Chapter 24

Everything was up in the air after that night. The only thing I knew was that I loved Parker and we would do whatever we could be stay together.

   We talked daily, for the next week. It felt so good to have him back in my life, even if it was only through my cell phone. Sometimes he Facetimed, so he could see me. But seeing him made me sad. I wanted to be there with him, helping him be strong. But I was just a girl, stuck three states away, and he was alone.

   On the day of Aidan's funeral, he called me in the morning. He was sobbing, and we cried together for awhile. I told him that I wished I was there with him, but I know it didn't change anything. He still had to go and sit at his little brother's funeral. 

   He called that night, too.

   "Everything is so depressing here," he said, his voice so quiet. "I know why my mom came back, but..."

  "What?"

   "I'm eighteen. I don't have to be here. I came back with her because she needed me. She knew he was going to die, and I knew she needed me. But..."

   "She still needs you," I told him.

   "But I can't be her crutch, forever. I need to come back, to you," he went on.

   "Parker, I want you to come back, but..."

   "But?"

   "Is it too soon? I start school on Monday, and -"

   "You don't want me to come back." It wasn't a question.

   "I do. But how?" I asked him.

   "I just need a car. The lease on the house is paid until the end of the year..." He had thought this through. He was actually planning on coming back.

   "What does your mom think?" I asked, worried.

   "She... she's heartbroken now, but I'll talk to her. I know she wants me to be happy. You make me happy," he answered, and suddenly he sounded happier than I'd heard him in a long time.

   "I just... want you to make sure it's what you really want," I sighed.

   "It's all I want," he said quickly.

   I shut my eyes for a second, taking this in. I missed him so much. I ached, thinking about how far away he was. Having him right there, next door, again would be amazing. But for some reason I was still hesitant.

   "Okay," I finally said.

   "I just need a car," he said again.

   School started, and the same first day of school craziness ensued. Maddie and I had some classes together, though she had to take harder math and computer classes since her plan included Business School, in college. I had no college plans, yet. We shared English Lit and World Religions, and lunch. Teah was around a lot, too, and Adam and Carlos. Our little group was still going strong through the last year of high school.

   I didn't know what would happen over the next few weeks or even months. Nothing was certain, except that I was a high school senior, finally. There were things to look forward to, like the Halloween dance, and the Winter formal. The student committee was already talking about Prom plans. Everything about being back in school felt good, normal. But always, in the back of my mind, I thought about Parker.

   We talked everyday, usually before I fell asleep each night. I knew he was struggling there, living with my mom. I knew he was sad and overwhelmed. But he told me that hearing my voice or seeing me made him feel better. I thought he was okay. I liked knowing that he was okay. But he was so far away.

   September flew by, and while school work and studying and parties and hang outs were ever-present, October felt heavy and weird. The summer air was gone. I felt bad enjoying my life, being a regular teenage girl, while knowing that Parker was on his own.

   "I miss you," I whispered into my cell phone, crawling into bed. It was mid-week and I was exhausted.

   "Really?" he asked.

   "Yes, really."

   "I miss you," he repeated. "I am finally saving money. I've been working at the gas station for a month."

   "That's good," I said, taking in a breath.

   "It will be awhile until I have enough for a car," he went on, and I heard the sadness in his voice. "There's so many bills piling up here, and my mom... she can't..."

   "Parker, it's okay. I'm waiting for you."

   "Yeah, but how long will you wait?"

   "Parker..."

   "What will be do?" he asked.

   "What do you mean?"

   "When I come back there... what will be do?"

   "We will be together, Park. You'll work for my dad -"

   "Summer is over."

   "Yeah, there's still work. They do yard maintenance all year," I said quickly.

   "Okay..."

   "Do you want to come back, Park?" I asked, wanting to know for sure.

   "I don't want to be here." He paused, then sighed. "I don't know if I want to be anywhere."

   I gasped, knowing what he was thinking. "Parker, stop."

   "Bec... I miss you. I love you. But I keep thinking... I'll just bring you down."

   "No, you won't." My heart was racing. "I want you here."

   He was quiet for a few moments and then I heard him take in a deep breath. "Okay, okay... I'll try to get a car."

   "Okay, good."

   "I'll see you... soon," he finished.

   "I love you," I said, but he was already gone.