Chapter 23

The first thing I did was run downstairs and look out the front window. Parker's mom's minivan was gone. She hadn't left the house in awhile; but she would send Parker out for things when needed. But it was too early for that. My dad's truck was gone, too. At first, I didn't panic.

   In the kitchen, my mom was sitting at the table. In front of her were two cups of coffee and two muffins. I stopped, trying to remember if I was forgetting something.

   "Hey..." I began, and the look on her face immediately told me that something was definitely wrong.

   "Oh, Bec..." she replied, then pushed the cup of coffee towards me. "Sit."

   "What is it?" I asked, pulling out the chair beside her.

   "Wait. You don't know?" she asked, then clapped a hand over her mouth.

   My heart started pounding. "What?"

   She dropped her shoulders and looked away, then finally her eyes met mine again. "The Allens... they are gone."

   "What? Gone where?" I asked, still in no way panicking.

   "Becca... that very first day that I took a plate of cookies over to their house... Mary told me that it was temporary. She explained they came here to see a specialist for Aidan, but... that day, she asked me to keep you away."

   "Mom, no," I said quickly.

   "Honey, Mary told me that even with the new medicine and the surgery, Aidan wouldn't live long. She wanted to protect you - and her boys - from..."

   "Stop!" I yelled, standing up. "Where's Parker?"

   "Becca, please, listen. He's gone. He called dad early this morning. They were driving home, to Nevada.. so Aidan can be home when he..." My mom was in tears.

   "No. Parker wouldn't just leave. He wouldn't," I yelled. "He loves me."

   "I know, honey. But he didn't have a choice. I'm sorry."

   "He's eighteen. He had a choice," I yelled, tears pouring down my face. "He could have... why didn't he..."

  I believed my mom, that he was gone, but it hadn't hit me yet. An hour later, I ran across the yard and banged on the door. I knocked for ten minutes, crying, hoping. No one answered, because he was gone. They were gone.

   It wasn't his fault. I knew he had to go with his family, but didn't make it any easier. I hid in my bedroom for the entire day, and most of the next day. I didn't eat, or sleep. I had texted him a few times, but he didn't answer. I just stared at that text from him. I'M SO SORRY.

   I realized after a few days that I couldn't be that girl who made everything about her. So I left him alone. I stopped calling. I missed him so much as the week passed on. My parents mostly let me be, though my dad brought home milkshakes one night, knowing they were my favourite. Maddie came over with donuts and hung out with me all day, the day that I told her. But I just wanted to go back to when we were happy. When we were together. But there was no before - there was only now, and Parker was gone. I wanted him to call. I stared at my phone for too long, hoping it would ring. I just wanted to know he was okay. But he didn't call.

   It was mid August - three weeks after he had left - when I started to feel okay again. I had lost out on most of my summer. I still had nightmares of Parker driving away, not looking back. But at least I could get out of bed without crying. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I'd gotten too attached. I still couldn't look at the house next door without wanting to scream.

   Maddie and Teah continued to distract me by bringing me over treats or taking me out for shopping or for food. They just wanted me to be okay. I wanted to be okay, too.

   I would be heading back to school in one week. I was finally going to be a senior. My mom took me shopping for new clothes and school supplies. I finally felt better - like every waking moment was no longer consumed by thoughts of Parker Allen. So, of course, that was when he called.

   I was in bed, willing myself to sleep. I had been having a hard time falling asleep for weeks. The vibration of my phone on my night stand made me jump. It was an unknown number.

   "Hello?" I answered, whispering. I knew someone was there. I could hear breathing. "Hello?"

   "Oh, god, Becca." Parker's voice sounded so different, so far away. He was crying, too.

   Tears immediately swelled in my eyes and I gasped in disbelief. I'd convinced myself I'd never talk to him again. It had been three weeks. It felt like forever.

   "Parker?"

  "I'm so sorry... I didn't know how to ... we just-"

  "It's okay, it's okay," I said quickly, wanting to calm him down. "Are you okay?"

  "No."

   "Parker... talk to me," I told him, hardly able to breath.

   "Aidan... he's gone." The words stopped my heart for a second, and then suddenly it was pounding, reminding me that I was alive.

  "Oh god," I spit out. "Parker, I'm so sorry."

   "My mom knew. She just knew that he didn't have long... she wanted him to be here, in Hawthorne... my grandparents and my mom's sister... they are here..."

   "Parker..." I didn't know what else to say. I wanted to hug him.

   "Becca... I shouldn't have just left. But I thought it would be easier if we didn't have to..."

   "No, it's okay," I repeated, swallowing hard. None of this felt okay.

   "It's not okay," he said loudly. "My brother's dead... and I lost the only other thing I've loved. You."

   "You didn't lost me, Park, I'm right here," I said quickly.

  "I abandoned you. I didn't even say goodbye. You're the only person who's ever cared about me the way you did, and I fucked it up."

   "No, Parker." I was sobbing, listening to him talk. He was breathing so heavy. "Listen to me, okay. You're grieving. Don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere."

   "I have to worry about you. I love you, Becca," he answered. "Not talking to you for three weeks... it was hell. I thought it was better for you, for me to disappear. But I need you."

   I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "I'm here, Park. I'm here."

   He fell asleep on the phone a little while later, and I stayed away for an hour, listening to him breathing. It felt so much worse, knowing Aidan was gone, but somehow a part of me felt a bit less empty, having Parker on the other end of the line.