Chapter 18

"Becca!" my cousin, the younger one, Henry, yelled as soon as he saw me. He was only a year older than me.

   I stepped out onto the deck, not looking at Connor. I couldn't believe he was actually there, in my back yard. The bbq was still cooking food, which smelled amazing. I hadn't eaten anything that day.  My dad and uncle James were close by, talking.

   Uncle James was my dad's brother. His wife died of cancer when Henry was five, Matt was six. After that, those boys and I grew up together. We went to school together. In high school, Matt, who was two grades ahead of me, was nice to me. But Henry was not. He ignored me when he wasn't being a complete asshole, and he dated my friends. Henry was now living a couple hours away on campus most of the year. But now he was back for the summer, and in my back yard. And I wanted to run.

  "Hey," I said instead, forcing a smile at him.

  "Honey, how was camping?" my dad asked, his face lighting up when he saw me.

  "It was good. Fun," I answered plainly.

  "Great. Are you hungry? There's lots of burgers," he went on.

  I was hungry, really hungry. But I didn't want to hang with them in the back yard. I wanted to shower and then sit in my bedroom until Parker called.

  "Uh, I have to shower and -"

  "Just have a burger, Becca," Henry said, in his bullying tone. "Hang out for a bit."   

   When I glanced at him, Conner was grinning at me. I knew I'd look like a bitch if I didn't stay, so I walked over to the table and prepared a burger. My stomach growled, thanking me. I sat on the edge of the deck and ate it, fast. My dad and uncle James were talking business, and listening made me zone out. Before I could react, Connor sat down beside me.

  "Hey," he cooed, right into my ear.

  He was handsome, and available, and interested. But still, my stomach tightened. "What are you doing here?" I asked, snapping at him more than I intended to.

  "Henry was working with me today, since your friend was off... so they invited me back for dinner," Conner replied, still smiling.

  There was nothing bad about him. In any other time, or place, in my life, I would probably have been into the attention from him. But now, he sort of made my skin crawl.

  "Oh."

  "I wanted to ask you if you want to go to a movie with me, tomorrow," he went on, somehow getting closer to me.

  "I... I can't," I said, looking away.

  Now, Connor was confused. "Why not?"

  "Connor, I'm just not..." I said, standing suddenly. I had to get away from him.

  "Becca? What's wrong?" my dad called over, obviously seeing the look on my face.

  I didn't want to be that girl, but I also didn't want Connor to think that I was interested in him, when I wasn't.

  "What's wrong with you, Becca?" Henry asked, and not in a carrying way. He was shaking his head.

  Connor was still sitting, looking stunned.

  "Nothing. But I don't have to sit here and flirt or accept a date invitation just because your friend is interested in me!" I yelled at Henry.

  It all came out too fast, like I knew it wasn't appropriate. But I didn't care. No one had been expecting that outburst. Connor put up his hands as if he was saying I Give Up. Henry laughed, which made the silence very awkward, and then I was gone. I ran into the house and through the kitchen, and up the stairs.

  "Becca!" my mom called after me.

  I didn't turn back or stop until I was inside my bedroom, crying. I couldn't hold it together anymore. It was painfully obvious that I had feelings for Parker. Real, heavy feelings. I had to admit it now. But it was so scary.

  HEY, WHEN WILL YOU BE HOME? I texted him a few minutes later.

  I walked to his window, but his curtain was closed. A few more minutes passed and I just couldn't take it.

  PARKER, CALL ME.

  An hour later, after staring at my phone, waiting, I was getting desperate. I snuck downstairs and looked out the front window, and saw that the minivan was in their driveway. He was home. I wasn't even thinking as I slipped on my sandals and went outside, down the porch and across into Parker's yard. I jumped up the steps and knocked, not even hesitating.

  It took a few minutes and a few more knocks before he opened the door slowly. Relief flooded over me.

  "Hey, is everything okay? Why didn't you-"

  "I can't do this, okay, Becca? Just leave me alone," he replied, his voice low.

  A huge lump in my throat was rising. "What? Park-"

  "Stop, please. Today was so hard, and I just... I need you to go." He looked like he was about to cry, but also like he couldn't stand to look at me.

  "You said you'd call when you got home from the hospital. I was waiting," I went on.

  "Really?"

  "Yes."

  "You looked like you were enjoying a bbq with... that asshole, Connor," he snapped, stepped back.

  "What? You saw me outside with my cousin, and Connor?" I asked, confused.

  "Yes. From Aidan's window. I was in there getting a few things, and... I really can't deal with your games, okay? I have enough to worry about." He was so serious. His eyes looked sad and angry. 

  I opened my mouth to answer, to tell him that I was angry about Connor being there, to say that I just wanted to hang out with him, but I didn't get a chance. Parker reached out and shut the door in my face.