Nathaniel does come again, and we hear the opening of the circular doors in the middle of the room. Something inside of me wants to scream at him for interrupting the perfect moment that Castiel and I were having, but I know there are bigger things at stake. We don't speak on the way down, Castiel just has one of my hands in his, playing around with the spaces between my fingers, I like to think it's his way of saying that he'll catch me if I fall. He'll hold me when everything is too much again. I don't want to think about Christophe anymore, but I also know I have to go back to the Castle soon. I'm not sure how my father or Christophe will react to my return, and I am deathly afraid of their reaction when I announce that Dema will have a democratic election. For now I savor Castiel's soft grip around my hand, and try not to overthink things. I wish time could slow down and I could stay in this day forever but I also know that time does not slow down for the ones who want it to, nor does it speed up when you need it to.

"Don't worry." Zedd says as soon as we're down again, "we're not sending you back tonight, but we will need your co-operation tonight, because we're letting good old Demascus know we have you two." I'm a little relieved we don't have to leave immediately, I'm not sure how I would have handled that, but the inevitable is still there. It's still happening, and I still have to face Christophe again. I try not to imagine the worst, but I can't stop my mind from doing it. I am a pessimist by default, and I hate my mind for being wired this way. I know my moeder was like this as well, always imagining the worst situation, it used to annoy my father when she acted paranoid, and I suppose that's why he cannot stand it when I act paranoid. I curse myself for being too much like my moeder.

"What's going to happen tonight?" Castiel asks next to me, curiousity lacing his soft voice.

"Nothing serious, just a little acting, and a bunch of editing. We'll send the video over to Demascus, and give him a time and a place, and then we'll drop you guys off there, easy." Zedd says, and it does sound easy, I'm just praying that nothing complicates it again. Everything in my life is complicated nowadays; I want something simple, something plain, and maybe something normal.

"You two should enjoy your last day of freedom, besides, Michael's cooking tonight." Nate says with a smile, as he rises from his seat, "see you upstairs." He greets with a salute, and smile up at Castiel. He's not much taller than me, he's average height, so am I, but somehow I always end up looking up at him. I see where he gets the salute from, and somehow it makes me feel even better about the whole thing.

"Michael might be a doctor, but he's pretty handy in the kitchen." Zedd says, joking around as I see Michael laugh, he has a nice smile, with dark brown hair, and caramel coloured eyes. We all head upstairs again, Nate and Zedd playfully teasing each other. I've never had a sibling, but I've seen Castiel and Christophe's relationship. They are walking on ice all the time, with Castiel being so sensitive, and Christophe being so insensitive, and I don't think it's supposed to be like that. Your sibling is supposed to be your best friend, not your worst enemy. I watch Zedd and Nate carefully, Nate is a little shorter than Zedd, and therefore Zedd's always making fun of him, but ruffling his hair, or looking down on him, even though it's barely a centimeter in difference. Michael and Eloise man the kitchen expertly, stealing kisses in between, and then I see it. I think that's how it looks to be in love, happy, smiling, and just fully entranced by one another. I see Castiel look at it as well; he's taking it in just as I am. I'm not sure whether Castiel knows love, has he ever loved someone? A girl maybe? I'm overthinking it by the time Michael places an overflowing plate in front of me.

He gives me a warm smile, "Castiel said you didn't eat much, but I figured since you're harboring a child in your stomach somewhere, he or she might be hungry."

I laugh softly, and thank him. Come to think of it, I am kind of hungry, I don't remember the last time I actually ate something? Was it really the last time I was at the Castle that I had a proper meal? Time goes so fast down here, where in the Castle, every day drags by like it's made of lead. You drag it along with you until you fall down from exhaustion, down here life is light, everything is light, the atmosphere, the people, just everything. A part of me wants to stay down here forever, but I know I have to fulfill my duty, whatever's inside of me deserves a better childhood than I had. This thing inside of me is a foreign concept, when do I find out the gender, How will I even name it? Do I just call it Demascus III, or can I give it my own name? Being royal is so complicated, I don't want this baby to have complicated, I want simple. A simple this plus this equals that life, where everything is easy and it's all smiles. I want a simple equation for him or her, and I think I want that equation to include Castiel somehow.

