I could still remember my first day at his house. Seeing him naked under the sheets with this woman on top of him, I was so disgusted. Gusto kong masuka doon mismo. After a few days, he proved to be a bit too much to handle. He's such a smartass and would try to wiggle himself inside any woman's pants. But not surprisingly, he found me so unappealing. He said that I don't strike him as someone worthy of his attention, as if I wanted it back then.

Remembering all that now, I realized that it had been an act of desperation. I was so desperate to get out of this arrangement with Toby. Kent became my escape. It's either him or Toby and I was such a dummy to choose him over my best friend who seemed to be so perfect for me. Everyone else thought so.

But I took a chance on Kent and fortunately, it paid off.

Who would have thought that underneath all that crap, he was actually a perfect catch? And now, we're back to square one. We're back to living with each other under one roof.

They say that converted playboys are for keeps. Kapag napatino mo sila, it's like hitting the jackpot. Kaya siguro marami ang sumusubok magmahal ng taong pasaway. Girls are suckers for that. Gusto nila bad boys. Yung masama sa lahat pero mabuti sa kanila. Tough on the outside but really are just misunderstood. They crave for that hard candy with the surprisingly soft center. But truth is it's not always like that. Hindi lahat ng playboy ay napapatino. It's like finding oasis in a desert, very rare and almost implausible.

"Aren't you wearing anything?"

He's already under the blanket. He's naked from the waist up. I'm not sure if he has something on from the waist down. Judging from his grin, I don't think he does. I asked him to sleep on the couch but he won't budge. I told him that I'd sleep on the couch if he won't. He didn't like that either.

"I'm used to sleeping naked," he answered.

"Look, Kent, if we're going to sleep on the same bed, have a decency to put on some clothes." He grunted. So I rolled my eyes and said "Fine. I'll sleep on the floor," I said sternly.

"I'm wearing boxers, you killjoy," he said. Tinanggal nya yung blanket before I could even cover my eyes. Buti na lang nakaboxers nga sya. I sat on the side of the bed and put Rilakkuma in the middle. "What's that for?"

"This is my side of the bed and that's yours. Do not cross the imaginary line."

"Oh, I won't. I can't climb up that huge wall of teddy bear."

I rolled my eyes. "Smartass."

"Killjoy."

I stuck my tongue out.

"You stuck your tongue out." He feigned horror. "I'm almost offended, Jazz."

"Nye nye nye. Matulog ka na nga lang!"

I lay down on my side of the bed. Tumalikod ako sa kanya. I could feel his gaze burning a hole on my back. Pumikit ako. I have to sleep 'cause I still have to go to work by eight and it's already 3am.

After almost four hours of sleep, I opened my puffy eyes and yawned. When I was about to get up, I realized that I was pinned down on the bed. Rilakkuma was nowhere to be found. Nakayakap na sa 'kin si Kent and he was still asleep. The more I struggle to break free from his grip, the more he tightens it.

I had no choice but to wake him up.

"Kent."

He stirred.

"Hoy Kent, may pasok pa 'ko."

"Umabsent ka," ungot nya.

"Hindi pwede."

He grunted and loosened his embrace. Saka sya bumangon. "Time?"

"It's almost seven."

Sobrang lamig sa umaga. It's called all day pero nakakangatog ng tuhod sa umaga. Kung pwede nga lang maligo ng nakakumot, gagawin ko e. It's a good thing na may hot shower na available. I took a bath first. After fifteen minutes, I got out and rushed to the bedroom while he was busy cooking breakfast in the kitchen.

Since malamig naman, nag-long sleeves ako, stockings, skirt saka trench coat—ang nag-iisa kong trench coat. Balot na balot ako nang lumabas ako ng kwarto. The breakfast was already laid on the table. Kent was making coffee.

"Have some coffee." He gave me a cup.

"Thanks."

Naupo ako sa tapat ng plato na may lamang fried rice saka bacon. My mouth watered in an instant.

"Saan ka nakakuha ng kanin?"

"Humingi ako sa kapitbahay."

"Ha?"

