"I'm so glad your dad agreed that I can have you on weekends."

"Yeah." Mukhang habang tumatagal, mas nagiging lenient si tatay. He's not only allowing Kent free access to anywhere in the house except my bedroom, he also allowed me to be with Kent every weekends. As in no restrictions. He even said I could sleep over.

I don't like it when my father's this loose with me. Alam kong hindi pa sya masyadong nagtitiwala kay Kent. So what dibs? My theory is that my father's testing both of us. How long before we give in to numerous temptations? Only... hindi alam ni tatay na matagal na kaming nagpadala sa tukso.

At alam kong maraming beses pa iyong mauulit kung hindi ako mag-iingat. And then what's next? Siguro kapag nabuntis ako, ini-expect ni tatay na hindi ako pananagutan ni Kent. At kapag nangyari 'yon, there's the ever-responsible Toby, ready to father my child.

They will force us to get married and I will be forever tied to him. And what of Kent? Kent will be forgotten. He won't even offer him another chance.

Isang malakas na pitik sa noo ang nakapagpatigil sa malalim kong mag-iisip.

"Your mind's somewhere again."

"Sorry."

He cupped my face and planted a soft kiss on my forehead—which he rarely does! Napatitig na lang ako sa kanya. If I didn't know what's causing this change, I'd be head over heels freaked out. Kent's not a subtle guy. He makes sure you know he's there. He makes sure you feel what he wants you to feel. He's not the guy who plants soft kisses on the forehead.

But then again, I didn't know him before he became every lady's man. Maybe he's like this with Kiele. Maybe he's a real gentleman with her.

Kahit hindi na sila, hindi ko maiwasang magselos. Ganito rin kaya ang pakiramdam ng asawa ni Kiele?

"Tell me what you're thinking," he said.

"Kiele," pag-amin ko.

Kumunot ang noo nya. "What about her?"

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Napadaan lang sya sa utak ko. Don't mind me."

"Jazz, you can always tell me the truth. You know you don't have to lie."

"I'm not lying."

"Why are you looking at the floor then?"

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. "Hindi ka naglampaso 'no? Naaalikabukan ang paa ko." Good one, Jazz! Pero totoo naman. Nagagaspangan ang paa ko sa sahig. Tiles pa naman tapos hindi nya nilalampaso.

He rolled his eyes. "Bukas pa maglilinis si yaya."

"Bakit mag-aantay ka pa ng yaya? Ako na ang maglilinis."

He stopped me when I was about to get the things from the laundry area. "I didn't bring you here to clean my house."

"Then why did y—oh." Nagtanong pa talaga ako? Hindi pa ba obvious sa simula pa lang? Why would he bring me here out of all the places we could go? Well, should I take comfort with the fact that he didn't really change that much? "'Yon na naman ang nasa isip mo?"

Hinapit nya ako sa bewang. "It's hard to think of anything else when you're around."

"Can't we do something else?"

He seemed to ponder at the thought for a bit. Then, he pulled me to the kitchen. Great, I guess cooking's a better option.

"We can do it in the kitchen!" he announced enthusiastically.

I gaped at him. "Really?"

Tumango sya. "Yes," he said then he gave me a huge smile like he just solved a huge mystery puzzle.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at tiningnan sya ng mataman.

"Kent, hindi ba't sabi ko sa 'yo na kapag ang isang bagay, ginagawa mo ng paulit-ulit, nawawala na 'yong pagiging espesyal nito? If you eat the same food every day, mauumay ka. If you wear the same clothes every day, maluluma mo ito. I gave myself to you because you were special to me but I will only give myself for the second to nth time to that man who will take me to the altar. That's the least I could give to him. Akala ko ba nagkakaintindihan na tayo?"

"Why is it such a big deal to you? It's like buying a bag, using it once and putting it on display para hindi masyadong maluma so that you could sell it later. Can't you see the fault in your logic?"

Napamaang ako sa kanya. "Did you just compare me to a bag?"

"I am making an analogy. And you did it first." Hinawakan nya ako sa braso. "Come on, Jazz. Let's not fight over trivial things..."

"Why are you like this? All you ever think about is sex! Hindi ka ba makakatagal ng wala noon?" paghuhuramentado ko.

"It's the only way I know to show my affection. I don't care if you don't believe that but it's true," paliwanag nya.

"You're right. I don't believe you. You can do so much more and you're beginning to. Why can't you just let yourself go? Why can't you allow yourself to be totally mushy and sweet? Natatakot kang masasayang ang efforts mo sa 'kin? Na baka iwanan din kita? Sinabi ko na sa 'yo, di ba? I won't leave you.

