I don't want to leave his room the next day, so I don't. I lock the door, and push a desk chair up against it. If Castiel is going to be in isolation for a day, then I will isolate myself too. I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so so sorry. His music player has stopped working and the pillow I slept with now smells like my tears, rather than of Castiel. I see his wardrobe, and slowly stroll over to it. It looks just like mine, except it's filled with him, his smell, his clothes, him. I take one of the shirts hanging from a hanger and then strip my shirt off and tossing it to the ground, I have his shirt on before I process it. I find one of his jackets and wrap myself in it, and then I collapse on the floor again, isolating myself from my problems. I don't know how I am still alive, I feel like I am a corpse, a walking corpse. The last few days have been hell, and any normal human being would have run away or offed themselves. But I am still here, still trundling ahead, still plundering on. Why? Why am I being punished? What have I done wrong? Is it so wrong to dream, to want to see the world? I just wanted to see what lies beyond Dema, is that so wrong? What have I done to deserve this hell being brought upon me right now? What did I do to deserve Christophe's wrath? The footsteps start at around noon, and the whispering outside of the door starts around noon-thirty. I hear my father raging about where to find me, and I hear the door handle been shaken, and the door being pushed and finally bursting open. I shrink into Castiel's jacket and silently sob for my fate, I'm a dead girl. Through my teary vision, I see two female servants pulling me up, horrified at my state, peeling Castiel's jacket off my body and disregarding it. I thrash my arms around trying to get them off me, but they are strong for female servants, they have me tight in their grip. I am a dead girl. When I open my eyes, I am back in my room with Anna in the background. My hair is done up to perfection and my face caked with make-up. It all just seems so fake, this girl sitting in front of me is not Anaise Von Duyk. I am not this pretty, not this happy, not this good. I will myself not to cry again as a guard escorts me back to the medical wing. I am sitting face-to-face with the same doctor I did when my mother died. He has a pen and pad in his hand, and a smiled perched on his face. He looks so fake, just as I do. My whole life is fake, this Castle, my father, even I am fake. I hate it.

"I hear you have not been so well, Lady." He says softly, and I shake my head.

"I have been fine, doctor." I insist.

"That is not what your father tells me, he tells me two of your ladies-in-waiting found you curled up in Sir Castiel's quarters, wearing his clothes. Are you aware of what happened last night?" He asks, and I swallow hard. I nod.

"Sir Castiel accused his brother of raping you, where would he get that idea, Lady Anaise?" He asks, I cannot tell him. I cannot let my guard down. I cannot trust him, ever.

"I do not know." I lie.

"Rape is a serious offence, Lady, punishable by execution. Why would Sir Castiel accuse Sir Christophe of such an atrocity?" He asks again, and I bite my lip. I consider bolting for the door, but I can see the formidable shadow of one of the guards lingering right outside the door, I would not make it four feet.

I cannot trust him. I cannot tell him, but God, I want to.

"I do not know." I lie again.

"How do you feel about Sir Castiel being locked up in isolation?" He tries again, but my composure remains.

"I do not wish to comment on that, doctor." I say. And I hear him curse under his breath as he stands and closes the door, visibly locking it. Fear boils up inside of me and it feels as if the walls are closing in on me. No, no, no! DON'T LOCK ME INSIDE HERE! I can't breathe again, I can't breathe! I gasp for air, and grab onto the chair as the room starts spinning. I am crying again, I hate this so much. I feel myself slipping once more, and I so wish it would end. I just want it to be over! I feel someone shaking my shoulders but I cannot make out whom, his face is blurring with my tears and the lack of oxygen. I try to get up, but my feet will not carry me to the door. Air. I need air. But all I get is a blow to the head and four hundred seconds of darkness.

I am aware of how heavy my eyelids feel, and how heavy my limbs feel. I can feel my bones lying beneath my skin and I can feel each breath entering my lungs, but I can feel the pain of Christophe thrusting in and out of me again, I can feel it all again, the fear, the pain, the helplessness as he violates me. I can see his smirk when I sit down at the table, and I can see Castiel's horrified expression as I tell him I am pregnant. I can feel myself regaining consciousness, but it's not a slow haze, it's a quick, rip of the bandage. I jolt up, breathless almost, inhaling deeply. I feel the air in my lungs, and I feel it escape my lips. I'm alive. I'm okay. The doctor sits next to me, a soft smile on his lips, it looks genuine. I almost feel like I can trust him... No! I can never trust anyone in this Castle! My head hurts like there are a thousand little men with sledgehammers banging inside of it.

"Lady Anaise. Do you know what just happened?" He asks me, I shake my head but then I'm dizzy again. Don't shake your head, Anaise.

"You had a severe panic attack, you hyperventilated. And as I recall this has never happened before. Do you know why?" He asks, but I cannot reply. My mouth is dry, and when I try to speak all it does it scratches my throat. He offers me a glass of water and I gulp it down quickly.

"No." I say, but it's a lie again. I've lied so much in these past few days, I think I have lied myself into a new person. I am not Anaise Von Duyk anymore, I am some sort of twisted, distorted version of myself hanging by a thread.

"I cannot help you if you will not let me, Lady." He says sympathetically, and it almost sounds real. I feel my guard slipping, my walls crumbling and I can't stop the words that stream from my mouth. I tell him everything. From that night, to my reaction to the pregnancy, to Castiel hugging me, and to the panic attacks and the nightmares. He looks worried about me as he listens intently to every word I say I can trust him. It's okay, I can trust him. A wave of relief washes over me as I tell him everything, and he sees the difference in my eyes. But then I realize my mistake.

"Please do not tell my father!" I immediately exclaim, "please do not."

"Why not, Lady?" He asks, confusion clearly evident in his voice.

"I cannot have him know, doctor. He will not believe me, please." I am now pleading this doctor not to tell my father. I hope with every bone in my body that he does not.

"As you wish, Lady. But I am deeply concerned about you, and your baby. You have had a crazy couple of days, I want to keep you here overnight so that you can get some sleep, some peace again." He says, and he means it. Finally someone listens to me.

"Thank you." I almost sob, "but I do not suppose you can help get Castiel out earlier?"

"I can try, Lady. Tell me, Lady Anaise, do you love Sir Christophe?" He asks me, and it catches me off guard.

I speak the trained answer, "yes."

"You do not have to give me a trained answer, Lady. Do you really love him?" He asks.

"No, doctor. I hate him." I say, I have never hated anyone. But I hate Christophe, I am sure of it.

"What about Castiel?" He asks.

"Excuse me?" I find myself asking.

"Do you love Castiel?" He looks at me, and I know he's expecting an answer. But I do not know, I have known Castiel my whole life, but I do not know love. I have never known love.

"I care for Castiel, I know not love." I say, "please get him out of isolation, doctor. He has severe claustrophobia and I fear if he is left in there too long he will lose his mind."

"Thank you for sharing that with me, I will try my best. But for now, let me help you get some rest." He says softly, and then helps me to my feet. The hospital bed he helps me to is hard like a rock, but I am exhausted. I sleep like a corpse.

i feel bad for poor anaise, she's going through so much :(

but finally we have someone on our side!!

let's hope things work out for lil ann