Hila-hila nya ako palabas ng bahay. Nakakapagtakang hindi kami sinita nina kuya paglabas namin. Araw ko nga ngayon. But what surprised me is when Kent told me to get inside the car. Sinisilip ko sa backseat yung regalo nya, wala namang nakalagay.

"Asan na yung gift mo?"

"It's not here, obviously." Despite his sarcasm, his happiness radiates through his smile.

Pumasok ako ng kotse. Tapos pinag-seatbelt nya ako. The next thing I knew, we're off to somewhere.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere we could be alone."

"Why?"

"Hindi kita masolo e. Ang dami mong kamag-anak."

Natawa ako sa sagot nya. "Adik. I thought you like being around my family?"

"I do," sagot nya. "But your father always makes sure na magkalayo tayo at all times."

"Baka hanapin nila tayo."

"Nagpaalam ako sa nanay mo. Okay na yun."

Hindi na lang ako nagtanong pa. Close na sila ni nanay e. Papayag ito agad kapag si Kent ang humiling. Aakalain mong mas papaboran ako dahil nag-iisa akong anak na babae. Bias talaga si nanay.

Dinala ako ni Kent sa isang lugar which resembles the venue where his aunt and uncle celebrated their 25th anniversary. Ang kaibahan lang, dahil gabi, may mga ilaw na nakadecorate sa mga puno. Some are even shaped like flowers.

Restaurant sya. Isang residential property turned restaurant, to be exact. Nakatayo ang isang malaking ancestral house sa gitna. May parking space na tigkabila, sa bandang unahan ng property. Sa loob ng bahay, buffet style ang pagkain. Sa labas, fine dining. Hindi raw kasi magkasundo ang mag-asawang may-ari (friends ni Kent) kung alin ang gagawin nila so ginawa na lang nilang pareho.

Nasa table kaming katabi ng fountain na maraming flamingo statues at wild orchids.

"We have a lot of food back home. Gumastos ka pa."

"Don't be such a killjoy, Jazz." Hinayaan ko syang lagyan ng alak ang wineglass ko. "I feel like I still owe you."

"You don't owe me anything, Kent."

He held my hand. It looks like he's not satisfied with my answer. Ganito na pala syang ma-guilty ngayon? I should do this guilt-tripping more often. Pero baka dahil birthday ko lang ngayon kaya sya nagkakaganito.

Kumakain na kami ni Kent nang may biglang lumapit sa 'min. This woman has huge curly hair and cleavage to boot. Medyo nakaka-insecure. Tapos ang ikli-ikli pa ng suot. Nagsisisi tuloy ako kung bakit ang disente ng damit ko ngayon. Kasi naman, kapag nagsuot ako ng ganung klaseng damit sa harap ng mga kamag-anak ko, kung anu-ano na ang sasabihin nila tungkol sa 'kin.

Kakalat ang tsismis nakerengkeng ka ngayon tapos bukas, buntis ka na. Ang bilis lang nilang magkalat ng maling balita. Lalo na kapag hindi sila familiar sa karelasyon mo. With Toby, it was fine because he lives just next door. Aside from the occasional prying, my relatives weren't really that nosy. When Kent came into the picture, their mouths break loose.

Medyo na-off ako nang tumigil sa tapat ng table namin yung babae na kanina pa casual na nagpapabalik-balik sa may parte namin but it didn't really shock me. It's like anywhere we go, may babaeng nakakakilala kay Kent.

"Kent?"

"Sasha!"

"Oh my God! I never thought I'd see you again. How long has it been? Half a year? Gosh, that's like 6 months!" Duh. I rolled my eyes. Kent caught me. Nag-smirk ang loko.

Patuloy pa rin sa pang-aabala yung Sasha. Prenteng-prente itong nakatayo sa gilid namin. Nangangamusta. Pasimple kong inilabas yung suot kong necklace. It didn't take long for her to notice. Pinandilatan nito si Kent. Tapos tumingin ito sa 'kin. "Oh my God! Are you two getting married?"

Inunahan ko na si Kent sa pagsagot. "I haven't said yes yet."

"Congratulations!" Sasha kissed me on the cheek and hugged me like we were some sort of best friends (we're absolutely not!). "You will invite me, right? At the wedding, I mean. I love weddings!" Pinagdaop nito ang mga palad para dagdag-effect.

