castiel fjeld

It's different being alone, I'm so used to having Anaise around or having Christophe's antics to occupy my mind, but now they're apparently away on some holiday that her father and Christophe organized. Honestly, I don't understand how she forgave Christophe after what he did, but I suppose Anaise is a little too naïve for her own good. I also don't know how I never saw it coming, Christophe's break outs, he'd always been a little bit of a dodgy character growing up, with his random spurts of sex and all those nights he came wandering back, drunk as ever, but not remembering a damn thing. I shouldn't have kissed her, I shouldn't have, but damn it, her lips were so entrancing and that beautiful grin of hers just pulled me in. I shouldn't have kissed her, but I did. Oh, hell, I did. I kissed her like the world was going to end and it was worth it, every second of it, even when Christophe shot me with an arrow. Who the hell even does that? Shoots his own brother with an arrow, what possessed him? He just had this crazy look in his face, with a grin so wild I swear he was going to shoot me. At least I don't have to watch him cuddle up to Anaise everyday because God, help me I'm going to do something I regret soon. I can't keep watching him hurt her, she deserves better, she deserves someone who's going to take care of her and that little boy of hers. She's entering her first trimester soon, and then she ought to start showing her little bump off. The Castle seems empty without her, I think the only reason I have stayed so long is because I know Anaise needs me more than I could ever fathom to need her, and now she's off with my brother again, damn him.

"Earth to Castiel Fjeld," Zedd waves a tanned hand in front of my face, and I snap out of my trance, how does she always manage to keep me so occupied, she's got me under this sort of spell and I can't break away, "you thinking of Anaise again?"

"Shut up, Z." I say, only because I was thinking of Anaise again. I'm in too deep, I'm so totally whipped.

"Dude, you're so in love it's kind of annoying. Focus for once, Cassie." Nate says, laughing.

"Don't call me Cassie," I laugh softly, "it's Cas."

"Whatever, Cassie." Eloise mocks.

"Okay, listen. We're here about Anaise, remember, we actually have to discuss some stuff, please. Can we not focus on Cas and his love life?" Zedd says, serious but with a playful edge to his voice.

"Yes please." I say, only because I hate them teasing me about being in love with Anaise because I know I am.

"So, about Anaise. How is she going to just casually let it slip that she wants Dema to have a democratic election?" Nate asks, hovering over his cup of coffee with a couple sachets of sugar. We're currently in some coffee shop, in Capital Dema, discussing a usurping. Yes, we are a bunch of idiots, but at least we get the job done.

"I think it would be wise for her to wait for a little while, placing that much stress on the baby would be bad, considering all the stuff happening around her already." Michael speaks up, "if only Christophe wasn't so unstable."

"In a perfect world, dearest Michael." I say, sounding like I'm joking but I'm really not, "and to think, he's my brother."

"Don't get all aggravated, Castiel. We're in a coffee shop." Nate says, "but yeah, I agree with Michael. All this extra stress can't be good for her."

"How far along is she anyway?" Eloise asks.

"Three months." I say, without realizing it.

"In too deep, bro. In way too deep." Zedd mocks again, laughing loudly at my love conquests.

"I will empty my tea out on you." I say, "without stuttering."

"Aw, Cas. You know we only mock you because we're so jealous of you and Anaise. You two are so in love and it's adorable, it almost makes me wish I wasn't so opposed by the idea of emotional commitment." Zedd goes, addressing the situation easily.

"Yeah, Z. The only thing you're emotionally committed to, is this Alliance." Nate laughs.

"Lies, I'm only emotionally committed to food, and possibly this coffee, because it's fantastic." He says, taking a long sip of his bitter, black coffee. I pull a face.

"Yeah, no thanks." I say.

"Of course Castiel is a tea person." Nate rolls his eyes, "damn tea lovers."

We all laugh until Zedd says something again.

"Seriously though, about Anaise, are we all in agreement that we should tell her to wait until the baby is actually born to announce everything? It would be less stressful on her." He says, "all in favour please raise your hands."

We all raise out hands in unison.

"Then it's decided. Cas, will you inform her when she comes back?" Zedd asks me.

"Yeah, sure. I will." I say, "and it's a boy, by the way."

"Seriously, how do you know that?" Eloise asks.

"I was in the room for the first Peak. Some physical check-up right when we came back to the Castle." I say nonchalantly, shrugging while taking a little sip of my drink.

"Dude." Nate goes.

"Don't you dare, Nathaniel Vinzini." I say sternly.

"YOU'RE SO DAMN WHIPPED, MAN!" He exclaims while I sigh into my hands, I am so damn whipped and I'm not even denying it anymore.

When I'm back at the Castle, it's all silent with the terrible conversations my father keeps trying to force me into.

"Castiel, are you paying attention? This is a very interesting discussion." He says to me, and really I'm not listening.

"Ja, Far." I say nonchalantly, sighing. In all honesty my mind was on Anaise again, damn that girl for being so entrancing.

"Are you sure?" He asks, seeing right through me. I smile a sheepish grin, shrugging.

"Sorry, my mind is elsewhere." I apologize.

"You have that look on your face, the one people have when they're in love." Demascus says, with a laugh.

"Who's the lucky girl then, Castiel?" My father asks.

"I was thinking about cats, Far." I say, only to cover up the fact that I was indeed thinking of Anaise.

"Cats? Really, Castiel. Cats." He asks, obviously not believing my terrible lie.

"Yes, cats. I was thinking that we could use a cat in the Castle." I say.

"Anaise is terribly allergic." Demascus replies.

I'd been looking for an excuse to bring Anaise into a conversation, "how is she?"

