~Minseok~

For once my precious coffee house doesn't feel as warm and welcoming as it usually does. My feet drag and my body moves like cement blocks through mud. My head screams at me and protests all movement, but I know I definitely need a days income after what happened last night.

"Hyung" Chanyeol's distressed, and way too loud voice greets me as I shuffle inside the already opened shop.

I had to call the boy this morning to see if he could open for me. I had a few things to take care of.

"Morning" I croak, feeling my exhaustion full force.

"You look awful" Chanyeol comments "is everything ok?"

I take a sigh and lug myself into a booth close to the counter "a main water pipe busted in my apartment last night around 2am and flooded the whole floor"

"Holy shit" Chanyeol exclaims "where did you stay last night? What about your stuff?"

"I managed to save most of my important things, like cloths and valuables, but everything else is ruined. I stayed at a hotel. Though I have a feeling I'm going to have to find something else... I can't afford to stay there while my landlord is getting it fixed. He owned up to it being old pipes and said he'd pay to get everything fixed and replaced, even my stuff, but it's going to be a few days... if not weeks"

"Oh, fuck" chanyeol curses, sitting down across from me.

"Language" I scold, but we both know I don't have any energy to make it actually sound threatening.

"That must have been awful. How much sleep are you riding on?" The taller asks, his eyes shining with concern.

I sigh and rub my temples "none. I've been awake since the sound of the pipe busting, woke me early this morning"

Chanyeol cringes and leans across the table, grabbing my hand "come stay with us, Hyung. We'll find a place for you at the fraternity"

A smile tugs at my lips from the sweetest offer, but I'm not so sure it's a good idea. Because I know who will be there if I were to crash with the boys for a while. Jongdae.

We've finally gotten into a friendly ground with one another. We have conversations when he comes in for his morning coffee, and I've even sat down with him when he eats lunch here every once in a while. Our relationship is making great progress and I'm content with this casual friendliness. I think sleeping under the same roof and being within breathing distance that often, would make it complicated and uncomfortable.

I pat Chanyeol's hands and stand up, wobbling slightly, but manage to stable myself under the alarmed gaze of my giant employee.

Offering him a slight smile that I hope is somewhat reassuring, I put my hands up and start to make my way back to my office.

"Hyung" the human puppy whines at me "please come stay with us for a while. You need a good nights sleep, and maybe some home cooked food in your belly. I'll get Soo to make you your favorite"

The offer is tempting, but I'm still hesitant. I really don't want to screw things up with Dae, and honestly... a man has his pride.

"Don't worry about me, Yeol. I'm a big boy. I'll figure something out"

>>>>>

~Jongdae~

The doorbell rings once more, and my mind grumbles as I head to retrieve it. From the sound of it, a wicked storm is waging outside and i at least have enough sympathy not to leave anyone out in this.

I turn on the hallway lights and finally notice the hallway full of half asleep boys, also ambling towards the door. Their collective confusion and zombie like movements are amusing, but my grumpy brain can't seem to make me laugh about it.

"Go back to bed, Idiots. I've got it" I order.

"No, we need to be here in case it's a robber" clearly the most intelligent of the group points out.

"Chanyeol... a robber wouldn't ring the damn doorbell" I hiss, just as a strike of lightening and a crack of thunder shutters the house.

The boy's all jump and a few even make a yelping sound. I notice Chanyeol grab onto Baekhyun, just as Jongin does, while Yixing and Tao fold around a still shaking Sehun. I shake my head at them, and turn to answer the door.

What I find on the other side surprises, but also worries me to no end.

"Minseok?" I ask, my chest clenching as I take notice of the soaked, shivering, and slightly delirious looking man in front of me.

He opens his mouth to say something, but his teeth chatter too much to properly communicate. I have him pulled into the house and am pulling him out of his wet cloths in seconds.

"Boys. Go get blankets and the heater from the back room, then draw a warm bath, don't make it hot or we could send him into shock." I bark, my mind flustered, but focused on getting this human popsicle warmed up. I hear a flurry of shuffles and murmurs as the boys rush to get me the things I asked for.

Minutes later i'm pulling Minseok into the bathroom, and helping him out of the last of his cloths. The poor man shivers, but has seemed to have warm up a bit. Chanyeol wraps a towel around his shoulders and whispers something to Minseok i don't exactly catch.