"S-Sure," napipilitan kong sagot. Ayaw ko ngang nandoon ito. This woman spells trouble. But it will be rude of me to say no this early. Ni wala pa ngang plano. Wala pa ngang proposal!

Saka ko na lang siguro gagawan ng paraan kapag totoong mangyayari na. And I'll make sure she won't be invited. Bakit ko naman iimbitahan ang ex ng magiging asawa ko? That's like one of the stupidest things the bride could do.

"Well, I better go ahead. I just came by to say hi."

"Goodbye!" I said, a little too happily. Sasha smiled and kiss me again on the cheek saka ito humalik sa pisngi ni Kent at umalis.

I gave Kent a stern look.

"What?" patay-malisya nyang tanong.

"How many women did you get involved with? Parang kahit saan tayo magpunta, may naging karelasyon ka!"

"You're exaggerating."

"Am I?"

"Wala pa akong nakakarelasyon na taga-Mindanao," seryoso nyang sabi and then he added "Well, at least not personally. Chat-chat lang."

I rolled my eyes. "You're impossible!"

Hinila nya ang kamay kong may hawak na tinidor, which I was thinking of stabbing him with earlier. "Hey... no need to worry, okay? I love you."

The last bit came out as mutter. "What?" Sana ulitin nya. Hindi ako sigurado sa narinig ko e.

"What?"

"The last part..."

"Okay?"

"Pagkatapos pa nun."

He frowned. "That's it." Sinimangutan ko sya. Napabuntong-hininga naman sya. "I'm kidding. I said I love you."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"There's no going through you, is there?" natatawa nyang tanong. "If I say something nice, you'll doubt it. If I say something bad, you'll get mad."

"I'm just not used to hearing you say those words in person," depensa ko.

"I said that because I know it'll make you happy. Pinapasaya kita kasi birthday mo. Bukas, back to normal na ulit."

"Ganun?" Well, I guess it is okay. Hindi rin naman ako sanay nang masyado syang mushy. "Oo nga pala, I have something to tell you. I originally plan on telling you this tomorrow but since we had time to talk to each other today, e di ngayon ko na rin sasabihin."

"And what is that?"

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga, not really sure how he'd take this. "A few days ago, one of the architects from New York came to our office," panimula ko. Josh McClaire is one of the architects from New York with a high position. He was scheduled to come to the Philippines for a visit to our company. He also told us about this project that they've been working on and his assistant suddenly got sick.

Initially, plano nilang magtulungan na lang to fill the position of that architect for a while but when he got here, he saw my designs and thought that they nearly resemble the style that the said architect have with his. So I was called in and asked if I wanted to go to New York for three months to work with him.

In a way, parang internship na rin ito. If he liked my work and the project proceeds without a hitch, he'll take me under his wing. I have a chance to work in NYC!

"So... you'll be gone for three months?"

"If I say yes, then yes."

He frowned. "Did you tell your parents about it? I mean, I'm sure hindi ka papayagan ng tatay mo. He doesn't really want his little girl to be away from him."

"Kent, I'm twenty-five," I said to him. "And besides, I already told them about it."

"What did they say?"

I gave a shrug. "Well, they said that if I really want to go, then they won't stop me."

"Do you want to?"

Agad akong tumango. Who wouldn't want to go to New York? And opportunities like this don't really come every day. Syempre, kapag nandyan na yan, papalampasin ko na lang ba ng ganun na lang?

"It's a big break for me. Saka kapag nagawa ko 'to ng maayos, syempre mas pagkakatiwalaan ako ng boss ko. He'll think that I'm ready to handle big projects. Maybe then he'd stop asking me to design small rooms and allow me to design a building instead. I mean, I might be getting way ahead of myself but with this happening, it could come true."

"What if I say no?"

"I don't think that would matter."

He looked hurt with my response. "So bakit mo pa sinabi sa 'kin kung wala rin naman palang epekto yung sasabihin ko sa desisyon mo?"

I sighed. This is why I was hesitant to tell him in the first place. Hindi naman kami mag-asawa so what I do with my life does not really have that huge effect on our relationship. Even though I'm with him now, my marital status still says single. At kapag ang isang tao ay single, hawak pa rin nya ang sarili nyang buhay.

I still have a lot of dreams to pursue and this is one of them. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng opportunity na makapunta at makapagtrabaho sa ibang bansa—kahit nga ba three months lang yun. And it's New York, for chrissake!

"Gusto ko lang sabihin sa 'yo kasi syempre, mawawala ako for three months. Alangan namang hindi ko sabihin sa 'yo."

