Being back at my dads... so many horrible memories. So many..

It's hurting me and I've started cutting.. not slicing the blade across my skin, just grinding it against my knee until it bleeds. So it's not THAT bad.

But I haven't had any motivation or anything and it just... makes me feel stuck, I guess.

A lot of my friends on one of my roleplay groups are just blowing up at each other and I feel like it's all my fault and everything is my fault, even though it really had nothing to do with me.

I feel like being in this state is driving them away but I can't stop it and I'm trapped inside my head

And the whispers telling me to do bad stuff

I'm scared of the razor blade, but I'm it's best friend.