"Why were you even out in this shit?" i ask, turning around to feel the water of the bath. Good, not too hot.

I stand up and Minseok actually looks a little guilty. "tiredness out-won pride" he mumbles and shares a knowing look with his young employee.

I feel like i'm missing something, but choose to ignore it in favor of helping Minseok. I go to grab at the waist of his pants, but he steps back and gives me an alarmed expression. It hits me then just how uncomfortable i'm probably making the other at this point, and i feel and instant wave of regret hit me.

Taking my own step back, i stutter an apology and Chanyeol easily steps in. The younger wordlessly helps his boss out the rest of his cloths and into the bathtub, kneeling down next to him and gently pouring water over the parts not soaked in the tub. I watch the two and think about how much they really care about one another.

Chanyeol and Minseok have a lot in common after all, so it doesn't surprise me that they have bonded in such a way. Still, i can't help the pang of jealousy i feel, not really for Chanyeol touching Minseok, but how well the man trusts the younger.

A part of me understands that trust has to be earned. I have a lot of making up to do, for Minseok to trust me, but i wish he'd give in a little faster. At times like this i wish Minseok would cave and let me be by his side. In college i never pushed it because i didn't think i deserved it, and hell, i know i don't deserve it now, but i'm tired. I'm so tired of dwelling on what i do and don't deserve. I'm so tiered of beating myself up over mistakes i made in the past, of trying to make up for the shit of a human being i used to be.

Even Sungjae told me that it's ok to want things for myself, it's ok to desire happiness, even if i don't feel that i should. Minseok is the first thing I've wanted since i got better. He's the first real thing I've allowed myself to dream about in a really long time, and a part of that scares me, but the other parts feel an unfaltering determination. This is a buzz i haven't felt since high school, this holistic drive to go after something i want with every part of my being.

"I'm going to check on the others downstairs" i say, heading towards the door.

For a second i catch Minseok's eyes, and i tell myself that i'm imagining the disappointment I see resting in them.

........

Minseok tells us everything later when he's wrapped in an abundance of blankets, his hair fluffy and cute from being blow-dried. A whole house full of boys surround Minnie on the floor in the den, feeding him warm porridge Kyungsoo had whipped up shockingly fast.

Without even a discussion the boys decided (without Minseok's opinion) that he will stay with us until his apartment gets fixed. I had laughed at the perplexed and slightly panicked look Minseok had sported after the boys launched into a debate over where he'd stay, but hid it behind a cough and stopped the kids quickly.

"Guys, that should really be Minnie's decision. His comfort is most important here" i say, the boys instantly seeming to agree with me.

"Who do you want to stay with hyung?" Kyungsoo asks, his wide eyes putting the painfully shy Minseok on the spot.

"Um... i can just sleep on the couch. I don't want to put anyone out" Minseok mumbles, looking more and more uncomfortable over the attention.

"Nonsense. Sehun, room with Yixing. You sleep in his bed most nights anyways" i say looking at our youngest and he just nods accepting the arrangement easily "so you can stay in Sehun's room."

"Actually, I've seen Sehun's room. Trust me, Minseok would have a meltdown in there. You can have my room, and I'll crash with Jongin" Baekhyun says casually. "Trust me, i keep it really clean and i'm able to sleep anywhere, so it's not putting me out in the slightest"

Watching the slight agitation click into Kyungsoo and Chanyeol's eyes, as they tense as the new arrangement. I worry over whether or not this will become a problem. I cast the concern aside however when Minseok takes a deep breath and seems really grateful for the sentiment.

"Alright." i say, making a few of the boys jump. "Minseok's a big boy he can finish eating on his own and i'll show him to Baekhyun's room later. All of you to bed, now"

A full round of groans fill the room, making my inner teacher sadist thrive, but i just chuckle and shoo them all to their rooms. "you all have class tomorrow. Go."

Once the room is cleared out and the attention is no longer on him, i watch Minseok visibly deflate. Smiling to myself, i walk over and kneel in front of the other man. "Baekhyun's staying in your old room, i'm sure you can find it. Just leave the dish in the sink when you're done. Please stay down here as long as you'd like and warm up. You know where to find me if you need anything"

I'm stopped at the door by a small call of my name "Jongdae... thanks"

I smile and nod shortly "anything for you, Minnie" Then leave the man to soak up all the warmth and comfort he can.

