to see his little fairy princess forced to wear tight fitted clothing and shaking his ass for dirty old men, so Baekhyun just tells him not to come"

Luhan raises his eyebrow and gives me an odd expression "the giant idiot who I saw smack his own face the other day trying to kill a mosquito... that is the thing you're trying to impress?"

I roll my eyes "he's not that bad. Yes, he can basically be the personification of a meme, but he's sweet, funny, kind, and loyal to a fault. Chanyeol has always had this idea of me being a picturesque type of perfect and I don't want to break that for him. So I keep him away"

Luhan's eyes roll and he cocks a hip, I smirk at how painfully not straight this boy is. "But he already knows, right. He knows what all of you do, the cloths you wear here because I've never seen Jongin go home in street cloths, and even what kind of bar this is... like I don't think he's oblivious to any of this"

Yixing sighs, cutely drinking out of a milk carton, and pats Luhan's arm "ignorance is bliss in this case. He knows, but he acts like he doesn't. Baek can remain his innocent little duckling as long as he can hold on to Baekhyun being this small victim of circumstance."

"Victim of circumstance?" Luhan questions.

I take a deep breath and cross my arms. My friends had long ago psychoanalyzed my relationship with Yeol, and how he can overlook parts about my personality and behavior, and basically turn me into this innocent being that can do no wrong. I realized long ago how Yeol had all but isolated me into this bubble, but i just can't bring myself to break it.

"Basically Chanyeol has developed a pretty woman complex. He sees what Baek is doing, acting, etc and turns him into this helpless victim that just needs to be saved and taken care of, someone who's just doing the best they can and in no way is at fault for anything." Sehun explains, taking way too much pleasure in telling Luhan my struggles.

There's pity in luhan's eyes when I look into them next and I can't bring myself to be offended by it "why would you want someone to keep living under a delusion?"

I mentally hiss at how bad that one stung, but again, have to admit that he's right. However, I apparently hold no filter. "it's not a delusion, sweetie. Have you seen me. I'm perfect. Everything from my perfectly pressed hair, to my expertly done nails, and even my meticulously waxed legs is fucking perfect. Let's not even get started on my top notch personality"

"What the hell is he even saying?" Luhan asks, as I stop mid rant and look at my friends who are staring at me like I just pulled a rainbow out of my ass.

"Beats me. I'm his best friend and I don't even know" Yixing says, shaking his head and staring at me in concern.

"No one ever does" sehun says.

"Chanyeol would know" Jongin points out.

Sehun scoffs and crosses his arms. "Yeah but that's because those two have a weird ass telepathy bond thing going on. Baekhyun could fart and Chanyeol would be like 'oh my gosh, you're so right, Baek. Good point'"

Yixing snorts chocolate milk out of his nose, and I don't even have the fight in me to retort. I sigh deeply and turn around, heading towards the bar and ignore the calls of my name from behind me. I know it sounds crazy, I just don't know how to explain my feelings about this. It's kind of comfy up on this pedistool.

>>>>>

~Chanyeol~

I should put some posters on my ceiling. It would really class things up. Plus, it would give me a place to look at right now, instead of just staring at the blank emptiness of eggshell white I've been fixated on for that past hour or so.

Even my homework that I really should be doing right now, isn't pulling me away from my self induced torture. I hate the way I spoke to Baekhyun yesterday, even if he just passed it off as a joke as usual, I could tell it got to him. His eyes told me everything I needed to know. I hurt my best friend and I don't really know how to deal with how much that effects me.

Releasing a sigh, I raise my arm and drape it over my eyes, not caring to see the almost mocking white ceiling anymore.

Just when I think it might be a good idea to roll over and attempt a nap, small fingers brush over my throat. I hum at the comforting gesture and lift my arm.

Wide, but warm eyes greet me, along with a ghost of a smile on the small man's lips.

"Are you going to sit in here and berate yourself all day?" Kyungsoo asks, giving me a small pitying look.

I take a deep breath and wordlessly scoot over. Kyungsoo takes the cue and lays down next to me, curling into my side, and joining me in my misery.

Minutes pass, as we both stare at the ceiling. The emptiness in the silence expressing my feelings over the situation. Though this has never been an uncomfortable thing for us, for some reason this silence feels suffocating.