"We could take our time. Hindi mo naman kailangang magmadali. We will get there. I'm not the kind of woman who has an expiration date."

"I didn't say you were."

"It feels like it. Takot din naman ako e. I'm scared that you'll just get tired of me one day." That's why I'm not giving in to him. Gusto kong makita kung tatagal ba sya ng wala noon. Kung hindi, then okay. At least I left a little preservation for myself.

He let out a sigh. "All these arguments over sex. Why did I even bring it up?" sising-sisi nyang sabi.

"That changes everything, doesn't it?" Nang hindi sya sumagot ay nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita. "Pag-isipan mo muna kung makakatagal ka ng ganyan. Uuwi na muna ako."

He didn't follow me out or insisted on taking me home. Mabuti na rin siguro ito. We both need some time to think. Hindi ko rin alam kung tama ba ang ginawa ko. Kung tutuusin, para lang akong nag-iinarte. Normal lang naman 'yon sa mga magkarelasyon.

Ang ipinagkaiba lang siguro namin sa iba... sya ang boyfriend ko. Him and his reputation are the two things that when tipped, cannot go back to being balanced again. He's Kent and well, I don't trust him. Not fully. Natatakot akong magsawa sya agad sa 'kin. At pagkatapos noon, ano na?

Back to zero na naman.

I know it took him a lot just to even consider marrying me when he said that he's not the marrying kind. And I know that he'd been through a lot, himself. He was left at the altar. He was left the second time by the woman he thought could be the one to change the ending of his love story and now he's stuck with me, his last resort.

Iniisip ko nga kung paano na lang kung may iba pang babae noong time na 'yon bukod sa 'kin. Would he choose me?

I don't know. It's getting all confusing. I thought it would be just as simple as 'kapag gusto mo, go; kapag ayaw, no' pero hindi rin pala. There are a lot of things to consider.

And what about him? He doesn't trust me as well. He's like make the most of it while we still have time kinda guy. Naiinggit ako kay Kiele. He showed her what he couldn't show any other woman. But she ruined him. He bared his heart to her pero nasaktan lang sya. Then he started building up these walls, pretended he doesn't care. He made women feel like he could have them and leave them and they wouldn't even leave him any mark. He started doing all the hurting.

He wouldn't risk it again. He wouldn't do it for me. Yes, he already told my father that he loves me but what proof do I have that he meant it?

But aren't I just being selfish and skeptic?

I grunted. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Siguro kailangan ko munang ipahinga ang utak ko.

I looked at my phone. No messages, no calls... It's been three days since. Kinalimutan nya na kaya ako? Hindi nya na ba kaya? Will this be the end of it?

Alam kong gustong mag-usisa ni tatay pero hindi nya ako tinatanong. Parang lahat sila sa bahay ay nakuntento na lang sa pagmamanman at paghihintay na mag-o-open up ako. Kaso lang, ano naman ang sasabihin ko? Saan naman ako magsisimula kung hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano na ba kami?

Mabuti na rin sigurong nalipat ako sa site. May times kasi sa trabaho ko na paper works and office stuffs lang ang hina-handle tapos may mga araw na dadalhin kami mismo sa site. Perks of being an architect... we could wear a hard-hat and walk beside an engineer from time to time.

I'm just not sure if I'm enjoying it right now.

Nasa 4th floor ako ng ginagawang building nang i-announce nilang lunchbreak na raw. 'Yung mga kasama ko ay nag-ayang kumain sa labas. I declined them. May pinabaon sa 'kin si nanay. I'd rather be alone today, anyway.

Pritong talong at tinapa ang pabaon sa 'kin ni nanay. Namiss ko tuloy bigla si Kent.

"Can I join you for lunch?"

Nailapag ko agad ang pagkain ko nang marinig ko ang boses nya. "Kent!"

I was right! It was him. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, a pair of blue jeans and a hard-hat over his head. May dala-dala syang mga pagkain at inumin.

"What are you doing here?" tanong ko nang mailapag nya ang mga pagkaing dala nya sa tabi ng baon ko na nasa lamesa.

"Pinuntahan kita sa office nyo, nasa site ka raw."

"Sana tumawag ka sa 'kin."

"I wanted to surprise you." Naupo sya sa tabi ko.

"Akala ko ayaw mo na." Yumakap ako sa kanya. "Sorry for what I've said last Saturday."