......

Rolling over in bed for the hundredth time, I huff out a breath. Clearly sleep is evading me now, and I know exactly why I'm having an issue falling back into dream land.

I pad across the hallway, about to head up the stairs to check in the little hamster, when I notice that the light is still on in the den. My eyebrows bunch, wondering why Minseok is still up.

Forcing down the laugh that suddenly bubbles up my throat, I nearly coo at the sight in front of me.

Minseok is curled into a ball, sill sitting up, but heavily leaning forward with his head resting on his chest. He actually looks like a little fluffy hamster folded in on himself, and fast asleep.

A sigh leaves my lips as I set down the blanket I was going to bring up to the other, and kneel down on the floor.

"Minseok" I say, nudging his shoulder a bit.

Minseok stirs a some, but doesn't wake up. I shake him harder, but all I get is a soft, adorable grumble.

Chuckling, I shake my head at the impossible man. How can someone be so sexy and cute at the same time? Like seriously, how is Minseok even real?

Hoisting the little guy into my arms, is easier than I expected it to be. For some reason I thought Minseok would be heavier, but he's actually surprisingly light. And he also feels really good in my arms, like somehow he fits perfectly.

While I'm carrying him up the stairs, Minseok stirs slightly, and lifts his head. He opens his eyes and blinks up at me.

I huff out a disbelieving breath and stop in my ascent "now you wake up?"

Minseok just blinks at me once more and hums, before leaning in towards me and placing his head on my chest, his face pressed against my neck. He takes in a large breath and releases a soft whine, then grasps onto my shirt with his small fist.

My breath catches in my throat and I have to stand there for a few minutes to even out my breathing. Even when being so utterly adorable in my arms, he manages to make my heart tremble.

I slide Minseok onto the bed when I finally get to Baekhyun's room and watch him scoot around, trying to find a comfort spot like a puppy. I once again resist the urge to coo at him and bring the blankets up over his shoulders, tucking him in.

A small, content sigh fills the room and I smile down at the man below me. Watching his steady breathing for a few minuets, I allow myself to sit down on the side of the bed and brush away his hair off his face. He's beautiful to me. He always has been.

It's at moments like that that I actually have to admit my feelings for this man. Self hatred stopped me so long ago from getting close to him, but I know how I felt, even if I tried to hide it. I was so fond of Minseok, because he reminded me of the good in this world. He reminded me of that person that I wanted to, but never pushed myself to be. But he also reminded me that I was never good enough for him.

I always considered Minseok to be an important person to me. I always saw him as someone I wanted to take care of and protect. But back then, I thought staying away from him was my way of doing those things.

It was too late though, when I realized that he was going to be hurt no matter what I did, i couldn't prevent it. I know Minseok suffered a broken heart because of me, and I couldn't even look him in the eyes after what happened. He was the one person I wanted to keep away from all of it, and he ended up getting the blunt force.

Forgiveness is something that's hard for everyone. After you've been hurt so many times, after you've had your heart scared, it's hard to trust people again. It's hard to allow yourself to feel, because it means the possibility of pain again. I understand Minseok's hesitance more than anyone, but I'm willing to do anything it takes to get him to forgive me. Especially since he's one of the main reasons I still can't forgive myself.

Standing up, I take one last look back at the man sleeping soundly on the bed. He looks so peaceful. So young. I want... need him to stay this way.

I bend down and place a small kiss on his temple, pressing my fingers gently across his cheek. "Good night, my sweet boy"

Then leave him to his dreams. Is it possibly too selfish of me to hope that maybe I'm in them, just as he is in mine?

>>>>>

~Minseok~

Waking up in my old room, sets off a round of nostalgia i wasn't prepared for. The interior is obviously different, but yet the room itself feels so damn familiar. And when i look out the window that overlooks the small backyard, the cherry blossom tree that i had spent many hours reading under still grows there. It's no longer my room anymore, but gods it still feels sort of like home.

I don't have much of a memory of how I got here. I remember staying in the den, getting warm and cozy, then feeling the fullness of my exhaustion press on me. The next thing i know i'm waking up to the sounds of everyday life of the people that live here now.