"Everything used to be so much simpler when we were kids" I state, lifting my arm palm up, towards the ceiling.

Kyungsoo sighs and reaches up, grabbing my arm and pulling it down, lacing our fingers together "well, considering we didn't have complete development or understanding of what things actually meant, we were... basically ignorantly blissful"

I hum in agreement "I use to be his whole world, Soo. Baekhyun and I were everything to each other. We were all we needed and were happy about that. I never had to deal with petty feelings like jealousy and insecurity. It's so selfish to want all of his attention and love, but I just can't help wanting to go back to that time when I was the only thing in his world that mattered."

"Why do you think you're not? You may not be the only thing that matters, but maybe you're the most important." Kyungsoo suggests.

I shake my head "that's the thing, Soo. Since high school, it seems like Baekhyun's been going a hundred miles an hour. Joining clubs, making friends, getting honors, and just flourishing as a person... but me... I'm just here. I've always just been Baekhyun's best friend. He has so many things going on his life, and I just... I don't know where I stand."

"But, Chanyeol, what you're missing is, that through all of that change, he's remained right by your side. Even with everything he had on his plate in high school, he still made time for your stupid movie nights, and always tried to include you in almost everything he did. Yeol, Baek graduated at the top of our class and still made time for you... how could you say that you're not one of the most important things to him?"

I consider this for a second. Soo kind of has a point. I remember the weekends spent together, (beside the fact that he had homework) him dragging me to school functions, he even made me join a few of the clubs that actually helped me in my college applications. Even through how busy my best friend was in high school, I never really felt neglected or that Baekhyun was pulling away from me. Just that he was no longer mine.

"Is it selfish to say that I just don't like sharing him?" I ask, glancing sideways, and wincing at how pathetic is sounds out loud.

Soo rolls his eyes "yes, it is. He's not a toy, Yeol"

"I really fucked up, didn't I?" I question, already knowing the answer.

Kyungsoo smirks and nods "yes, you hurt your best friend and Jongin, which I'm still kind of pissed at you for"

I give Soo an apologetic look and squeeze his hand "I'm sorry. I seriously have nothing against Jongin. It's just, everytime I see him around Baekhyun, my blood just boils. I don't like the two of them hanging out"

"You're saying that Baekhyun is too good for Jongin?" Kyungsoo asks.

I swallow thickly "it's not that... I just know how Jongin is... Baekhyun is very impressionable and I don't want him going down a bad path or getting hurt. Even you have to admit that Jongin has done some damage to some hearts in his lifetime"

Kyungsoo bites at his lip and a dark look crosses his eyes "I'm aware, but I also know the kind of person Jongin is. He doesn't mean to do those things."

"But he still does them. No matter the reason, he could still potentially hurt my best friend, and that just sends my protective instincts into overdrive. I need Baekhyun to remain safe, and secure. He needs to not get distracted and I know he's better than being that type of person everyone makes him out to be. I'm not blind to the rumors, Soo, but I refuse to let them define the real person under them."

Kyungsoo sighs and shakes his head, his expression the kind he uses when there's something he knows but doesn't want to tell me. Soo's always been a private person, but he's never hidden information without a reason. I just hate to think that theirs something I don't know about my best friend.

"what?" I ask, turning over on my side to look him in the eyes.

Kyungsoo says silent for a beat, seeming to argue with himself, before taking a deep breath and fixing me with a definite stare "you need to pull Baekhyun off of his pedastool before you know anything else. You need to accept the truth or reality of your best friend first. I can't tell you anything that you'll believe or trust me on, because Baekhyun is a king in your eyes."

"What does that mean, Soo? I don't put Baekhyun up on a pedestal. I don't seem him as someone who can do no wrong and is always right" I argue.

"No, but you constantly hold him to a degree that he can't possibly live up to. Chanyeol, you're best friend is a human, and sometimes we work perceptions of people up in our heads that they just can't reach. Baekhyun isn't that perfect little kid you grew up with. He's not your innocent Baekkie anymore, and you trying to push that image of him you have in your head on the one outside of it, is honestly really shitty. Baekhyun's far from innocent, and trust me, does just fine protecting himself... the only thing he has no defenses against is you, Yeol." Kyungsoo explains.

