I wake to the soft ruffling of something next to me, and see the doctor scribbling some words down on a pin board. He smiles when he sees I am awake.

"Lady," he whispers, "I have good news." I am still a bit hazed with sleep, so I nod. I haven't slept in a while, it feels good to have slept again.

"I have gotten Sir Castiel out of isolation earlier. He was supposed to be in there or a week, but I convinced his father that anything more that forty-eight hours would be devastating to his mental state. His father has agreed to let him out at lunch." I sit up, and I'm smiling.

"That's great, doctor." I say, but there is a but, I can see it in the way he bites his lip.

"But, you must give him some time, he will not be himself when you see him again, because he has been in isolation for a period of time." He says, and I nod. Oh, Cas.

He helps me off the bed, and then it's back to being normal. I wonder whether I should tell my father about the child, it has been a while since I found out, but I don't really want to face that right now. The day drags by, every second weighing on me, every second worrying if Castiel will be okay when he is released from isolation. Lunch cannot come sooner, and when I sit down at the table, next to Christophe, I see him. He looks like a zombie, walking slowly behind Sir Robert, he looks drained, and he looks terrible. He looks nothing like the smiling visage of Castiel Fjeld I am used to. Oh, Cas. My stomach tightens, and instantly I regret telling him about the pregnancy, he was in there because of me. We eat lunch in silence, the only noise coming from the clinking of the cutlery on the plates. Christophe gazes at me every now and then, but I keep my eyes focused on my plate. I don't know how I am going to pretend to love him after what he did to me.

"Anaise... may I speak with you?" He catches up to me after lunch on my way to the music room, I figure if Castiel is going anywhere it will be to fetch his guitar.

"I have nothing to say to you." I say coldly, not stopping to listen to what he has to say.

"Please, Anaise, entertain me for a second." He asks, sincerely. Damn him.

I stop and turn around, "meet me in the courtyard in five minutes." Five minutes to sort out myself, I am going to have to make piece with the fact that it happened, and that his child is now growing inside of me. He nods slowly, with a small smile on his face. I pace around the foyer, fidgeting with my dress and my hair and picking at my nails. I've always hated this habit of mine. Then I set out to meet Christophe in the courtyard. He stands, messing around with his tie, dressed in all white. He's anything but innocent.

"I hope you know that I have lost all respect for you." I say when I am closer to him.

"It was a mistake." He says.

"But it happened." I say.

"And I'm sorry." He replies.

"You don't sound sorry." I say, he is wasting my time with this stupidity.

"I didn't mean to go that far, Anaise, I am a man. I have hormones, just like you, and sometimes they just get out of their lane." He almost sounds sorry, but I have been manipulated before and I will not be again.

"Clearly." I bark lowly, laughing sarcastically, "look, Christophe, I don't forgive you for what you did, but if you touch me again you will regret it. I am still getting married to you, only to appease my father, but let me make this clear. I do not respect you as a person, in fact, I cannot stand your presence. But, my father needs the line to continue, and therefore and only therefore will I marry you, and conceive your children." I say, making it clear to him. He nods slowly.

"Wait, what about children? I thought you said you were too young to carry?" He asks.

"Yes, Christophe, I was too young to fornicate with you, but I suppose we broke that rule too." I say.

"What are you implying?" He's still confused, and he's slow.

"I am saying I am pregnant, Christophe. With your child." I say.

He's stunned, mumbling something about the probability.

"It was highly possible for me to get pregnant, if you'd have calculated you would have realized I was in my two to three day ovulation period, the chances are improbable." I say nonchalantly.

Christophe sinks down into a bench, face in his hands, probably profaning in his native language. I'd never quite learned it, Castiel had taught me a couple of words and phrases but those are long forgotten now.

"Are you going to keep it?" He asks out of the blue, and I almost feel like slapping him in the face.

"Yes, Christophe. I might be eighteen, but I know my father wants the line to survive for as long as possible. I'm not keeping him or her because I love you, or in any remote sense want to conceive your child but as earlier mentioned, I am doing this for my father." I say firmly, turning around to face the visage of my father. I almost swear out loud.

"What is this about doing things for me, Anaise?" He's smiling, maybe I should tell him, "you know you're not required to do anything for anyone but yourself."

"I know." I say softly, "but father, Christophe and I have an announcement to make."

"Oh?" His face practically lights up, Christophe stands up from the bench, plastering on a grin.

"Do you want to tell him, Lady?" He asks, and hesitantly I nod.

I take a deep, long breath, "father. I'm pregnant."

As if his face couldn't get any brighter, my father lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Anaise, baby! Oh, I'm so ecstatic for you! How far along?" He practically squeals out, I never knew I could hate a sound so much.

"Around four weeks." I say almost nonchalantly. I know what he's going to do next.

"I will inform the Kingdom at dinner, oh, my baby girl. I can't believe you're actually pregnant." He smiles and kisses me on the cheek.

And I mutter under my breath, "neither can I."

Dinner cannot come soon enough, Castiel looks terrible. The light drained out of his lively blue eyes, his mouth remaining straight line. My father rises and then smiles.