"Then you should not have made it sound like you're asking for my opinion on this."

Napangiwi ako sa sinabi nya. "Are you mad?"

"I don't know. I'm not into LDR."

Nag-iwas sya ng tingin.

"Do you want to break up?" I'm not into LDR either. Para kasing sobra-sobrang effort ang kakailanganin ninyo kapag LDR and you won't even see each other physically. Ang daming pwedeng maging issue, trust issues mostly. Parang kahit araw-araw kayong magka-chat, magkatawagan o magka-skype, you're not really there to know how the other person is holding up.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly.

If he wants to break up, I'd be devastated. That would give him freedom to fool around while I'm gone and he won't even be guilty because he's not tied to anyone. On the other hand, it would be unfair to have him tied to me tapos ang layo-layo ko naman sa kanya.

"Hindi mo ba talaga kaya? Three months lang naman e."

"I've never tried it before so I'm not sure. But to tell you the truth, ayoko sa LDR."

So ano ngayon ang gagawin ko? Kapag tinanggihan ko yung opportunity, I'd look bad. Baka hindi na nila ako pagkatiwalaan next time. Baka nga wala nang next time na mangyari. On the other hand, if I say yes to this project, it's as good as putting our relationship on hold.

"May skype naman e. We could still see each other everyday."

"It won't be the same."

"What do you want me to do? Gusto mo bang tanggihan ko yung offer sa 'kin?"

He shook his head. "Gusto mo yun e."

"E paano nga? Cool-off muna?" I asked helplessly.

"That's just as good as breaking up."

If there's no steak in front of me, kanina pa sana ako sumubsob sa lamesa. "Kent, you're not making it easy," reklamo ko sa kanya.

"Of course, I won't make this easy."

"Babalik pa naman ako."

"Anything could happen within three months."

"Yeah, I'm also scared of that. Baka after three months, may iba ka na."

Sinimangutan nya ako.

"You're not giving me enough credit. I've been faithful with you these past few months."

"Can you not be that faithful for three more months?"

"Iba naman yun. Nandito ka pa nun."

I grunted. I'm running out of options. Parang nakakawalang-gana na rin tuloy na pumunta. Kaya lang, alam kong sobrang pagsisisihan ko kapag hindi ako pumunta. It's one of those things that you would regret not doing.

"Please, Kent, don't make me feel bad about this." I dropped my utensils and held both his hands. "Kung gusto mo ng cool-off, fine. Tatanggapin ko yun. Kung okay ka sa LDR, okay rin sa 'kin. Whatever you want... I'll try to compromise."

"Fine." He gave out a sigh. "Do whatever makes you happy."

By the end of our dinner, I'm still undecided but he assured me na kung ano ang gusto kong mangyari sa 'ming dalawa, he's willing to roll with it. Bago kami umuwi, dumaan muna kami sa isang shop. Napatalon ako sa tuwa nang iabot sa 'kin ng may-ari ang isang malaking Rilakkuma stuffed toy na may heart-shaped patch sa dibdib with our initials, kulay blue na KJ.

I know... he's so corny sometimes.

"Will you do me a favor and bring this with you to New York?"

"Ang laki kaya nito!"

"Please?" He took it from me and hid behind it. Hawak yung dalawang arms nung stuffed toy, he started speaking in baby voice, asking me to bring him—KJ—to New York. It was so cheesy. Good thing I'm not lactose intolerant.

"Fine, fine!" Since he agreed to compromise, then I'd compromise too. Saka mabuti na rin siguro na may dala-dala akong magpapaalala na may naghihintay pa sa 'kin sa Pilipinas pag-uwi ko.

After two weeks, I was ready for New York. Dala-dala ang dalawang malaking suitcases at ang stuffed toy na bigay ni Kent, I headed to the airport with my family to meet with Sir Josh.

Umiyak si nanay nung malapit na kaming umalis. Para bang hindi na ako babalik.

"Mag-skype ka ng madalas ha, anak?"

"Opo." Yumakap ako kay nanay.

Pinabaunan ako nina kuya ng bagoong pero hindi ko na dinala kasi baka maharang pa kami. Toby's there too, pati sina Femi. Kent's face was blank. Hindi ko mabasa kung ano ang nararamdaman nya. Whatever it is, he's trying his best to hide it.

"I'll miss you," I said to him.

He kissed my forehead. "I'll be waiting."