Pag-uwi ko ng apartment isang araw, nagulat ako nang may mga paper bags na nakalagay sa ibabaw ng kama ko. It's as good as dollars laid on the bed. May mga tatak ng mamahaling pangalan ang paper bags.

"Kent? Kanino 'to?"

Pumasok si Kent sa kwarto. He was cooking dinner when I called him.

"Alin?" Sinundan nya ng tingin ang nakaturo kong daliri. "Those are yours."

"Mine?"

"Yeah."

Lalabas na sana sya ulit nang magsalita ulit ako. "Binili mo?"

"Meron pa bang ibang bibili?" ang sagot nya.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you buy me these?" I opened one. May lamang trenchcoat na kulay beige. May tag price pa. Nalula ako sa presyo. The Sangdingram Long Heritage trenchcoat from Burberry costs $1,695.00. Marahan ko iyong inilapag sa kama. Natakot akong baka madumihan ko. Leche, ang mahal!

"It's your last day at the project tomorrow. I figured that if you will take the job, you will need more clothes. Ayoko namang paulit-ulit na lang ang isusuot mo sa trabaho."

"Kent, sobrang mahal naman ng mga 'to. Maraming thrift shops na nagkalat dyan. Doon na lang ako mamimili."

"Jazz, it's New York," he said in as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"That doesn't mean na kailangan mong gumastos ng sobrang mahal para lang sa damit. And besides, like you said so yourself, last day ko na bukas. Uuwi na ako next week. What would I need these for?"

Pagkatapos ng project, I have two months para asikasuhin na lahat ng dapat asikasuhin bago bumalik sa dito New York para permanenteng magtrabaho. Twice a year lang ako pwedeng umuwi after that. That is, if I will accept the offer. I will tell them my answer tomorrow.

Kent's also going home tomorrow. Ewan ko ba kung bakit hindi na lang nya ako antayin. Isang linggo na lang naman bago ako umuwi.

"Tanggapin mo na lang, okay?" His voice was strained.

Lumabas na sya ng kwarto. Ako naman ay napatingin ulit doon sa mga ipinabili nya. Burberry. Marc Jacobs. Chanel. Prada. Kahit ano pa man ang tatak ng mga ipinamili nya, isa lang ang sigurado ako. Mahal lahat 'yon. I don't know why he'd splurge for clothes that I could wear for my work. Akala ko ba ayaw nyang tanggapin ko yung job offer?

Nitong huling buwan, wala na syang ginawa kundi asikasuhin ako. Plano nya na pala talagang magbakasyon dito para samahan ako. Although I found it sweet of him, it also left me confused.

Para syang si Barney Stinson. He plays around most of the time but when he's into someone, he suddenly changes. It's one of the reasons why I don't want to take the job. Bukod sa pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko makakayanang mag-isa at malayo sa pamilya, ayaw ko ring masayang ang lahat ng oras na ginugol ko para mapatino si Kent.

Sure, he became like this by choice but who knows what he'd do kapag napahiwalay ako sa kanya?

I don't want him to go back to the way he was before he met me. And most of all, I don't want him to be alone. He has abandonment issues. Although he has a perfect family and great career, sa lovelife naman sya sumablay... ng dalawang beses.

Dapat may asawa at anak na sya ngayon kung hindi lang sya iniwan ni Kiele. And though I really want to hate Kiele for what she did to him, hindi ko rin naman ito masisi. Bakit ka nga naman magtatagal sa piling ng taong hindi mo naman mahal?

Kasal na yun e. As long as you live, till death do you part. It's not like some contract na makakalaya ka na matapos ng ilang buwan o taon. Para syang permanent glue, stuck na kayo with each other for forever.

Kiele was happily married to the man she really loves and they already have a son. Kent's with me now. His twisted fate got tangled with mine and now we're together. And I'm happy and I know he's happy with me too. At ayaw kong malayo sa kanya. Para syang vase na nabasag na ng ilang ulit na hindi ko dapat bitawan kasi baka mabasag sya ulit at hindi ko na mabuo.

Tinanggal ko yung mga pinamili nya sa kama at inilagay ko sa isang sulok ng kwarto. Nang lumabas ako, nag-aayos na sya ng hapag-kainan. Candlelight dinner. Wow. He even bought wine.

"You didn't have to," I said to him.

"It's our last meal together."

Hinila nya yung isang bangko at pinaupo ako. Then he put our food on the table. We ate mostly in silence. Nag-oopen ako ng topic pero pinuputol nya agad yung conversation. It's almost as if he didn't want to talk.

Nang matapos kaming kumain, he volunteered to wash the dishes. Nakatayo lang ako sa tabi ng breakfast nook, pinapanuod syang maghugas ng pinggan habang umiinom ako ng wine.

