Birthday ko na. At wala akong plano kundi magmukmok sa bahay. A few days ago, Kent 'proposed' to me. Tapos makalipas ang ilang minuto, binawi nya rin agad. Joke lang pala. Sa tuwing naaalala ko yung joke nyang yun, kumukulo ang dugo ko sa kanya.

Halos lahat ng mga tao sa paligid namin, palagi kaming tinatanong kung kailan na kami ikakasal. Hindi na siguro maiiwasan sa part ng babae ang umasa. Kung naghint man lang sya na gusto nya, e di sana alam ko na ang patutunguhan ng relasyon naming dalawa. May aasahan na sana ako.

Kaso yun siguro ang ayaw nyang mangyari... ang umasa ako.

Biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kwarto ko. Tuloy-tuloy na pumasok si Toby. Nag-leave sya ngayon dahil birthday ko. Nag-leave din ako dahil birthday ko. Kami nina Gale, sa Sabado pa magsi-celebrate. Mas bumait ito sa 'kin nung maging kami ni Kent. Syempre, naka-get over na ito kay Toby na sobrang kinahumalingan nito dati. Toby happened to be in love with me during that time.

Ako naman, patay na patay kay Rico dati, kagaya ni Femi. Speaking of Femi, I wonder how she's coping. Last time na nagkita kami, may boyfriend na ito. Pero halata pa rin na hindi pa ito nakakamove-on. Halos maiyak na ito nang sabihin nina Rico na ikakasal na sila.

Alam kaya ni JT ang sitwasyon naming lima? Si JT yung ipinakilala ni Femi na boyfriend nito. Okay naman si JT, mukhang mabait at matino. Mukha ngang mas ideal guy pa kay Rico. Si Rico kasi, may saltik din e. I just hope that whatever's going on between the two of them is real and will last for a long time. Kung pwede, sana forever na. We all deserve to be happy, after all.

"Bakit nakahilata ka dyan?" tanong nya.

"Bakit hindi? Sa gusto kong humilata e. Birthday ko naman."

"Nakapagsimba ka na ba?"

Umiling ako.

He yanked me up by the arm. "Magsimba ka para maambunan ka naman ng grasya."

"Sa Linggo na ako magsisimba," ungot ko sa kanya.

"Dapat ngayon, kasi birthday mo. Bumangon ka na dyan. Tanghali na hindi ka pa naliligo."

I grunted. Toby can be very pushy at times. Para hindi nya ako masermonan, sumunod na lang ako. Pagkapaligo at pagkabihis ko, nagpunta kami ng simbahan. Ibinili nya pa ako ng ilang kandilang iba't iba ang kulay. May para sa happiness, health, spiritual. Inaya pa nga akong umakyat dun sa mini groto sa likuran ng simbahan! Pero buti na lang napilit ko syang huwag na lang.

Dumaan kami sa tindahan ng cake para bumili ng cake. I was currently contemplating on buying chocolate or mocha when Kent called.

"Hello," I greeted dryly.

"Asan ka?" Wala man lang 'happy birthday'.

"Bumibili ng cake."

"I have cake."

"O? Birthday mo rin?" sarkastiko kong tanong.

"Papunta akong sa inyo," he told me, completely ignoring my sarcastic remark.

"Okay."

"Galit ka pa rin ba?"

"Ha? Hindi na," tanggi ko. "Bilisan mo ha. Pauwi na kami ni Toby."

"Magkasama kayo ni Toby?"

"Oo, sumimba kami."

"Akala ko sabay tayong magsisimba?"

"Wala sa plano ko e. Sige na. Bye."

He told me that it's my birthday so I should be the one doing the planning. What if I take him off the plan, will he like that?

Bumili pa rin ako ng cake kahit sabi ni Kent na may dala na sya. Unless it's a three-tier cake or higher, hindi yun sasapat sa pamilya ko. Nang makarating kami ng bahay, nakaparada na sa harapan ang kotse ni Kent. When we went inside, nagluluto sya ng handa ko. Ang dami nyang dala. Akala mo pang-isang buwang groceries.

Nagkalat yung mga meat and spaghetti sauce sa lamesa. The cake was tiny. Parang on diet ang kakain. Mabuti na lang pala bumili ako ng isa pang spare. Inilapag ko yung cake sa lamesa saka ko sya tinabihan.

He was cooking spaghetti on one stove and kare-kare on the other. Siguro, nagpaluto na naman sina kuya ng kung anu-ano.

"Happy birthday," he greeted.

"Thanks," wala sa loob kong sagot.

"Are you still angry?" kunot-noo nyang tanong.

"I'm not angry."

"Upset?"

"Are we playing twenty questions?"

He sighed and lowered the heat of the stove. Humarap sya sa 'kin. "Look, I already said I was sorry."

"And that was fine. I'm over it already."

"E bakit ang taray mo?"

"Birthday ko. Magtataray ako kung gusto ko," dahilan ko sa kanya. "Excuse me."

"Jazz, wait..."

He grabbed me by the arm, stopping me from leaving. Mabuti na lang nasa sala silang lahat at walang nakikigulo sa kusina. I guess, in their own way, their giving us some privacy.

"Sorry. That was very insensitive of me. Hindi na ulit ako magbibiro ng ganun."

"Or better yet, don't ask the same question."

Napamaang sya sa sinabi ko. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying... don't ask again."

He frowned. "But I thought you want to get married?"