"I have a big announcement to make." Sir Robert seems to be excited for the whole affair, I dread Castiel's reaction for some reason.

"My baby girl is pregnant!" He exclaims like an excited woman. He and Sir Robert fall into excited conversation like two overly excited parents. Castiel abruptly rises and pushes his chair back in, leaving the dining hall.

"Castiel! Manners, please!" Sir Robert exclaims, as Castiel leaves.

"Excuse me, Father." He says sardonically and then walks out of the room. I bite my lip, I want Castiel back. I want my Castiel back, where has he gone.

"Father, I am finished, may I please be excused?" I ask politely, smiling my best smile. I have to catch up to Castiel, I don't know why but I know he needs me now more than ever. He was there for me and I need to be there for him. I try to find him everywhere, and eventually find him walking aimlessly in one of the hallways.

"Hey," I say as soon as I catch up to him, which is quite hard considering I am walking on high heels and with a massive gown, "I'm glad you're out."

"Me too." He says lowly, but it's not anything. Oh, Cas, where have you gone?

"What?" He suddenly speaks, startling me.

"What?" I find myself asking, "I don't recall saying anything."

"You asked where have I gone?" He says softly, and I notice how his hands are shaking and how they've been clenched into tight fists the whole time. What have I done to you, Cas.

"I don't really know either." He says softly, and then breaks away from me, walking down the hallway, leaving me with only the click clacking of his shoes on the floor and the terrible tears flowing down my cheeks again. I have a mental agreement with Christophe that we will not sleep in the same quarters, just in case he has wandering hands again. My bed feels cold, big and uncomfortable, and I can't sleep. I think it's because I can feel the butterflies down in my stomach and it hits me for the first time, I am actually going to have a child. I was actually blessed with a child, something that every woman in Dema dreams of doing, but some just aren't capable. I suppose I could give it away to a couple that will love it a little more than Christophe and I, but I know my father will strongly object to that. I roll around for a long time, thinking about the last month and a half, I cannot believe I am still going on. I must be a good actress, because no one has seemed to notice there's anything wrong with me. Well, Castiel has and my father is blind to my emotions anyway, so I suppose he doesn't count. Castiel. I wish he were here now, I don't understand my feelings toward Castiel. I think I am in love with him, but I've never been in love, and my mother used to say you'd know when you're in love. I don't know what I am. I care for Castiel, deeply, and I feel everything he feels, in a sense. I can feel his heavy heart, and I can hear the conversations he has with himself when he's trying to convince himself he's okay. I have these too. I stand in front of the mirror, and smile and tell myself I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I don't think Castiel is though, no matter how many times he tells himself that he's okay, I can see he's not. I've known Castiel for so long, I can almost read him. I see how he walks, holding onto the railing of the stairs, like he's going to collapse if he lets go. I see him angrily brush his hair out of his face, and violently wipe at the tears that seem to come out of his eyes every now and then. I don't know where he is at the moment, all I know is Castiel is at war. He's at war with himself, I do not know when he will return, but for now I'm an army wife, waiting for my dearest to return home. And he does. I feel a warm presence next to me, and I hear the ruffling of my covers. At first, I think it's Christophe, trying some trick on me again, but as I turn around I see his soft blue eyes, and his apologetic smile. I'm overwhelmed. I can't help but cry like some weak little puppy. He looks at me with those earnest eyes, and I cannot help but weep. I don't know how long I cry, but I know that Castiel holds me like it's the end of the world.

"Where have you been?" I ask him, my voice still choked up from the crying.

"I'm not too sure myself." He almost smiles.

"I'm glad you're back." I say, holding onto the shirt he's wearing.

"I'm glad to be back." He says, and gives me a kiss on the forehead. It's nothing intimate, or anything romantic. It's just a kiss, a kiss that means everything, a soft, loving kiss on the forehead. It gives me all the strength in the world.

"How is keeping your promise coming along?" I ask, half sarcastically. But Castiel smiles his all-knowing smile.

"Don't worry, I'm getting there." He says, and I believe him, but I also don't know how much longer I can keep this façade up.

"How much longer?" I almost wail, I'm desperate.

"Only a week, I swear." He says, "I'll keep you safe, okay? I'll get you out of here." I believe him wholeheartedly.

"Okay." I murmur into his chest, and then I'm drifting off to sleep. Castiel has a distinct smell to him, I don't know how but he always manages to smell like vanilla and coffee. The fresh, welcoming scent of coffee in the mornings, and the lovely, enthralling scent of vanilla. It reminds me of summer, summer outside of the Dome. In the forest outside of our kingdom, there's an evergreen forest, where the sun shines through the thick blanket of leaves and leaves rays of golden sunshine scattered along the green floor. My father and moeder used to take me out there when I was younger, my moeder used to sing, and my father used to play the guitar so beautifully I can almost hear it again. I dream of summer in the forests, but instead of my father, it's a man with blonde hair, and the bluest of eyes, playing with my hair and singing a song I can't quite make out.

#CASISBACK

sorry not sorry i missed my bby