I check the clock next to the bed and my heart stops for a second, before i'm leaping off the bed and barreling downstairs. How in the hell did i sleep through the morning? My internal clock usually never lets me sleep past six a.m. anymore, but here i am rushing through the house at noon. That is until i come face to face with a wide eyed Jongdae, and unfortunately i see him way too late.

We both crash to the floor, Jongdae wrapping his arms around me and taking most of the landing. He groans pathetically under me, and i wince, my head still pillowed on his chest. I risk a peek up at the man, and regret it one i find him staring down at me with a shocked expression.

"S-sorry" i stutter, hating myself immediately.

Jongdae just shakes his head and sighs "are you ok?"

"I should be asking you that, you're the one i landed on" i say trying to push myself up, but Jongdae's hold on me tightens.

"You know, if i was less of a man, i'd make you feel like absolute shit about this so you'd do anything for my forgiveness" Jongdae says, a feline smirk taking over his lips.

My eyes narrow and i swear, i have no idea what drives me to do it, but i sink my teeth into his chest. The smirk fades pretty fucking quickly and Jongdae gasps. I snort at the man's expression, while he whines in pain, asking me repeatedly why I'd do such a thing. My loud, amused laugh is foreign to my ears.

Our stupidity is only broken up by the clearing of an obviously annoyed third party "not that i disapprove of what's happening here, because ya'll fucking cute together, but it's like noon guys" Tao says, his face pinched into obvious judgment.

It's in that moment that i realize a few things. One: Jongdae and i are basically cuddling/couple fighting on the hallway floor, Two: i'm in the residence that most of my employees live, and Three: i am not wearing anything but my boxer briefs. Lets just say i wasn't aware that i could move so fast.

Once i'm on my feet and glancing down at the ground, my hands trying to shield away my state of undress, i understand why Tao is smirking so much. My face feels as hot as a damn oven, so i can only imagine the scarlet color that gracing my face.

"You're cloths are in the laundry room, hanging up, and Chanyeol went early this morning with Soo to open up big D's, so don't panic and take your time going in today" Tao says, instantly going tiger mom.

"Please stop calling it that" i mumble, but it falls on deaf ears, and Tao continues.

"There's food in the fridge, all you have to do is warm it up, but i suggest you eat it quickly. Food doesn't last long in this house" he says, giving me a once over, taking off his shirt and handing it to me, before heading down the hallway towards the presidents room.

"Wait.." i stop him "what about Chanyeol's early class. Please don't tell me he skipped class because of me"

Tao glances over his shoulder and gives me an amused grin. "why don't you ask his teacher" He punctuates that last word with a motion of his shoulder in the direction of a certain older man and enters the room, slamming the door.

"Wait... does Tao and Kris sleep in the same room?" i ask, looking at Jongdae in disbelief, who sheepishly shrugs "Dae, you know that's not allowed. They could get kicked out of the chapter if the school found out"

Jongdae sighs, picking up the shirt in my hands and slipping it over my head like I'm a fussy child who won't corporate."they're not hurting anyone by sharing a damn bed, and Tao technically has his own bed in Sehun's room, he just doesn't use it... ever"

I shake my head, pushing my arms through the proper holes and fixing the slightly tight shirt across my chest and abdomen. "just be careful. You know what happened with-"

"Yeah... i know. I lost a good friend because of that, and it was all because of my own stupid fuck up" he says, clearly lost in his own world of regrets.

"Hey. Shit happens. We move on." I say, putting a hand on Jongdae's arm.

"Do we?" he asks, giving me a pointed look and i know we're not talking about the other incident anymore.

I take a deep breath and nod lightly "yeah, we do. We forgive and slowly move past things. Life is too short to hold onto things, especially when it's clear that people change"

Jongdae's eyes hold mine, unfaltering in their gaze. He almost looks close to tears and he reaches out brushing his fingers lightly over my cheek "people do change, Minseok. I promise they do"

"Well it looks like they have a lot of proving of themselves to do" i say, smiling and giving the other a wink.

Dae grins like a child who got the one toy they had wished for all year, on Christmas. He reaches down and grabs my hand, then drags me towards the kitchen. "come on, let's get some food in that little tummy of yours"

I laugh at the sudden, but not unwelcome change "and what's this about asking his teacher?" i question, when the other sits me down in a chair and starts rifling through the fridge.