I roll my eyes "my best friend doesn't have to defend himself against me"

"He doesn't? Yeol, I've seen Baek backed into a corner a few times, and in all of them, his eyes looked like they did last night." Kyungsoo gives me a pointed expression, before adding "you keep talking about how Baekhyun has changed and that he's pulling away from you, but, Chanyeol have you tried to understand why he's changed the way he has, or told him that you want him by your side? I know you love him, but which version? The young boy you first fell in love with, the boy with stars in his eyes, and naive about the world, or the Baekhyun today who's rebuilt himself from the things he's learned and experienced?"

I mull over this for a beat. I try to make sense of Kyungsoo's point, but I fail to see it. I haven't kept this perfect image of my best friend, while the real ones changed. No matter how Baekhyun has grown or adapted, my perception of him has remained in synch. I have never thought more of Baekhyun than what he actually is, I just see sides of him, parts of him that others can't. Anyone would love the Baekhyun behind the sass, eyeliner, and impossibly tight jeans. My Baekhyun is actually an intensely intelligent, funny, and kind person. My Baekhyun isn't perfect because he does no wrong, he's perfect because I love everything about him, he's perfect because he fits all of missing parts and holds my pieces together.

"Maybe he is up on a pedestal, but he's not up there because I think he's something he's not... he's up there's because I know the man he can be" I say, squeezing Kyungsoo's hand.

Silence fills the room once again, and this time it's back to its comfortable familiarity. When I finally lift my eyes I hadn't realized I dropped, I find Kyungsoo staring at me with a level of understanding i haven't known he could hold, and it hits me that of all the people who can understand placing someone everyone else sees as flawed and damaged up on the highest of pedestals. They might not be what everyone else sees as worthy, but to us, they are the most magnificent masterpieces the universe has placed on this earth.

>>>>>

"Hey" Baekhyun says, his arms crossed, as he leans against my doorframe.

My throat feels thick, and I can't seem to squeak out anything more than "hey" as a reply.

Baekhyun stands before me, covered in glitter, his hair messily mussed, and his uniform shorts still on. Usually he changes before coming home, because he gets cold easily. Tonight however, that's clearly not a concern.

My best friend seems to notice my obvious staring and attempts to yank the short material further down his thighs. An embarrassed and slightly ashamed expression crosses his eyes and I hate myself for putting it there. Baekhyun should never feel like he has to hide himself from me.

I take a deep composing breath and fix my hoodie sleeve nervously "I'm sorry, about yesterday, Baek. That was a dick thing to say"

Baekhyun's eyes soften in a way that tells me he wants to forgive me immediately, but I know I don't deserve it.

"Did you mean it, though? Do you feel like I haven't been a good friend lately?" Baek asks, his uncertainty giving away his true emotions.

I really hurt him by what I said, and that just brings on a whole new round of feeling like an asshole. But I can't bring myself to say that I wasn't being true about how I felt. I love Baekhyun, but I just don't know how he feels anymore. I just don't feel like a main priority, as pathetic as that sounds.

"It's not that you haven't been a good friend... I just... I guess we just haven't made time to spend together lately and I miss you" I say, avoiding eye contact. I've never been good about expressing my deeper feeling.

Baekhyun's eyes shine and he's across the room in seconds, pulling me against his chest and wrapping his arms around me. Warmth radiates from his naked body and I can't help the want to just surround myself in it like a blanket. His bare skin feels so good pressed against my cheek, and I risk nuzzling into it, feeling the soft, but firm texture of it.

Baekhyun runs his fingers through my hair and rubs his other hand across my shoulders "you should have just said something, Yeol. Must I always remind you that I can't read your mind" he chuckles and squeezes me tightly "you're not him, Yeollie. You don't need to hide yourself away from the world"

My chest tightens at those words and I turn my head, burying my face in his chest, breathing in the comforting, and intoxicating smell that is my best friend. I bring my arms up and secure them around his waist, holding him tight against me.

I know he's right. I need to be more forthcoming with emotions, with my feelings. Baekhyun deserves to know where he stands with one of the most important people in his life. I may not know why, but I know I'm high up on Baekhyun's list for people he cares about, and a part of me feels like I need to live up to that.

I nuzzle further against Baekhyun's chest, dizzy with delirium on how good it feels. My nails dig into Baekhyun's hips, as I pull him between my legs and press my lips flat against his skin. My lips separate instinctually and I proceeded to place a small little kiss, followed by a playful nip to the skin. It feels so good, I just want to litter my best friend's body with kisses and bite marks. Finally claim him as my own.