"That was then. But like you said, hindi pa ako ready. Who knows? It might not be you, after all."

I walked out of the kitchen and joined my family in the living room. Serves him right for being a jerk. He should know by now that women don't take proposals lightly. If he's not serious, then don't ask!

Is that so hard to do? Kailangan pang may trial?

Dumating din ang ilan ko pang kamag-anak para makikain. Ganito naman kami palagi kapag may handaan. Malakas pa sa aso ang pang-amoy ng mga kamag-anak ko. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. I like having them around. Masaya kasi magkakapit-bahay lang kami. Yun nga lang, maingay.

Dahil kapag may handaan, pamihadong meron ding inuman.

Nanuod kaming magpipinsan ng movie sa TV namin habang yung iba ay kumakain sa labas. Naglagay sila ng trapal sa labas ng bahay tapos may videoke. Tama nga si Kent, kapag may celebration sa 'min, akala mo lagi may lamay.

Nasa loob lang ako kasama sina nanay. Sina tatay, nagsimula nang mag-inuman sa labas. Para makarami. Pamihadong hanggang mamayang madaling-araw na naman silang mag-iingay.

When Kent finished cooking, he took a plate of freshly cooked spaghetti and sat beside me. I acted like he wasn't there and concentrated very hard on the movie.

"Why aren't you eating? Hindi mo ba gusto ng niluto ko?" pabulong nyang tanong.

"I am eating," I said as I munch on a handful of potato chips.

"I didn't cook that."

"You don't cook potato chips," pambabara ko sa kanya.

He looked blandly at me. "Okay. I think we need to talk." Inilapag nya ang plato sa coffe table saka sya tumayo. Pasimple syang umakyat sa taas. Sumunod naman ako. Alam kong ramdam ng ilan na parang may mali. Laking pasalamat ko na lang sa nanay ko.She distracted them with the ice cream cake I bought.

"What are we going to talk about?" bungad ko nang makapasok kami ng kwarto ko. I sat on the edge of the bed while he placed both his hands on the window sill and sighed. "Can we make this quick? Baka kung ano na naman ang isipin nila."

He turned around. Saka sya dumukot sa bulsa. He held it up. Isang ordinaryong silver necklace... only, there's a 24-carat diamond ring dangling as pendant.

"K-Kent..."

"I won't ask you for now. But I'm giving you this."

"Why?" What's the use of giving me a ring when he won't ask me to marry him? Isa na naman ba 'to sa mga experiments nya? To see how I would react?

"We both know we're both not ready for that."

I didn't deny that. Aminado naman akong biglang gusto ko ng umurong nung tinanong nya ako. And I was quite relieved when he told me that he was just trying to see my reaction. Nakakainis, oo. Para kasing pinaglalaruan nya 'ko. But I feel like I still have to know him a bit deeper. He still needs to have closure with his past.

Lumapit sya sa akin para isuot ang necklace. Halos nakayakap na sya sa 'kin. He was so close yet  he feels so distant.

"Happy birthday," bulong nya. He kissed my cheek.

"Thanks."

Hinawakan nya ako sa tigkabilang balikat. He slightly pulled so he could kiss my forehead. "Jazz, I'm not asking you to marry me yet. This is as good as it gets... for now. Darating din yung tamang panahon na itatanong ko yun sa 'yo at sasagot ka ng oo. For now, all I could give you is this ring, as promise that I will ask that of you, in the right place at the right time.

"I know you wanted assurance and I'm sorry I cannot fully assure you that I will stay with you forever. Kahit ako man mismo sa sarili ko, hindi rin ako sigurado. But I'm taking a gamble here and I hope that you're willing to risk it with me. Yung mga past relationships ko, wala na yun. Ayoko na. Nakakasawa na rin yung mga bagay na madali mong nakukuha."

"Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako makaget over dun sa pinsan mo," pag-amin ko sa kanya.

"We didn't know. Kung alam ko lang, hindi ko naman papatulan yun e."

I smiled at him. "You were a jerk just a few minutes ago. How can you transform in­­to such a cheeseball that quick?"

He smiled back. "Cause I know you won't kiss an asshole," he answered. He leaned and gave me a quick kiss. "I have another gift for you."

"Talaga?" Sobra-sobra naman yata syang bumawi. "Nasaan?"

"Nasa kotse. Hindi ko kasi agad naipasok kanina." He held my hand. "Tara, kunin natin."

"Wait, Kent. Paano kapag nakita 'to nina tatay? Ano'ng sasabihin ko?" I held out the ring. My father might flip out. Baka mauna pang mahiwalay sa kanya ang unica hija nya. Hala... kayanin ko kayang makitang umiiyak ang tatay ko? Pero ang mas ikinakatakot ko talaga ay ang posibilidad na hindi ito pumayag.

That'll screw everything up.

"I'll talk to him," he said.

"Paano kung hindi pumayag si tatay?"

"Jazz, you're twenty-five years old. I think you can already make your own decisions." He kissed me again. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll understand."

Sana nga... Sighing, ibinalik ko ang pendant sa loob ng blouse ko. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "Thanks for making such a huge gesture."

"Siguro naman hindi ka na galit?"

Umiling ako. After what he just did, how can I stay angry with him? Kahit na hindi sya nag-propose, nangako naman sya na balang-araw, magpo-propose din sya. Sana lang hindi mapako yung pangako nyang yun.

At sana pumayag si tatay kung sakali...