Dinner consists of joking, a jubilant concept I am not very familiar with. The culture down here is different, people talk over each other, and laugh at each other, swear at each other, and most of all make fun of each other. If you were to ridicule someone in the Castle, I'm sure my father would have had you hanged. I see Castiel take it in as well, he seems more comfortable with it, but then again, he was raised in a castle as well, why is this familiar to him? Somehow the vision of a young Castiel and Sir Robert joking around doesn't fit properly.

"Anaise," someone says, and I look up, I don't notice I've been playing around with my food, stirring it around with my fork, I find Zedd staring at me, "you alright, there?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I say, "I tend to get lost in my thoughts sometimes. Apologies." I smile softly.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have a lot of questions." Zedd says, grinning.

"Oh God," Nate rolls his eyes, "here it comes. Eloise, why don't you fetch an extra chair, I think Zedd's ego is going to push me off my chair."

"Nate, shut your mouth." Zedd interjects, as Michael and Eloise laugh softly.

"How did you get involved in this?" I ask Castiel, who seems to be just as entranced by his food as I was earlier.

He gives me a thoughtful stare, and then smiles, "I met Zedd while he was travelling."

I look back to Zedd, "you were a Wanderer?"

"My parents were, uh, our parents were." He corrects himself, "I'd seen all four corners of the Quarters before I turned six."

"How did the Alliance come about then?" I ask.

"Our parents started it when they realized the Monarchy was failing. They were Reckoned for treason years ago, but they got the people going, formed the Alliance, even ran it for a couple years. I started taking over when I was around thirteen, under the supervision of some of the elder Wanderers in the Alliance." He explains, telling his story with no feeling. I wish I were able to detach myself like that, it would be so much easier to tell people things then.

"Sorry about your parents, I was only about two years old." I say, as a dumb way of apologizing, my moeder must have seen this happen. She passed when I was six.

"It's okay. I remember seeing it happen, both your parents were there, and then Demascus gave them the go, I think I remember your mother recoiling in horror before regaining her straight face. I don't think your mother was a bad person, I think it's your father whose making this Monarchy go downhill." Zedd says, and I want to be mad at him for insulting my father, but I know he is right. My moeder believed in equality, fairness and mostly she cared about her citizens, my father was always the cold-hearted King, just like his father was.

I nod slowly in agreement, "I don't want to be like my father."

"You won't." Castiel says, his hand over my smaller fist, I don't remember when it clenched into a fist.

"Seriously, Cas? A gentle graze of hands, just kiss her already." Nate says, laughing, and I see Castiel bashfully looking down at the table, his hand still over mine.

"We're not-"

"We really don't-"

"Shut up, it's all in the looks you give each other. I swear even a three year old could pick up you two are in love. It's kind of sickening." Zedd says, laughing as well.

Castiel gives him a look, and he raises his hands up in the air, "all right. I get the message. No more teasing." He continues laughing, and Castiel still has a vibrant blush stuck on his cheeks. It's different seeing Castiel this way, usually he's calm and confident, it's different seeing him so out of control.

"But on a more serious note, you two are ready for what lies ahead, right?" Zedd says, in his normal, stern tone.

"Yes, Zedd. I'm sure they can handle themselves. Don't ruin my dinner." Nate replies, still with a smile stuck on his face.

"Someone has to assume the leadership role here, or we're all just going to run around like a bunch of headless chickens." Zedd says earnestly, while he ruffles Nate's hair once again. Nate's face goes from smiling to frowning in the most comical way possible.

"But really, though." Zedd goes serious once again.

"Yes, Zedd. I'm sure we'll be fine. Right, Anaise?" Castiel replies for me, looking to me quickly.

"Yes." I say, smiling. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I'm sure if Castiel thinks I can handle it, then I will.