"Yeol" Baekhyun's breathless voice snaps me out of my subconscious actions and forces me to realize what I was just doing.

I yank away, finding Baekhyun's wide, blown eyes staring down at me. I release him from my grasp and sit back further on my bed. Baekhyun blinks and seems just as shellshocked as I feel.

My eyes travel down to his chest and lock onto the small red mark resting there. Baek's always had sensitive skin, marking so easily at the slightest scratch or hit, but I didn't even think of the possibility of what could happen with love marks.

I shake that out of my mind, glad I'm wearing my large oversized university hoodie, that's currently covering my growing problem. Baekhyun continues to stand between my legs (which isn't helping), for a second, before turning around quickly and wordlessly walking to my door.

"Um" he says, stoping and glancing over his shoulder "I'll see you for movie night tomorrow, right?"

I swallow the thick lump in my throat and try my best to make it look like I wasn't just staring at my best friends ass.

"Of course, Baekkie. 80s American movie?" I ask, glad he's choosing to act like that didn't just happen.

Baekhyun nods and smiles, before walking out of my room and shutting the door. I wait to hear the definite sound of the latch, before sighing in relief and immediately standing up, yanking my pants down to my knees.

When I wrap my hand around my achingly hard length, I can't help the deep moan that spills out of my mouth. Images of Baekhyun in those tiny shorts, the feeling of his naked body pressed against my face, the intoxicating smell and warmth of him, supply me with all of the material I need to spill all over my fist in a matter of seconds.

This isn't the first time I've masturbated to thoughts or images of my best friend. Being the naturally touchy and open person he is, I'm no stranger to random boners popping up because of the man. I've long lost the guilt I used to feel about it, but it seems to creep back up as I stare at the substance covering my hands and now soiled hoodie.

I just basically gave my best friend an unwelcome and unapproved of hicky and jerked off to it. I hate myself for a good minute and a half, before getting up and sensibly cleaning myself up, then changing.

Homework forgotten, I climb into bed, and flop onto my stomach. I grab my pillow and nuzzle into it, hating the fact that it's not soft, warm, and doesn't smell of my best friend.

>>>>>

~Baekhyun~

I blink ahead of me, kind of bewildered at what just happened. I glance down at the small mark on my sternum, and take in a deep stuttered breath. I can't believe Yeol just did that, and by the look of it, neither could he. What could this mean? Could Chanyeol possibly be coming around to his feelings about me? Could he possibly be accepting how he feels about me?

My heart pounds from the possibility that my best friend is finally starting to accept that he's in love with me, and I turn around, reaching out towards the doorknob. If this is really what's happening, then we need to talk, we need to sort things out. Maybe I can finally help him come around to everything that's been stopping him from the begging. Maybe all he needs is a final push.

I'm stopped short however by a deep, kneeweakening moan. My eyes widen and for a second I'm unsure of how to pull oxygen into my lungs. Is Yeol, touching himself?

I stand there for a few more beats, listening to the light panting, and moaning coming from inside the room, confirming my questions.

Holy fuck.

I step away for a second, deciding that our conversation can wait. No matter how much I want him, I know we're nowhere near ready for that. Hell, it took this long for him to come to grips with how he feels.

I'm about to head back to Jongins room, when a loud, gravely form of my own name comes from inside the room. I have to grip the wall for support.

"Fuck" I curse under my breath and nearly run to Jongin's room.

"Out" I say, entering the room and finding Sehun and Jongin sitting on his bed, talking lightly.

Sehun takes one look at my face and appearance and doesn't need to be told twice.  He's up and out of the room in seconds, leaving me alone with the now smirking and smoky eyed boy on the bed. Kai.

"How may I be of service, Mr. Byun?"

>>>

"I'm so tired" I whine, plopping down on the couch with a fresh bowl of popcorn on my lap.

Chanyeol snorts and powers on the console "why? You usually sleep like to at least noon everyday"

I sigh, and pick up a popcorn piece "jongin has this thing where he wiggles and kicks in his sleep. He's kind of like a puppy, which is cute, but also makes it hard to sleep."