Kung tutuusin, para na kaming mag-asawa. Nakapag-live in na nga kami e. Kasal na lang ang kulang. Sure, the first live-in experience was slightly dysfunctional but better. Doon kasi, wala kaming limits. Batuhan ng kung anu-ano, sigawan, alaskahan. Para kaming aso't pusa. Hindi mapakali kapag magkasama pero hindi rin mapakali ng magkalayo.

Ngayon parang may expiration kaming inaantay. Hindi ko alam kung bakit feeling ko pagkabalik nya ng Pilipinas bukas, matatapos na rin lahat. There's this aching feeling in my gut that things would never be the same after that.

I put the wine glass on the nook and walked towards him. I know he knows that I'm just behind him but he pretended not to notice.

Yumakap ako sa kanya mula sa llikuran. That's when he stopped.

"Jazz—"

"Shhh..."

I closed my eyes. He stayed still. It was very quiet. Then after a while, humarap sya sa 'kin and cupped my face with his soapy hands. Napalayo ako.

"Arrgh, Kent!"

He chuckled. "What? Naghuhugas ako ng pinggan," patay-malisya nyang sabi.

Lumapit ako sa lababo at kumuha ng bula tapos ay ipinunas ko sa mukha nya. Okay... so we're back to being childish. Napuno ng bula ang mga mukha namin and we're both laughing so hard because of it. Kanina lang ang seryoso namin. What happened?

I held his face with both my hands. He made a face. I smiled and brought his face down to mine. Kahit pa lasang liquid soap ang labi nya, okay lang.

"What was that for?"

"Wala lang."

"Come on."

"Masama na'ng humalik ng wala lang?"

Sya naman ang humalik. "Nope," he said after.

"Labas tayo?" aya ko sa kanya.

"Saan naman tayo pupunta?"

"Maglalakad-lakad lang."

"Okay. I'll just finish the dishes."

So he finished the dishes while I wash up my face in the bathroom. A little while later, naglalakad na kami sa labas. Dahil malamig, pareho kaming naka-coat. He even made me wear the expensive trenchcoat he bought earlier. Dahil sa feeling ko e magtatampo sya, sinuot ko na lang.

Inakbayan nya ako habang naglalakad kami. Ako naman, ikinawit ang kanang braso sa bewang nya. Marami pa ring tao. Karamihan ay galing sa trabaho. Ang ilan naman ay naghahanap ng makakainan. Since kakatapos lang naming kumain, napagdesisyunan naming pumasok sa unang bar na makita namin.

We were on the farthest booth on one corner. Unlike the bars I've been in the Philippines, this one has open lights and a jukebox and food. As in parang diner na may bar.

I told him to order vodka dahil ayaw ko ng beer at ayaw ko ring maaamoy sa kanya ang beer. Tumanggi sya pero mapilit ako so he ordered two, tig-isa kami.

"I have a flight tomorrow," dahilan nya.

"So? Tanghali pa naman yun."

"Yeah, but I have to get ready."

I sighed. "Hindi ba pwedeng sumabay ka na lang sa 'kin next week?"

He shook his head and took a sip of his drink. Napangiwi sya nang malunok ang alak. "No."

"Kent, please... 'wag bukas. Kahit the next day na lang. Please?"

"Why would I wait until next week? What's there to wait for?"

"Me?"

He didn't comment further.

"Kent, I won't be accepting the job. If that's the reason why you're acting like this, then you can stop."

He gaped at me. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Why not?" It's pretty evident that he liked what I said. Nagpipigil lang syang ngumiti. Ugh. Why does he have to be so adorable when he does that?

"Because I don't want to be away from my family. Kung maayos naman ang trabaho ko sa Pilipinas, bakit pa ako mag-a-abroad? Hindi ko pa naman kailangang gumapang para maiahon ang pamilya ko sa kahirapan. Kaya pa naman ng sweldo ko. I don't think I need this."

His shoulders slumped. I think he's expecting something else.

I smiled and held his hand. "And of course, I don't want to be away from you too."

The corner of his lips curved up. "Clingy."

"Ako pa talaga ang clingy ha? Sino kayang sumunod sa New York!"

"I just had to! I know you'll starve yourself to death. Hindi ka makabili without converting your dollars into pesos first!"

Kent loosened up after that. We ordered a few more drinks before heading back to the apartment. Nang makabalik kami, we drank some more. Panandalian kong nakalimutan na may pasok pa ako kinabukasan. Shoot.

Sana hindi ako bangag bukas.

Anyway, it was worth it. At least assured na syang walang LDR o hiwalayang mangyayari. Next week, uuwi na kaming pareho ng Pilipinas at hindi na ako babalik, unless of course, kung magbabakasyon o pansamantalang trabaho. Ilang linggo ko rin 'tong pinag-isipan. True, pangarap kong makahawak ng malaking project sa trabaho ko but that doesn't mean that I have to be in New York. Siguro, makaka-jackpot din ako sa Pilipinas. Tiwala lang.