Dae stills and becomes slightly rigid. He laughs nervously and turns to me, with a guilty hand on the back of his neck "well.. Chanyeol's kind of in my class"

I blink at him and tilt my head "ok? That explains how Chanyeol got out of it, but why are you here? You're usually always on campus all day, right?

Dae bites at his lip and smiles in a way that makes his eyes disappear "i may have cancelled all of my classes for today"

I sigh out an exasperated breath and shake my head "and yet maybe people don't change completly... you're still an idiot"

Jongdae whines and pouts, while fixing my food, and i just watch, amused. Some things never change, and this side of Dae, the playful, childlike side, i'm glad didn't go away. This was the side that made me fall for him, after all.

......

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I ask staring at the hunk of metal sitting proudly and sparkling in the sun light right in front of me.

Jongdae sighs and rolls his eyes "you didn't used to curse this much in college"

I lift an eyebrow and fix Jongdae with a look that I hope communicates just how done with his shit I am.

"Time has weathered my heart and made it impossible for me to tolerate bullshit... cursing is just a side effect" I remark, causing an amused smirk from the other.

"Fair enough, but seriously... you need to get across campus in a reasonable amount of time because you just realized that Tao, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol are all running the coffee shop without you there... do you really have an option to be picky right now?" Jongdae points out.

My lips tick at the frustration of this man always managing to be right, but I throw my stubbornness out the window in the sake of my own sanity. Gods knows what my precious shop looks like right now. I could end up walking into a post apocalyptic style scene very soon and the faster I get there the better.

Swallowing my pride for the second time in the past twenty four hours is in no way fun, nor recommend. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

I reach out and take the helmet from Jongdae's outstretched hand. The other smiles victoriously and I just want to hit him for his shamelessness, but I push it down. I'd like to arrive at my destination in one piece, and Jongdae can be a vindictive little bitch. I'm sure many of our fraternity brother alumni can attest to that.

Jongdae throws a leg over the bike, and sits comfortably on his seat, clearly something he's done a thousand times. I have to admit, the leather jacket, boots, and tight ripped jeans all packed on top of a motorcycle.... is kind of working for me.

I huff out a breath and chastise myself for blatantly checking Dae out, especially when he looks back at me with a knowing, but expectant expression. Heat instantly floods my cheeks at having been caught, and I quickly climb on the bike behind Jongdae to hide my embarrassment.

Jongdae's musical laugh is the last thing I hear before the engine growls to life and we take off down the road.

I have to admit. It's exciting, and thrilling, but also slightly terrifying. By the way Jongdae easily weaves his way across campus, he's obviously no stranger to driving one of these death traps, but that doesn't stop my anxiety from bubbling up. My hands find their way around the other's waist very quickly and I swear I feel him tense under my arms, before I feel his abdomen shake with laughter.

There's a comforting pat on my arm, and for a second I relax a bit, but then screech at the idiot I'm currently entrusting my life with, to use both fucking hands. I get more laugher at that, and never have I wanted to throat punch anyone more than I have in this moment.

"Minnie" I hear Jongdae say.

I'm surprised at how well I can hear him, before I realize that the rumbling of the engine and the whipping of the air by my ears have stopped. I lift my head, once again shocked to find that I had tucked it against Jongdae's back at one point.

My shop stands before me, as well as my employees on the other side of the glass. All gawking at the sight of me attached to their teacher/house dad on the back of his motorcycle.

That knocks some quick sense into me, and I scramble to jump of the bike. I bow and mumble a quick awkward thank you, then shuffle towards the door. I'm stopped in my tracks very abruptly however, by a firm grip on my elbow.

"Minseok" there comes my name again. Why oh why does he have to say my name in that damn tone? That drop dead, sexy as fuck, take my now where I stand tone.

I admit that I'm so attracted to Jongdae that I can't stand it sometimes. Still now, after all of this time, I can't look at him without my stomach aching in want, but I resolved to give him a second change, just this morning. Why of all times does my interest in Dae have to peek? Why can't I push these feelings down like I've always done?