Silence stretches between us, and I mentally curse. It's been so awkward between us all day. Every time we'd run into each other in the house, we'd avoid eye contact and wouldn't know what to say. This is new territory for us, and honesty I just hate it. Yeol and I have never felt awkward around one another, we grew up like brothers, but there was a shift last night. I think we're both kind of lost today.

I sigh and open my mouth, grasping at anything I can say to make the atmosphere lighter, when suddenly "Why don't you just room with me?" falls casually from Chanyeol's lips, that are suspiciously pulled into a tight line as he's pulling up the house Netflix account.

I swallow thickly at the idea of rooming with my best friend. Snuggled onto his small bed, close contact, in breathing distance... touching distance. Chanyeol glances sideways at me, his expression almost offended at my silence.

I laugh to ease the slightly tense atmosphere that has viciously popped up, and chew the large bite of popcorn I had just thrown in my mouth "because I'm comfortable with Jongin. His sleeping habits are annoying at times, but I'm content. Plus, your schedule and my own are different. That's why I suggested Jongin in the first place, because our schedules are practically identical. It's just easier"

Chanyeol chews on the inside of his lip, not really seeming to focus on the movie titles as he flips through them. He acts like this when he's bothered or annoyed by something and I don't know exactly why the mood has suddenly switched, but clearly it has to do with the current roommate situation.

"Yeol... are you... are you upset that I'm rooming with Jongin?" I ask, a slight bit of my own annoyance filtering into my head.

It hits me abruptly. Chanyeol's mood swings have all been centered around Jongin. It started when I moved into Jongin room and it's seems to be worse when Jongin is in the room or even when he's brought up in a conversation. Somehow it seems that Jongin is a trigger for this behavior, and I really don't know how to feel about that.

Chanyeol stops browsing through movies and his body tenses, before he sighs and places the controller down on his thigh "yes, I am"

I blink at the man beside me and nudge him with my arm "come on, Yeol. Don't be mad that I didn't pick you. I didn't want to bother you with my sporadic schedule"

"It's not that" Chanyeol says in a deep, almost angry sounding voice "I just don't like the idea of you being in the room with... with that. Jongin isn't the type you need to be associated with"

My mind goes blank and for a second I don't feel like I'm actually in my body, but when I resurface, I realize what my best friend actually just said to me.

"And what type, are you referring to?" I ask, my tone taking on a higher pitch.

Chanyeol finally glances over at me and sighs "you know his type. The type of guy who only ever thinks about getting laid. Spends more time in other people's beds than his own, and uses sex as a way to deal with his mental instabilities. I've heard all about his whole Kai persona and that's just fucked up, without being a slu-"

"Shut the hell up, Yeol" I yell abruptly, cutting him short "just shut the fuck up"

I look directly into Chanyeol's wide, shocked and confused eyes, seeing the anger and the hurt there, and suddenly the shame and regret that I haven't felt since the minute I hooked up with Kai in the storage room catches up to me. Suddenly I feel like the slut I really am, which is something I never allow myself to feel. I've always been proud of my sexual prowess, of my body liberation, but right now, staring into the eyes of my best fiend I feel judged and ashamed of what I did. And more than anything I can't stand the feeling of Chanyeol being disappointed in me, of feeling like I've done something that he sees as wrong. A strong wave of self hate envelopes me and I slowly start to shut into myself.

I can't let Chanyeol see who... What I really am, I can't let him see the slut hiding under the mask of his best friend

"I know you two have been getting closer lately, and i know you feel protective over your friend, but I'm trying to warn you away, Baekhyun" he says, his voice rougher than before "you know how he sleeps around, he's constantly waking up in strangers beds, he might even have an ST..." He stops and glances away from me, noticing my angry glare set on him "...He's just not good enough for you, Baekkie"

I clench my jaw "what do you know about him? Have you actually tried to get to know him? It's easy to call him a slut because classifying him as a person is too fucking hard, right?"

"Baek, what's wrong with you? Why are you defending him?" Chanyeol asks with wide eyes from my outburst.

"Why are you judging him? Have you gotten to know him more than you think I have? No, you haven't even taken the time to know the person underneath all of the rumors and labels, because if you had, you'd see who he really is. Jongin is an amazing person. He's kind and funny, and yes a bit of a dork, but he's also a good friend" I shoot up off the couch, spinning around and placing my hands on my hips "and so what if he sleeps around, is there anything wrong with being sexually active? What's so damn condemnable about enjoying your body and the pleasure it can receive?" I stop and take a deep breath, shaking my head angrily "what if I was like him?"