"I've heard worse," he replied. "Let's eat. May dala akong adobo."

Habang kumakain kami, tahimik lang sya. He didn't strike up a conversation. He just lets me eat in peace. Hindi ko alam kung epekto ba 'to nung sinabi ko sa kanya last weekend but he seemed calmer. Hindi sya nangungulit. Hindi sya nanggugulo.

Pakiramdam ko boss ko 'yong katabi ko, hindi sya. Bakit kaya ganoon? Kapag may sinabi ka tungkol sa ugali ng isang tao, they'd totally wipe it off their slate. Ang extreme naman ng ganoong pagbabago. Hindi ba pwedeng unti-unti muna?

But he was doing the exact thing bago mo sya punahin, I reminded myself.

Yeah, so now it's my fault. Ugh. Why am I arguing with myself? Ang bipolar mo Jazz!

Pagkatapos naming kumain, nagpaalam na sya sa 'kin. Babalik na raw sya sa resto.

"What time will I pick you up?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi na. May shuttle akong sasabayan."

"Ayaw mong sunduin kita?" Sumimangot sya.

"Hindi naman sa—okay. Fine. I'll be out at 5:00."

"Good. I'll pick you up at five." He kissed my forehead. "I'll see you later."

Why can't I figure him out? One moment he's so ludicrous, then he would be gentle by the next. He's one confusing man.

Maya-maya'y tumunog ang phone ko. Isang text message mula sa kanya.

'Don't get mad. I think you look sexy in the skirt.'

Napangiti na lang ako sa message nya. I was trying to look professional on my first day on the site that's why I wore a black pencil skirt tapos blouse na kulay baby blue. The head architect told me another thing though. He doesn't advice skirts on site. So bukas, naka-slacks na 'ko.

'Thanks. And no, I'm not mad,' I replied to him.

'Next time, 'yong mas maikli sana.'

Pinandilatan ko ang phone ko, like I would if I'm facing Kent. 'Sira.'

'Sorry. Don't get mad. I just like your legs.'

Parang timang 'tong si Kent. Nagtatype pa lang ako ng reply nang may dumating na namang message galing sa kanya.

'Am I already crossing the line?'

Para akong tanga. Ang laki-laki ng ngiti ko. Now, he's being considerate. I find it cute. Ang cute nya.

'No,' I replied to him.

My phone beeped twice moments later.

'Mabuti naman.'

'Can I kiss you later?'

"Jazz! Next floor na raw tayo!" Kumaway sa 'kin 'yung kasama kong junior architect na nasa puno ng hagdan. Paakyat na sila.

"Sige! Andyan na..."

Inayos ko muna 'yong mga pinagkainan, put my phone on vibrate at saka ako sumunod sa kanila. Nakalatag ang blueprint sa isang malaking lamesa at nakaikot sila roon. Nagsasalita 'yung engineer namin habang 'yong mga kasama ko ay nagti-take down ng notes.

They've already discussed the plan many times back at the office. Ngayon, tinitingnan naman nila kung sunod at naaayon sa plano ang nangyayari. Kaming mga junior architects, binigyan kami ng tig-tatalong rooms para i-design. Isa sa mga dinesign kong room ay nandito sa floor na kinatatayuan namin.

Lumapit ako doon sa tumawag sa 'kin kanina at nakinig na rin ako sa sinasabi nung nagsalita. Great. Where the hell is my notebook?

"Pakopya na lang ng notes later," bulong ko sa kasama ko.

I felt my phone vibrate. Pasimple ko itong sinilip.

'Why aren't you replying? Galit ka na naman ba?'

Kent. Right... I forgot to answer him.

'Sorry. Work,' reply ko sa kanya.

Wala pang isang minuto ang nakakalipas, naka-reply na sya agad.

'Oh. Sorry. Sige, hindi na kita aabalahin.'

Then I received another message after that.

'Just please answer my previous question.'

Ang hirap kasing mag-type na gamit ang kaliwang kamay. Ang bagal ko. Nakakadalawang word pa lang ako when the head architect called out my attention. May itinatanong lang na details.

I answered as briefly as I could and typed in my reply to Kent.

'Yes, you may.'

Saka ko itinago sa bag ko 'yong phone ko.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas bago sila nag-agree na okay na 'yong floor. Time to check the next floor daw. Nagpahuli ako sa pag-akyat para matingnan ang phone ko.

There was a message from him again. Symbol ng heart ang nakalagay.

Muntik na akong matalapid sa hagdan dahil sa sobrang absorbed ko sa reply nya.