"I was about to go to the market pero paglabas ko, nakita kong lumabas din yung tao sa katapat na apartment. Turns out they're also Pinoy so humingi ako ng kanin."

I've been in this apartment for almost three months now. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na may kapitbahay pala akong Pilipino. He's been here since yesterday and already, nakahingi na sya ng kanin sa kanila? Wow. Talk about public relation skills.

Nagmamadali akong kumain dahil malapit nang mag-alas otso. Sya naman ay naligo muna. Nang paalis na ako, biglang sumulpot si Kent from the bedroom, bihis na bihis.

"I'll walk you to your office."

"Huwag na."

Walking distance lang ang office namin. Same street. Nilalakad ko lang yun e.

"Fine. Then I'll just walk outside."

"Saan ka naman pupunta?"

He shrugged. "I'll just walk."

So we both walked to the same direction. Parang ganun din naman yun e. Inihatid nya rin ako hanggang sa tapat ng building namin.

"What time are you going home?"

"I'm not sure."

"Okay."

I gave him a hug before getting inside the building.

Sir Josh felt like being generous again today so after work, he invited us all to dinner. I called Kent using the company phone to tell him not to wait up.

Bumuntong-hininga sya. "Nagluto pa naman ako ng adobo."

"Adobo?" Shucks. Ilang beses na ba akong nag-crave sa adobo pero hindi ako makapagluto kasi alam kong hindi masarap ang luto ko? Now, he cooked adobo and I'm out having dinner with my officemates and there's no adobo here. Nakakaiyak.

"Yes. I cooked it with potatoes and boiled eggs."

He even cooked it the way I want it to be cooked! Ugh.

"Leave some for me, okay?"

"Okay."

Para makakain ako ng luto ni Kent, hindi ako kumain ng marami sa dinner. Since it's a buffet, we only eat what we get so I didn't get a lot of food. Kapag sa States pa naman, malalaki ang servings. Pinipilit ako nina Sir Josh na kumain ng marami but I declined, telling them that I'm not hungry even though I was really starving.

I bailed out as soon as we finished eating.

Bandang alas otso nang makauwi ako ng bahay. Kent was waiting in the kitchen, sitting on a stool at the breakfast nook and was staring at the cupboards.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"Nasa'n na yung niluto mo? Gutom pa 'ko."

"Wait here. I'll heat it up."

He stood up and took the food to the stove. Kent's not a fan of microwave ovens. He'd never heat up anything in that thing.

"Ako na lang."

"I'll do it. There's nothing else to do here anyway."

Right. I have no TV and I won't let him touch my laptop, sa takot na baka kung anu-ano ang makita ko sa browsing history. Tumunganga at gumala lang ang pwede nyang gawin and yes, cook. Kaso wala akong nakatabing pagkain na pwedeng lutuin. Hooray for the micer. Ang hirap talaga kapag parang ginto ang dollars. Ang hirap gumastos.

Ohh, think again, Jazz!

My eyes balled when I saw the contents of the fridge. It was stuffed with foods! I lost count of the expenses. Some still have price on them pero sumakit na ang ulo ko sa kakikwenta.

"Magkano lahat 'to?"

"Don't ask."

"You don't have to buy all these."

"Right. And I should let you starve."

I rolled my eyes. "Kent, I can take care of myself."

"So what did you call me here for?"

"Because I need company. Nakaka-depress kaya ang mag-isa," sagot ko sa kanya.

His eyebrow arched. "And I can't take care of you while I'm at it?"

Napabuntong-hininga ako. There's something about his voice. It seemed edgy, like something's bothering him. "What's wrong with you?" I asked.

"Nothing."

Umuusok na yung adobo na isinalang nya kanina. I think he forgot to lower the heat. Nang nangamoy na ito, he immediately turned the heat off and transferred the adobo to the bowl. Saka nya ako pinakain. His adobo is the best. It's almost dry saka malapot yung sabaw. He usually uses the bony meat to make adobo. Even the bone is succulent.

I swear, if he'd cook adobo every day, puputok ang batok ko sa high blood.