"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks, seeming completely off balance at my rant.

"What if I slept around? What if I woke up in strangers beds or hooked up with randoms just because they were nice to me?" I ask, feeling my heart rate accelerate in anticipation of his answer.

Chanyeol shakes his head "you're too good for that, Baek. That isn't you"

"Answer the fucking question, Chanyeol" I spit through gritted teeth.

Chanyeol sighs frustrated "I'd be pissed off. I'd feel hurt, and probably disgusted, you're worth so much more than that type of filth"

I pull in a shallow breath and step back as if I'd just been struck "fuck you, Park Chanyeol" I say, then turn around and walk from the room, ignoring the protests and calls of my name.

I walk down the hallway, already hearing Chanyeol starting to follow me, but pleading he doesn't catch up because I can already feel the promise of tears pooling in my eyes.

I sniffle and start to walk faster, trying to get anywhere but here, when suddenly I'm pulled to the side, into a room and forced against a wall. Nothing but darkness surrounds me and my abducter, as he holds a hand over my mouth, listening to the sounds outside the small room I was pulled into. I'm about to panic when that familiar sent of the boy fills my senses and I know exactly who my capt...savior is.

"Baek, come on, please come talk to me. I don't really know what just happened, but I want to talk this out" Chanyeol calls, and I can see his shadow from the crack under the door.

I hold my breath, then release it in relief when the shadow disappears and the sound of footsteps and my name goes with it. I let my head fall back against the wall and take in a deep breath.

"Did you mean all of those things you said?" He asks with a shy and unsure breath.

I sigh "yeah, Jongin. I meant them, you're a good guy, you just have a bad reputation"

I feel arms wrap around me and a head burrow into the crook of my neck "hyung, I don't think you're a slut"

I breath out a humorless laugh "many people would disagree with you"

Jongin shakes his head "you know, Hyung, you're a person too. All of those things you said about me, they are true for you too... Chanyeol's just an idiot who really needs to take you down from that pedestal he's had you on since you were kids"

I sigh "i don't want to disappoint him, Jongin. Th-that was the first time I ever felt ashamed of myself. That was the first time I ever saw myself how everyone else must"

Jongin pulls back and wipes the tears off my cheeks I didn't know had fallen "no hyung, don't ever let anyone make you feel like less of a person. If he makes you feel like that, then he's clearly not worthy of all of the love you have to give and trust me, Baekkie hyung, you have so much love to give. You have one of the best hearts I've ever seen. And yeah, you're quirky and sometimes annoying, but you always mean well and try to help your friends" he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine in nothing but a friendly gesture of comfort "hyung, you are so much more than a label, don't let others define you or make you feel guilty and ashamed for your choices. It's your life, so don't let others run it"

A sob breaks through my lips and i close my eyes tightly "but I love him so much"

Jongin wraps his arms around me and rocks us back and forth "I know, but if he really loved you too, he would love you unconditionally"

I let Jongin comfort me, while I calm down. His words ringing loud and clear in my head. He's right, if Chanyeol really loved me, he'd love me no matter what I do or whom I do it with. Only making me realize that if Chanyeol knew the truth he'd leave me, he'd disappear from my life and I'd lose my best friend forever. Which is why Chanyeol can never love me as more than a friend, because his love only goes so far, it comes with conditions and rules.

Chanyeol will never love me the way I love him, because no one can really love someone who exchanges their love to anyone who gives them a smile.

.................

Chickens!!

Sorry to end on a sour note, but it has to be done for the plot development. You'll understand soon. I hope you enjoyed my random crack moments. They kind of just popped into my head and I was like "eh, why not throw it in to lighten the mood."

So, school started a couple weeks ago. I'm sure you can tell by how long it took me to get this out. I can't promise that I'll update regularly, but I'll try my hardest to get you guys chapters when I can. I'm taking a large load this semester to get my GPA up, and it might take its toll, so please be patient with me.

I love you guys, seriously, all of my readers are really important to me. You support keeps me going some days.

Till next time, my darlings. KaiSoo is up next.

Kisses 😘

사랑해 💕

~M~