"She and Christophe are apparently having a blast. Sending pictures every now and then." Demascus smiled fondly, pulling out his mini-tablet, and pulling up some pictures of Anaise and Christophe. Her blue eyes shining just as bright as when we were kids, her short hair hanging in layers down her perfect face. Sometimes I wish we could go back to being two stupid kids who promised to be together forever. Anaise came running up to me, the biggest of grins plastered over her face.

"Cassie!" She exclaimed, pulling me in for a tight hug, eight year old me smiles widely.

"Annie!" I said, and we hugged for a while.

"Why don't you ever visit me anymore?" She asked, a pout stuck on her little, rosy lips. Her eyes are big and excited and I swear that was the moment I realized I really was starting to like her a little bit more than I should.

"Sorry, my Ma got a little sick again." I said, a little gravely.

"It's okay, Cas. My moeder isn't here anymore either." She said sweetly, but I saw the sadness in her little eyes.

"Let's not be sad, Annie. Let's go explore the Gardens." I suggest and she's smiling again.

"Can I hold your hand?" She asks bashfully, as I extended my hand for her to hold. She grinned happily taking it into hers, and then we started walking. Anaise moved with a certain grace along the gardens, playfully informing me about every rose and every flower she could name. She'd always had an interest in flowers and gardening, which was odd for a Princess, but Anaise was more of a normal girl than a Princess, or at least in my defense. All the Princesses I met back in the Fjords were all stuck up and repulsed by the outside, refusing to go outside because they'd dirty their gowns. Anaise never minded dirtying her gowns, she liked to get down and dirty on the ground, messing around with the small flowers. We walked through the gardens for hours, hand in hand smiling at everything, and then she sat me down in the little rose canopy.

"Castiel, I want you to promise me something." She said softly, looking right at me with those big, blue eyes.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked, ready for anything. If Anaise told me to jump into a pit of fire I would because I actually loved her.

"I want us never to change. Everybody in my life is going away or vanishing. Please promise that you'll never leave me." She said, snuggling into my chest, she was so small then, with her hair hanging in small little ringlets along her chubby cheeks. Little eight year old me pulled out a candy necklace I had gotten earlier from my Far, and smiled, handing it to her.

"I, Castiel Fjeld, second heir to the Fjordian Throne, pledge my allegiance to you, Lady Anaise Von Duyk, heiress to the Demain Throne on the Fourth day of the --------- year." I said hanging the necklace around her neck, she observed it closely, and then took a bite from one of the candies.

"And I, Lady Anaise Von Duyk, promise that one day we'll be together." She said and gave me a little kiss on my cheek.

"Castiel! Anaise, lunch is ready!" Anna Grey calls us in, smiling a wrinkled little grin as the two of us skip, hand in hand to the grand hall.

"Castiel, are you listening?" My father asks again, and I shake my head, blinking a couple times.

"No, sorry Far. I got a little lost in the pictures Mr. Von Duyk was showing me." I say honestly, not wanting him to know I was actually thinking about Anaise again. I'm always thinking about Anaise nowadays. It's kind of ironic, how two years ago, I was denying all the feelings I had for Anaise and now I'm starting to accept my feelings for her. I don't really know what I feel for her, I mean I know it's more than like because I kissed her the other day, but then again, don't you kiss your friends. And now, seeing her on the beach with Christophe in a pretty swimsuit, I feel something in my stomach. I think it's jealousy but my experience in the emotional field is so dangerously low, that I can't really tell. Something inside of me is saying it looks wrong, saying it looks wrong, but my brain is saying it's right, this is how it's supposed to be. Christophe was supposed to marry her, we agreed on that years ago, he'd marry Anaise and seize Dema and I'd get the Fjords along with whatever girl I marry. Except the bad thing is, these last few moths I've realized I don't care about ay other girls except for Anaise, I do't want some Fjordian girl who only cares about her nails and the money I can give her. I want lively, Anaise, with her beautiful blue eyes and her pretty blonde hair, with her laughs and her love for life itself, with her deep care about humans with her everything. I'm realizing now I'm in trouble.

"Far, please excuse me." I say and get up immediately. Stop thinking this way, Castiel, she's marrying your brother. She's having his child, for crying out loud! She's not just going to leave it all to take a chance with you because she loves you or something, I'm thinking stupid thoughts. I'm in too deep, I'm in too deep, I'M IN TOO DAMN DEEP! A part of me wanders out into the Gardens and I'm looking at the roses, remembering how Anaise told me about each and every one of them. The white one represents new beginnings, a new relationship or a clean slate, while pink represents new love, or a new sort of intimacy you're experiencing, and red means love, intimacy, relationships. Anaise is only gone of another two days with Christophe, so I pick a pink rose, messing around with the petals and inhaling it's scent perfectly because it reminds me so much of Anaise. And then I realize, I'm so screwed, I'm so so screwed, because I've gone and fallen in love with Anaise Von Duyk, and I know now there's no going back, it's only forward and forward means trouble, I can see it. The future looks dark and depressing, and beckons an event I don't want to experience, but there's no going back now. I'm stuck here, stuck in love with Anaise, stuck in some fantasy world where she loves me back. And it hurts, it hurts like a bitch. She comes back two days later, I haven't' really left my quarters except maybe to play a little piano, my father loves me for it, saying I don't play often enough, but I have no inspiration. I guess I'll say she inspires me, so when she comes back. I vow to stay away because I know if I get closer I'm just going to fall deeper and deeper into the pools of her eyes and drown in the loveliness of her smile. I know what's going to happen, and I know my efforts are futile to try and stop it because that's just that, I'm stuck in it now, and I can't do anything but watch her live the life I want with her, with my damn brother. And again, it hurts, it hurts. And I hate it.

aw yisssssss