Pinampahid ko sa nakadikit na sauce ng pan yung kanin. And then I ate. Kumain ako ng kumain hanggang sa hindi na ako makahinga and all the while, he's looking. Pero parang wala sa akin yung atensyon nya. His mind is somewhere else.

"Kent."

"What?"

"I just finished your adobo. Wala ka man lang sasabihin?"

"What do you want me to say? 'Ang takaw mo'?"

Yeah, something like that, actually.

"What's gotten into you? Bakit parang ang seryoso mo naman yata? Kent, what's wrong?"

"I told you... nothing."

I scoffed. "Yeah, as if I'll believe that."

"What do you want me to say?"

"What do you want to say?"

He sighed. "Nothing."

"Fine."

I took the dishes to the sink, washed them and headed to the bathroom to clean up. He was still unusually quiet when I got back. Dahil busog pa ako, hindi muna ako natulog. Sa sala ako nag-stay. Nanuod muna ako ng movie sa laptop ko.

Kent sat down beside me. He took one ear piece and plugged it on his ear. Alam ko namang hindi sya naka-focus sa movie. His face looked blank, like he was looking through the laptop. Something's really off with him and it's making me uncomfortable. Ayaw ko lang syang kulitin kasi baka magalit sya.

There's this thing about guys that I learned from Gale. You don't force them to say something. They will say whatever it is when they're ready. Madalas kong makalimutan yun.

Nakadalawang movies kami bago tuluyang makababa yung kinain ko. I decided to call it a day and headed to sleep. Sumunod naman sya agad. I didn't need to remind him to not cross anything. He was on the farthest of his side, nakatalikod pa sa 'kin. So okay, tumalikod din ako.

I closed my eyes when I felt him shift. Maya-maya'y naramdaman kong nakayakap na sya sa 'kin.

"Jazz?"

"Hmm?"

"I have to tell you something."

Finally. Humarap ako sa kanya. "What?"

"Something's bothering me."

"Yeah, I figured that already. What's bothering you?" I asked for the nth time.

"Your work."

I frowned. "What about my work?"

He sighed. "Here's the thing. You always have this paranoia that I'd leave you one day, right? And I always thought that you're just being ridiculous. Because I didn't really think that I could leave you. Having said that, at the back of my head, I was so assured that if someone will walk out of this relationship, it would be me. Pakiramdam ko, wala kang lakas ng loob para iwanan ako. At least, I was confident with that. Then New York happened and for the first time in a long time, I got scared."

"Why?

"Because this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Pangarap mo 'to e. Ano ba naman ang laban ko sa pangarap mo?"

"Bakit mo naman ikukumpara ang sarili mo sa pangarap ko? Kent, you and my dream are two different, separate things. I don't have to choose."

"Yes, you do. Think about it, if you have to live here while you work and I don't want that, what will you do?"

I... don't know. I haven't thought that far yet. I guess I got so wrapped up with that 'will he marry me' thing that I forgot about other important things. I never thought I'd get this wrapped up around him. I honestly couldn't see the future without him.

If I'd have a choice, I'd ask him to stay with me here, but that would be selfish. I can't tie him around me while I reach for my dreams. That would be unfair.

"I'm sure we'll work something out."

"LDR is not going to work."

"How can you say that? Na-try mo na ba?"

He shook his head. "I just knew. There's just... too much distance. And besides, it won't be healthy to have you paranoid that I'll cheat on you."

"And I suppose living with me here wasn't even an option?"

"No."

Great.

"And what do you suggest?"

"Don't take the job," deretsahan nyang sabi. "But that would mean letting go of your dream and I'll be such a douche to suggest that. See? Wala tayong lusot."

"Meron yan."

"Yes, one has to give way. And in this case, it's logical to think that I'm the one who'd do the adjusting."

"Sure kang ikaw? What makes you think that I can't decline the offer?"

"You wouldn't."

"I might." I really might. I was actually not planning to take it. "But I'm still waiting for something."

"What is that?"

I know it. He knows it. Of course, there's only one thing that can keep me from taking the job.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there." If we get there.