Turning around slowly, I find my answer. Jongdae looks like my wettest dream come to life, straddling that fucking bike, in that fucking leather jacket, his hair slicked back and perfect, despite the wind. I'd let him take me on the street if he wanted... I don't even have the shame enough to chastise myself for that thought.

Dae smirks at me, as if he can see every thought I just had, and climbs off of his bike. He stands in front of me, and reaches up, unclipping the helmet I just realized I still have on. I close my eyes and curse my own stupidity, but open them wide when I feel Jongdae's hands in my hair.

Wearing a fond smile, Jongdae fixes my hair. (I swear at one point he mumbles 'just as soft as I remember' but I know I'm imagining things. Jongdae never touched my hair... well except for that one time.) Once he's satisfied, he steps back and grins that beautiful eye smile at me.

"Perfect. Have a good day at work, sweetheart" he says, winking at me, and climbing back onto his bike.

"Wait" I call as he starts up the engine again. "Would you like to come inside for a coffee? On the house" I say, kind of not wanting Jongdae to leave. This alone worries me, but I push it down, deciding it's time to open up a window... it's a little stuffy on this side of the wall.

Jongdae gives me an almost sad look, like he almost wished I wouldn't have asked him that. "Maybe another time... I kind of have somewhere to be"

"Oh, that's ok." I'm quick to diminish his regretfulness over not being able to stay and offer him, what I hope is a kind, instead of disappointed, smile. "Another time"

Jongdae smiles at me, seeming relived and nods "catch you later, Minnie"

I watch until his taillights disappear around the corner, before turning back to my cafe, but regret it instantly. Tao is presses up against the glass, a Cheshire smile on his face and a wicked flame in his eyes.

A whimper slips from my lips unintentionally, and I take a deep breath, not even mentally ready to deal with what's about to unfold.

The word "fuck" falls from my lips for the record setting time today.

>>>>>

~Jongdae~

"Hey man, welcome back" Sungjae says patting me on the back.

I smile up at my old friend and clasp his arm in a warm greeting. I could never really get used to hugs with these people and they seem to respect that. Everybody's a hugger here, but I just can't bring myself to allow that type of contact. Something about these people having seen sides of myself that no one else has, leaves me with a biter taste in my mouth.

"It's getting better" Sungjae comments," you don't flinch anymore"

I smile as convincingly as I can and nod "it's getting easier... it's different with..."

"Why do you think that is?" Sungjae asks, understanding my trail off completely.

I shrug "I knew Minseok, I guess. He's someone who knew me before everything"

Sungjae tilts his head "you knew me before, and it's been two years. You've only stopped flinching at my touch recently"

I bite at my lips and shrug "I don't know why. A change maybe? A shift?"

Sungjae nods his head in consideration "maybe you're starting to finally forgive yourself, Dae"

Suddenly I feel a little tense. This is always my least favorite part. Talking like this. Always so comfortable talking about your failures. Expressing your feelings about how you deal with them... I never understood how they could all be so open.

Sungjae pats my back again and smiles "whatever it is, Dae. It's welcome. You could use a little comfort and support. Maybe you'll stop pushing people away now"

An unconvincing nod, leaves both of us rolling our eyes and chucking as we head into the small room where the meeting is being called to session. I sit in the circle and look around at the familiar faces. It's been two years since I started coming and these people have actually become pretty good friends.

By their standards I've made leaps and bounds of progress, but by my own, I only see the things I haven't achieved yet.

Minseok flashes through my head. His smile, his laugh, his warm honey like eyes. I care about him just as much as I always have, and yet he's the one person I'm terrified to get close to, but I can't stay away. Minseok makes me want to be happy again, he makes me want to try again, and that's something I didn't think I'd feel for a long time.

I smile to myself as I recall what Minseok said to me earlier today. Maybe... if he believes people can change, then maybe it's true. If I can get him to forgive me for everything I did wrong, then there's a possibility that I can too.

"You look oddly happy about something, Dae" Jiyong says, pulling me out of my head "maybe you'd like to share"

I send Jiyong eye daggers at putting the always unwelcome attention on myself and stand up, taking a deep breath "hi, my name is Jongdae and I'm an alcoholic."

The usual chorus of "hi, Jongdae" fill the space, and i push down the nearly desperate need to roll my eyes.

"I've recently rekindled a relationship with someone I knew back when I was in college. Someone I knew before I hit rock bottom. Someone who was really special to me." I say, kind of in a rush.

Jiyong smiles at me and tilts his head, reminding me of the way Sungjae had looked at me earlier. "This makes you happy?"

The smile that pulls my lips up can't be forced down and I find myself nodding "he does. He makes me really happy. He's the type of person that inspires me, guides me. He makes me want to be the best version of myself and I haven't felt like that in a long time"

"The problem?" Jiyong ask, probably already guessing my hesitation.

"The person I was back then was an absolute asshole. Even when I was younger I was always trying to chase happiness to the bottom of a liquor bottle or through the endless string of one night stands... I was a dick and he saw all of it, but despite that he still managed to see the real me, he found the good parts and really loved me. I hurt him. For a long time I didn't remember what I did, but recently, it all came back to me"

Jiyong huffs out a sympathetic breath "ah, yeah. 'The blackout reoccurrence' as I like to call it. When all of the messed up shit you did while you were sauced comes rushing back to you. Those are never fun"

I bite at my lip and close my eyes tightly for a second "I hurt him bad, even though he was one of the few people who actually gave a shit about who I really was and cared about my life more than I did.... I broke him" I blink away the blurriness in my eyes, finally accepting how bad doing what I did to Minseok all of those years ago, actually fucked me up.

"Has he forgiven you?" Sungjae asks quietly.

I shake my head "no, but he's willing to let me work towards it. He's willing to give me a second chance to prove myself"

"Then take it. Quit caging yourself up for the past and decide to be better in the present. Your future is what you make it to be, Dae. Do you want a future with this man?" Jiyong asks.

I nod, grasping my jacket to hold myself together "more than anything"

Jiyong smirks "make it so. I know you're afraid that you'll hurt him again, but you said it yourself once. When you find something worth protecting, something worth fighting for, then you better prepare for battle, even if your biggest opponent... is yourself"

....

"I don't know how you do what you do" I remark, as we stand outside the small church, watching everyone walk to their vehicles or chat in small groups.

Jiyong smirks, and lights up a cigarette "what exactly do I do that's so remarkable to you?"

I snort. Jiyong's always been one of my favorite people. His 'take no shit' attitude, mixed with his 'would take a bullet for a friend' loyalty, never fails to make me admire the man. He's the best sponsor I could as for.

"Work at the club. Fuck, you work as a bartender, Ji. A recovered alcoholic working at one of the busiest clubs in the city" I shake my head in awe "it's kind of remarkable"

Jiyong shrugs "I figured throwing myself into the lions den would be easier than trying to tiptoe around it"

I glance sideways at the human chimney next to me "how'd you deal with it? How did you not get clawed alive?"

Jiyong smirks and reaches out, petting my head affectionately, even though we're practically the same age "I made friends with the lions"

I watch him walk away, climbing into his boyfriends car and wave as they peel out of the parking lot. Sometimes I wonder where he'd be if he hadn't had dropped out of school and fucked his life up. I guess, I could say the same for myself though, where would I have been if I hadn't had messed up... if I hadn't had left that morning.

There's no sense in dwelling in the past, though. You can't fix anything by constantly reliving your mistakes or replaying your failures. Jiyong's right, as always. The future is what you make it and if I want, truly want Minseok in it, then I better throw on my suit of armor and grab my shield.

..

As I walk in the familiar coffee shop, inhaling the sent that's constantly lingering on my favorite barista, I'm filled with a whole new type of resolve. Especially when those large, bright eyes look up at me and burst with a radiance I though I had killed long ago. Minseok is someone I will fight to the very end to keep by my side. I will never hurt him again, and I will spare nothing to protect him, even if I have to face myself to do so.

>>>>>>

Chickens!!!

So... it's like 6am. I stayed up unintentionally to finish this haha. I guess inspiration strikes at the most inconvenient of times, but I'm pleased with how it turned out, so I'm not complaining.

Here's a bit more insight into some things with XiuChen, especially Jongdae. I'm hoping that might have cleared up a few things, but I realize it might have just raised more questions. Sorry, but not really. You know author-nim loves to tease you guys!

Anyways. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you guys next time. Toris is up next!

😘

사랑해 💕

~M~